Coworker attempting sabotage...

2

Replies

  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    I've experienced this with my super skinny in-laws. My hubby and I started eating healthier and let them know and we got the, "it's a holiday/special occasion! indulge!" (and were sending us home with ALL the leftovers to "get it out of their house")but I realized while we were eating all this fatty/sugary/buttery food they cooked, they were making healthy stuff on the side for themselves and not even eating the foods they prepared for us to eat! They didn't even offer us the healthier foods either. I felt like I was being sabotaged. Whether they were sabotaging us or not, I've gotten better about politely refusing, bringing my own dishes and going to their house with a game-plan with the hubs beforehand ;)

    Thanks- that's exactly what I was looking for.
  • Christie0428
    Christie0428 Posts: 221 Member
    I would pick a moment when you are getting along well and bring it up like this:

    "Hey Judy, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I am working really hard to make a lifestyle chage so I can be healthier and feel better. I was wonderign if you would be willing to help me. ... Sometimes I feel tempted if people (do not point to her directly) offer me fried food, candy, etc ... would you be willing to be my partner in this and help me have the will power to turn this stuff down?"

    If she continues to offer you stuff after that ... you kow she is trying to sabotage... and then you can dig in your heels and say no - no guilt ... also I'd be more blunt after that and say, While I appreciate that you want to share, it feels a little like you are sabotaging my efforts by offering me junk.

    I'm guessing more likely she is trying to show affection through food... something a lot of us have been wired to do.

    A couple of jobs ago I used to work in an office where candy and pastries were the everyday all day norm... I started a very strict diet, a few weeks in, I held a very brief stand up team meeting ((I was not the manager)... and said, hey I know you all probably like havign the candy, blah, blah, blah around, I respect that, but I am doign this diet and it would be a lot easier for me to resist if you kept is on your own desks rather than put it in the community meeting table... they were all like, yeah - we don't want to eat this stuff either . ... and stopped bringing it in all together... some even started putting carrots and veggies there instead... the other women I worked with lost weight by association of just not having it around. I was plesantly surprised by their coorporation.. sometimes asking for help is a good way to get others on board w/o them feelign like you are trying to control them.

    Good luck!
  • JessiBelleW
    JessiBelleW Posts: 831 Member
    Sounds like she's just being nice.

    If I wanted to sabotage someone's weight loss I'd recalibrate their food scale or something.

    Not offer to take them to lunch

    Giggle @ recalibrating someones scale!
  • MrsMohawk
    MrsMohawk Posts: 74 Member
    If she is a " close co- worker friend" Why not tell her how your feeling about what shes doing.
  • Mommybug2
    Mommybug2 Posts: 149 Member
    Be very candid - but polite. This happens to me ALL the time at work. People bring doughnuts/candy around and offer it freely to anyone. I laugh and say "I didn't just do 45 minutes on the ellipical to eat a doughnut!" Or if it is before lunch I'll say something like "No thanks - I'd have to take a long lunch to get that back off my thighs at the gym". Lots of people here go to lunch as well and I am often asked to join them. My standard reply is "Sorry I have a date with the gym" or "Brought my own, thanks". As the weeks have worn on and I've stuck to my guns I get a lot less offers and more people applauding my committment.

    Sabotage can work both ways too. If you feel she is pushing her bad habits on you maybe you should start pushing your good habits on her. Start asking her to do things with you. Inviting her to walk with you at lunch is a great start :)
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    I've experienced this with my super skinny in-laws. My hubby and I started eating healthier and let them know and we got the, "it's a holiday/special occasion! indulge!" (and were sending us home with ALL the leftovers to "get it out of their house")but I realized while we were eating all this fatty/sugary/buttery food they cooked, they were making healthy stuff on the side for themselves and not even eating the foods they prepared for us to eat! They didn't even offer us the healthier foods either. I felt like I was being sabotaged. Whether they were sabotaging us or not, I've gotten better about politely refusing, bringing my own dishes and going to their house with a game-plan with the hubs beforehand ;)

    Thanks- that's exactly what I was looking for.


    Why? this is totally unlike what's going on with you.
  • mandylgibbs
    mandylgibbs Posts: 185 Member
    I just smile and say, "No thank you. I'm on a very specific diet. I've done so well, and I've already lost quite a bit of weight. Want to see my progress pictures.?"

