unsuppostive fiancee

I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.

My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.

If he isn't supporting the lifestyle you have chosen, then he isn't supporting you as a mutual partner.

Love is accepting in all forms.

You need to be bluntly honest with him. Guys don't pick up on hidden emotions or hints (most times).

you need to just say no, and not eat the food he has bought

it will be really hard at first, but eventually he will get it. he hasn't yet, but he will. couples can drag eachother down. he is probably bummed deep down that he is losing his unhealthy buddy.

My boyfriend isnt quite that bad - but I feel your pain, he laughs at me for eating healthy and going to bed earlier, he also wants me to make him bacon and eggs, cheeseburgers, burritos, etc. when I'm cooking healthy food for me. We both really need to lose weight and he just isnt on the band wagon yet - in a strange way tho the resistance is really motivating. I'm doing this for myself, all by myself, and no ones gonna stop me. I know once he starts seeing a difference in my health he'll get on board and I'll get to take credit for all my hard work

Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.

Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.

A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"

Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.

Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.

A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"

While that sounds nice, there is no guy I know, myself included that puts that much thought into it.

ask him to mend his ways or else dump him :bigsmile:

I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.

My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.

INDEED! Love this response! I do not keep people like that in my life. My fiance is not currently trying to lose weight either but he would not make fun of me AND he is very supportive! I am sorry you are dealing with this but I am almost sure it comes from his own insecurity! He probably feels like if you lose weight and look HOT that other guys will pay more attention to you and that he will lose you! Talk to him about it! Good luck! :flowerforyou:

my husband was like that. he kept telling me he didn't notice the 70 pound weight difference, that I was fine, and he lived off soda, fast food, and crap. he wouldn't leave me to do aerobics either. then I had a heart attack. combination of crap, stress, high blood pressure. sad that that is what got him on board with me. he threw out all of his food, and is supportive of me now. hopefully it wont come to that with you. good luck and just do what you do.

Have you tried talking to him about it?...

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

You need to talk to him and find out why he is doing this. My gues is he is just trying to make you happy and he thinks that is the way to do it. You have to re train him,

It is likely done out of fear. Change is unknown, and whether he admits or not he likely thinks you are changing and he does not know what that will mean for him and your future. He wants things to stay the way they were because it is comfortable and not out of the comfort zone.

I say give it time, he will come around. Have a good talk re-assure him that you making changes for yourself that will benefit you, but it will not change how you feel about him or your life plans.

I am speaking from experience here... hang in there.

I wouldn't throw in the towel as that seems to be the first thing people jump to, just be honest and kind. This is forever, good or bad, don't bail because he is having a tough time with this.

Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about what your goals with your weight loss are and why you want to achieve them?

Since you mentioned weighing food, I do have a story on that one. Although my boyfriend is very supportive of my attempts to improve my health, he definitely laughed when I was weighing food the first couple times. So I gave him a spoon and told him to scoop out one serving of peanut butter, then showed him what it weighed and what the calorie difference was. I explained that the scale is helping me learn what a portion really looks like and keeping my calorie counts accurate. Once he realized how easy it is to overestimate what you are eating, he was totally supportive of the scale!

An important thing to give a lot of thought to: if you feel he's not supportive is he the person you want for a life partner? Will he be supportive if you lose your job? Will he be supportive in the delivery room when you give birth? Is he just playfully teasing you or is he serious? Please carefully consider if this man should really be your life partner.

I personally wouldn't immediately start to question my relationship that hard.

I've been married for 17 years, it has taken many years for me to "learn" what my wife considers "important" to her and what she doesn't.

I've said and done many things over 17 years that have really pissed her off. Some of it was me being an idiot, some of it was simply not knowing she felt that "strongly" about something. If she "re-evaluated" our marriage every time I did something dumb, we'd have been divorced long ago. Relationships don't start with each person fully undersanding the other, that is built over time.

I have the best relationship in the world now, we know each other well and we are direct with each other, unafraid to tell each other when something bothers us about the other person. It didn't start off that way.

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

It takes a long time to change habits, and while you have been thinking about how you look and what you need to do to feel better about yourself, he has only thought about how much he likes you. Now you want to change something he really likes, and you do it by taking away one of the ways he has had to make you happy.

We all like to share the things we like with those we love. He has made the effort to learn what you like, and has been in the habit of bringing it to you. Now he no longer knows what you like, and he doesn't know how to bring you something that will make you happy. It's sad, but you need to educate him while you are educating yourself. It can be done though. My husband, who loves to spoil me any way he can, has learned to bring fruit, tiny slices of dark chocolate, very dry wine, fresh and fragrant tea and the occasional gluten free cake - after checking if I can eat it. It took 5 years to teach him what to get and what to avoid, though. After all, he can eat anything he likes, and not gain a gram, while I only need to sniff the wrong thing and I swell up. He isn't the one who feels the difference on his body, he has to learn by patient example.

The laughing at your workouts is a little bit more problematic though, that isn't nice of him. But what kind of dynamic do you have? If you are to marry this man, you should be able to do a lot of undignified things in front of him. You'll most likely be sick, pregnant, drunk, fall off chairs in stupid ways, do things you have never done before and do clumsily, work with things which make you dirty and also crawl under the kitchen sink, contorting in stupid and silly positions. If you can't do exercizes in front of him, how can you plan to stink up the bathroom you share with him during a stomach flu?

So, jump at it with both feet, tell him what you would like him to bring and what you would like to eat. Ignore him eating the stuff he likes (and you like) (you will most likely have to get used to living with a person with a different diet anyway), and eat the stuff that makes you feel good. And work out while he is there. When he realises you mean it, he'll get used to it. When he sees that it works, he'll learn to respect it, and be impressed.

Good luck!