Am I the crazy one?

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sidewinder76
sidewinder76 Posts: 287
in Motivation and Support
(Venting)

Making a very very long story short, without posting negative things. My wife wants me to give up my gym membership. We don't see eye to eye on it, She has never stepped foot into a gym. She has this tv image as to what type of body style is in the gym. I love going for the variety, but its causing a major rift. Am i crazy for wanting to keep my membership???

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  • ozchuck
    ozchuck Posts: 9 Member
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    She... Doesn't like you becoming stronger and healthier?

    Definitely just put the foot down on this one... If she chooses not to go that is her problem, but she should not expect you to just quit for no apparent reason.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    (Venting)

    Making a very very long story short, without posting negative things. My wife wants me to give up my gym membership. We don't see eye to eye on it, She has never stepped foot into a gym. She has this tv image as to what type of body style is in the gym. I love going for the variety, but its causing a major rift. Am i crazy for wanting to keep my membership???

    i know you want to keep the long story short, but whats her reason for wanting you to give it up? money? because you're spending time away from her and kids? if you have any? or is it the usual she thinks you'll get really hot and leave her?
  • WhaddoWino
    WhaddoWino Posts: 146 Member
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    Yes, there must be more to it. Are you retreating to the gym-- avoiding time with her and the family? Or are you making time for the gym when it doesn't compromise family time? Maybe you aren't even aware that you're doing this?

    Or, is she insecure about your getting fit and possibly more attractive? Do you encourage HER hobbies and give her the space/time to pursue her personal betterment--physical or otherwise?
  • timberowl
    timberowl Posts: 331 Member
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    Yeah definitely need more information. What is her reasoning?

    Have you offered to get her a membership and work out with her (you wouldn't have to forever, just long enough to warm her up to the idea of a membership--then you could drive together and work out separately).

    I would get really upset if my husband was, as someone else said, "retreating" to the gym. Do you have kids?

    At the same time, it gives her time to herself too.

    Make sure you're making time for both of you to spend time together, and I mean more than just "hey, you hungry?" Quality, "undivided attention" time.

    My boyfriend doesn't "work out' but he plays golf, a LOT and it keeps him in good shape. I got pretty resentful last year and finally had a complete breakdown--he was playing from the time he got off work 'til sundown 5-7 days a week!!!! It felt like he didn't want to be anywhere near me.

    Now we have a "date night" which is Fridays, where, no matter how the rest of the week goes, we HAVE to go out and do something every Friday. We take turns picking what to do.....this lowered my resentment a lot, because now I don't have to wonder when the next time I'll have his undivided attention is, and when he's golfing it's now "my time".
  • sidewinder76
    sidewinder76 Posts: 287
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    due to overwhelming demand for more information, I'll say that I believe it's because she doesn't want me getting in shape more because she's jealous of other people in general. I'm not retreating to the gym, I take an hour and its in between work and getting the kids. I should point out that she doesn't like me working out in our home either. Same reasoning...I believe.we just see things differently.I have offered to get her a membership there, she refused to even try it. And I also include the kids, I'll take them on the weekends to go swimming. She won't go then either
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    due to overwhelming demand for more information, I'll say that I believe it's because she doesn't want me getting in shape more because she's jealous of other people in general. I'm not retreating to the gym, I take an hour and its in between work and getting the kids. I should point out that she doesn't like me working out in our home either. Same reasoning...

    the 'you'll get hot and leave' issue is a tricky one.

    all you can do is keep reassuring her that you love her and wont leave her!

    but definitely dont give up your gym membership! just make sure she gets lots of attention as well.
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
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    Suggest third party face to face intervention/opinion. Message board is basically going to agree with you, we're all in one form or another gym/health fitness folks. So while that may give you some rationale, it won't change her opinion. Seek outside counsel so you don't need legal counsel.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    It sounds like very controlling behaviour on her part. Reassure her that regardless of wether your appearance changes your relationship won't. Make sure she knows that she is welcome to join with you

    If she continues to try to stop you after that she needs to look into her insecurity issues
  • lamorael
    lamorael Posts: 12 Member
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    You are not crazy to want to keep your membership. But it does seem thay you need to reach some sort of middle ground. Instead of always going to the gym by yourself, try getting her to do workouts with you at home on some days, and then go to the gym on other days. Maybe if you do workouts at home with her, it might encourage her to try actually going to the gym with you.
  • vstraughan
    vstraughan Posts: 163 Member
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    it seems she is like many people's partners on MFP... I've seen a lot of threads where people's partners start becoming insecure as they shape up.

    A lot of the support on the threads offer one or both of the below suggestions (whether the OH is a he or she)

    1) Take some time to remind her why you are still in love with her, why you're doing this (so you can live a long & happy life together) and try to spend equal time with her vs. what you spend in the gym.

    2) Get a guest pass (if your gym does that) and have her come with you. She doesn't have to do anything, she could go for a walk on the treadmill and watch TV. She could sit on a bench and just listen to the gym music, read a book or be your cheerleader (!) because - perhaps - you'd love her support.

    Do it once so she can she exactly what you do and that you have nothing to hide. Invite her if she's bored. Wherever your gym is, could you go for a coffee (or whatever) before you go to the gym, meet for lunch or dinner afterwards? Even just occasionally. Could you support her as she takes on a hobby or activity (or ladies wot lunch) when you go to the gym?

    I think it's really important to expose her to that part of your life so she can build it in to her own as well.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    tell her to butt out.

    does she have any interests/hobbies? if you respect her interests then, provided it's not causing financial hardship or neglect of family, she should grow up.

    or, if you want to be all 'nice' about it, tell her you need to keep strong & healthy because the thought of not being able to take care of her for the rest of her life is more than you can bear. *barf*
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    Just tell her NO. It is your health and it makes you happy. If she does not want to join in thats ok make sure you are spending enough time with her and having quality time. Don't be anyone's door mat. If she is insecure she needs to deal with that and seek help.
  • sidewinder76
    sidewinder76 Posts: 287
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    Thanks for all the great feedback and suggestions! I'm going to keep working at it, hope things change :)

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