Feel free to tell me i'm stupid.

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Quick background info.
Started dieting just under 2 years ago (May 15th 2011)
Restricting calories to 1200. I'm 5 foot.
Went well at first. Then introduced exercise at the gym. Then it got out of habd. Altogether, as I started dieting before joining mfp, I went down from 8 stone 6 to 5 stone 12/13.
Underweight, obviously. And pretty disordered eating.
People, friends, have discussed ny weight with me.
I don't see myself as fat. I don't have a distorted body image, I just enjoy seeing the bony bits.
All sorts o f problems occured at the point of my diet beginning. I know I have a problem caused by problems.
My weight loss has been through restriction and exercise. Only. No purging.
Tonight I ate a whole, single layered, box of chocolates. And I ate 6 cakes today. All in, I consumed over 3000 calories.
In my head I know that's just one day.
In my head I know it cannot make an underweight person fat.
Husband is currently in hospital so I hsvent had the time to exercise at all. So those calories are staying put.

And I really enjoyed the freedom of just consuming today. Loved it.
But my heart is,racing and part of me is terrified that I list control of my intake today.
Thischas been two years of almost non stop control over calories in and out.

Please feel free to tell me just exactly how deluded I am. And self centred.
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Replies

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    You are dellusional and self-cerntered.
  • 2aycocks
    2aycocks Posts: 415 Member
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    Over restriction and over exercise, even after all your excess weight is lost, is called anorexia. You don't need to see bony anything.

    My step-granddaughter had a brain tumor on her pituitary gland that cause her to be very overweight. It was removed. Then she started on the diet & exercise she needed. However, she let it get out of hand as well, and became obsessive about everything she ate. Now she is dealng with a problem she didn't bargain for. Anorexia.

    She didn't purge, use laxatives, or anything like that. But she is so into counting every calorie, that she barely eats. Her health deteriorated until she was going into shut down of her body systems! This is close to death!

    You can NOT over correct now by eating CRAP! You are trading one obsessive behavior for another. PLEASE go see a nutritionist and get on a well-balanced program. And it you really look at the situation and feel you really have a problem that needs to be dealt with, go see a PROFESSIONAL. PLEASE!!! There is no shame in it.

    PLEASE take care of yourself! We only have 1 body!! :smile:
  • goodtimezzzz
    goodtimezzzz Posts: 640 Member
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    you are awesome! and self centered JUST LIKE ALL THE REST OF US!! have fun:)
    Kristian Rocco
  • stagingfirstplace
    stagingfirstplace Posts: 49 Member
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    focus on getting into a healthy routine of eating frequent, healthy meals and doing some physical activity, preferably strength training, every second day. set your calories to 1500-1600 and eat exercise calories back. focus on HEALTHY, not low calorie or restricted. life your life, or your life will turn into nothing but an obsession with eating and exercise. work around your life, not around your diet and exercise.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Oh no, I'm not going there. I've been flamed by trolls enough lately and it's gotten boring. Let somebody else do it.
  • mheath1293
    mheath1293 Posts: 35 Member
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    If you consistently feed your body properly, you won't eat an entire box of chocolates. Depriving your body of nutrition causes the drive to binge like that.
  • BrunetteRunner87
    BrunetteRunner87 Posts: 591 Member
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    MMmmm cake sounds really good
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
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    I think you might be redirection your atention from bigger problems in your life. hope ur husband gets better
  • bhbarros
    bhbarros Posts: 101
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    5 stone 13... isn't that just 83 pounds?

    That's... pretty bad. I hope it was a typo.

    Either way, you've developed a pretty serious problem, and your health may be affected very negatively from it. I recommend seeking help, before it gets worse.

    I've witnessed many friends struggle with their eating disorders, and it isn't pretty :frown:
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    Quick background info.
    Started dieting just under 2 years ago (May 15th 2011)
    Restricting calories to 1200. I'm 5 foot.
    Went well at first. Then introduced exercise at the gym. Then it got out of habd. Altogether, as I started dieting before joining mfp, I went down from 8 stone 6 to 5 stone 12/13.
    Underweight, obviously. And pretty disordered eating.
    People, friends, have discussed ny weight with me.
    I don't see myself as fat. I don't have a distorted body image, I just enjoy seeing the bony bits.
    All sorts o f problems occured at the point of my diet beginning. I know I have a problem caused by problems.
    My weight loss has been through restriction and exercise. Only. No purging.
    Tonight I ate a whole, single layered, box of chocolates. And I ate 6 cakes today. All in, I consumed over 3000 calories.
    In my head I know that's just one day.
    In my head I know it cannot make an underweight person fat.
    Husband is currently in hospital so I hsvent had the time to exercise at all. So those calories are staying put.

    And I really enjoyed the freedom of just consuming today. Loved it.
    But my heart is,racing and part of me is terrified that I list control of my intake today.
    Thischas been two years of almost non stop control over calories in and out.

