Anybody start a family in their mid 30's

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Replies

  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
    This is a positive thread! I am 34 and getting married in Sept (will be 35 in Oct!) and my husband-to-be and I plan to start trying right away. I have a great fear I am too old, but this has made me feel better :)
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
    I had my only child just before I turned 35. Personally, I do not think people should intentionally wait until they are older and assume that they will have no problem conceiving, because sometimes they do. Having children when young has many benefits. Yet, a child needs a happy, loving, stable environment and sometimes that comes with being older. However, there is no need to fear having a child in your mid 30s. I know that my health "professionals" labelled me a "high risk" pregnancy because of it and were prone to recommend unnecessary testing (some of which increase the odds of spontaneous abortion!) and procedures. So, get pregnant, have a healthy lifestyle based on unprocessed, nutrient dense food (fat is needed!) and don't blindly trust your doctor. Less poking, prodding, ultrasounds, etc is safer for the baby.
  • summery79
    summery79 Posts: 116 Member
    Practically everyone in my town has their kids in their 30s! I was 23 and hubs was 26 when we had our son, we are the freaks. Seriously, I do not have a single friend who is my age who has a child who is my son's age. Almost everyone is at least 5, usually closer to 10 yrs older. Depending on where you live, at 34 and 41 with a new baby, you will fit right in.
  • rich347
    rich347 Posts: 508 Member
    I think starting a family at the age is great for the most part y'all should be career folks and I'm sure you'll have a lot of patients
  • see_turtle
    see_turtle Posts: 19 Member
    Great thread! It is great to read about so many positive experiences! I am about to be 30 and my husband and I feel quite far from being ready to try for a child ( just want one)...I'm think we may be 33/34ish before we start trying because we need to be in a better finacial situation and we are both trying to get healthy. This thread has made me feel so much better!
  • weese17
    weese17 Posts: 236 Member


    I am just sick and tired of people asking "so when are you going to have kids" I tried being polite, but my husband's uncle kept asking so I finally said no of your damn business.

    Just had to vent a little and see if there are any others out there......

    My husband's uncle was like this, too. I was sorely, sorely tempted to tell him "Oh man, we're TOTALLY trying, but we JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT how to have sex! Like, does the penis have to go all the way in? And it goes in your *kitten*, right? Maybe we could show you what we're doing so you can give us some tips!"

    But I figured I'd be a good wife and not an a**hole. ;)
  • Susan0279
    Susan0279 Posts: 69 Member
    Thank you all for your posts, I didn't think that I was the only one, but there are alot more that I expected. I am glad that we have time together as a couple before kids. I am sort of glad we waited I do agree that I am more mature now;so is he; I think :)

    Thanks again for all your input :happy:
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Had my first boy when I was 35; boy number 2 when I was 37. It's awesome...except for the no sleep part.

    Personally, I'm glad I waited as long as I did before starting a family. We didn't have to go through a lot of the problems that young families go through...we were both well along and secure in our careers and financially stable. We also did a lot of cool **** in our 20s and 30s that a lot of people have to wait to do until they are in their 40s and 50s.
  • carmencc26
    carmencc26 Posts: 10
    I had my daughter when I was 18. I was NOT ready but I had to learn. It was tough, not health or pregnancy wise but being a kid having a kid. I went on to college etc. got married when I was 30 and had my beautiful son at 31. He is now 13 months old, beautiful and healthy. I on the other hand I had a rough pregnancy, went from 135 to 210 lbs. Had colistasis, and had to be induced 4 weeks early. I am still 20 lbs over my initial weight and it has been rough taking it off. With my daughter it just came off right away. One month later you couldn't even tell i just had a baby. But one thing I can tell you is that having a baby now is more enjoyable because you have more patience.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Don't have kids unless you want them, B U T, the longer you wait, the harder it may be.
    I have several relatives that waited too long and when they tried, their bodies just were not as fertile as they needed to be.
  • fisherman11
    fisherman11 Posts: 13
    This has been a most interesting topic, there are a lot more older first time parents out there than I thought, 30 years ago when I had my first son I felt in the minority as most of the other first time mums were around their early 20s. Not one regret though. As someone else mentioned though don't leave it too late in case there are fertility problems, as we had. Another positive having kids in your 30s does keep you young in heart if not in body.
  • lamos1
    lamos1 Posts: 167 Member
    I was 31 when I had my last child. I'm 35 now. My fiance is 6 years older than me. So yeah, you can have children in your mid 30s. Look at Halle Berry she's 45 now and pregnant. My aunt was 40 something when she had her last child.
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    I had my daughter at 34 and there were no risks. I didn't get the age talk from my obgyn, I don't think that starts until 35? I think we are in are prime for having kids. We aren't as young and dumb anymore. HOWEVER, I will say, DON'T have kids because you feel pressured or are worried about running out of time. Have one because you really want one. Best of luck!
  • Meggles63
    Meggles63 Posts: 916 Member
    I got married late and had my boys late, lol. Married at 28 and first baby was born when I was 36. Baby #4 was born when I was 44! Love it, and wouldn't have had it any other way, now that I look back on things.
  • ChrissyLpwe
    ChrissyLpwe Posts: 22 Member
    So glad I waited until I was 33. No issues at all and I was "over weight" when I beame pregnant. :) Good Luck!!
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
    I got married at 27 my husband was 38. We have been trying to have children since 3 months before our wedding. I to hate answering question " when are you going to have kids"

