Losing weight can be depressing

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beautifulmama11
beautifulmama11 Posts: 13
in Motivation and Support
So i am the type of lady that is something doesn't quickly, when I put my all in it, I tend to give up! I need to lose weight not just for my health but for my 21 month old little girl! She is very active and always wants to be on the go. Also my boyfriend wants me to lose weight not just for those reasons, But also for me to get my body together to have another baby. He was broken down during my pregnancy for our daughter! He hated watching me be so unhealthy and carry her. Plus i had to have a C-section. That didn't help at all! Now he wants me to lose it to, so we can get married. I know that sounds bad, but he knows this is something I REALLY have been wanting, so he used it as a leverage against me! Frustrating but I understand how he means well! I have a bad habit I've been trying to break! Eating habits and not keeping up exercising. I go to the gym, I do really good with going 4 or more days a wk. But if I don't see a BIG result in that time I stop going. Thinking " whats the point, nothing is changing"! I know its the wrong attitude. And I try to eat really good. I just up the fast food, easy on the carbs. And eat all the good stuff! But still nothing happens. Again I give up!! I need so extra help. If anyone has any thoughts that could help I'd love it!!!
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Replies

  • drezzal
    drezzal Posts: 20 Member
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    You aren't going to notice a huge difference in 4 days or even 4 weeks, probably not even 4 months lol. All good things require work, keep at it for your daughters sake! :)

    You say that you go to the gym, what do you do at the gym and are you watching what you eat?
  • ks4e
    ks4e Posts: 374 Member
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    Just keep going! You have a supportive community around you. (((hugs)))
  • JoanB5
    JoanB5 Posts: 610 Member
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    Perseverance pays. I'd keep track of a lot of ways to check progress if they is helpful to you. Take before pics, use a tape measure, keep track of what clothes fit before and what didn't. And think about your health: labs, how you feel before...because five months into it, through many months when I felt like I wasn't seeing ANY progress, all of a sudden, one week I would. Better measurements, things looked better, I felt better, and it all added up. It doesn't all happen in ways you can see that day...it's really about long term changes and long term results. Keep doing the right thing...and you'll get there!
  • boberrymom
    boberrymom Posts: 362 Member
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    Make the decision to do it because YOU want to do it, not because someone thinks its best for you....regardless of who that person is in your life, only YOU can make the decision to do something for yourself.
    Make small goals, keep track of them and mark them off as you go so you can see what you have accomplished. Keep them small at first.
    Make a plan for meals a day in advance at a time, just to get used to the idea of planning ahead. Find recipes each week that you want to try but keep it to only one or two. Soon you will have a repetoire of them.
    Get your family onboard and tell them what you need (ie, tell your husband no junk in the house, or hide it where you can't find it, whatever YOU want) It is extremely difficult to eat healthy if a spouse brings crap food in the house.
    Make an exercise plan, it doesn't have to be elaborate but it needs to be planned for the first little bit so you can mark each day off and see what you have accomplished.
    Hide the scale, do measurements instead, the scale is depressing when we don't see that we didn't lose 10 lbs in the first week. Instead go by how you feel that is the true indicator.
    Realize that it will not happen overnight, it took so long to put it on its not going to come off overnight.
    If you fall off the "wagon" don't be hard on yourself, know you are human and jump back on and keep going. Don't ever lose sight of the feeling being healthy gives you regardless of any scale's number.

    Hope this helps. :)

    Jess
  • Kst76
    Kst76 Posts: 935 Member
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    So i am the type of lady that is something doesn't quickly, when I put my all in it, I tend to give up! I need to lose weight not just for my health but for my 21 month old little girl! She is very active and always wants to be on the go. Also my boyfriend wants me to lose weight not just for those reasons, But also for me to get my body together to have another baby. He was broken down during my pregnancy for our daughter! He hated watching me be so unhealthy and carry her. Plus i had to have a C-section. That didn't help at all! Now he wants me to lose it to, so we can get married. I know that sounds bad, but he knows this is something I REALLY have been wanting, so he used it as a leverage against me! Frustrating but I understand how he means well! I have a bad habit I've been trying to break! Eating habits and not keeping up exercising. I go to the gym, I do really good with going 4 or more days a wk. But if I don't see a BIG result in that time I stop going. Thinking " whats the point, nothing is changing"! I know its the wrong attitude. And I try to eat really good. I just up the fast food, easy on the carbs. And eat all the good stuff! But still nothing happens. Again I give up!! I need so extra help. If anyone has any thoughts that could help I'd love it!!!

