Ladies I Need Your Help - Weird Gym Relationship

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MyPureSteez
MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
in Chit-Chat
About 2 months ago I sparked up a “gym” friendship with a this chick. She’s one of the late night regulars at my gym. She’s cute but it’s 100% platonic, she’s got a man and I’m dating. We even laugh about some of my bad dates.

But, mostly we just talk about whatever basketball game is on tv (she’s from New York so I rag on the Knicks a lot), what’s in our blender bottles, or new music on our ipods.

She’s a pretty cool chick and having someone there to shoot the ish with during your workout makes it go by soo much faster.

Here’s where it gets weird...
When her boyfriend comes to the gym with her (which is not very often) she turns into a totally different person.

Now I understand that some guys might not like their girl having friendly banter with some guy and how it could be misinterpreted as flirting. Trust me i’m a guy - I Get It!

But, even with that being said I don’t get how she can go ICE COLD on me. I’m talking no eye contact, no acknowledgement of me whatsoever. It even seems like she goes out of her way to pick a machine on the other side of the cardio area.

All of this just weirds me out, It’s like I have to hide this “secret” even though I don’t think there’s anything to hide. Then to top it off the next day (when he’s not there) she’s back to normal and says absolutely nothing about the weirdness that went on the night before.

So I got 3 question ladies:
1.) What’s the deal?
2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?
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Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    1.) What’s the deal?
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?

    1: She has a boyfriend. She doesn't want him to know about you, pretty simple really
    2: Again, she's hiding you from her boyfriend
    3: You honestly can't figure out what the deal is here?
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
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    I am not a woman, however I understand it.

    1) she doesn't want to start a relationship with jealousy, or really fight about stupid things
    2) yes it is the bf thing
    3) sure ask her what the deal is. I wouldnt press it though
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    You have a gym wife except when her boyfriend is there. Just enjoy it.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
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    Leave it alone. If she acts that way then their relationship isn't all that healthy. Just wait til they break up and soon you'll be going to the gym together

    nAYHwTF.jpg
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    1) She doesn't want drama. You aren't a friend outside of the gym so she's willing to sacrifice your friendship to keep her boyfriend.
    2) Yeah, most likely.
    3) No, it's pretty obvious. Why make it awkward? Don't talk to her when her boyfriend is around. He could be the jealous type and it's not worth getting into since you guys don't have a relationship that exists at a level with any depth.
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
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    1.) Either her boyfriend is a jealous jerk, or she just wants him to think she doesn't have any male friends.
    2.) Yes, it's a boyfriend thing, but I still think it's weird.
    3.) Leave it alone.

    Personally, if I had to act different when I'm with him than I do when I'm not, that's not a relationship I want.
    A lot of women don't feel that way.
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Subconscious guilt. She likes you, more than a friend. When her man is around, she doesnt pay attention to you because she doesn't want him to find out.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    1.) She doesn't want her boyfriend to know you guys are gym friends.
    2.) Yes, it is a boyfriend thing.
    3.) No, do not ask her. It will make things all weird.
  • OhSnap779
    OhSnap779 Posts: 71 Member
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    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.

    Yep.

    I like the way mostly guys answered this lol
  • AZ_Gato
    AZ_Gato Posts: 1,270 Member
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    You're the backup plan.

    I'd almost bet money that if you bring your woman around, she'd be all up in her grill. Got to love that behaviour. <----I put a "U" in behavior, because some of you English folk get your feathers in a ruffle for comitting hideous crimes and vanishing the U from a lot of our words.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
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    Break up.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
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    You're the backup plan.

    I'd almost bet money that if you bring your woman around, she'd be all up in her grill. Got to love that behaviour. <----I put a "U" in behavior, because some of you English folk get your feathers in a ruffle for comitting hideous crimes and vanishing the U from a lot of our words.

    We don't speak the queens English here.
  • ready2lose0013
    ready2lose0013 Posts: 3
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    1.) What’s the deal? She doesn't want drama with her boyrfriend that is probably really jealous. If he knew about you he probably wouldn't let her go there and she obviously likes your company.
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing? Definitely
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone? I would leave it alone because you dont want her to get the wrong message about you. She might think that you are jealous and that you have feelings for her and you dont want the because then things could get weird and then you could possibly lose her company all together.

    I answer this because i did the same thing to a guy he was fun to talk to but my bf was so jealous. When he confronted me about it I kinda felt weird becasue of the way that he asked and it just made it a weird situation, I mean you know that she has a boyfriend so I would just leave it alone.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Personally, I think either:

    1) He's the jealous type (or at least she thinks he might be) and she doesn't want any drama. Especially when you 2 aren't even close friends, just gym buddies.

    2) She likes you a little more than a friend, and is worried her boyfriend may be able to tell this when you and her chat.

    ETA: Leave it. It'll just make things awkward IMO.
  • aeg176
    aeg176 Posts: 171 Member
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    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.

    ^^^this^^^
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
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    If I had to never strike up a conversation with the opposite sex for fear of a jealous boyfriend, I think I'd prefer not to have the boyfriend. If you both knew it was platonic and you are both dating other people, I don't see why there is an issue when her boyfriend is there. She should have introduced you to him. If I were you, I wouldn't press the issue, but I would probably back off a little....if she doesn't think you deserve a friendly hello when people are watching, then she probably doesn't deserve it when nobody is.

    This is what I thought too. I'd never do anything to cause drama or "get her in trouble" at home. I understand toning it down when he's around but to act like you don't even know me is kinda or weird.

    Side Note: I've seen her outside the gym a few times at the grocery store and she's normal but he of course he wasn't around. I asked my friends and they all say the same thing "maybe he's a super jealous douche bag/ maybe he beats her (jokingly)"

    IDK, I just think i'll leave it alone. Don't need any problem just in-case he is one of those guys who are all crazy about their chicks talking to anyone else.
  • _kannnd
    _kannnd Posts: 247 Member
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    Sounds like a pretty simple situation to me. She doesn't want her boyfriend to think she ever looks at, let alone talks to, any other men. Anywhere. Ever.

    Don't worry about it. It's her dysfunctional relationship. Be glad you're not in it.

    This.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
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    So I got 3 question ladies:
    1.) What’s the deal?
    2.) Is it just a boyfriend thing?
    3.) Should I ask her what’s the deal? or just leave it alone?

    I'm going to go against the others here..after all, you did ask for opinions, whether they differ from yours or not :flowerforyou:

    1. The deal is one of 2 things - she feels a friendship only and her boyfriend is the jealous type and she doesn't want to cause problems for you or herself if there's nothing there - or she feels an attraction to you and her boyfriend is the jealous type and she doesn't want to cause problems for you or herself. I'm kind of veering toward the latter here.
    2. I think it is definitely the boyfriend thing.
    3. If you wanna know, ask her. It's obviously bothering you enough to post about it. First, evaluate your feelings for her. If you wanna be "boys", tell her that and ask what's up with her ignoring you when he's around. If you want something more, you'll have to figure out how to handle that within before you ask her what's up.

    I'm saying this because I'm a woman and because I've been in a similar situation. The boyfriend probably needs to go, but she'll have to figure that out in her own time.

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