unsuppostive fiancee

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

You need to talk to him and find out why he is doing this. My gues is he is just trying to make you happy and he thinks that is the way to do it. You have to re train him,

It is likely done out of fear. Change is unknown, and whether he admits or not he likely thinks you are changing and he does not know what that will mean for him and your future. He wants things to stay the way they were because it is comfortable and not out of the comfort zone.

I say give it time, he will come around. Have a good talk re-assure him that you making changes for yourself that will benefit you, but it will not change how you feel about him or your life plans.

I am speaking from experience here... hang in there.

I wouldn't throw in the towel as that seems to be the first thing people jump to, just be honest and kind. This is forever, good or bad, don't bail because he is having a tough time with this.

Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about what your goals with your weight loss are and why you want to achieve them?

Since you mentioned weighing food, I do have a story on that one. Although my boyfriend is very supportive of my attempts to improve my health, he definitely laughed when I was weighing food the first couple times. So I gave him a spoon and told him to scoop out one serving of peanut butter, then showed him what it weighed and what the calorie difference was. I explained that the scale is helping me learn what a portion really looks like and keeping my calorie counts accurate. Once he realized how easy it is to overestimate what you are eating, he was totally supportive of the scale!

An important thing to give a lot of thought to: if you feel he's not supportive is he the person you want for a life partner? Will he be supportive if you lose your job? Will he be supportive in the delivery room when you give birth? Is he just playfully teasing you or is he serious? Please carefully consider if this man should really be your life partner.

I personally wouldn't immediately start to question my relationship that hard.

I've been married for 17 years, it has taken many years for me to "learn" what my wife considers "important" to her and what she doesn't.

I've said and done many things over 17 years that have really pissed her off. Some of it was me being an idiot, some of it was simply not knowing she felt that "strongly" about something. If she "re-evaluated" our marriage every time I did something dumb, we'd have been divorced long ago. Relationships don't start with each person fully undersanding the other, that is built over time.

I have the best relationship in the world now, we know each other well and we are direct with each other, unafraid to tell each other when something bothers us about the other person. It didn't start off that way.

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

It takes a long time to change habits, and while you have been thinking about how you look and what you need to do to feel better about yourself, he has only thought about how much he likes you. Now you want to change something he really likes, and you do it by taking away one of the ways he has had to make you happy.

We all like to share the things we like with those we love. He has made the effort to learn what you like, and has been in the habit of bringing it to you. Now he no longer knows what you like, and he doesn't know how to bring you something that will make you happy. It's sad, but you need to educate him while you are educating yourself. It can be done though. My husband, who loves to spoil me any way he can, has learned to bring fruit, tiny slices of dark chocolate, very dry wine, fresh and fragrant tea and the occasional gluten free cake - after checking if I can eat it. It took 5 years to teach him what to get and what to avoid, though. After all, he can eat anything he likes, and not gain a gram, while I only need to sniff the wrong thing and I swell up. He isn't the one who feels the difference on his body, he has to learn by patient example.

The laughing at your workouts is a little bit more problematic though, that isn't nice of him. But what kind of dynamic do you have? If you are to marry this man, you should be able to do a lot of undignified things in front of him. You'll most likely be sick, pregnant, drunk, fall off chairs in stupid ways, do things you have never done before and do clumsily, work with things which make you dirty and also crawl under the kitchen sink, contorting in stupid and silly positions. If you can't do exercizes in front of him, how can you plan to stink up the bathroom you share with him during a stomach flu?

So, jump at it with both feet, tell him what you would like him to bring and what you would like to eat. Ignore him eating the stuff he likes (and you like) (you will most likely have to get used to living with a person with a different diet anyway), and eat the stuff that makes you feel good. And work out while he is there. When he realises you mean it, he'll get used to it. When he sees that it works, he'll learn to respect it, and be impressed.

Good luck!

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

If he is not going to support you in weight loss, what else won't he support you with in the future?

I don't have time for people like that in my life, they can take a left exit.

You realize that his attitude and behavior are NOT going to change once you are married, right?

My advice would be to toughen up.

1) Who cares if he laughs why you weigh out your food.
2) Do your aerobics in front of him if he won't leave you alone.
3) Say no when he brings home treats.

He may give you s*** for it at first but if you remain consistent my guess is that he'll respect that this is something that's important to you.

Ultimately it's down to you. You're the one who has the weight to lose.

You realize that his attitude and behavior are NOT going to change once you are married, right?

This.

You put up with it now. Before the ink dries on the marriage certificate, he'll be even more of a jerk than he is now and he'd have real license to be... BECAUSE YOU MARRIED HIM.

You should ask yourself, will this person accept a changed, more confident you?
Perhaps he doesn't want to have to work? Perhaps he doesn't want you to be more confident?
Perhaps he doesn't want the competition, because if you do change yourself and find someone else before you get married, he might lose out and walk away nothing but tears and shame in his hands.
Consider this, if he isn't worried about his or your health now, why would he be in the future?
A more active you, might make different choices across the board.

Tomorrow is not promised to you, so if he isn't doing what he needs to live a more active, better life, is he the greatest pick for you?

If he was a smarter man, he would shut his piehole, nod, and smile at your efforts.

He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

Someone very near and dear to me was up against the same thing. He does most of the cooking, since she's a doctor and works weird hours, so it's not like she's got the time or energy to cook when she comes home from the hospital at 6am... Between the hours she works and having had kids, she's overweight. He made the "mistake" of telling someone else that he likes to keep her fat so that no one else is interested in her. Yup. If she's fat, no one else will want her, or at least that's his logic.

I'll give you a minute to process that...

No, no... Take your time.

Now, "break up" and "They should get divorced" and "I wouldn't tolerate THAT crap" all comes to mind, but they've been together 20 years, have kids, and really do love each other. He loves her so much he doesn't want to lose her and the only way he sees to hold on to her is to keep her fat.

Sadly, what he fails to realize is that their marriage would probably be even happier if she felt better about herself and if he wasn't contributing to her health being put at risk. My point here is that 1) people do dumb things (either out of control or) out of love. 2) It might not hurt to nicely ask him how he can support you, because YOU want to be happy. 3) Look at his past to see if there's an otherwise "logical" reason behind his lack of support. Was his mom heavy? Did he have a fit girlfriend who left him?Is he controlling in other aspects of the relationship?

You can't "change" him, but you can hope to better understand his motivation and maybe get him to understand where you're coming from.If there are health issues in your family (diabetes, cardiac stuff, arthritis that's made worse with extra weight) explain that you don't want to be on meds if you don't have to be.