    I say start a family when you a ready but don't wait too long in case you have barriers like I seem to.

    My mom was 30, 34 and 37 when her children were born. My younger sister was born on my dad's 38th birthday. My uncle was in his 40's when his children were born.

    Work hard to be healthy, talk to you doctor and I wish you tons of luck! There is no reason you can't have a healthy pregnancy at 34 or even 37.
  • TheMMan
    TheMMan Posts: 124 Member
    I was 35 and my wife was 32 when we got married. The "risk" of starting a family never crossed our minds. She had the kids when she was 35 and 38.
    Our kids were in a gifted students program at school and ironically, over 75% of the parents, and now our friends, and had their kids in the mid to late 30's. We were physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically ready to start our families and the results showed.

    Go for it!
  • MaryRegs
    MaryRegs Posts: 272 Member
    got married at almost 33-had first at 35, second at 36 and third at 39
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
    I am 41 years old and 30 weeks pregnant. This is actually my second child though. My first is 14-years old. This is my husband's first biological child though and he will be 44 in June.
  • Missellaneous02
    Missellaneous02 Posts: 70 Member
    34 is a perfectly reasonable age to have kids at, and you shouldn't have any age related issues. I am only 24, but I am well aware that I won't have the time to start a family until my mid thirties or so.

    I am the same age and I feel the exact same way. I almost feel bad for my friends my age who have kids. I have so much more to do before I settle down and open that chapter of my life
  • lenniebus
    lenniebus Posts: 321 Member
    Had my first at 32 and second at 35, and I wouldn't have it any other way :). My mom had her first of three at 32, as did her mom...my sister had her first at 34 :)...seems to run in the family!
  • knkmfp
    knkmfp Posts: 295 Member
    I was 38 and 42 when I had mine. Older than average, but I had trouble free pregnancies and have two healthy children.
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
    I am 41 years old and 30 weeks pregnant. This is actually my second child though. My first is 14-years old. This is my husband's first biological child though and he will be 44 in June.

    Forgot to add that for the most part, this pregnancy has been much easier than the one I had when I was 27 years old. I am much more aware of what I put into my body and what I should not. I also walk regularly. I was a couch potato at 27. And so far, my baby is healthy. The only issue I have is gestational diabetes which requires a strict diet and blood sugar monitoring. 34 really isn't that old to have a baby.
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
    so there is still hope for the "internal clock" to switch on? ... haha

    That's what I'm thinking! I'll be 29 in 3 months and have no plans for a kid...but all you people talking about pregnancies being "risky" during mid-30s is alarming to be honest.
  • Curleycue0314
    Curleycue0314 Posts: 245 Member
    My Husband and i had our first when i was 26 and now after a mischarriage last year(at 30) am struggling to get pregnant again. My biggest fear is to not be able to have another child. This has been uplifting, but I still worry that it won't happen again for me because of my age.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    so there is still hope for the "internal clock" to switch on? ... haha

    That's what I'm thinking! I'll be 29 in 3 months and have no plans for a kid...but all you people talking about pregnancies being "risky" during mid-30s is alarming to be honest.

    I don't think mid 30s pregnancy is risky at all. My wife and I were both 35 with our first and 37 with our second. She was low risk the whole way. I think once you get into the late 30s/early 40s is when the risk starts to go up a lot more. Having kids mid 30s is pretty common I'd say...all of my friends anyway are mid 30s and just starting families.
  • TheMMan
    TheMMan Posts: 124 Member
    I was 35 and my wife was 32 when we got married. We had our kids when my wife was 35 and 38. No problems. We were emotionally, physically, psychologically and financially ready.

