Is your weight keeping you from attracting your soulmate?

msmonarae · July 2010

I sometimes wonder if my weight is keeping me from meeting the one and I never had so many self-esteem issues until I turned 35 and moved to Los Angeles. I use to live in Atlanta GA but in the south I felt much prettier because men in the south seam to not mind a curvy women but in Los Angeles it seams taboo. I see cute women in bikini’s and shorts all over the place in this city and when I take classes in the gym I am the biggest one and I am a size 14….WTH! I know I am not the only overweight woman in this city but I feel like my weight is the reason I am single at 36. My last boyfriend was in love with me until we moved to LA and the next thing I know he was not in love anymore and he wanted to be single within the first six months of our relocation. I know he was not the one for me but deep down inside I am always blaming my weight for the reason he stopped loving me. I gained 15 pounds within the two years we were together but he is a chef who loved to cook all our favorite dishes and I packed on some weight. Why are men so superficial when it comes to our bodies? Do men fall in love with a woman’s size or do they look at her heart? I have skinny single friends but it seams like they always have men chasing them. I know I have wonderful qualities and I am doing something about my size but I really wonder what matters more the inside or the outside?

amymeenieminymo · July 2010

I sometimes wonder if my weight is keeping me from meeting the one and I never had so many self-esteem issues until I turned 35 and moved to Los Angeles. I use to live in Atlanta GA but in the south I felt much prettier because men in the south seam to not mind a curvy women but in Los Angeles it seams taboo. I see cute women in bikini’s and shorts all over the place in this city and when I take classes in the gym I am the biggest one and I am a size 14….WTH! I know I am not the only overweight woman in this city but I feel like my weight is the reason I am single at 36. My last boyfriend was in love with me until we moved to LA and the next thing I know he was not in love anymore and he wanted to be single within the first six months of our relocation. I know he was not the one for me but deep down inside I am always blaming my weight for the reason he stopped loving me. I gained 15 pounds within the two years we were together but he is a chef who loved to cook all our favorite dishes and I packed on some weight. Why are men so superficial when it comes to our bodies? Do men fall in love with a woman’s size or do they look at her heart? I have skinny single friends but it seams like they always have men chasing them. I know I have wonderful qualities and I am doing something about my size but I really wonder what matters more the inside or the outside?

I was going to reply with no, there is someone for everyone, but when I read that you're in LA I can kind of see what you mean. I have never lived in LA (or been there) but with all of the sun, sand, beach, and celebrities I can kind of see that someplace like LA would be more into looks than from where you are from. Not that I think your ex-bf left you because of your weight....I just think he was immature and was in a new place with lots of new women and thought the grass was greener on the other side.

Keep reminding yourself that HE was the problem, not you. Yes physical attraction is important, but so is chemistry and personality and having a good time with someone. If he couldn't see all you have to offer, you're better off without him. You know what is way more beautiful on a woman than being skinny, or a cute outfit? Confidence. Find that confidence within yourself and hold your head up high when walking amongst those skinny girls and I guarantee you'll turn heads.

Something to think about.....I was at my heaviest when I met my now fiance, and I went on to gain 15 more pounds. I've since lost 40 (well it was 50 but gained 10 back) and he still loves me no matter what. He's out there, just keep looking.

flems629 · July 2010

I dont know what matters more......I hope to God its our inside but I guess at the same time people are attracted to what they are attracted to and I wouldnt settle for a guy that I didnt ''think'' was my type or that I wasnt sexually attracted to. However I did have a boyfriend who he seemed like he was in love with me say that he lost his sexual attractiveness to me because I was so big. That hurt and it made me feel insecure about our relationship and that he would always cheat on me..............................and he did

TaraArriola · July 2010

I meet my husband at what was my biggest size; however, once we got married I actually gained another 50 pounds due to all the good cooking he does.

I am now losing for me. He is so supportive and has actally started changing the way he cooks so that we can eat healthier.

Keep looking, and do this journey for yourself. They man of your dreams is out there waiting to find you.

msmonarae · July 2010

Thanks for your comment!!

msmonarae · July 2010

Thanks for your story and support!!

kwardklinck · July 2010

Wow that's a tough question. I was going to say no as well but there are some men that aren't attracted to bigger women. Some men aren't attracted to skinny women either. The problem is, as you said before, people are generally smaller and more fit where you live now. I guess that could lead to people being much more shallow. If a man is attracted to a woman, then he gets to know her and love her for who she is inside. If he's not initially attracted to her, then maybe he doesn't get to know her enough to love her. I've been married to the same guy for almost 25 years. Of course when I met him, I was a cute little 17 year old with a washboard stomach. I've carried two children for him and he's seen me lose weight and gain it multiple times. I never felt like he wasn't attracted to me when I gained weight, but I didn't feel attractive. I do know that I'm more flirty and confident with him when I'm happy with my body. I'm sure there is a great guy out there who will love you for yourself. You just need to love yourself and feel good in your own skin. Don't try to be a size 2. Just eat well and get fit.

ArmyWife815 · July 2010

I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss goals. What you see as FAT is the weight/size I am trying to obtain:laugh:

I've always lived in the south (North Carolina) and men here do appreciate a woman with curves; but I can say my husband is not very happy with my current weight and is happy I have started this weight loss journey. Has he ever verbalized, "You need to lose weight". NO.

Soulmate? Will everyone find or marry their soul mate? I'm not so sure. But I will say this if someone is your soul mate they will love all 180 pounds of you. That man will love you as you are and if you decide you want to get healthier/lose weight he will help you along that journey as well. That should be the main goal in losing weight is to become healthier .... prevent hypertension, prevent diabetes, prevent morbid obesity. Of course looking great is an added benefit.

I can imagine LA is a different world. Those that haven't starved themselves into the perfect size 0 have purchased body parts to give them that 36/24/36 that the Commodores sung about decades ago.:laugh: Love yourself, embrace yourself, take care of yourself. Wishing you much happiness and success!!

bonnykate · July 2010

Check out Crystal Renn (http://crystalrenn.com/). Check out Pin-Up Models (Gia Genevieve is particularly gorgeous - http://www.myspace.com/recoveryinprogress). Not everyone wants the stick thin type, or the athletic type. These women are examples of another aesthetic, another beauty ideal that exists even when the dominant media is ignoring it. Whatever weight you are, if you're confident and smiling, you will look beautiful - and that's bound to attract someone worthwhile

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Is your weight keeping you from attracting your soulmate?

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