OMG...I can't believe he was interested in me

kajaknowers · July 2010

Right,

So I am safe here to assume that many people of MFP lack confidence as being fat has that effect on your confidence and although I have lost over 60 lbs I still feel the same size. Here's my little morale boost. On Friday night we went to go for a few drinks in London with some of my best friends and we went to this club. I was having a really nice time even though I wasn't drinking (as it has too many calories) and at about 1 my friends were hooking up with some guys and I was like oh brilliant I am the 3rd wheeler again....this is just the same way it has always been....I was like of course your still fat thats why no1 is talking to you. So I went to the toilet then came back downstairs and started looking for my friends and this literally drop dead gorgeous man started talking to me, initially I wasn't interested as I am very shy when it comes to men....well at the moment I am....I left him and then later on in the night he came to find me and we kind of hooked up....he was literally like 6ft 2 and a kind of sean william scott lookalike.....plus I wasnt drunk so it wasn't a case of beer goggles.

However, for a good part of the night I was like a) why is he interested in a whale and b) I was thinking he has been dared to chat me up and I was the butt of some horrible joke.

I am looking forward to the day I feel I am deserving of a lovely, friendly man and that I don't have to doubt my body....maybe in 14 lbs time when I am finally "normal" weight, I won't think it. Please, if you still have confidence and body issues can you share.

Kaja x

finalstage · July 2010

This resonates with me. I have lost a lot of weight but still struggle to believe I am not as fat as I once was. Opinion has changed towards me since I have lost weight, even amongst people I know, and I get hit on a lot more than I did, but I still find it hard to accept. Anyway, good on you for a)pulling a hot man and b)not feeling the pressure to bow down to drinking because your friends are.

vicidoesstuff · July 2010

Yay! I'm happy for you

And damn your will power - I wish I could say no to the drink that easily (I have set myself a target though so I'm testing myself there - inspired by you).

I met my boyfriend in Freshers Week in Custard Factory when I was near 200lbs. He was interested in me then and he's even more interested in me now, over a stone lost later. Before him, though, I felt alot like you on nights when I didn't find a guy to talk to and I understand completely what you're going through. I wish I could give you an injection of self-confidence because you've obviously come so far and the results are definitely showing on you - you look fantastic. Your Grad Ball dress was beautiful, by the way

I hope you can remember that London night and start believing in yourself a little more. You definitely deserve to.

Galathea · July 2010

I sooo know how you feel. When I met my man, I couldn't believe he was interested in me. My self confidence wasn't even existing back then. To him it was kinda funny that I made it so hard for him, not because I wasn't interested, but because I didn't believe him when he said he liked me.

The confidence will come. You have come such a long way and you definitely deserve lots of such moments like the one at the night out. People define themselves through the way they look. That's what society tells us. And I seriously think lots of people aren't here just for the change to a healthier self, but also for the change to a self that fits more into society standards. But it takes time for the mind to accept that the body is changing. I lost some weight myself, but when I look into the mirror (not that I do it very often freely) I still see the woman I was with 15 kgs more on my hips. I can't see many differences. I still have a damned long way to go, so I hope that will change one day. But people around me start to notice and now I even have a man who gets jealous, when I tell him I plan to have a night out with my girls or I go on a ride with my best male buddy. He wasn't this way before, so I assume at least he noticed I'm changing. LOL Awww, guys can be so cute. :smooched:

Danielle_81 · July 2010

I can totally understand this. My husband and I started dating when I was only 15lbs lighter than I am now. And even though we had been friends for about 8 years and he had seen me at a range of weights, I just could not understand WHY he wanted to be with me. And now over 2 years later when I'm heavier and in pathetic physical health he still loves me and wants to be with me. I am constantly fighting this. Seriously any time he tries to be intimate my first thought is, "why? you couldn't POSSIBLY be attracted to ALL of this...." And where he is honest (I've asked him to be and finally gotten it from him) that he wishes I was in better health, it's not just my body he's attracted to it's my personality as well. When we first started dating I was considering gastric bypass and he said 'if it's for your health that's fine, but please don't lose TOO much weight. I really like curves!' :laugh:

And WTG on Sean Williams Scott look alike! I was just watching a movie with him in it last night and was thinking 'yummy...':smokin: :bigsmile: :blushing:

DeeJayTJ · July 2010

hah way to go!

ive been single for 5 years, dated a bit about 2 years ago, for the most part just kept to myself and didnt pay any attention to anyone except for my friends.

i lost 20lbs, then joined a gym, the girl that worked at the gym had a thing for me. 2 weeks later were dating but i told her i wasnt looking for a gf at the moment and i just want to be friends and if we become more than friends okay great and if not atleast we are friends. she said that'd be great. shes crazy about me!

im now down a total of 30lbs and i have good lookin gym chicks i catch watching me while i work out!!! at first i was like.. "something must be wrong with me." then i realize "im not the fat guy or the guy that could lose 30lbs anymore!"

getting in shape is so awesome, not only for yourself but for the attention lol for someone who was un-noticed to become noticed is a big deal.

LotusF1ower · July 2010

You are all nuts.

The reason you are all either hooked up or people are chatting to you is because you are all lovely people and do not come over as bigheaded or arrogant.

I am reading all your posts and thinking what wonderful personalities you all have and have true humility. Of course people want to get to know you, none of you come over as false in anyway and are probably a breath of fresh air!

Even if none of you can see it for yourself, your posts come across as written by people that are sincere and genuine and this is what is obviously coming across in real life to those you come into contact with.

Don't ever lose that for crying out loud, the world needs people like you lot :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

blankcanvas · July 2010

I think you have it backwards. . Having two sons close to your age, the guys may be intimidated by you cause you're too cute and they may figure you'd never be interested in them:) You go to those clubs and get into your head that you look good and any guy would be lucky to have the pleasure of your company! You're doing great keep up the good work!

VolatileChocolate · July 2010

Whilst married, my husband slowly kept knocking at my confidence but never about my weight he would always say 'I like you how you are' but he would do it about everything else I did such as my work, cooking the house etc. Eventually i found out I was over 19 stone a week before we went on our holiday of a life time in 2005 to Australia. Even though it did not stop me from doing things such as the Sydney Bridge climb etc I would not wear a swimsuit or shorts - I actually went is sea with trouser and top on!! I hated the photos and it gave me the incentive to start doing something about it when I got back. The marriage was on the rocks but I didn't have the guts to do anything about it.
3 stones and two years later we agreed to separate amicably and i've not looked back since, my confidence has grown and have met and dated some really nice guys. the weight did creep back on by mid of last year and I had to take control of it again.
But one thing I learnt from these guys - they like someone for their looks and not their size, they like women with curves. Thankfully I'm blessed with not to bad a looking face lol and red hair (some guys go nuts for a redhead - I wonder why ;-) ) Its given no end to boast of my confident and have currently been with someone for 18 months whose actually 12 years younger than me.
He helps and encourages me to loss weight as he knows I'll be healthier and fitter by doing so. If I have a moment of weakness he tells me to have fruit instead or that I don't need it and that I only think I do. and he's right.
Never let your size affect your confidence, what is on the inside is what counts and that is why someone will love you - for who you are

Galathea · July 2010

You are all nuts.

You TOO!!!

That's why we love you.

Thanks for that post. It almost made me cry. What's on the inside matters most, yes. But people tend to forget that, especially about theirselves. At least I do most of the time. But thanks for that reminder. Huggs! :smooched:

JeremyInvincible · July 2010

Kaja!

You are a pretty girl! That's why he was talking to you!

The worst thing you can do is to second guess yourself, I've watched so many people like yourself that have overcome weight issues that sabotaged good things because they had a hard time believing they have arrived.

Look, you have lost a major amount of weight. You aren't that chubby girl anymore. You aren't! I'm a card carrying guy (certified and everything) and I can tell you with all honesty, juding from your pics, you have nothing to worry about. Just relax, get grounded and enjoy being a young, thin, attractive, woman!

