How do I tell my family??

leahharris93
leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, I'm 19 and have been on a diet since January and I've lost 22lbs so far. I didn't tell my family or friends that I was on a diet, just because I find it a little bit awkward (I think because it makes me acknowledge that I was fat to begin with). I returned home from university a few weeks ago, thinking that everyone would comment on how much weight I've lost/that I look really good. But no one has said a thing. It has really really de-motivated me, and I don't see the point on carrying on if I don't even look any different. I know I'm losing the weight for me, and I will be so much healthier and feel a lot better when I reach my target weight, but it has really got me down.
I want to be able to tell my family/friends that I'm trying to lose weight so hopefully they can support me (and not think it's weird when I turn down dessert!).
Any advice is very welcome!!
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Replies

  • lovemitch125
    lovemitch125 Posts: 257 Member
    That really must be discouraging but keep it going. It may take more than 20 lbs for other people to notice. But when they do, it will be a huge change and it will feel amazing. You ARE doing this for you ultimately. You want to feel confident, happy, healthy, energetic, but (idk how heavy you started out as) but it may take more than 20 lbs to do so. (Although thats already a great accomplishment! GO YOU!) I would just strive for a bigger loss the next time you see them, and then they will see it too. Don't give up. There are too many advantages to let all of your hard work slip away :bigsmile:
  • workaholic_nurse
    workaholic_nurse Posts: 727 Member
    Remember why you started this in the first place. It was for you, not your family. You wanted to look/feel better and you decided to do something about it. It usually takes a 30-40 lb weight loss before people really notice, especially if you're wearing the same clothing. Trust me the recognition will come, but is that truly why you did this to begin with?!?

    ETA: KUDOS TO YOU on your 20 pound loss....keep up the great work!:drinker:
  • squeakyfish
    squeakyfish Posts: 109 Member
    I've lost 30# now and not one of my friends/acquaintances has noticed. I told a couple of family members who I will be seeing in another week or so, and I know they will be able to tell, but it is VERY disappointing (not discouraging) that the people who see me daily don't notice at all. In the end, I'm doing this for me, not for external approval, so I just move on and keep doing what I'm doing. I'm proud of me and that's all that matters.
  • NanaWubbie
    NanaWubbie Posts: 248 Member
    Families can be so weird!!! When you were living at home, were you sensitive about your weight? If so, your family might not have wanted to say anything as to not mess with your mojo! If you feel you should tell them, then do so.
  • leahharris93
    leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you so much for helping me remember why I wanted to lose weight in the first place!
    Hopefully when I lose a bit more some people might notice, and I definitely need to get some new clothes but I don't want to waste my money if I know I'm going to lose more (I am a student after all haha)
    (I started at 185lbs and aim to get to 120)
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
    I understand where you are coming from. I am sad my BF is leaving for the summer but in some respects I am excited because he won't see me every day so my (hopeful) transformation might be more noticed.
  • leahharris93
    leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
    I have never discussed my weight with my family, even though it was obvious that I was over-weight, I guess they just didn't want to push me or make me feel pressured, and I was never openly upset with it so I guess they thought everything was fine
  • rnctipton
    rnctipton Posts: 134 Member
    People really only started noticing I lost when I started wearing smaller clothes. Great job on your weight loss and keep up the good work. Hopefully you have before and during pictures. Keep them close to you to always remind you of the great work you're doing. Remember, this isn't really a "diet"; it's a lifestyle change to become healthier and happier. That is what you should be telling people, because hopefully you will stick with your new lifestyle for the rest of your life.
  • Willowana
    Willowana Posts: 493 Member
    It depends on body shape and how overweight you are. It took about 40 lbs. before people really took notice of me. I say keep the secret and keep going. It will be all the more sweeter when they see you again!
  • kitza101
    kitza101 Posts: 99 Member
    20 pounds is really a fantastic effort - well done :)

    I can relate - I've lost over 20 kg, and while I've had a few comments most people just don't say anything. I'm not sure why, but my thoughts are that they are perhaps concerned that bringing attention to it might embarrass me or something. I get it though, it can be demotivating. As the others have said, try to remember that losing weight and becoming a healthier you is for YOU - it's so that you can feel good each day and you can take active steps to make your life a longer, healthier one.
  • sbrownallison
    sbrownallison Posts: 314 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. I've experienced the same thing as you describe - no notice of my weight loss. Invariably it would take 30+ lbs before anyone noticed and then it seemed everyone noticed! Don't be discouraged; you are doing this for you after all, not them, right? When I don't want to draw attention to my dieting and am offered dessert, I have learned to say "Maybe later". Then later on, no one notices I don't have it. Good luck and stick with it!
  • leahharris93
    leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
    Thank you, yes I did take pictures- I have a little notebook where I've stuck them along with some motivational quotes. I've found that really helpful as a place to look when I lose motivation or start to fall off the bandwagon- I would really recommend it for anyone else reading this!!
  • cschiff
    cschiff Posts: 209 Member
    Families can be so weird!!! When you were living at home, were you sensitive about your weight? If so, your family might not have wanted to say anything as to not mess with your mojo! If you feel you should tell them, then do so.


