What to say to nervous husband?

2»

Replies

  • TomTomato
    TomTomato Posts: 223
    When my wife lost weight, she would wear sexier clothes, have more confidence and more energy. So not only does she enjoy being healthier, but I get to enjoy the benefits too! If you can get him to see how he will share in the benefits, maybe he'll be more supportive.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
    Cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist is the ticket.

    He can learn coping mechanisms to deal with irrational thoughts and will learn how to handle his other insecurities in a more constructive manner.
  • Mmmmona
    Mmmmona Posts: 328 Member
    Tell your husband this. If my wife told me, I think I would not have any issues.

    Say, "Honey, you know its not another man I am getting fit for. Have you even thought of having a three way with another woman?"

    Marriage saved! You're welcome.

    * also text him naughty pictures thought the day.

    Wow. Problem solved!
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Also, for some of you "divorce," "not your problem" naysayers... marriage is above all else a partnership between two people. I would HOPE it would take quite a bit more than an insecure party to break up a sacred commitment. Jeez.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Divorce.

    This.

    As I'm pretty sure you married a 14 year old girl.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Oh I forgot;

    Lapdances. They help too.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
    Tell your husband this. If my wife told me, I think I would not have any issues.

    Say, "Honey, you know its not another man I am getting fit for. Have you even thought of having a three way with another woman?"

    Marriage saved! You're welcome.

    * also text him naughty pictures thought the day.

    Wow. Problem solved!

    GMTA.........Great Minds Think Alike
  • Maribel_1986
    Maribel_1986 Posts: 457 Member
    His ex started stepping out on him after she lost a lot of weight so that is where it comes from.

    How can I make him feel more secure?

    There's your problem right there - or rather, his. If that experience has left him this insecure and hurt, then it would be advisable for him to look into therapy for himself. As for you, you can't make him feel any more secure; managing his thoughts and emotions is up to him. But you can talk to him about his experience and let him know that you support him working through it whatever way he needs to. That might help him to at least think about the situation in a different way.

    Best Advise Ever ^^^
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    B J everyday.
  • Mmmmona
    Mmmmona Posts: 328 Member
    B J everyday.

    Ugh. Isn't one a week enough?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Divorce.

    This.

    As I'm pretty sure you married a 14 year old girl.

    LMFAO
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Have him go to counseling to deal with his issues. I don't even think you need to go. It sounds like communication is open and honest.
  • momo9128706
    momo9128706 Posts: 45
    I would just keep reassuring him what you are doing. Getting healthy/fit for YOU. Remind him you are NOT his ex and needs to stop comparing the two. Let him know these comments aren't keeping you there, it's pushing you away. He needs to either step up and supoprt your goals, or he's gonna have another ex on his hands..
  • peggysue218
    peggysue218 Posts: 126 Member
    Some one else posted a thread like this awhile back. Apparently it's a common problem. Basically, he is insecure and it's not your fault. Help him understand that you aren't staying with him because you're "fat" and have no options; you're with him because you love him. My sister's husband was really insecure before she married him. She hardly looked at another man but he insisted she was checking them out all the time. Before they met, he owned a tanning bed, highlighted his hair, etc. He also wears "high heeled" dress and gym shoes and never takes them off...ever. He's an insecure dude and had to see a therapist to get it in check. The best thing my sister did was to tell him that she was offended that he would think she was "that type" of woman. That brought him back to reality for a second and made him think of some one other than himself. Maybe it'd be a good move for you, too.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    BANG! .. often... with gusto
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    B J everyday.

    Ugh. Isn't one a week enough?

    I believe that we've found the problem.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
    B J everyday.

    Ugh. Isn't one a week enough?

    I believe that we've found the problem.

    Yep! SO true!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    OK... I will try to provide a serious reply.

    When I was much younger, I married the "love of my life".
    Four years later, we were divorced. She had cheated on me with at least three different men (those are the ones I found out about).
    Needless to say, I was crushed. It changed my entire personality.

    Fast forward....
    Currently, my wife has never given me any reason to think she would cheat on me but, because of my past, there is always that tiny little voice in the back of my head telling me that I have trusted someone before and got burned badly. Am I being stupid again?
    This really IS your Husbands problem however; because you are married to him, this also makes it YOUR problem.

    I am not saying to stop working out. I am also not suggesting that you ignore your Husbands insecurities.
    Continue to reassure him. And NEVER, EVER, EVER make a mention that the boy at the checkout line was trying to flirt or that the lifeguard was checking you out.
    Keep that crap to yourself.
    Just keep being faithful and the insurities will diminish.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist is the ticket.

    He can learn coping mechanisms to deal with irrational thoughts and will learn how to handle his other insecurities in a more constructive manner.