    They stop asking really quickly if they're coming from a place of jealousy.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I've experienced this with my super skinny in-laws. My hubby and I started eating healthier and let them know and we got the, "it's a holiday/special occasion! indulge!" (and were sending us home with ALL the leftovers to "get it out of their house")but I realized while we were eating all this fatty/sugary/buttery food they cooked, they were making healthy stuff on the side for themselves and not even eating the foods they prepared for us to eat! They didn't even offer us the healthier foods either. I felt like I was being sabotaged. Whether they were sabotaging us or not, I've gotten better about politely refusing, bringing my own dishes and going to their house with a game-plan with the hubs beforehand ;)

    Thanks- that's exactly what I was looking for.


    Why? this is totally unlike what's going on with you.

    DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!
  • MudRunLvr
    MudRunLvr Posts: 226 Member
    I've experienced this with my super skinny in-laws. My hubby and I started eating healthier and let them know and we got the, "it's a holiday/special occasion! indulge!" (and were sending us home with ALL the leftovers to "get it out of their house")but I realized while we were eating all this fatty/sugary/buttery food they cooked, they were making healthy stuff on the side for themselves and not even eating the foods they prepared for us to eat! They didn't even offer us the healthier foods either. I felt like I was being sabotaged. Whether they were sabotaging us or not, I've gotten better about politely refusing, bringing my own dishes and going to their house with a game-plan with the hubs beforehand ;)

    Thanks- that's exactly what I was looking for.


    Why? this is totally unlike what's going on with you.

    Because it validates her feelings and is the answer she wanted to hear. Most of us were just annoying her with our nonsense about the woman probably just being nice to her.
  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    I've experienced this with my super skinny in-laws. My hubby and I started eating healthier and let them know and we got the, "it's a holiday/special occasion! indulge!" (and were sending us home with ALL the leftovers to "get it out of their house")but I realized while we were eating all this fatty/sugary/buttery food they cooked, they were making healthy stuff on the side for themselves and not even eating the foods they prepared for us to eat! They didn't even offer us the healthier foods either. I felt like I was being sabotaged. Whether they were sabotaging us or not, I've gotten better about politely refusing, bringing my own dishes and going to their house with a game-plan with the hubs beforehand ;)

    Thanks- that's exactly what I was looking for.


    Why? this is totally unlike what's going on with you.

    "Who else has had to deal with this? "
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
    Because it validates her feelings and is the answer she wanted to hear. Most of us were just annoying her with our nonsense about the woman probably just being nice to her.

    Wait a minute- I totally validated her feelings! She didn't thank me!
  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    Thanks to everyone who validated my feelings! Whether that comment is tongue in cheek or not, seriously, thanks for SUPPORT because that's what I was looking for and I really do appreciate it.

    Sometimes, it helps to know that you're are not alone.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Just politely say no any time you want.

    I doubt she's intentionally trying to make you gain weight, but anything is possible. She might just want a friend to eat with her. Try not to view her as a villain and maybe just someone trying in their own way to be nice.
    I agree with every word of this. But I'll tell you why it's wrong...

    The problem is that giving people the benefit of the doubt, making assumptions that people are doing their best, simply replying with a polite "no," ignoring the intoxicating pull of paranoia and self-centeredness - none of that really works to start a thread and talk about someone else.

    If I post about how my co-workers left a plate of cookies because they had extra and that was really considerate of them and I ate one because I wanted one, it's unlikely I'll get very many responses (disguised as empathetic support) delving into the motivations and character flaws of the people I work with. And then where's the fun?
  • Kelly_Runs_NC
    Kelly_Runs_NC Posts: 474 Member
    Just keep saying no thank you with a smile...killing someone with kindness is a great feeling. Just do your thing girl. Stay focused.
  • tellascott
    tellascott Posts: 54
    I have some friends like that too, and they get kind of ticked when i turn down the food. I think it's because they think I'm getting anorexic or something. I always joke when i visit them its like being at my grammas the way they keep trying to fatten me up. As well it was because of their comments I started dieting and lost weight so I also think it's guilt on their side and they're afraid they've made me anorexic and I'm losing too much weight. I don't think they are being mean, just concerned in a weird way.
  • Tamm04
    Tamm04 Posts: 182 Member
    I agree with politely saying "No, thank you. I'm working hard on my new body!"
    I've a neighbor who tells me when I was 150lbs (I've gained 25 lbs since then through not eating ENOUGH) that I was too thin, sick looking and not happy. Uhhh what???? She's also trying to lose weight, and we walk together and talk about losing weight. But her goal is about 180lbs while mine is 140lbs. She insists what I am now (170s) is fine. We just disagree. It's led to a LOT of issues (me defending myself that I'm NOT too thin, wasn't sickly/unhappy at 150lbs etc) and me being frustrated. But I work hard to block it out as her having different goals and I'm staying strong to knowing what I want for myself.
  • MrsG2
    MrsG2 Posts: 56 Member
    Just keep saying no thank you with a smile...killing someone with kindness is a great feeling. Just do your thing girl. Stay focused.

