I don't want to lose weight...

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green_2
green_2 Posts: 11
in Motivation and Support
I've found myself in a horrid situation. In the first place I worked there was a lot more diversity, meaning young/old, educational background, race and even fat/thin people. It was a really good place because people were so different these things didn't matter as much. Now unfortunately now in a different job, everyone is well educated, there is not much diversity, everyone is around in the same age group and I hate to say it but they were all in a healthy weight for their height. I am obese. Initially I thought it would take a while for me to fit in, no one would ask me to join them to lunch or start a conversation without me starting thing it. Let's put it this way I did go out of my way to reach out. The place was fairly cliquey... I figured maybe it will take time, but now there are some new people on board some of whom isn't even staying in that office. They are similar to them, same age group, same education, same looks (not fat). I don't think I'm imagining things.

Now I'm trying to lose weight, I've been a yo yo quitter. But now I'm losing my motivation because now I'm getting angry, realizing people are not being inclusive or responsive because I'm fat. No one gives me a chance because they are judging me immediately by my weight. I try to dress nice and am no louch. I'm not reclusive and am a very friendly person but no one there wants to get to know me because of I'm fat. It's so sad... But I don't want to lose weight for them... I actually am hoping one day I can leave this place. I'm so sad I'm trying hard not to binge or fall off the wagon. :(

Replies

  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
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    Hi sweetie!! I wouldn't worry about it so much. It is just a job. AND if these people don't want to hang out with you - maybe they aren't worth hanging out with at all. I don't work right now, but my husband started a new job about a year ago. He hates the way everyone "hangs out" and work doesn't get done - if you can, do what he does...go to work, do the best job you can, and be happy when you are at home. I do hope it gets better for you. :flowerforyou:
  • luckyjuls
    luckyjuls Posts: 505 Member
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    You need to separate the two things immediately.

    Don't think about your diet in relation to your job and vice versa.

    Think of your weight loss as your second job. One you want to be good at. Work on learning new things about health and fitness. Work on meeting your macros, your calories. If you commit yourself to your second job, your whole life will improve and spread to your first job. You'll feel more satisfied and confident in yourself.

    Your job is to not give up or let some silly cliques get you down. Life is hard but you are in control of your own destiny and if they don't want to be your friend "because you are fat" what kind of quality friends would they be anyway (not that I think this is the case, I just think they are used to their own friends and warm up slow).

    Anyway, good luck and add me as a friend if you would like.
  • CMGoodie
    CMGoodie Posts: 93 Member
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    It is never about the job...it's about YOU. It's about you wanting to make your life better by making a career change/location. It's about you wanting to improve yourself and make yourself happy.

    Never should it be about someone else, someplace else or anything else.

    Turn the frustration into positives.....set an example to others. Be kind to them that despise you; help others when others don't. In this you will find inspiration, joy and the frustration disappears.

    You can do this....you are this much stronger than you were yesterday and even years ago. This is just another trial to make you stronger because that is who you are.:flowerforyou:
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Unfortunately, you can't make other people behave in an appropriate manner, or have the same values that you do. You're not trying to lose weight to fit in with the "in crowd" at work - or at least you shouldn't be. It's sad that the rest of the people are so cliquey that they aren't including you in what's going on, but someitmes that can be a blessing in disguise.

    At one of my jobs, I was NOT in with the "in crowd" and I didn't want to be. I was quite content staying in my "fish bowl" (my office had a big glass window in it) and keeping my nose down at my desk. The people were cliquey, and were very petty. They chastized me for WANTING to go to lunch with my husband (he worked on the opposite corner of the same block back then). "Why do you want to go to lunch with him? You can see him when you get home...." Ugh.

    Your motivation needs to come from within you. Don't let the creeps of the world define who you are or what path you choose in life. That is up to you, and you alone. If you're scared (I certainly was), the feel the fear and do it anyway.

    I once asked someone I met who lost nearly a hundred pounds what he did to lose it....he said, "I hired the right people." That's what I've done. I see a nutritionist, a bariatric doctor, a therapist, go to Weight Watchers.....Do what you can to surround yourself with "the right people" - those who are supportive and will help you on your journey to lose weight.

