I don't know how to feel good about myself.

Last year I lost about 30 pounds. This year I gained it all back. I really want to lose weight. I just don't want to give up all the foods I love. I understand that I can eat those things in moderation.. but it's like once I start.. I can't stop. I sometimes eat when I am not even hungry. I don't really think about it.. I just do it... then after it's all done.. I realize what I did. and I get embarrassed and ashamed of myself.
My husband lost about 100 pounds last year. I tried so hard to keep up with him... I felt discouraged since he was losing a lot faster and I was losing almost nothing.
This year I wanted to try again.. I wanted to lose 100 pounds too. I still do. I just forget where to start. My husband supports me and tries to motivate me. But I feel like it's not the type of motivation and support I need.
I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. Sometimes more. I wear my husbands old shorts and shirts that he can't wear anymore. and I just don't feel good about myself. I read somewhere that maybe cute gym clothes would make me feel better about the gym.. but I don't even think anyone makes gym clothes for people my size. and even if they did.. I wouldn't feel comfortable in them because it would show off my figure a lot more. and my figure sucks.
These past few days I have been feeling really gross about myself and like I said I just want to start over.
I wish I had someone to start over with me.

Sorry for all the rambling. or whatever that word would be.

ugh
:[

Replies

M_miller0507

What type of support and motivation are you looking for? You said your husband has been trying to help but it's not the type you need. Do you need someone to help train you like a personal trainer or are you looking for a work out buddy? If it's the latter you may want to check out some fitness classes at your gym. They come with something of a built in support system since everyone is there struggling through the same thing.

Don't feel discouraged because he lost 100 and you lost 30. You were still both losing weight, just at different rates. This has everything to do with body composition and hormones and very little to do with you being a failure. 30 pounds is a success. You will get there again.

Sandreeuhh

I go to planet fitness and they have "classes" there.. but none of them are during the times that I can go.
My husband doesn't seem to show support or anything outside of the gym. and when we are at the gym he motivates me but i still feel like a big blob bouncing around on the treadmills and everything.

YolieCreator

To be honest I bought some really hot running shoes. They were a big hit to my wallet but I LOVE THEM. And knowing how much they cost makes me use them. I also go to planet fitness. Wear my ipod and forget everyone else is there.

Wendysworld13

I will reply later - when I have time, but I have some ideas for you

gonnamakeanewaccount

Last year, I lost sixty pounds. This year, I gained it all back. The only advice I can give you is to try again.

MelsAuntie

Men just lose weight easier and faster than women. However, they die younger and WE have multiple orgasms, so it evens out.

marylowery2

I think that you have to look deep inside of you, and find the reason to lose the weight. I know from experience, if it isn't for you, then you will not try hard. I do this to myself all the time. This most recent time has been all about me, and what I want. You also need to find what is motivating you to lose weight. I have decided that if I try to lose weight to "look good" to others, then I won't stick with it. I want to do it to be healthy. Your best bet is to not compared to your husband because men lose differently than us females. It is hard, and I am not saying its easy. I can't make it past 19 pounds. Keep your head up, and focus on what you want out of this.

AmyOwl73

I feel your pain! I gained my weight back, plus an extra 2 pounds. I'm going to try again.
As for your husband losing more/faster.. men tend to do that. It's annoying and infuriating, but their bodies are different. Their metabolism is different. All I can say is don't compare yourself to him. My husband weighs 130 lbs dripping wet and has NEVER had a weight problem in his life. Talk about infuriating!!

Sandreeuhh

To be honest I bought some really hot running shoes. They were a big hit to my wallet but I LOVE THEM. And knowing how much they cost makes me use them. I also go to planet fitness. Wear my ipod and forget everyone else is there.

I bought some toe shoes a while ago and I love them. My feet might feel nice.. but no one looks at feet.