    IS your boyfriend supporting you in all this or is he just telling you what to do? Is he working out with you, counting calories with you or is he expecting you to do it all on your own?
  • Dewdropps
    Dewdropps Posts: 111
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    I'm right there with you. Having only lost 5lbs in the past several weeks has been so hard to keep myself positive and on track, but oddly, my mother said something the other day that really made me appreciate the change and keep going. She said I needed to be patient, because even if I can't SEE a difference, there are so many differences going on inside of me! She said my programs are working invisibly to start, and you know, to me, it made perfect sense!

    It is incredibly hard! I know you can do it, though! Just as I am and intend to continue. <3

    Add me if you'd like to be friends on this journey :)
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    All exercise takes time to see results....ALL EXERCISE! If you stop doing something because you dont get "instant gratification", in your fitness, you will never do it.

    You really have to decide to have some dedication.

    A calorie-deficit is the only way to lose weight. Start using a tracker like this site and record everything you eat. Ensure you are maintaining your calorie-deficit and realize that ALL WEIGHT LOSS takes time as well.

    It is a long road, but it doesn't have to be a "miserable" one. Take your time and really reflect on your goals...break those goals up into small victories...maybe victory 1 is 5lbs lost and doing an exercise routine consistently for 2 weeks...maybe victory 2 is 15lbs and doing your routine for 7 straight weeks...etc..etc.. You get the point, slice it up so isn't some daunting "endless" chasm you feel you will never commit to.

    I wish you the best of luck in your journey!
  • beautifulmama11
    beautifulmama11 Posts: 13
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    drezzal: Yes I am going to the gym. I do the Elliptical, Spin cycle, I do classes, and weights. Plus I do Squats, push-up, ect. I don't do them all at the same time. I choose 2 or 3 that I do, and switch them up so my body doesn't get use to them too quickly. I have my account on here to help me watch what I eat! I just started Slim-fast too!
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
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    You have to lose it AND keep it off and be healthy for you. You mentioned several times different reasons why your boyfriend says you should lose. You need to dig deep and not do it to please anyone else.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Yes I am going to the gym. I do the Elliptical, Spin cycle, I do classes, and weights. Plus I do Squats, push-up, ect. I don't do them all at the same time. I choose 2 or 3 that I do, and switch them up so my body doesn't get use to them too quickly. I have my account on here to help me watch what I eat! I just started Slim-fast too!

    ditch the slimfast, you need to learn how to eat healthy balanced meals, not just replace food with shakes... unless you want to eat liek that for the rest of your life?!

    stop thinking fast results, start thinking healthy lifestyle, good role model for your daughter!
  • beautifulmama11
    beautifulmama11 Posts: 13
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    Thank you everyone for your replies. Some of it has helped.
  • beautifulmama11
    beautifulmama11 Posts: 13
    Options
    So i am the type of lady that is something doesn't quickly, when I put my all in it, I tend to give up! I need to lose weight not just for my health but for my 21 month old little girl! She is very active and always wants to be on the go. Also my boyfriend wants me to lose weight not just for those reasons, But also for me to get my body together to have another baby. He was broken down during my pregnancy for our daughter! He hated watching me be so unhealthy and carry her. Plus i had to have a C-section. That didn't help at all! Now he wants me to lose it to, so we can get married. I know that sounds bad, but he knows this is something I REALLY have been wanting, so he used it as a leverage against me! Frustrating but I understand how he means well! I have a bad habit I've been trying to break! Eating habits and not keeping up exercising. I go to the gym, I do really good with going 4 or more days a wk. But if I don't see a BIG result in that time I stop going. Thinking " whats the point, nothing is changing"! I know its the wrong attitude. And I try to eat really good. I just up the fast food, easy on the carbs. And eat all the good stuff! But still nothing happens. Again I give up!! I need so extra help. If anyone has any thoughts that could help I'd love it!!!

    IS your boyfriend supporting you in all this or is he just telling you what to do? Is he working out with you, counting calories with you or is he expecting you to do it all on your own?

    He supports me from a distance. He lives in a different state. But he bought my gym membership because its what I wanted. And he bought me an Ipod for apps and music. And told me if there is anything I need to get my goal accomplished to let him know. But i am basically alone on this. Besides my family!
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
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    you don't need to worry about confusing your body, make sure your workouts are challenging you.
    if body weight exercises are too easy, say you can do 50 squats easily, it's time to add weights.
    could be dumb bells or even just a back pack with books. you don't have to run yourself ragged.

    1. calorie deficit
    2.100g lean protein/day of real food
    3. challenging strength training full body workouts 2-3 days a week.

    keep it simple. those workouts could be just 30 mins each. cardio if you want to, but limit the intense cardio to 2 days a week.
    save your energy for lifting. it works. if i can do it, you can.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    I agree with ditching the Slim Fast. It might be a good idea to do some research on dietary guidelines and build up your daily menu around that.