You deserve it!

kajaknowers · July 2010

do you know what....no matter how much ppl tell me I lose weight.....I can't get over the scale.....I'm still overweight.....I wouldn't see why anyone would think I am "hot".....the truth is I will probably need councilling.....all my past relationships have been with men that have made me feel like ****.....always putting me down.....when I was 18 I had bundles of confidence.....I would love to get it back but these things are easier said then done.

Thanks for the support though.

x

gailosborne · July 2010

I think you just need to give it a bit of time and let your thoughts line up with what is true rather than what they are in the habit of thinking. Sometimes we need to be brave enough to challenge wrong thoughts and I really hope the lovely things people have written here will give you a bit of ammo for that battle! I guess what you are going through is common, I know I for one can totally empathise with everything you have said. The truth is that you are looking good. Well done and don't give up!:flowerforyou:

Love Gailx

anu_6986 · July 2010

I love this thread

the confidence will come, don think about it.. Just enjoy yourself :drinker:

Precious_Nissa · July 2010

Well I am more than overweight...I'm considered morbidly obese, and i'm not sure if its because I have never had a problem getting men or if its the way I was raised but I have never lacked confidence in that area....I know that being fat does not make you ugly....and the funny this is that I do not have an "all my life fat" story as some do...
I was small, popular and never had to go being single.....
Now with all this said....Please see that beauty is only skin deep...Yes we are uncomforable when fat, we are unhealthy and yes confidence does decline, but when you learn that beauty is more than what a person sees and then come to realize that if a man or person doesnt take time to get to know you for who you are and see the beauty beyond the body, then they arent worth your time in there.

GOOD LUCk and Keep your head up....

Lisamarie1226 · July 2010

I met my boyfriend at the gym - in spin class no less-- while on my weight loss journey. On our first date, I wore size 18 pants from Lane Bryant. Now my size 10 jeans from Old Navy are fitting kinda loose. I've lost a little over 100 lbs and would like to lose maybe another 30 or 35 lbs. Not only is my boyfriend one of those "never been fat" type naturally thin people, but he's also a lot younger than me. So I constantly wonder the same things "why is he in love with me?" "why did HE pursue ME?" But we've been together almost 2 years now and things are wonderful. He constantly has to remind me that I'm not "the fat" girl anymore. Everyday he tells me he loves me, everyday he tells me I'm beautiful, everyday he looks at me with a twinkle in his eye and says, "hey, pretty girl....I'm a lucky guy!" We --especially women-- will always be our OWN worst enemies, our biggest critics. Even the hottest girl will tell you she has areas she would like to fix.

The confidance will come. But it has nothing to do with the number on that scale or the tag on your jeans. You'll have that "Ah-ha!" moment and realize just how far you really has come and it'll hit you like a ton of bricks.

Good luck!

MelissaLu · July 2010

Ha this is funny, I was just having the same mind battles last night. It's a little difficult to be confident when all your life you've been called fat and ugly. Even now being so close to my goal weight I still don't feel good enough. I guess that's why we can't go by feelings. Just gotta have fun and enjoy life and forget about the rest. At least you got a guy, I'm someone who's never had a boyfriend

lovelypen50 · July 2010

Just remember that you are beautiful on the inside and outside.....

JeremyInvincible · July 2010

Hehe, if you want to talk about meeting future partners during the weight loss journey, then I have a story for you!

In 2008 I was one of the first members here. I had decided to drop a fair amount of weight that I had put on in a previous relationship (men aren't the only ones who can be nasty about weight gain). I joined MFP after looking into a calorie counter and quickly became a staple of the community and made a ton of great friends.

Among those MFP friends was a pretty girl named Manda. She was very cool, made me laugh and of course very pretty. Problem was, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had been burnt very badly, and to be honest had a bias against internet relationships (the fact she was 1500 miles away didn't help at all). Eventually though, we decided to meet, I flew to Texas to see her for a week, where we continued to diet, exercise and yes, fall head over heels in love. She moved to North Carolina a couple of weeks later, and 8 months after that we got married.

