Gym question for moms of infants/toddlers

tattoodfreek · July 2010

So, I took the plunge and signed a year contract with Gold's gym. Though this gym is a drive and not that convenient (20 minutes away) it was the only decent place to offer childcare. There was only one gym closer, and that place had pieces of bare plywood screwed onto the walls in the kid's room...*shudder*.

Anyway, I am a SAHM. Though I am not new with mommying, (we have 5 kids), I have never sent my kids off to daycare before. I've always been home with them, and if I was working, I would work nights when my husband was home.

So, my youngest just turned 11 months old. She is the total momma's baby. At this point, I STILL have trouble leaving her with anyone- even her daddy. Even though I walk almost nightly without her, she STILL screams and cries the entire time I am gone. I know it's a separation anxiety thing, and I also know eventually it will get better. But in the meantime, I have little hope of successfully leaving her with anyone. Even my parents. So, it was with a dread in my heart that I went to the gym. And of course it happened... a moment after I left she was bawling hysterically, and a mere 14 minutes into my workout, they pulled me off the floor to come get her. I got her calmed down and sat with her on the play floor, debating in my head with whether or not I should try to go back out and continue to work out. The babysitter made it seem pretty clear that this would not be acceptable, as she made the comment, "Well, maybe you'll have better luck tomorrow."

I am all perplexed over the right thing to do. Of course I will try again tomorrow. I want to minimize the trauma for my daughter, but she also needs to learn that it's going to be ok. Just like a million other kids going to day care have to do. I'm a little annoyed with the babysitting service (perhaps unrightfully so), because after all, you ARE paying for the service, and situations like this are things that it is part of their job to deal with. But mostly I am just looking for advice from other moms of kids with severe S/A and tips for how to make it easier for her. My gut instinct (though it hurts my heart to do so) is to just let her cry through it, and hopefully day by day it gets better (like nap time can be at times). Words of wisdom from others who have been in this situation surely would be appreciated.

LastFighter · July 2010

The wifes gym will come get her if they cant stop the child from crying after 15 minutes. IMO you should start at home, practice leaving him with your husband, then family and friends build up the duration. Then do the same thing at the gym 5 then 10 etc.

karenjoy · July 2010

Not really sure what advice to offer as none of my children had anxiety issues, I always made sure they were happy to stay with people from when they were too small to care to avoid the trauma of this sort of thing. I can only suggest that YOU get less anxious also, as your little one will pick up on this. How about leting your husband take her to the child care next time, just so that she gets used to it without you being there. Also if you start by leaving her for half and hour, then maybe work up to it. You need to be firm and as long as you are sure she is safe then waiting outside for a while then going back afer a few minutes, then going outside for a bit longer etc and letting her learn that you will always come back is the key I think. Good luck, this is very important for you both, and even more so for her. It is not healthy for her to be so traumatised by doing something that is perfectly normal and safe.

Good luck to boh of you.

Oh and super well done on your weight loss!!

Jamiebee24 · July 2010

I think something like this will take time. But what you could do is talk to the manager and see if there's anyway you can find out when one specific person is working. That way, she will have some sort of familiarity and not have to get used to a ton of new people. Do your other kids go too? It might help having them in there with her! But, maybe just some tough lovin' crying is what will solve the problem. A few short 15 minute workouts hopefully will turn into 60 plus minute workouts in no time!

I have to go in the mornings before the boys wake up. Logan, the 2 year old, will run out of the day care screaming for me!! And Connor, the 1 year old, will just scream bloody murder. I'm thinking of doing my regular morning workout, and then maybe going to the gym during the regular childcare hours to slowly get them used of it. That way, i can still be sure I get my workout in without having to worry about it being cut short!!

Good luck!!

melodyg · July 2010

11 months (or a little before) is the prime time for HUGE separation anxiety... even among the kids that go to daycare every day. My little boy was being taken care of by family & good family friends during that time and it was still tough for him. If I were you, I'd keep going. It will get easier. I also agree that you should seek out some other opportunities to practice. Leave her with daddy or some other trusted family member or friend... she will learn that mommy WILL come back and I promise it will get easier in time for both of you!

themommie · July 2010

I agree with the other advise. I think you just need to continue leaving her with your husband, parents and at the gym for a little bit at a time and just start staying gone a little bit longer each time until she realizes that you will return, also playing peek-a-boo helps them to see that when they can't see you , you will soon appear. I had this problem with my youngest also and it did get easier over time. I just had to know that I would be called to come get her in about 15-20 mins. And then over time I was able to leave her longer before getting called. good luck and congrats on the weight loss

malisha313 · July 2010

Tatoodfreek - I am in the same boat as you!