PriyaCharan

thats sounds a bit like me but not anymore. i have a few ways that keeps me motivated.... maybe you should find ones that work for you, ones that press that motivation button real hard

if you wqant to know about what i d, just ask

Glowbee

Don't compare yourself to your husband. Men lose weight far easier than women do, and as frustrating as that can be, comparing yourself to him will set you up for failure. So you don't like your figure. Understand that the ONLY way you are going to change it, is by changing the habits you have set up for yourself.

Remind yourself of how you feel right now... and that you hate it. Time to stop doing what you're doing right now and make a change. Yes, you are going to go to the gym in big clothes, and yes you are going to bounce around. Be conscious of that. "I hate how I feel, and right now I am bouncing all of this around, but damn it, I am getting RID of this body for good!! I don't deserve to feel this way, I deserve happiness!" Let it be your motivation. Let YOU be your motivation. It's your body, you are the one responsible for it.

Portion control? Easy. Use measuring cups to give yourself correct portion sizes, and create your plate that way. Only eat what you've given yourself. If you are still hungry, fill up by eating low calorie, high fibrous foods. Eat a big ol' salad with your pizza slice, drink a couple big ol' glasses of water, too. Eat half a bag of steamy veggies with whatever yummy dinner you make. It's all about moderation. Don't let yourself get hungry, and don't snack when you have nothing to do. Keep yourself busy!

Good luck dear, I know it's difficult. You have support here, and within yourself. Do this for you. You can do it.

BeachIron

Men just lose weight easier and faster than women. However, they die younger and WE have multiple orgasms, so it evens out.

Why does everyone have to be so mean!!!!

OP - you need to find your motivation within. No one else can give it to you. The good news about that is no one can take it away either.

legnarevocrednu

Well this site provides lots of motivation! Feel free to add me as a friend! I'm on every day. Also, you may want to consider counseling. It is possible to be addicted to food. You have to really, REALLY want this in order for it to work. I tried many diets, but it wasn't until something just clicked with me, that I actually stuck with a lifestyle. You CAN do this!!

crystalflame

Make taking care of yourself a rewarding thing. Every time you go to the gym and complete your workout, put a dollar into a "New Clothes" jar. Every week you log your calories and meet your goals, treat yourself with a bubble bath. Focus on the positives of a healthy lifestyle (feeling better, having more energy, getting stronger) rather than doing this for negative reasons (hating how you look). Of course body image is something you want to improve, but that will come with a mindset change and with taking better care of yourself. Stop comparing yourself to your husband - it's SO much easier for guys to lose weight. You just have to do your best. And when you go to the gym, but your maximum effort into your workout - you're there to work, and that should be all you're thinking about, not what you're wearing or what you look like.

Good luck

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I don't completely know the answer. Self-image is something I have been struggling with lately. One thing that helped me was to get some clothes that fit. They don't have to be super tight but just something that will make you feel like you're showing the parts of yourself that you like. I'm not crazy about my thighs but I have a nice waist, so I bought some more fitted tops. I'm also starting to get muscle definition in my shoulders so I got some tank tops.

Another thing that has helped is lifting. I started Stronglifts recently and it is intimidating, but something about getting stronger is really empowering. It makes me feel like there's more to the gym than looking good, so even if I'm having a low self-image day and I feel like I don't look good at all, I can still be proud of how much weight I can lift now.

Try to be patient with yourself. It's cliche but try to focus on the things about yourself that you do like.

As for your husband I'll bet if you came up with some concrete ways he could help you he would try. Make sure you can tell him exactly what you need from him. Don't be vague or expect him to read your mind. If you feel out of control with food maybe you don't keep those foods that are tempting for you in the house for awhile. I do think that the goal is moderation, but not everyone can start there. Make small changes you can stick with and it will add up.

frompster

In 2004 I weighed 340. I am an emotional eater. I was raised to love food and that food was a reward (welcome to the southern united states!) There are a lot of attitudes towards food that I have broken and others I really don't want to give up.

I have made small runs at weight loss since then. Including a 3 year stint with roller derby. I never made a team because I couldn't pass minimum skills. I KEPT TRYING. I only gave up because I spend all my time running my daughter around to softball.