    This. Absolutely. I'm in the same situation and I KNOW for sure it's sabotage. I just keep smiling and saying No Thank You.
  • mamafish52
    mamafish52 Posts: 2 Member
    I agree. Just stay aware of her ulterior motives. People can be strange when you start to lose weight. Brings out their own insecurities, especially if she is overweight herself and not doing anything about it. People get strangely competitive.

    Stick with what you're doing, and find your support from other people you can trust. You can go to lunch with her from time to time, but still order things that fit in with your plan.

    Good luck!
  • Miesha45
    Miesha45 Posts: 1
    Good day, Maybe she wants to get you out of the office so that she can ask you in private, "What are you doing to lose the weight?" Also, I think you should go out to lunch with her, and depending on what she's ordering, bring up something more healthier to eat. You may be the motivation she has been looking for. I underdstand where you are coming from, but don't live in fear of someone trying to sabotage you. I think you are strong willed and self motivated. So give her a chance and see what's going on. Get luck on your on continuing journey for healthier living
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Thanks to everyone who validated my feelings! Whether that comment is tongue in cheek or not, seriously, thanks for SUPPORT because that's what I was looking for and I really do appreciate it.

    Sometimes, it helps to know that you're are not alone.

    You're right. She's clearly extremely jealous of you and trying to ruin that for you.

    HAPPY?
  • Gwyn1969
    Gwyn1969 Posts: 181 Member
    Why don't you ask her to accompany you on your walks?
  • Tyree985
    Tyree985 Posts: 22 Member
    For some reason this happens and it's the reason I rarely ever tell anyone that I'm on a diet or trying to eat better. I think it's difficult for a person to see someone attempting to be healthy when they know they should to if they are overweight/unhealthy. If you slip up and give in it makes them feel a little bit better about themself. I don't think it's intentional though.
  • ssaraj43
    ssaraj43 Posts: 575 Member
    Missery loves company. She sounds like a bully to me. Invite her on your walks everyday or a least every time she offers you unhealthy food. I think you will be her motivator to make the life style changes most of is need. Keep up the good work,stay on track.
  • Christie0428
    Christie0428 Posts: 221 Member
    ha, I just remembered another thing I used to say that always got a goot response:

    "I can't eat that, because I'm allergic... it makes my *kitten* swell"
  • HealthyLeeLee
    HealthyLeeLee Posts: 97 Member
    Just stick to your guns about it. If she wants to go out, suggest a healthy place to eat at or like others said, offer her your tasty, healthy food/snacks that you bring in to work. Once she sees you are serious about this, maybe she'll start to back you up and you can be an encouragement/inspiration to her. I understand it's just frustrating when people don't always know how to be helpful or supportive. Hang in there! :)
  • Tamm04
    Tamm04 Posts: 182 Member
    ha, I just remembered another thing I used to say that always got a goot response:

    "I can't eat that, because I'm allergic... it makes my *kitten* swell"


    Great!
  • bevtyndall
    bevtyndall Posts: 72 Member
    ha, I just remembered another thing I used to say that always got a goot response:

    "I can't eat that, because I'm allergic... it makes my *kitten* swell"


    Great!
    LUV IT!!!
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 708 Member
    Sounds like my husband's coworkers. Sounds like my mother. My mother, who would compliment me on any weight loss, then show up with a dozen cookies or a multi-pack of Skor bars.
  • onlythetancan
    onlythetancan Posts: 66
    she might be trying to sabotage you OR she could be feeling bad that she is overweight and eating bad so it makes her feel better about herself if someone else eats bad with her.

    how about you turn the tables in a positive way, ask her out to lunch somewhere healthy and ask her to come for a walk?
  • russellbrand69
    russellbrand69 Posts: 132 Member

    A couple of jobs ago I used to work in an office where candy and pastries were the everyday all day norm... I started a very strict diet, a few weeks in, I held a very brief stand up team meeting ((I was not the manager)... and said, hey I know you all probably like havign the candy, blah, blah, blah around, I respect that, but I am doign this diet and it would be a lot easier for me to resist if you kept is on your own desks rather than put it in the community meeting table... they were all like, yeah - we don't want to eat this stuff either . ... and stopped bringing it in all together... some even started putting carrots and veggies there instead... the other women I worked with lost weight by association of just not having it around. I was plesantly surprised by their coorporation.. sometimes asking for help is a good way to get others on board w/o them feelign like you are trying to control them.

    This is the best advice in the thread - is happened in my own work too. A small office and several of us are eating healthier, and instead of bringing in junk, colleagues have started to bring in nice herbal teas etc.

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