Curse words

In 2007 I met an aging evil-hearted warlock who looked me over and saw the flab gathering everywhere on my frame, under my neck and over my belt. He laughed one of those wicked wizard laughs and looked at me eyeball to eyeball and pronounced a curse -- one of those wicked warlock curses, something to bind me for the rest of my life -- that kind of curse.

I still remember the magical phrase that cursed me. It wasn't some mumbo-jumbo phrase, something from a dusty large book with a old-fashioned lock, or a tongue-twisting riddle, or something in druid talk. It was ordinary English but it still had all the force of an Egyptian tomb warning.

What did he tell me? Simply, he said "You can't do it".

And I remember where I was when he said this to me. I saw that ugly old charlatan's eyeballs in my bathroom mirror. He was laughing at myself, at my past failures. I thought he was telling myself the truth, that I needed to just give up and forget about it. That I was just being honest by accepting the curse and taking it to the grave.

He just seemed so wise, and I thought I knew so much. What did I know? Nothing! But I thought I was old enough & wise enough to know when to admit defeat.

Give up, he said. You can't do it. You'll never get there. You've tried and tried and it's just not going to happen. Just forget about it and find something else to do. And so I did. I hung my head and laughed at myself and moved on.

Well, guess what?

HE WAS WRONG! Can you believe it? WRONG. W. R. O. N. G.

And you know what else?

THE CURSE WAS BREAKABLE!

It didn't last the rest of my life! It only bound me for three years!

How did it happen? Well, in 2010 I met another magic man who had a different wonder phrase. This man looked at me and said something else I'll never forget, a formula so powerful that it just BLASTED AWAY the words of that stupid cursing shaman, the curse that was supposed to keep me locked in despair for decades.

What did he say? Eyeball to eyeball in the mirror he said "You can and you will!"

HA HA! Take that!

What a FOOL, that ridiculous witch doctor, that superstitious foggy-minded idiot! I WON! Thanks to my clear-eyed, clear-headed miracle worker, I defeated that dummy and broke free of the curse.

And my hope for you, sweet ladies and good men, is that you never even meet a wicked witch or cursing fool like my warlock. But if you have been cursed by one, I hope you'll get to meet a different kind of wonder worker, eyeball to eyeball, someone with amazing powers and a persuasive optimism. Someone who knows you can do it and helps you get there with relentless good will. Someone who can repeat that blessing every time you need it, and destroy the dreadful curse.

And I hope you meet him or her in your mirror very soon.