Ladies I Need Your Help - Weird Gym Relationship

MyPureSteez
MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
in Chit-Chat
About 2 months ago I sparked up a “gym” friendship with a this chick. She’s one of the late night regulars at my gym. She’s cute but it’s 100% platonic, she’s got a man and I’m dating. We even laugh about some of my bad dates.

But, mostly we just talk about whatever basketball game is on tv (she’s from New York so I rag on the Knicks a lot), what’s in our blender bottles, or new music on our ipods.

She’s a pretty cool chick and having someone there to shoot the ish with during your workout makes it go by soo much faster.

Here’s where it gets weird...
When her boyfriend comes to the gym with her (which is not very often) she turns into a totally different person.

Now I understand that some guys might not like their girl having friendly banter with some guy and how it could be misinterpreted as flirting. Trust me i’m a guy - I Get It!

But, even with that being said I don’t get how she can go ICE COLD on me. I’m talking no eye contact, no acknowledgement of me whatsoever. It even seems like she goes out of her way to pick a machine on the other side of the cardio area.

All of this just weirds me out, It’s like I have to hide this “secret” even though I don’t think there’s anything to hide. Then to top it off the next day (when he’s not there) she’s back to normal and says absolutely nothing about the weirdness that went on the night before.

So I got 3 question ladies:
1.) What’s the deal?
2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?
«1

Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    1.) What’s the deal?
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?

    1: She has a boyfriend. She doesn't want him to know about you, pretty simple really
    2: Again, she's hiding you from her boyfriend
    3: You honestly can't figure out what the deal is here?
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    I am not a woman, however I understand it.

    1) she doesn't want to start a relationship with jealousy, or really fight about stupid things
    2) yes it is the bf thing
    3) sure ask her what the deal is. I wouldnt press it though
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    You have a gym wife except when her boyfriend is there. Just enjoy it.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    Leave it alone. If she acts that way then their relationship isn't all that healthy. Just wait til they break up and soon you'll be going to the gym together

    nAYHwTF.jpg
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    1) She doesn't want drama. You aren't a friend outside of the gym so she's willing to sacrifice your friendship to keep her boyfriend.
    2) Yeah, most likely.
    3) No, it's pretty obvious. Why make it awkward? Don't talk to her when her boyfriend is around. He could be the jealous type and it's not worth getting into since you guys don't have a relationship that exists at a level with any depth.
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
    1.) Either her boyfriend is a jealous jerk, or she just wants him to think she doesn't have any male friends.
    2.) Yes, it's a boyfriend thing, but I still think it's weird.
    3.) Leave it alone.

    Personally, if I had to act different when I'm with him than I do when I'm not, that's not a relationship I want.
    A lot of women don't feel that way.
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    1.) She doesn't want her boyfriend to know you guys are gym friends.
    2.) Yes, it is a boyfriend thing.
    3.) No, do not ask her. It will make things all weird.
  • OhSnap779
    OhSnap779 Posts: 71 Member
    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.

    Yep.

    I like the way mostly guys answered this lol
  • AZ_Gato
    AZ_Gato Posts: 1,270 Member
    You're the backup plan.

    I'd almost bet money that if you bring your woman around, she'd be all up in her grill. Got to love that behaviour. <----I put a "U" in behavior, because some of you English folk get your feathers in a ruffle for comitting hideous crimes and vanishing the U from a lot of our words.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    Break up.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    You're the backup plan.

    I'd almost bet money that if you bring your woman around, she'd be all up in her grill. Got to love that behaviour. <----I put a "U" in behavior, because some of you English folk get your feathers in a ruffle for comitting hideous crimes and vanishing the U from a lot of our words.

    We don't speak the queens English here.
  • ready2lose0013
    ready2lose0013 Posts: 3
    1.) What’s the deal? She doesn't want drama with her boyrfriend that is probably really jealous. If he knew about you he probably wouldn't let her go there and she obviously likes your company.
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing? Definitely
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone? I would leave it alone because you dont want her to get the wrong message about you. She might think that you are jealous and that you have feelings for her and you dont want the because then things could get weird and then you could possibly lose her company all together.

    I answer this because i did the same thing to a guy he was fun to talk to but my bf was so jealous. When he confronted me about it I kinda felt weird becasue of the way that he asked and it just made it a weird situation, I mean you know that she has a boyfriend so I would just leave it alone.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    Personally, I think either:

    1) He's the jealous type (or at least she thinks he might be) and she doesn't want any drama. Especially when you 2 aren't even close friends, just gym buddies.

