The Toddler-Parent Workout

Fitting in workouts can be hard when you have little people depending on you. Never fear, parents! Your loving little ones don't want you to do without exercise. Your toddlers have kindly decided to provide you with a rigorous full-body workout so you have no excuses to - er, I mean, don't need to inconvenience yourself by leaving the house.

Courtesy of your tot:

The Nursery Rhyme Shred

Perform 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' as fast you can - 10 reps
Any two of: 'Jingle Jangle Scarecrow' 'Five Little Monkeys' 'Ring around the Rosie' being sure to put energy into the jumping up parts - 10 reps
'If you're happy and you know it' 10 verses. Don't know 10 verses? No problem! Feel free to make up your own. Allow me to suggest 'if you're happy and you know it do some squats'
Row, Row, Row your boat, complete with vigorous rocking of your toddler until you can't bear to hear that song one more time.
Repeat daily for the next 2-4 years.

The Obstacle Dash

Climb over the sofa cushions which are on the floor for the third time today. Pick your way carefully through the minefield of blocks, toy cars and crayons. Jump over the tricycle blocking the door. Wade through the puddle of spilled juice. Weave in and out of the strewn goldfish crackers, trying not to crush them into the carpet. Advanced version: As above, whilst carrying a laundry basket so full you can barely see over the top of it.

The Scrub-a-dub resistance workout

Assume a hands-and-knees position. Proceed to scrub. Try some of these ideas:
-raisins ground into the carpet
-greasy fingerprints on the doors
-felt-tip pen on the walls
-stickers, any place they shouldn't be
-muddy footprints
or, my personal favourite:
-porridge that you somehow didn't notice on the wall until it had dried harder than cement.
Your toddler will be happy to set this up for you to do at least once per day.

The Sprint

Leap into the air and dash across the room to intervene before your toddler causes injury or damage. This is a good drill for improving your reaction times and explosive strength - as such your toddler will initiate this training at random yet frequent intervals to ensure you never let your guard down.

The Dead-Weight Endurance Workout

Your toddler will decide that he or she is no longer able to walk/stand and must be carried. For maximum challenge, this will usually happen when you have a long way to walk or a long queue to stand in. Alternative version: your toddler will become strategically limp in order to avoid having to get dressed/stop playing/move from their spot. Proceed as with the main exercise, only this time your toddler will be alternatively a dead weight and a struggling, wriggling octopus of rage.

Wow thanks kiddo! At first I thought you were just being a pain in the bum, but now I know it was all for my benefit after all!