So, whose fault is it?

DalekBrittany
DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
in Chit-Chat
I was thinking about this last night and thought it would make for an interesting topic/debate, though hopefully not too heated of one!

Here's the scenario (this is a mostly true story, and one of these men is a very close family member. I won't say which so I don't seem biased!)

A guy (Mikell) and his best friend (Gary) go out drinking. They are there allllll day getting drunk. Shortly before they left Gary's house, his wife (Deb) tells them both: If you need a ride, call me. I don't care how late it is. Please do not drive. Now let's say that Mikell and Gary decide that they won't call Deb and decide to drive home. Mikell drives, Gary gets in the passenger seat. For the sake of the scenario, let's say they both make it home just fine.

Now I'm asking you to out yourself in Deb's shoes: do you put the responsibility solely on Gary, for getting in the car with a drunk driver and not calling a cab, not holding Mikell at all at fault, do you put it all on Mikell for being the one that actually drove, not putting Gary at all at fault, or do you get equally mad at both of them?

I know where I stand, but I don't want to seem biased. So, whose fault do you think it would be?

ETA: in case anyone else is curious and doesn't happen to read my reply down there, no, they did not make it home okay. Gary is dead and Mikell is handicapped as well as serving an 11 year sentence for DUI manslaughter.
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Replies

  • Mazzyx
    Mazzyx Posts: 131
    Get mad at both of them. Both irresponsible! One for Mikell driving drunk and Gary for allowing Mikell to drive drunk, as well as getting in the car!
    Hope both of them got home fine??
    xxx
  • ChrisRS87
    ChrisRS87 Posts: 781 Member
    Both. I even saw an article in my local news where the police charged the passenger with vehicular homicide with the driver, they said because he knew the driver was drunk that his negligence contributed to the death of the pedestrian.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I would be furious with both of them, and they would likely both receive my hand to the back of their heads when I saw them.
  • speedgoose
    speedgoose Posts: 295
    Both for sure. I've seen/known too many people first hand that have been affected by drunk drivers. Anyone who contributes (and by contributes - I'm including just 'not saying anything and just riding') is just as guilty.

    I am happy that nothing happened in this circumstance, though. They should count themselves lucky...and stupid.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    Both for sure. I've seen/known too many people first hand that have been affected by drunk drivers. Anyone who contributes (and by contributes - I'm including just 'not saying anything and just riding') is just as guilty.

    I am happy that nothing happened in this circumstance, though. They should count themselves lucky...and stupid.

    Sadly, I tweaked that bit of the story for argument's sake. One of them died, and the other is wheelchair bound for the time being and now has the mentality of a teenager.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    I would be furious with both of them, and they would likely both receive my hand to the back of their heads when I saw them.

    Yeah, that was what I wanted to do to the one that's related. For so many reasons.
  • MsMuniz
    MsMuniz Posts: 399 Member
    definitely BOTH!!
  • hkmurphy83
    hkmurphy83 Posts: 262 Member
    Both! They both knew what they were doing was wrong. They both had a perfectly safe ride home from a driver who hadn't had a drop of alcohol.
  • VeganSurfer
    VeganSurfer Posts: 383 Member
    A couple of weeks ago, an old school friend of my fiance died in a car crash
    http://www.itv.com/news/calendar/update/2013-05-05/doncaster-man-dies-in-a1-crash/
    His brother was the driver (he survived) they had both been drinking. The passenger didn't have a seat belt on, he went through the windscreen, he was decapitated. Both to blame in my opinion.
    Imagine being the parents...one son dead, one facing prison for it, very grim indeed.
  • speedgoose
    speedgoose Posts: 295
    Both for sure. I've seen/known too many people first hand that have been affected by drunk drivers. Anyone who contributes (and by contributes - I'm including just 'not saying anything and just riding') is just as guilty.

    I am happy that nothing happened in this circumstance, though. They should count themselves lucky...and stupid.

    Sadly, I tweaked that bit of the story for argument's sake. One of them died, and the other is wheelchair bound for the time being and now has the mentality of a teenager.

    Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. That is a tragedy...I'm sorry you and everyone else affected has had to deal with this kind of pain.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    A couple of weeks ago, an old school friend of my fiance died in a car crash
    http://www.itv.com/news/calendar/update/2013-05-05/doncaster-man-dies-in-a1-crash/
    His brother was the driver (he survived) they had both been drinking. The passenger didn't have a seat belt on, he went through the windscreen, he was decapitated. Both to blame in my opinion.
    Imagine being the parents...one son dead, one facing prison for it, very grim indeed.

    Yeah, I can't imagine what the poor parents are going through right now. IMO, if you drive drunk, you're being selfish. You only think of what will happen to you, and not what it will do to your family.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    Both for sure. I've seen/known too many people first hand that have been affected by drunk drivers. Anyone who contributes (and by contributes - I'm including just 'not saying anything and just riding') is just as guilty.

    I am happy that nothing happened in this circumstance, though. They should count themselves lucky...and stupid.

    Sadly, I tweaked that bit of the story for argument's sake. One of them died, and the other is wheelchair bound for the time being and now has the mentality of a teenager.

    Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. That is a tragedy...I'm sorry you and everyone else affected has had to deal with this kind of pain.

