My 11 year old daughter now weighs more than me!

I think firstly you need to sit down with her father and talk. I'm guessing from the tone of your post you don't get on, but you both have a common interest - your daughter. If he's a good father he will be willing to discuss it amicably with you. Tell him your concerns and see if he can do the same as you and encourage some activity and make healthy meals.

It's probably not a great idea to tell her she's overweight, but you could certainly educate her on healthy choices and activities.

If you have had your own struggles with weight and/or healthy living maybe you could talk to her about it using you own life. "Mommy used to eat junk food and watch too much tv and gained weight and had some medical issues so I had to get healthy so I can live a long time with you. Will you help me to stay healthy and make sure you stay healthy too" or something to that effect. It puts the idea out there without making her feel bad about herself. My mother would criticize me or make remarks about me being chubby and I ended up with an eating disorder. When I was too skinny she talked about that which made me want to keep doing it just to piss her off.

It is a very tough situation. I definately believe you should address it so that she grows up understanding how to eat healthy and exercise but remember a young girls self-esteem is very delicate.

Best of luck to you!

The Dr. is a great idea. You say she eats healthy at your house so that isn't a problem, do some activities with her and find some she likes and support it. The hope is she continues on her own at some point just for the fun of it. If not, then at least some is better than nothing. You can also make trips to farmers markets and perhaps start a small garden to increase her interest in healthy foods.

I was a large child and it was tough for me to want to lose weight until it was too late. My parents worked all the time and my mother was a lazy cook. We always had cheeseburgers ready to go in the fridge to heat and eat. My parents shopped in bulk, which meant we always had boxes of honey buns and quick convenience foods. My family was also big, so my parents did the best they could to feed us all on their budget. Unfortunately, I am now a very large adult, very unhappy with my weight after a failed gastric banding surgery. Do you want your daughter to have to struggle with that? I never learned to eat healthy, count calories, let alone read nutrional information, portion control, the value of exercise, and so on and so on. It isn't my parents fault, like I said, they did the best they can. I remember moving out of my parents house and going grocery shopping on autopilot, if my mom put it in the cart, then I was supposed to as well, right?

You have the opportunity to get you daughter on the right track. Be supportive, but not degrading. Teach her how to make smart decisions and practice what you preach. Skip the drive thru and go home to make dinner, snacking on something healthy while it cooks if it is a "late night". Get her a bike and go for bike rides together, walk the dog together, spend time together and for the love of everything holy....TRY TO GET ALONG WITH HER FATHER. If she eats to comfort herself emotionally, she can probably sense, or already knows, the disdain you have for him. Regardless if things didn't work out between you and he, you have a great kid that needs both parents to support and raise her. Perhaps talking to him about it will actually make a difference and the two of you can work together as a team to help her get on track to a healthy future. If you can't bear to deal with her father, could you possibly deal with his significant other? Believe me, some things are easier when YOU have a support system too.

Find a summer camp, or something she likes and sign her up. Summer should be an easier time to get her into moving.

Help her pick out a team sport to get active in- one she wants to do, and enroll her.

You need to take her to a doctor and get the news that she needs to start making changes now. My niece at 10yo was around 150lbs. It wasn't until she was 11yo and about 167 that my SIL took her to the doctor to find out she was borderline diabetic.

YOU are the mom, while dbag dad may let her eat and sit still...YOU can do things differently while she is with you. Buy fruits and veggies and healthy snacks. Monitor her food intake. Get out with her and do fun activities to get her active; hiking, biking, swimming, soccer, etc. Make being fit fun...not a chore! Teach her about eating right. My daughter loves to read the back of nutrition labels and she'll tell me if we should eat it or not. Its education and it starts with you mom!!

And NOT talking to her may be just as detrimental or worse. My mom never spoke to me about food, nutrition, exercise and I *did* get and eating disorder. Much of my family was overweight and obese. I did NOT want to be like that and most of my friends were much smaller than me (I'm 5'9" and never understood I did not have the body of my 5'4" friends) so I took to ED!! I did whatever I could NOT to be fat. So.... you need to talk to her about being HEALTHY...not skinny!!

I had the same problem with my daughter when she was around that age. The solution was to get her involved in things she was interested in. I signed her up for hip hop dance classes. She went to volleyball camp and basketball camp. I also started making small gradual changes in her diet, such as baked chips, fresh fruit or dried fruit instead of candy. We'd have mommy daughter days and go try on clothes and swimsuits. When we went out to eat, we would order from the appetizer menu and get water with slice oranges or lemons in it. It was all about making things fun and pretty and she really dug that. Instead of harping on what dad wasn't doing, I'd make it my mission to plant the right seed in her where she wouldn't want the bad things all the time. Eventually, she started to make those choices whether with me or dad. At age 10 she wore a misses size 16; She will be 20 tomorrow and is in a Junior size 11 at 5'9".

Trust me, this is an issue but it isn't an insurmountable one.

At age 10 she wore a misses size 16; She will be 20 tomorrow and is in a Junior size 11 at 5'9".

Trust me, this is an issue but it isn't an insurmountable one.

This is so encouraging, thanks for posting x

Sometimes Talking to her is the BEST medicine. Tell her you are worried, I know that if my parents did that to me at that age, I would have done a lot differently. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and I believe that if I could go back in time, it wouldn't matter how advanced some advice was for my youth, I would still want it said to me. Tough love is what will help. You should talk to her.

Similar situation here. I always try to encourage "healthy" choice even though both of us parents are working to get back into shape and not always perfect examples. We found a sport my daughter liked, saw a dietician, and eventually addressed her anxiety issues. She tells me that dealing with the anxiety is what has helped her scale back on her eating the most. also found some support for myself reading The Heavy. It helped me not feel so alone in our battle.

Whatever modifications she needs, you should do them too. Eat healthy and work out together. Take her to the doctor to get a nutrition and activity plan. Send a copy of it to her dad so that he knows it's serious. I think as long as you are encouraging and loving and don't EVER use the F word (FAT) then things should go smoothly. I was an overweight child and my dad did everything wrong. Called me fat and other mean names at a very young age, talked about my body right in front of me like I couldn't hear him, would tell me to exercise then take me to McDonald's. I suffered an eating disorder and still to this day have a very low self image of myself. Just love her and be there for her. Do it together!