I guess my point is, that when you take steps to better *you* (like you have in losing a great deal of weight) then many times the other parts follow suit. The whole 'good things happen when you least expect them' thing. Sometimes those things are even joining a weight loss site and having the great love of your life fall into your lap!

You've taken the steps to make a better life physically and mentally for yourself, so don't be surprised when life drops something good on you too!

metizzy2 · July 2010

I think every woman is her own worst critic. I have been overweight my whole life, so when I lost 50 lbs (10 yrs ago), I was in a size 1 or 3 and I STILL felt fat. Even now I am desperate to lose weight because I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror (I can wear a size 7 or 9). I know I'll never be a size 1, but it would be nice to actually feel good in my own skin. People tell me all the time that I don't need to lose weight, and some even tell me I have a fat mirror. When a person has been overweight most of her life, that's all she sees. I think if any woman has confidence, no matter her size, men will look at her. It's all in how you feel about yourself. A lot of the time, it's all mental...so...that would explain my mentality.

)
Be proud of all of your accomplishments and when a man is interested, hold your head high and show him that you ARE worthy.

)

kwaters7 · July 2010

Well, i havent got much to say that the others haven't said, but something you said made me think of myself - the part about "when i'm normal weight and have lost 14lbs'. Life doesnt happen when you plan it, so don't put limits on yourself. , I held myself back a lot when i was younger - didnt have confidence to approach girls when i didnt have a car, then a job, then a good job and my own place etc. We put such high standards on ourselves but are far more forgiving of others...

The guy likes you because he found you attractive, werent falling about drunk and maybe he detected a little bit of shyness which can be a big turn on for guys - they dont all want Megan Fox coming on in leathers - think of Adrian in Rocky... loads of guys like a little vulnerability..

So lap up the compliment and never, ever refer to yourself in a bad way (i.e. whale). The more you put yourself down, even if it's a joke, the more you condition and program your subconscious to believe it.. So get out there and remember you are hot stuff...!

kerrymh · July 2010

I can so relate, I always would distrust if a man was talking to me..and think they were just doing it on a bet ect. I am by no means at my goal wt now but my attitude is so different. And I know how to tell a good man from a jerk now..atleast I hope I do.
I think the most ironic thing thats happened to me since I started this journey is that the man I have found who gets me for who I really am and who I get completely..doesn't really care (other than wanting me to be healthy) about my looks ..he's almost totally blind..but it so doesn't matter he really sees me like no one ever has and now I actually am becoming hot hehe ironic..but I'm just grateful to be in a happy place now so I can attract a happy healthy man!

betzyrama · July 2010

This is backwards. The reason you don't "see" it, and still think you're fat is that you have probably been really rough on yourself for a long time that you aren't quite sure how to treat yourself right and see yourself in a positive way. Losing weight is not going to make you suddenly confident and accepting of your body. There is no magical BMI number that clicks in the confidence. You have to learn love yourself and your body NOW. Everyone here, regardless of the distance you may be from goal, you don't have to wait until you're skinny to love your body!! You don't have to wait until you're skinny before you allow yourself to be happy, and flirty, and admit that people are attracted to you! Do it now! Treat yourselves well, love yourselves like crazy!! You all deserve it

rna2007 · July 2010

I have had similar experiences, except mine didn't go as smoothly as yours. I have always had confidence issues, however let my friend set me up on a blind double date with her and her fiance' and a guy she knew from school. He and I texted and talked on the phone for about a week or two before we actually met, I even sent him*clean* pictures of myself. I thought things were going great until the day of the date. I could see it on his face the moment he walked in the door that i wasn't what he expected. We talked a bit and had a good time, but he didn't seem the least bit interested anymore. However on the phone he talked all kinds of stuff, even got to the point that he tried calling me baby. It was a HUGE blow to my self confidence and I now have that mind set that i'll never be good enough.