    Are you taking your measurements? It might be a good idea to start doing that as well. It might help take some pressure off of you when you step on the scale. You said that you aren't losing as much as you want, but how much have you lost and in what amount of time have you lost it?
  • MaddieUK
    MaddieUK Posts: 11 Member
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    It sounds like you are tormenting yourself with your diet and want to get a reward for suffering so much. I suggest finding a way to stay within your daily kcal range but still eating the things you love, and rethinking your fitness strategy. If working out doesn't make you feel good, you're either working out too hard or not doing the right thing. Stay in lower heart rate zones or find something else to do, like cycling, swimming or dancing.

    PS - If you are losing weight with one goal in mind, 'getting married', there's a good chance you'll gain all the weight back (+some more) once you reach that goal.
  • NovemberJune
    NovemberJune Posts: 2,525 Member
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    You already know what you need to do. Stick to it! It takes a few months to see real results. So just think about where you want to be in a year--half way to your goal, or even further away? Good luck!!! :smile:
  • Annerk1
    Annerk1 Posts: 372 Member
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    Your boyfriend is an *kitten*. Seriously. Everything you wrote screams of low self-confidence. Do not have another child with him--at least not until he accepts you for what you are and marries you without attaching strings.

    You seem to have a lot of excuses for both your lack of weight loss and worse yet, his atrocious behavior towards you. I'd strongly suggest seeing a doctor to work out a healthy weight loss plan and joining a support group for women with low self-esteem. I'd also suggest karate or kick-boxing as a form of exercise--both are empowering to women. Good luck to you on your journey--both physically and with your spirit.
  • sofitheteacup
    sofitheteacup Posts: 397 Member
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    I am struggling with something like this now too- I lost a lot of weight in the early part of last year, and gained a little of it back (15 lbs) and am trying to get back into that super-dedicated mindset and it's just not happening yet.
    What you and I both need to remember is persistence- it pays off. I remember how I'd eat well and go to the gym nearly-daily and I'd feel a little better but not see results. Until I finally did. And then other people did. And then it was easier.
    Give it your all, though. You didn't gain the weight over night, and you sure as heck can't lose it that way either. One bad fast food meal didn't make you unhappy with your body, and one week of clean meals won't give you the one you want.
    But eventually, it will. And you will also be happier, healthier, and better able to support your daughter.
  • Annerk1
    Annerk1 Posts: 372 Member
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    He supports me from a distance. He lives in a different state. But he bought my gym membership because its what I wanted. And he bought me an Ipod for apps and music. And told me if there is anything I need to get my goal accomplished to let him know. But i am basically alone on this. Besides my family!

    Buying you things isn't support. Support would be telling you that he knows you are trying hard. He is passive-aggressive in one sentence buying you a gym membership and in the next saying he won't marry you because you are too fat. Step back and really look at the situation. Make a list of the pro's and con's of your relationship--and do not use the word "love" on that list. It might be eye-opening.
  • caterpillardreams
    caterpillardreams Posts: 476 Member
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    Hi How are you?

    It took me 2 YEARS to lost 61 lbs that I gained from my son, I still have some more to go.
    it did not take a week or a month. Yes I wanted the instant weight loss but knew it was not going to happen overnight.
    1) IT IS WORTH IT!!! you have to decide that, even when you muscles ache, even if you do not lose a lb, even if your weight goes up a little. because 2 years form now your baby will be 4yrs, and you will see how time flies and you will see that all that hard work paid off or regret not doing it.

    2) You have MFP use it, when I use this site It helps tremendously, I know how much calories I ate. And not just calories, healthy foods, NO SLIMFAST. No way, you will be hungry and angry.

    3) You Must do this for yourself 1st. Because then you will be able to feel worth the time and effort to put in to it.

    4) One Day At A Time. The truth, because yesterday may have been bad but today is a new day, why dwell on yesterday its gone, every moment is new, you have a chance to do whatever you set your mind to.

    5)When you have a bad day, a bad week, maybe even a bad month, DO NOT GIVE UP? You have a whole life ahead of you and you dust off the cobwebs and start TODAY.

    I am on insanity right now, when I started a couple years ago after my son was born I was having a hard time running, I took it slow, I did not lose weight right away.

    I started Ripped in 30 last year OMG I could not breathe, almost passed out.

    Today I am on week 5 insanity,

    Its all up to YOU.

    I also go online and look at before and after pics, I get motivated however I can.

    ONE MORE THING.

    Put On your shoes and just workout, I don't care how I feel because 90% of the time I do not want to get up and workout. But when I am done I am so glad I did, and its always worth it. Have your workout clothes ready everyday.
    My kids run around and I workout around them, the jump and play and sometimes join me. We only have one are I can work out in I ask my hubby if I can take up the living room and he does something else.

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