12/24/12 I started Body By Vi (I'm not selling you anything!) Since that date I have dropped 33 pounds. I'm holding steady at 252 right now. You are never too big for "workout" clothes. You are never too big to go to the gym and try to start something. If you aren't ready for the gym, walk down your street or find a park.

Are there days when I down a bag of cheetos? Hell yes and I do it. But guess what? The next day is a fresh start so I start again. That's the point. Keep going. Keep restarting. Make yourself SMALL goals. When you hit those, make new ones. (ex: Today I will only have 1 serving of cheetos.)

Feel free to friend me. I would love to keep up with you!

JenOman

You have to come to the point that you don't give a *kitten* about what other people think. I was always self conscience at the gym, but then I realized that it didn't matter what other people thought - I was there for me and me alone. Get a good work-out mix and turn it up while you work out. It is amazing what good music can do! Also, you really have to decide why you want to lose weight.

I had the same issue with food. I LOVE IT! But I found getting a food scale and measuring out portions of items was the best thing for me. I would measure out EVERYTHING and then only eat one portion. If I wanted more, I would drink some water and see if I was still craving it. Usually I was fine after about 10 minutes. Granted, somethings I just needed two portions (like jelly beans...). But I always stay within my calories. Well almost always...everyone has bad days, you just have to forgive yourself and move on.

Good luck!!

Ramberta

Last year, I lost sixty pounds. This year, I gained it all back. The only advice I can give you is to try again.

This. Back in 2009 when I first legitimately "tried" to lose weight (I put it in quotes because really, I didn't change my eating habits much except to simply eat less, and there was no exercise attempts at all), I dropped more than 30 pounds in a month.

From there, I lost and gained the same 20-25 pounds about 3 times, depending on how often (or not at all) I was working, my depression and anxiety, and how much pot I was smoking.

But finally last year I decided that I'm tired of fluctuating between fat and more-fat, and I tried again. This time I'm succeeding. But the only way you will succeed is if you want to be healthy, and you want it so badly you'll do anything for it, including sacrificing SOME of your favorite treats (saving them for once-in-a-while instead of daily or weekly), busting your butt exercising, and-- this is the most important-- STOP MAKING EXCUSES. If you really want this, you will achieve it, and nothing will hold you back.

MelsAuntie

"Why does everyone have to be so mean!!!!"

WTF? This was meant to be funny. There is NOTHING mean about it. Jeez...

chrisvinci

It starts with who you associate yourself with. Are you around positive and fun people?

Tiff050709

For me, as far as self esteem goes, it's really hard to feel good about yourself when you have felt bad for so long. I understand how you feel. I have not joined a gym because I am self conscious. You have already done that and that is awesome! I workout in my basement. I figure when I am ready and comfortable enough to join a gym, then I will.
The way I look at it and how it has been helping to motivate me is that whether I workout or not, the time will pass. I don't want to sit here for another day of regret. Because I feel like I have been doing that for a long time now.
I hope that you can find it in yourself to just continue to push forward. You will lose weight but it will take time. You can do it and if you really want to you will.

DandelionCupcakes

You have to go through feeling blobby to feel good.
You have to put in the work.

Weight loss isn't only hard because of changing your habits, it's hard because you have to force yourself to be uncomfortable.
Get out there, make yourself do it. Be strong. Don't wait for motivation. Just -do- it.

I don't know your size, or I'd help you pick out a cute workout outfit. :] Try target and Walmart.

Like I said, you have to feel crappy for awhile until you feel good again. Decide if it's worth it, make your choice, and then make yourself do the necessary work.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Men just lose weight easier and faster than women. However, they die younger and WE have multiple orgasms, so it evens out.