My little one is very fussy about who he is left with..
Sometimes he won't even have his dad feed him his milk, he'll only have it with me!
I've tried going to the gym, I can just about get there once a week and it's a 3min walk
from my house! Whenever I'm there I'm constantly worrying about if he's playing up!
Unfortunatley they don't have a childcare facility

if they did I probably
would have given that a go.

However, recently I have invested in a small twist step machine thingy that I use after he's
gone sleep for the night, I spend about an hour on there and can burn upto 400 calories on it.
Oh and during the day I go walk with him in the buggy for about an hour.

X

femmerides · July 2010

hmmm...that's a toughy. i've always been a cry it out kinda mom because it's the most effective way to get them understand that this is the way it's going to be. with my daughter she would scream and cry until i came back and so then anytime i'd leave she'd scream and cry because she knew it'd bring me back. so when she was 9 months old i told her that i needed to go work/exercise/ go to the grocery store/etc and that i loved her and that i would be back and then i would leave and not turn back and then come back at the time i promised. i understand that since it's at a gym it might not work as well so try it with your husband. do it everyday and don't differ from the plan just because it breaks your heart. you have to be firm or they use it to their advantage. its the same thing for nap time and bed time. you say it's nap time/bed time and you put them in their room, give them a hug, a kiss and say i love you and i'll see you when you wake up/in the morning and then you turn away, close the door and leave them be. it'll be hard the first week and then they'll get to the point where you won't need to tell them anymore. they'll automatically know it's time and they'll go without a fight. :-) good luck!

NewImprovedCnbethea1 · July 2010

I totally feel your pain and I think it is something about being the baby as I never had a problem leaving any of my other kids but my youngest son is always the one to cry when I am leaving. He even made the front page of the newspaper on the first day of school. He still give me a fit to leave him in the child watch and he is 6 because he is still in the baby room so he calls it and all his siblings are in the fun zone but I don't let that affect my workout!!

I know it sounds mean but I think the best thing to do is keep going back trying the more you go the more comfortable she will become. It wont be easy at first so plan that your workouts wont be to long at first but it does get easier and a lot better. Also at home try leaving her with dad a little more than you use to so she can get in the habit of being without you. Best of luck to you and plz know your not the bad or mean mommy for doing this!! I don't want you to develop any anxiety behind it!

Nich0le · July 2010

I have two points of view on this, my daughter was the baby that they always had to bring out to mommy because she just wouldn't stay in that kiddy place for long. It was usually about 20 minutes into a workout and I made a point to go in and get going quick because I knew I had a time limit. Most gyms will not let your baby stay in and cry the whole time so check and find out what their policy is.

I agree that you may need to take a few grocery trips or so and leave baby with daddy and make him time how long it took her to calm down so you know, if possible, have daddy watch her for the first few times you hit the gym.

Eventually my daughter started to like to play with the other kids but she was about 2 or so, my son loved going but he's always been my rowdy one.

Now, for the second view, my friend has 5 kids and her youngest was a momma's baby for sure and she regrets not leaving her more because now at 5 she still has a hard time and cries and throws fits when mommy leaves. She said if she could do it over again she would have asked me to watch her or to leave her at home with daddy. As you know each baby is different and she said this was her first baby out of the 5 that was so anxious.

I was not a fan of daycare, my son went for 6 months before kindergarten out of pure need and I felt guilty BUT it is good for the kids to know that you will always come back to "save" them! Good luck, get whatever workout in that you can and eventually she will be ok with going.

malisha313 · July 2010

I'll take the advice given on here too, and start leaving little man with his dad
and hopefully eventually he'll get used to it and then I can do the same by leaving him
with my parents.. I suppose it's one of those things that'll take time but will eventually get there.

tattoodfreek · July 2010

Thank you everyone for your responses!

Karen- I think that was a great idea about leaving her for just a few minutes. I may try that. Like stand there and play peekaboo. Coming back after a minute, then two, then three, till she's calm for a stretch of time. I am also going to take my older kids along today, and having their familiar faces there might make a difference. I don't think I came across as anxious- I didn't feel that way. I just knew in my heart that she would react that way.

I am glad I am not alone in this. I do wish the gym would be a bit more cooperative. Maybe they will be today. If it doesn't go well, I will leave her with her dad for a bit until she's a little older. I do leave her with him almost daily, have for 6 months, and it has not improved, LOL.

Gym question for moms of infants/toddlers

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