    2) She likes you a little more than a friend, and is worried her boyfriend may be able to tell this when you and her chat.

    ETA: Leave it. It'll just make things awkward IMO.
  • aeg176
    aeg176 Posts: 171 Member
    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.

    ^^^this^^^
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.

    This is what I thought too. I'd never do anything to cause drama or "get her in trouble" at home. I understand toning it down when he's around but to act like you don't even know me is kinda or weird.

    Side Note: I've seen her outside the gym a few times at the grocery store and she's normal but he of course he wasn't around. I asked my friends and they all say the same thing "maybe he's a super jealous douche bag/ maybe he beats her (jokingly)"

    IDK, I just think i'll leave it alone. Don't need any problem just in-case he is one of those guys who are all crazy about their chicks talking to anyone else.
  • _kannnd
    _kannnd Posts: 247 Member
    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.

    This.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
    So I got 3 question ladies:
    1.) What’s the deal?
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?

    I'm going to go against the others here..after all, you did ask for opinions, whether they differ from yours or not :flowerforyou:

    1. The deal is one of 2 things - she feels a friendship only and her boyfriend is the jealous type and she doesn't want to cause problems for you or herself if there's nothing there - or she feels an attraction to you and her boyfriend is the jealous type and she doesn't want to cause problems for you or herself. I'm kind of veering toward the latter here.
    2. I think it is definitely the boyfriend thing.
    3. If you wanna know, ask her. It's obviously bothering you enough to post about it. First, evaluate your feelings for her. If you wanna be "boys", tell her that and ask what's up with her ignoring you when he's around. If you want something more, you'll have to figure out how to handle that within before you ask her what's up.

    I'm saying this because I'm a woman and because I've been in a similar situation. The boyfriend probably needs to go, but she'll have to figure that out in her own time.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.

    This.
  • montlucia
    montlucia Posts: 90
    I wouldn't ask her about it. Sometimes being assertive is the answer, but in certain situations it's best to leave well alone. Perhaps you have too high expectations for the interactions you share. She probably thinks of it as just casual conversation so might not perceive it as being cold towards you. I think it's best to level down your expectations and enjoy it for what it is.
  • laural007
    laural007 Posts: 251 Member
    It sounds like her boyfriend might be a really insecure jealous man and it's probably not worth the fight. OR she likes you and doesn't want her boyfriend to pick up on it.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    She's into her bf...and wants to just interact with him when she's got him....I get that, totally. It also seems like she feels awkward about it...I'd drop it enjoy what you have when you have it, it isn't ever going to be anything more.
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    So I got 3 question ladies:
    1.) What’s the deal?
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?
    1) Either a) she has an insanely jealous bf or b) she wants her bf to think she doesn't talk to other men ever or c) some combination of both.
    2) No, it's not just a bf thing. It's her choice to act like she doesn't know you when he's around. He may not even give a shyt that she has guy friends, but she has this inflated sense of self and *thinks* he'll get jealous.
    3) Your call, depends on how much it bothers you. Personally, I don't have friends that won't claim me if their significant other is around. That's just rude. If I were you that would bother me at least a bit, so first I would ask her why she's all buddy buddy with you when she's alone then Ice Queen if Dude is around. She may have a reasonable explanation...though i can't really think of one. IMHO she is being disrespectful to you and basically saying you're not worth telling her bf about. I wouldn't carry on even a casual friendship with someone if it was like all that, so I guess it depends on whether you care or not.
  • thecakelocker
    thecakelocker Posts: 407 Member
    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.

    This.

    Another vote for this
  • caspergirl7
    caspergirl7 Posts: 590 Member
    leave it alone.. pretty sure its just cause her guy probably would make a big deal about it and we can't stand getting into those convo's with our significant other
  • Justkeepswimmin
    Justkeepswimmin Posts: 777 Member
    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.

    I vote this one.
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.


    I think this is exactly it!
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
    1.) What’s the deal?
    She is flirting with you and probably likes you, so when her boyfriend is around she doesn't want him to pick up on that as she most likely feels guilty towards him for it. It could also be she has done this kind of thing before so is aware if he sees her talking to a man he will suspect something is up. It could be many reasons as to why she is like this in front of the boyfriend, but they all conclude to that it's not platonic on her part.

    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    I'm assuming yes as it's only when he is around she is doing this. But it's not "just" a boyfriend thing, it's a boyfriend thing when he is around.

    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?
    I would. Or stop speaking to her and completely leave it alone, as she is being really unfair if you genuinely see this as a platonic friendship and she shouldn't be treating you like that if she respects you.

Categories