My poor husband didn't even get the faster/easier weight loss he was promised. :frown:

Bel0602

I actually hate jean shopping. It makes me feel frustrated. But I love buying shoes! No matter what they will always fit! Also, an occasional mani-pedi is always good for boosting up your mood. Don't feel discouraged. You will lose weight. (:

kgillis87

Oh hunny, I'm sorry you feel so cruddy! I know that feeling, and it's tough. For me, the biggest (and hardest) thing to do was to really accept myself the way I am right now. I don't think you can really work towards positive change until you acknowledge where you're starting from. It's really hard, and it kind of sucks because you do have to see yourself in that way you've been trying for a long time to avoid, but it's like trying to make your way around in a dark room and then turning the lights on - when you can actually see what your dealing with, it will go so much better. So, I guess my advice is to try and just sit with those negative feelings for a little bit - try to figure out where they're really coming from, and what they are trying to tell you. Then they'll go from being big, overwhelming things to manageable problems (that will still need effort to work through) that are no longer impossible obstacles.

Best of luck! Please keep posted on your progress!

doctorwhome

Well this site provides lots of motivation! Feel free to add me as a friend! I'm on every day. Also, you may want to consider counseling. It is possible to be addicted to food. You have to really, REALLY want this in order for it to work. I tried many diets, but it wasn't until something just clicked with me, that I actually stuck with a lifestyle. You CAN do this!!

I agree with this. You may want to consider finding a counselor. I have horrible self esteem and get overwhelmed with things very easily. I found a good counselor that has helped me change some of my negative thinking and bad habits.

missymakayla

First thing you need to do , stop comparing yourself to your husband. Men alway's lose weight faster then woman. My husband and I started our journey together on Jan 15 this year, he has reached his goal, and lost 32 lbs in 2 1/2 months, I have lost 42 lbs to date (4/29/13) taking me 3 1/2 months to lose, and I have 38 more to go. As for starting to eat healthier, just start, Mind Over Matter!!!!! I know it's hard but all things are when you first start, and it does get easier. And you can find low cal versions of all your fav foods, using fat free, low fat, etc...... Trust me I used to eat out 4/5 times a week, eating all fried foods, pizza, ranch dressing on everything, and now I eat out 1 time a week, and use light ranch, and broiled or grilled foods wiyhout butter or oils..... Good Luck with your journey, and feel good about yourself.... Feel free to request me as freind, for support...

mgpage

I have to agree with what others are saying, stop comparing yourself to your husband. I also think that wearing his old clothes is really bothering you. Go buy your own workout close, it doesn't have to be skin tight spandex, I started by going to the mens department and buying basketball shorts. The point is they won't be his old clothes that he can't wear anymore, they will be yours and when you find the workout that is right for you, you will be back to the store buying new clothes because your old ones don't fit anymore.

I am the only one in my household that is trying to lose weight, but my husband and daughters have been very supportive. We even cook together now and have made changes to some of our favorite foods to make them healthier. Maybe you could do the same with some of your favorites.

Also, set mini goals don't focus on the main goal. I used to set mini weight goals, but recently changed that to completing the Insanity workout. I have four weeks to go. Just some ideas, don't give up you can do this.

Feel free to add me as a friend, I log everday and have an open diary so you can see all my oops days!

cinram3

Every woman no matter what their weight has times when they don't feel good about themselves. Losing weight will not automatically open the "door" to happiness. It is great that you exercise because in the long run you should be exercising for health and not weight loss. Maybe you need to stop comparing your successes or failures to your husband's or for that matter anyone's. Frankly be proud of yourself for getting to the gym or eating moderately that day. Whenever I feel too overwhelmed with negativity about myself I go for a walk preferably in the forest or even just around the block. And like YolieCreator said wearing cool kicks always makes me feel better.

kmdowd1

I don't know what size you are, but I have had some luck with fitness attire in the Women's Department at JCPenney. Both in store and online. I love JCPenney, as I feel they cater to all shapes and sizes. Finally, I have capris and a shirt that match! And they're the wicking fabric. Bonus! And without even thinking about it, they also match my running shoes. And they aren't super fitted. As for feeling like a bouncing blob on the treadmill...don't. When I see someone on the treadmill or elliptical that's bigger than me (again, I don't know your size), I draw inspiration from that. I think...if they are here putting forth effort, there's no reason I can't. So who knows...YOU might be someone's inspiration!