    Please feel free to tell me just exactly how deluded I am. And self centred.

    to be honest id just try to eat normally and if you have to smash some chocolate and cake right now its all good. probably after a bit you will feel like "yuck, i want some real food"

    usually works for me.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    If you consistently feed your body properly, you won't eat an entire box of chocolates. Depriving your body of nutrition causes the drive to binge like that.

    honestly, I could eat an entire box of chocolates any time, anywhere. for serious.
  • dorthymcconnel
    dorthymcconnel Posts: 237 Member
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    Hon, you are not stupid, self centered, or any of that. You lost control one day. That's it. And because you lost Control in such a large way, it sounds like your body is trying to tell you to not be so restrictive in calories. At any rate, I think that it would be wise for you to see a therapist. Somewhere along the way your view of food and calorie intake has gotten a little skewed. Take care, hon.
  • REDI4CHANGE60
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    You mentioned that your husband is in the hospital? Maybe it's just emotional eating and will go away when other issues in your life resolve themselves. It's one day. Don't beat yourself up.
  • JDBLY11
    JDBLY11 Posts: 577 Member
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    Quick background info.
    Started dieting just under 2 years ago (May 15th 2011)
    Restricting calories to 1200. I'm 5 foot.
    Went well at first. Then introduced exercise at the gym. Then it got out of habd. Altogether, as I started dieting before joining mfp, I went down from 8 stone 6 to 5 stone 12/13.
    Underweight, obviously. And pretty disordered eating.
    People, friends, have discussed ny weight with me.
    I don't see myself as fat. I don't have a distorted body image, I just enjoy seeing the bony bits.
    All sorts o f problems occured at the point of my diet beginning. I know I have a problem caused by problems.
    My weight loss has been through restriction and exercise. Only. No purging.
    Tonight I ate a whole, single layered, box of chocolates. And I ate 6 cakes today. All in, I consumed over 3000 calories.
    In my head I know that's just one day.
    In my head I know it cannot make an underweight person fat.
    Husband is currently in hospital so I hsvent had the time to exercise at all. So those calories are staying put.

    And I really enjoyed the freedom of just consuming today. Loved it.
    But my heart is,racing and part of me is terrified that I list control of my intake today.
    Thischas been two years of almost non stop control over calories in and out.

    Please feel free to tell me just exactly how deluded I am. And self centred.

    You need to be careful. You have a 16.2 bmi. Have you looked up all of the health problems being underweight can cause? It is more unhealthy than even extreme obesity. You should try to maintain a 18.5 to 25.0 bmi if you are a pretty normal muscled person. If you lose even a few more lbs or start being body dysmorphic you need to get help right away for you and your family. Would you mind gaining a little weight just to be healthier for you and your family?

    I am not perfect. I have my own eating disorder, BED. I would like to get more help than I am able to right now but I can't. I do not have insurance at all and my husband and I make very little money. I go to OA when I can and that seems to help.

    Oh, and look at My body gallery, there are people in there who are 5ft and about 83 lbs. See how you think they look.

    I decided my goal weight after looking at what weight seemed to look best on the most people at my shape and height.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    This feels like a trap.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
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    You're stupid
  • stines72
    stines72 Posts: 853 Member
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    If you consistently feed your body properly, you won't eat an entire box of chocolates. Depriving your body of nutrition causes the drive to binge like that.

    honestly, I could eat an entire box of chocolates any time, anywhere. for serious.
    me too. no matter how well nourished i am LOL
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    this is my concerned face
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    This feels like a trap.

    trap.jpg
  • metacognition
    metacognition Posts: 626 Member
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    My story is similar to yours.

    I am around 4'11" and just over 100 pounds, although this is a healthy size for me.

    But I had a 3,000 calorie binge this week. It wasn't anything to do with my feelings; there was no shame or guilt attached. I eat a lot of nutritious food daily, and exercise. But I am prone to overeat if I get around four hours of sleep. I know that one day won't add a pound or even make me overweight. You shouldn't sweat it either, but take a careful look at what happened.

    I think 1200 calories is way too low for you, and it is probably one reason for the disordered eating. Your body overcompensates for the diet by increasing your hunger, especially if you eat empty calories and are lacking in nutrition. I tried 1200 calories for a day, with exercise and it felt like I was numb and running on empty the whole day. It was like flooring the gas pedal in a car with an empty tank. It doesn't help to stay at your low weight, because unless you are a naturally skinny girl, your body is struggling to provide for its basic functions. You're probably losing lean tissue at this point, not fat.

    If you do any exercise at all, you need to eat more to fuel your workouts.

    Look at your current diet. If you are eating a healthy diet with plenty of calories and indulging in nutrient rich, whole foods then you will not get as much of an urge to binge, unless something else is interfering with your hunger hormones.

    Try to make your goal health, rather than being at a certain weight. Chuck the scale. Screw it, I'm serious. Fill your calories with the most nutritious, beautiful foods that nature makes - fill up on fruits, vegetables, lots of lean protein and whole grains. Don't be afraid to eat more if you want it, just log it for consistency. Eat enough to sustain moderate intensity exercise four or five days a week.

    If you like being bony or cut, consider taking up weight training. Your weight will go up but you will stay lean and thin, even at higher weights because body composition will be more favorable. But you'll look much leaner than someone at the same weight who just diets and does cardio. The secret to weight training though is that you have to eat more to put on muscle mass. You can enjoy more food and stay thin - in fact you will have an advantage over most of the emaciated, soft looking women out there who are underweight, but nothing but skin and bone.