Emotional Eaters

I really wonder if the new relationship scares you in some way, and the food/weight is creating a barrier for you, to not be hurt again. I've been there and done that, and through therapy have learned that I am only hurting myself. When I feel that urge to eat for no reason, I try to busy myself with something else. It's still a fight, but a least recognize it and try to turn to something other then food.

Many years ago I quit smoking (after 17 years of trying). I was able to quit for the final time when I told myself I was an addict and realized that everything -- including my guilt and my shame -- was part of the addiction mentality. I'm not an expert about weight loss, but facing my emotional eating reminds me of when I refused to smoke anymore.

I also worked through grief a few years ago, turned to food, and gained a lot of weight. However, I know what is going on this time, so that's a plus. I know I don't like to cook, I'm busy (a job and college), and I'm a junk food queen with a sweet tooth, so I have the score on myself.

I hope some of this is helpful:
--- The guilt and shame will get you nowhere. Stop today. You matter, you count, you are loved, and you are a food addict. Enough. Imagine you are two people. Part of you is flailing around, so the rest of you has to step in and take over.
---- Stop eating junk food and sweets and the cravings for them will go away. Stay out of the break room. Use psychological tricks (imagine the food has hair in it or someone didn't wash their hands).
---- I make sure I am never hungry. I cannot leave the house hungry. I cannot go to social events hungry.
---- I buy food that is easy to cook and doesn't require recipe making or a lot of time to prepare (because I hate cooking).
---- There is always at least one meal or ingredients for one easy meal in the fridge, so if my schedule changes I can just grab it and heat it up and I won't be tempted to go to the McDonald's near my house.
---- Water curbs my appetite. I bought a 32 oz sport bottle and fill it with water and lemon slices. I know I have to drink 2 of those a day.
---- You can do this! You can. Choose today to be positive. Choose to pat yourself on the back for something you did right today.

I used to be an emotional eater, too. For me there really wasn't a big why....it made me *temporarily* feel better and then became a habit. It was an automatic response for me- if I got stressed I immediately reached for crap. I decided to go after the bad habit the way I would any other one. At first I made a rule for myself that I had to take a 20 minute walk before eating when I was upset. Then I added either more time or two things before I would eat. I wasn't saying I couldn't have whatever crap food I wanted, just that I had to get this done first. After a few months I realized that it was no longer my habit- that exercise was my new go to stress reliever.
Hope it helps...and makes sense! Good luck!! :happy:

Do you want my psychological answer? (Not licensed, YET. ^_^ )

Let's assume you do.
You have an unhealthy relationship with food and you have self image issues. Other than that, I don't know you enough to say much else.

You will have to completely hit rock bottom before you will truly see the need for change. If you are truly positive in your mind that your new boyfriend loves you, then him being able to basically eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight wouldn't bother you or influence your eating. You need to come to realize that to lose weight at a healthy pace and to tone muscles and get to the fitness level you want to be at, that you have to stop blaming anyone and everyone and that nobody can do this journey for you, but we can cheer you on. It's true, that old quote, it's not going to be easy, but in the end, it'll be worth it. It's going to take hard work especially because your food intake is tied to your emotion. I was an emotional eater too and I put a quote on my fridge that said "walk away and get a glass of water, you're not hungry". You have to retrain your brain in order to make this work. There really is a true feeling to hunger and most people find thirst is "hunger" and it's not obviously. You have to have the will power to walk away from the cabinets and fridge when you're sad, happy, angry, depressed, hurt, whatever. To me, for this, I hung up my old bathing suit, I live in Florida and it's not that it doesn't fit, but it doesn't fit how I want it to, this helps remind me that A. I have the willpower to stay away from the junk food cravings and B. I CAN do this.

Like I said, this is your journey and nobody can walk it for you, but instead, you have to find the true inner strength to change and y'know what, you have it. But don't get discouraged, it'll take time to re-train your brain (yes I'm saying it like that stupid virgin mobile commercial) . Also, start small, make a new goal for the week. For me, this week is absolutely NO sweets except for honey, I've come to the realization that it has enough sugar to curb my ice cream/cake/cookie cravings and yet not enough calories to blow my day (I can't honestly live without it). So start small, maybe say week 1 you will go for a 30 minute walk every morning or night. Week two you will give up fast food and week three you will give up pop/coffee. Start small and work your way up.

Feel free to add me. You'll see I still struggle with emotional eating (and was a binge eater for years). We're here for you.

I was always an emotional eater as well. But a few things have helped:

1) Being on MFP reminds me that I am accountable for the choices I make, and that each choice is a part of a bigger picture. I used to sneak food and imagine that it wouldn't "count". Now I know that whether it's good or bad, "secret" or carefully chosen or totally public, it will be recorded because it DOES "count".

2) A little mantra I try to use to remind myself: "If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer." If you're eating to satisfy an emotional need, you'll never feel full because you weren't hungry in the first place.

3) Most importantly for me, I’m avoiding all-or-nothing thinking. If I give in to my emotions and eat something that will put me over my daily goals, I get over it. Eating ice cream doesn’t mean I’ve blown my diet, and isn’t an excuse to slide into terrible habits that ruin all the progress I’ve made. Historically, one "bad" choice would excuse the next and the next in a slippery slope to failure. Now, I can have a treat every now and then. And it's okay!

4) I've been REALLY trying to stop moralizing food. A carrot stick isn't "good". A piece of cake isn't "bad". If I'm in a "f***-the-world" mood or an "I'm such a loser" mood, I'll have to find a better way to express it than to eat "bad" food, because there is no such thing. There are healthier choices and less healthy choices, but it's all food...none of it is in any way either virtuous or immoral. As long as I log it on MFP, I'm good.

And don't forget options like journaling your emotions, meditating, or seeing a counselor, all of which can be really helpful!

Anyway, I wish you luck with the challenges.