    Just wanted to highlight the above post because yeah he might benefit from changing his thought processes a little and working through his irrational thoughts to something more mild and germane to his present state. also just wanted to post this gif.

    nail-biting-disease.jpg Oh NOes! SHe's on the treadmill AGAIN?
  • Syriene
    Syriene Posts: 238
    I agree with one of the responses above that it might be a good idea to include him in some of the activities. I know you say he is already at a healthy weight, but if he experiences what you are doing first hand, maybe he will understand better.
  • kamakazeekim
    kamakazeekim Posts: 1,183 Member
    My husband is pretty much the same. He is not supportive of my weight loss in the slightest because he's scared I'll leave him. He is 16 years older than me and thinks that when I lose weight I'll be attractive to a guy my own age.
  • dharmalicous
    dharmalicous Posts: 6 Member
    So far this is the best, most honest and concise answer!
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
    Some good advice thus far (though I admit I didn't read all of it). My two cents is to let him know, "Hey, I love you and you're going to have to trust that that won't change, and I have to do this for myself to be happier." Maybe submit to him that you getting fit and still loving him will be a good thing for him to experience and might help him get over the trust issue related to the past event. In other words, you getting fit and still loving him should help him resolve his feelings of distrust. :)

    Good luck, buddy.
  • dharmalicous
    dharmalicous Posts: 6 Member
    Well, I used to have low self-esteem, and the only thing which fixed it was getting in shape and cultivating self-love.

    He has to love himself before he can love the new you.

    My 2 cents.


    So far this is the best, most honest and concise answer!
  • MFPRat
    MFPRat Posts: 201 Member
    Sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk. Since he was burned before, he needs reassurance. However, if that isn't enough, marriage counseling may be in order here.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    Been here before.

    My boyfriend and I are very honest and open... When I started to gain I felt like he would leave if I wasn't perfect (this was in the very beginning).

    Now I'm losing the weight and getting healthy and he's afraid I'll leave. We've had long and drawn out discussions, including the "well if I get fit, think of how much better the romp time will be!"

    We're both secure now. But I did need to learn to love myself before I appreciated him more. I was working on a lot of self issues when we had met, but we've grown together and gone through both side of this insecurities thing. MY boyfriend says I'm perfect the way I am, but I want to do this for me. And he's supportive of that now, because I'm happier that I'm losing the inches and I feel more confident and he likes that I feel more confident now (both in public and in the bedroom).

    You can only say "hey I need to do this for me, I won't leave you, I promise" so many times. He needs to realize it. Otherwise this becomes a game of you "saving the marriage because you need to constantly reassure him". I mean, he should know you married him for a reason, right? That should be enough reassurance. When I started my weight loss, my boyfriend said "I don't care if you weigh 130 or 230, you're still you, why would I leave if you're still the same person I fell in love with?" He had a point. When we met I was 150. Now I'm 131.

    He also stuck by me through a lot of other things (medical problems), as I'm sure your husband has too. You can always remind him "remember so and so time when we were going through trouble, I stayed then, and we made it work. We will be fine after this too!". Try and show him that your weigh loss can be a good thing for both of you.
  • Mmmmona
    Mmmmona Posts: 328 Member
    Been here before.

    My boyfriend and I are very honest and open... When I started to gain I felt like he would leave if I wasn't perfect (this was in the very beginning).

    Now I'm losing the weight and getting healthy and he's afraid I'll leave. We've had long and drawn out discussions, including the "well if I get fit, think of how much better the romp time will be!"

    We're both secure now. But I did need to learn to love myself before I appreciated him more. I was working on a lot of self issues when we had met, but we've grown together and gone through both side of this insecurities thing. MY boyfriend says I'm perfect the way I am, but I want to do this for me. And he's supportive of that now, because I'm happier that I'm losing the inches and I feel more confident and he likes that I feel more confident now (both in public and in the bedroom).

    You can only say "hey I need to do this for me, I won't leave you, I promise" so many times. He needs to realize it. Otherwise this becomes a game of you "saving the marriage because you need to constantly reassure him". I mean, he should know you married him for a reason, right? That should be enough reassurance. When I started my weight loss, my boyfriend said "I don't care if you weigh 130 or 230, you're still you, why would I leave if you're still the same person I fell in love with?" He had a point. When we met I was 150. Now I'm 131.

    He also stuck by me through a lot of other things (medical problems), as I'm sure your husband has too. You can always remind him "remember so and so time when we were going through trouble, I stayed then, and we made it work. We will be fine after this too!". Try and show him that your weigh loss can be a good thing for both of you.

    Thank you. I know exactly what to say to him now. In 2008 we had a house fire and lost everything, including our pets. We got through that and I can use that to show him that we can get through anything.
  • ThoseLittleCats
    ThoseLittleCats Posts: 180
    giv him a bj?
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    Firstly.... I need to say some women find bald men to be quite attractive!!! I personally know a couple of bald men who I think are totally hot!!!

    Secondly, I don't have much in the way of advice other then to say, if you are attracted to him, show him. Help him see that you are still very much into him. Actions in this case will speak louder than words.

    Hope that helps :)
    MB

Categories