    I was having similar thoughts... a lot of people notice but dont want to offend you and will just stay quiet instead.

    but you are on a ROLL and doing amazingly well so far! all your peers on MFP are happy and proud for you so keep at it!

    feel free to add me, if you like, since we're close in age (i'm 20) and have lost a similar amount of weight :)) stay strong!
  • Kalah7Renae12Vera
    Kalah7Renae12Vera Posts: 265 Member
    The way you carry your weight depends on a lot of things, if you are very heavy or tall etc it takes some time to start seeing the changes... do not get discouraged! I have lost 125 pounds and my mother has yet to say anything to me about my weight-loss... at the end of the day I think she doesnt say anything because she has gotten heavier, and 2 because she doesn't want me to think she saw me as being so heavy before... just keep up the hard work, you will feel better even if no one sees it right away... the moment will come when someone does and it will have been worth all the work! Plus remember if you have been gone long or haven't spend a lot of time with them, its hard to remember how big or small someone is etc. hang in there
  • samkelly89
    samkelly89 Posts: 198 Member
    I've lost almost 80lbs since giving birth and I've found that family and friends who have known me longest, don't say things like, wow you lost so much weight! I've had a few convos with them about it and some have told me that they always saw me as thin so they didn't notice when I was heavy being any different from now... Which is nuts! But it makes sense. My mom's weight fluctuates a lot and I can never tell. Mostly because I just see her for her and not her body.

    Don't be discouraged. You should post before and after pics on here and then everyone who doesn't know you will validate your weightloss for you ;) 20lbs is a lot of hard work and dedication!! Be proud of yourself ;) Also, maybe people aren't saying anything because these days it's really easy to say the wrong thing about someone's weight. Mayb they don't want to offend you somehow. I would talk to someone close to you about it and maybe they will give you some insight on the situation.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    Thank you so much for helping me remember why I wanted to lose weight in the first place!
    Hopefully when I lose a bit more some people might notice, and I definitely need to get some new clothes but I don't want to waste my money if I know I'm going to lose more (I am a student after all haha)
    (I started at 185lbs and aim to get to 120)

    Do you have Ross stores where you are? They are factory seconds (new clothes with very minor flaws) and closeouts and you can get some great deals there. That's where I've been buying my clothes as I go along.
  • FATJAKE5
    FATJAKE5 Posts: 162
    Everyone here knows how you feel. My wife came home today lamenting that no-one @ work has noticed her weight loss. I told her the same things everyone have been telling you. What you need is some MFP friends and there are some young ladies your age right here for you to recruit. Let us know how many friend requests you get in the next few minutes.
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
    Lost 15 pounds out of 45-50 and no one noticed at that point. Didn't matter to me. Lost 30-40 and everyone noticed. Was at 30 bmi and now less than 25. Just pointing that out for relative comparison as I don't know your current status or goals. Point is that what you are doing is for you, not for who sees you or doesn't. It's nice to have some acknowledgement but should not be the principle driver of your personal project.
  • leahharris93
    leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
    The way you carry your weight depends on a lot of things, if you are very heavy or tall etc it takes some time to start seeing the changes... do not get discouraged! I have lost 125 pounds and my mother has yet to say anything to me about my weight-loss... at the end of the day I think she doesnt say anything because she has gotten heavier, and 2 because she doesn't want me to think she saw me as being so heavy before... just keep up the hard work, you will feel better even if no one sees it right away... the moment will come when someone does and it will have been worth all the work! Plus remember if you have been gone long or haven't spend a lot of time with them, its hard to remember how big or small someone is etc. hang in there

    Thanks! I'm only 5'3 so I don't think height is a factor haha! Wow, that's so much weight to have lost without your mum saying anything, but I think your explanations are very valid, especially the second. Everyone has really motivated me, and I'm going to be so on it again now!!
  • jonibc
    jonibc Posts: 104 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. No one noticed my weight loss until I hit 35 lbs. Do it for yourself.
  • koshkasmum
    koshkasmum Posts: 276 Member
    Only tell them that you are dieting if YOU want to. Otherwise, its just a change in eating you decided to make and its no-one's business but yours.