    While it might be nice to "get along with the co-workers", it isn't a must. Be the person you want to be.
  • alsunrise
    alsunrise Posts: 386 Member
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    Your ticker says you're trying to lose 20 lbs. So your coworkers are snubbing you because you're 20 lbs overweight? What industry do you work in because I need to avoid that one?
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,704 Member
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    Kill people with kindness. You end up winning in the long run.

    But IMO, people at work are acquaintances. On a personal level they shouldn't really have an impact on your life (unless one/some actually become your friends).

    I don't hang out with anyone at work, nor do I really care about their opinions about me and believe me I have strong ones especially when it comes to nutrition compared to the fitness BS nutrition I hear about all the time.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I'm not sure I'd jump to the conclusion that they're rejecting you because of your extra weight...I worked at an office once where the cliques were nasty to me and I wasn't fat at all. They were just biotches that loved drama, like mean girls from high school that never grew up. Be the better person, kill 'em with kindness and just do your job.
  • javajunco
    javajunco Posts: 81
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    You didn't decide to lose weight because of what other people thought of you. Changing your weight loss plan because of what other people think ... you are giving them the power over your decision.

    If you choose not to lose weight to spite them, do you really think they'll notice?

    I hope that things get better. It sucks when people are unkind, and it isn't easy to work in an environment where you don't feel welcome or comfortable. Keep your head up, you are stronger than you think you are.
  • xxcooneyxx
    xxcooneyxx Posts: 221 Member
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    Certain types of people get alone with other types of people and vice versa. There really is no way for you to be able to seperate why they don't seem to like you. They could not like you for your extra weight. The could not like you for your personality. They could not like you because you smell like lavender and the last girl they had there that smelled like lavender was a *****.

    Either way, screw them! You keep being you. If someone came up to me and said "I don't like you for your personality!" I would say "Screw you!" Why should your reaction be any different (assuming) they don't like you because you are bigger? Either way, you are the you that you are in this moment (whether you get smaller or not) and if they can't love you for the you that you are now, they can go **** themselves. I know it's easier said than done.

    So keep being the nice person you are and if they are cold to you, their loss. Still I think us larger people tend to always assume people don't like us because of our size. I don't think that is always the case, but even if it is, who cares? You don't owe anyone an apology for having extra weight.
  • pamperedlinny
    pamperedlinny Posts: 1,589 Member
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    It is never about the job...it's about YOU. It's about you wanting to make your life better by making a career change/location. It's about you wanting to improve yourself and make yourself happy.

    Never should it be about someone else, someplace else or anything else.

    Turn the frustration into positives.....set an example to others. Be kind to them that despise you; help others when others don't. In this you will find inspiration, joy and the frustration disappears.

    You can do this....you are this much stronger than you were yesterday and even years ago. This is just another trial to make you stronger because that is who you are.:flowerforyou:

    All of this. :wink: I've been in a similar situation before and let all my surroundings get me down and all it did was make me more miserable.

    You can do this. And you can kill them with kindness at the same time.

    Also, keep in mind if someone appears different to some people they just don't feel comfortable. Sometimes the people you think hate you become your closest friends years down the road. Be patient. Be strong. Be confident. And don't let others drag you down.
  • green_2
    green_2 Posts: 11
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    Hi All. Thank you for your reply I've been at this place for 8 months already. I guess I was just writing it off as an adjustment period both for myself and them, but then there were several new hires the past month and I saw how differently (better) they were treated. I kept wondering what was different and this is the only thing I could find, the weight. I guess there's no point figuring this out, I came from a pretty nice working environment but the place shut down so I lost my job and found this one. I really had high hopes for it and meeting new interesting and neat people. I guess you can't win it all...

    My ticker only says 20 but I am 75 pounds overweight. I set 20 as my short term weight loss goal for now. I thought it might be more do-able...

    I'll try to keep on doing a good job, but it's so stressful and not just the people but the work itself. It's ruining my good intentions. I get home and I just want to chow down on everything... But I will not. I cannot. I'll keep all of your good thoughts and suggestions in my head and buckle down. Thank you all. I really appreciate it.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I'm not sure I'd jump to the conclusion that they're rejecting you because of your extra weight...I worked at an office once where the cliques were nasty to me and I wasn't fat at all. They were just biotches that loved drama, like mean girls from high school that never grew up. Be the better person, kill 'em with kindness and just do your job.

    This. I've never been overweight, and there's been times where I felt like the odd one out when I started a new job.

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