msmonarae · July 2010

I understand you...I just posted a similar thread the other day. I was wondering if my weight was keeping me from meeting my soul mate. I live in Los Angeles and this city will really make you feel ugly if you do not look like a Hot Chic in the Playboy Mansion. I was always a yo yo dieter and I feel like I been fighting my weight my whole life and I even had a boyfriend tell me I was too big for him at a size 12…He thought I should lose weight and it ruined our relationship but a year after we broke up he came back telling me I was the best women he ever had… :laugh:
I moved to LA with my lost boyfriend and he looked for greener pasture too and after a few boyfriends that will really mess with my self esteem. I am working on myself and doing my best to rebuild my confidence. I have a really cute girlfriend who likes to go out dancing and she always gets the good looking men coming up to her. I am not trying to prove anything to anyone but I want to finally look in the mirror and be happy with what I am seeing. Self-confidence is not an easy pill to swallow but I understand so keep up the good work.

kajaknowers · July 2010

your response has been so positive so i thank u all but out of curiousity has anyone out there lost the weight but still not found there confidence align with there waist belt size x

lina1131 · July 2010

Kaja, what the hell girl?? You are so pretty!

jac2lyn · July 2010

When I met my husband I was 27lbs heavier then I am now and wore a size 10. That 27lbs was carried in my belly mostly, some in my boobs and butt but mostly the belly. He fell in love with me then and loved me for who I was. Of course I know he loves the way I look more now then before, I know that he will love me even if I did happen to gain some weight again. (He does complain now and then that my boobs have gotten smaller) I never really thought that I would find someone to love me for who I am when I was heavier. Before I met him I dated and had boyfriends but my heaviest weight was 168 and I was sooo uncomfortable with myself. I still feel like that sometimes, but then I realize that I am working really hard and look great. I think that if you have hit a point where you are that uncomfortable with yourself, it will take alot to realize that you look different, and it will take even longer to be comfortable with it...

TamTastic · July 2010

I can relate to this a lot. I always say that it takes the brain longer to catch up to what the body has done.

I have taken a lot of photos over the past couple of years. So many that some people make fun of me. I guess they assume I have a big head or something .I used to hate having my pic taken and would try to hide behind anything I could. And I didn't see myself as some seemed to see me. So, pics can allow you to see yourself in a way that mirrors don't. I call it photo therapy.

But, I think it's normal for you to feel the same way. I mean, you ARE the same person and our weight seemed to define us for so long..(definitely for me)...that it's so difficult to see yourself a certain way.

It does get better over time. I still don't see myself as a little person some days. It was just so stuck in my brain to be a big girl. When someone calls me 'Tiny"...I marvel a bit.

But congrats! You are awesome and deserve to have fun and enjoy the attention of a good-.looking, nice guy!

:flowerforyou:

-Tam

asteppaway · July 2010

Every time I've lost weight, it has never helped my confidence...before I had my baby I was 126 lbs...and my confidence remained the same...The reason? I let what everyone who have always said bad things to me about the way I look or how much I weigh rule over me, instead of being honest with myself and looking in the mirror and seeing the truth...and realizing there is so much more to me than a weight or the way I look. You have to figure out your confidence, it won't just appear one day...take the experience with the hotty (way to go, by the way

and compile that and the many others you will receive and start seeing you were always great and beautiful...now you're just healthier! Find your confidence in who you are, not what you look like

Serenifly · July 2010

When I first lost my weight, I felt the same yet different. I was actually really bitter at first.
Because everyone treated me so differently, Males, Females, Servers, Bus Drivers. Everyone treated me like I was worth talking to. I didn't realize this change in how people treated me until I lost all my weight. but it made me lose a lot of respect for human beings.

It took me about 3 years of being fit to get out of that mindset.

My only explenation for how I'm feeling, hard to put, but a lot of people that lose a ton of weight (no pun intended) Usually gain it back because they dont' deal with the 'baggage' that is associated with being over weight. The worthlessness they feel, the 'not being good enough' ... You don't become cured overnight even if you lose 100 lbs, of the 'fat girl' mentality.

People who lose significant weight should possibly talk to a professional to talk about the weight loss process and all the feelings (good and bad) associated with it.

but huge congrats!!!! Gettin' hit on rocks! And the mentality you have now will change over time! Promise

OMG...I can't believe he was interested in me

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