    Don't be unhappy that your family didn't notice the loss especially if they haven't seen you for a while because you have been at University. It may be that they never had a mental image of you as heavy and so your new look did not jump out as different. OR it may be that its not easy to notice - as in my case. I carry most of my weight in one area and for years I have dressed to disguise the extra weight. I have not invested in a new wardrobe, and so a lot of people have not yet noticed that I have a lot less to disguise than a did a few months ago.

    Be happy with your new health and look. They will clue in eventually. (especially when you step into a swimsuit this summer!!)
  • kcatlin9
    kcatlin9 Posts: 321 Member
    Don't be discouraged. I had 70 to lose and people didn't start commenting to me until I lost about 40. Some people may notice but not say anything; not wanting you to feel like they thought you had weight to lose.

    Keep it up. The comments will come. Use it as motivation and double down!
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
    Don't tell them you are TRYING...tell them you are DOING and that you have already lost 22lbs and are eager to lose even more. Not sure of your goals and where you started but I know that for me it took a good 40lbs for me to really tell a noticeable change. So give it some more time and they will notice, eventually! Don't give up....do it for yourself...not them!
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
    Don't be discouraged. I had 70 to lose and people didn't start commenting to me until I lost about 40. Some people may notice but not say anything; not wanting you to feel like they thought you had weight to lose.

    Keep it up. The comments will come. Use it as motivation and double down!

    I just posted about the same thing! Took me a good 40lbs for people to really notice. Keep with it!
  • leahharris93
    leahharris93 Posts: 14 Member
    THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYBODY! This was my first every post om MFP, and I'm now feeling really motivated again and have really remembered why I wanted to lose weight in the first place- to be healthy and happy within myself, not for others to comment on.
  • ChristiH4000
    ChristiH4000 Posts: 531 Member
    20 lbs is so great! Way to go! Please don't give up just because you didn't get the reactions you were hoping for. In time, you will get them, but you can't risk your own health and progress over anything that anyone else does or doesn't do. This is your special thing that has to be just for you. Wishing you well and hope you stay the course. It is so very worth it.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    For me, I don't usually say anything to people, even if I have noticed a weight loss. I usually just say "You look good" as a general statement. I think this is because I don't want to be like, "Have you lost weight, you look great" and have them think that they didn't look great before. Usually just asking, "Have you lost weight?" is enough, because if they have, they say yes, and get happy because I noticed, or they haven't, and they are happy because it looks as though they have.
  • 04ward
    04ward Posts: 196 Member
    First of all I want to say how proud I am that you had the discipline to lose weight while in college! Most gain! :) I know how you feel and I'm 50+ years old! A couple years ago, my husband and I started exercising together through a community program. He lost 30# and I lost 20# (from 183 to 163). I was SO excited! But, everywhere we went, everyone commented on my husband and how thin he looked, then he would tell them "Well, my wife lost 20!" (He was very supportive & encouraging), and then people would say "Ohh... well congratulations to you too." I felt HORRIBLE! I felt like if he had to tell them I had lost, then what was the use? I quit trying. He kept his off and I gained mine back plus some. NOW, I'm even more frustrated that I'm having to start all over again AND at a higher weight then I've ever been at before. Don't let what others say (or don't say) discourage you! You've come this far so keep it going and do it for you and NO ONE ELSE! GREAT JOB!!
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
    It took about 30 lbs for me before people started noticing, (or, at least, saying something about it). I was 190 to begin with, so 30 lbs was 15% of my body weight. That's fairly high. If you have a lot to lose, it might take a little longer for people to notice. I have a good friend who is in the "morbidly obese" category of overweight (she was over 350 lbs at 5'1"). She had gastric surgery, but she had to lose more than 60 lbs before people really noticed (which is about 20%). So it does depend on where you started out.

    Congratulations on the weight loss so far, though! Wherever you started, you are 22lbs closer to your goal than you were before! Keep up the good work, and we are here to help whenever you need a boost, some motivation, or even just a shoulder to cry on. You can do this!
  • Cullinanmarti
    Cullinanmarti Posts: 72 Member
    The situation of no response to your weight loss is disheartening but maybe your friends are just confused as to what to say. After all, you did not say anything to your friends because at the beginning of your journey, you had trouble admitting how fat you had become. Seriously, how do you tell someone gracefully, "oh! I noticed you are not as fat as you were?!?!?" . Just give them some grace and bring up the "fat" subject in a self-deprecating way. Something like,"I must admit I have so much more energy since I have been (working out, eating better, taking time to get healthy)......just open the door and your friends will notice. If they still don't notice, you might need to consider if your friends aren't really capable of notices positive change and whether these are the friends you want or need on your path to a healthy life.

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