    Thank you. It's a long process that we are all still dealing with, though this all happened a bit over a year ago.



    Don't drink and drive, kids!
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    bumping before it goes to the second page and gets lost forever lol
  • samischell
    samischell Posts: 40
    This could have been prevented a number of ways. they could have been dropped off whereever they were going to be drinking. If they were at a bar the bartender should have called a cab and stopped them, and the boys are both at fault for drinking then entering a car wo a dd. So tragic so many ways this could have been prevented. My prayers and thoughts are with the friends and family of the victims.:cry:
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    If you drive under the influence, it's your fault. If you get into a car with a drunk, that is your fault. This is black and white, there is no gray area.

    Driving under the influence or knowingly getting in the car with someone driving under the influence is wrong.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    This could have been prevented a number of ways. they could have been dropped off whereever they were going to be drinking. If they were at a bar the bartender should have called a cab and stopped them, and the boys are both at fault for drinking then entering a car wo a dd. So tragic so many ways this could have been prevented. My prayers and thoughts are with the friends and family of the victims.:cry:

    I agree about the bar thing. Funny enough the bar was called Felonies. They did not cut them off and I have a huge issue with that, but that's a whooole different story! lol And thank you, I appreciate that there are people that send good thoughts our way.
    If you drive under the influence, it's your fault. If you get into a car with a drunk, that is your fault. This is black and white, there is no gray area.

    Driving under the influence or knowingly getting in the car with someone driving under the influence is wrong.

    You would think it would be black and white, but it hasn't been. A lot of the family members on both sides are blaming the other completely. Knee jerk reactions and all that, but my mother still says that my uncle is totally to blame and no one else, and we better not dare say they share responsibility...
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,243 Member
    It's both their faults for being negligent!!
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
    Does anger or blame matter when one is dead and the other is permanently disabled?

    We are all personally responsible for our own selves. I've been in that situation and if someone insists on driving drunk, I do not ride with them. Usually when they see that you refuse to get in the car with them, they agree not to drive.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    Does anger or blame matter when one is dead and the other is permanently disabled?

    We are all personally responsible for our own selves. I've been in that situation and if someone insists on driving drunk, I do not ride with them. Usually when they see that you refuse to get in the car with them, they agree not to drive.

    I'll address this a couple of different ways.

    It matters because at first, it is all we had. Anger and blame at one person or another. Anger for putting the family through all of that, for ****ing up his life, for ****ing up someone else's life. There was nothing we could do at that point but be angry and try to find someone to blame. It is a natural part of the grieving process.

    The other way I would like to address this is that, for the sake of the argument, everyone made it home okay. I only added that last part in because people were curious if they did or not. I know how I feel about it, which is to say I think both of them were being irresponsible and selfish, but I no longer "blame" one or the other. I'm still mad as hell though.
  • Katina3333
    Katina3333 Posts: 259 Member
    You are responsible for your own actions... whether that is to get behind the wheel drunk or to get into the passenger seat of a car with a drunk driver behind the wheel. PERIOD!
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    You are responsible for your own actions... whether that is to get behind the wheel drunk or to get into the passenger seat of a car with a drunk driver behind the wheel. PERIOD!

    Haha well said!
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Get mad at both of them.

    Yes.
  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    I've called people to pick me up and I've gone to pick others.

    Hell I drove from Atlanta Georgia to some beach in North Carolina (6 hr drive one way) that one was rough.

    I've been stabbed, ran over, and then wrongly arrested for stopping someone from leaving my house drunk.

    I've gotten behind the wheel thinking I was fine just to realize I was trashed, pulled over threw the keys under the truck and went to sleep.

    I've had a cousin who was hit by a drunk driver and the guy didn't even know he did it. His father turned him in two days later.

    Drinking and driving doesn't mix, The woman in the scenario did nothing wrong, it's the two guys you can't control someone else's actions just your own.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    I've called people to pick me up and I've gone to pick others.

    Hell I drove from Atlanta Georgia to some beach in North Carolina (6 hr drive one way) that one was rough.

    I've been stabbed, ran over, and then wrongly arrested for stopping someone from leaving my house drunk.

    I've gotten behind the wheel thinking I was fine just to realize I was trashed, pulled over threw the keys under the truck and went to sleep.

    I've had a cousin who was hit by a drunk driver and the guy didn't even know he did it. His father turned him in two days later.

    Drinking and driving doesn't mix, The woman in the scenario did nothing wrong, it's the two guys you can't control someone else's actions just your own.

    I appreciate people like you. Just so you know.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    Bumping again now that some of you are home from work. I am shameless.
  • bodiva88
    bodiva88 Posts: 308 Member
    It's a good time to get people to think about this on the holiday weekend.
  • PrincessPoopiePants
    PrincessPoopiePants Posts: 8
    Debbies fault for sure.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Both at fault and I don't know if you have said, but I sure as hell hope they didn't hurt anyone else.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    If I were Deb I'd blame Gary because he's my husband and should know better. He obviously has some sense, since he married me. But I'd give the other dude a good smack upside the head as well.
  • Chickyjd
    Chickyjd Posts: 136 Member
    They were both drunk and they both got into the car, equally responsible for their own actions! They had the offer of a ride at any time, and they both chose not to make the call.

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