    It showed because our kids ended up in a gifted childrens' program at school and over 75% of the parents were our age. They too waited until their mid to late 30's to start their families and had no problems. They had the energy and discipline to properly raise their children and 7-10 years later, all of our kids are doing very well and these parents are our best friends.

    Go for it!
  • Showmm
    Showmm Posts: 406 Member
    Hello I am 34 and my husband is 41. We have been married for 6 years together for 11. We are talking about starting a family this year. I know that there are risks, but we have always wanted a family (that is why I am here I want to be healthy). I know it sounds weird that I want to lose weight and then get pregnant, but with my age I need to be more cautious than somebody younger than me.

    I was 35 with my first, 38 with my second. No problems with either. I don't think you really have to be more cautious than someone younger. You have to be sensible, yes, but not cautious.

    I would go to your OB/GYN and tell them you are thinking about getting pregnant. They can do a simple blood test that will tell you how your hormones are doing and whether it won't be a problem conceiving or whether you should get trying now, as it might take a while to succeed. Being older doesn't necessarily mean you'll have trouble (I was pregnant after 1 cycle of trying with my first and first attempt with my second) but it could potentially slow things down, so it's best to get that settled and know where you stand.

    Good for you for trying to get fitter! But again, unless your doctor says you should lose weight first, I don't think that needs to be a barrier getting pregnant. There's never a perfect time to have kids, so don't wait for your ideal weight. You can still get fit whilst pregnant too.
  • TraceyG1971
    TraceyG1971 Posts: 123
    I have only been pregnant twice. The first time I was 29 and miscarried at 16 weeks. The second time I was 35 and now have an active and healthy 6 year old son. Both times I got pregnant I had lost a lot of weight before conceiving. Neither pregnancy was planned. It would seem that I become more fertile the healthier my weight is, so I will definitely have to be careful once I lose the weight this time...lol. With my second pregnancy, I was put on bedrest at 16 weeks, due to my body trying to miscarry again, and I was on it for the remainder of my pregnancy. The only thing that saved my pregnancy was the familiar feelings and discomfort I felt with my first pregnancy. I have an incompetant cervix.

    So, yes, I started my family later in life and losing weight may very well help you conceive in the future. There are definitely complications with later in life pregnancies, but your doctor should take your age into consideration and keep a close eye on you and your progress through pregnancy when it happens.

    And just adding a bit of a warning, since it is what happened to me, if you feel discomfort similar to constipation, don't push. When my cervix opened up, the amniotic sac was coming through, so when I pushed, my water broke. The doctor did not take my son right away because he was still alive. Three days later I started spotting, my baby had died, and then they took him. The doctor didn't want to take him in the hopes of maybe my amniotic sac repairing itself, obviously it didn't.

    Good luck to you and I hope you conceive and have a happy and healthy pregnancy. :)
  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
    I am just sick and tired of people asking "so when are you going to have kids" I tried being polite, but my husband's uncle kept asking so I finally said no of your damn business.

    Honestly? It IS none of anyone's business. The first time I got married, I was 24 and my XH was 25. I left him when I was 28. Throughout the entire 4 years of my marriage, we constantly got the "when are you having kids" question from my (very large, at least 2 kids by the age of 25) family. Then when I left, and they found out I left due to abuse, one of my aunts actually apologized to me for bugging me about kids all those years. She said something along the lines of "I shouldn't have said anything, because obviously, you were being smart about NOT having kids because of the situation you were in, and I'm sorry for the pain I must have caused you by bringing up that topic". Not an exact quote, but you get the idea. Since then, NO ONE in my family has asked when anyone is going to have kids. They've learned their lesson that not everyone is in a place to have kids (be it fertility issues, situational issues, etc), and that continually asking about it can be extremely hurtful, especially when you don't know the situation someone is in.

    I've been with my fiance for almost 8 years now (engaged for less than 6 months). I'm now 36, and he is 42. The absolute earliest that we would have a baby would put me at 38. But really? At this point in time, We're perfectly happy being child-free. We can travel, go snowmobiling, or go motorcycling whenever we want (outside of needing to get someone to feed the kitties if we're going to be away for more than a couple of days). If and when we decide to have a child, it is our decision. No one else needs to (or even should be) a part of it. At least my family has learned their lesson and don't ask any more. :)

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