How to Feed My 4 Year Old Dessert?

TAMayorga
TAMayorga Posts: 341 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I love my parents. I respect my parents. My parents did a great job of raising 4 children. But. My dad was born shortly after the great Depression, during a time when you DID NOT throw good food away. I was raised during the clean plate era. You ate everything on your plate, even if you sat at the table 'til bedtime and then you finished it for breakfast. If you ate everything on your plate, you got dessert. Clean plate syndrome is one of the reasons I'm on MFP today; I can totally eat (a LOT) without being hungry.

When my daughter was born, I tried to do things differently by letting her decide how much and when she wants to eat. Like her father, she is not a breakfast eater. Sometimes she will have a yogurt or some milk. But I don't push it on her. Also, if she wants a banana and only eats one bite, I don't make a huge issue over wasting the banana. If we have hamburgers and she only wants the patty, I think (yay! she's not eating processed carbs).

So here's my question: if she eats a minimal amount of her dinner and then wants dessert (typically a Fiber One bar), do I let her have it? Her dad wants me to say "No, you didn't eat your dinner" and I agree, to some extent. But I don't want her to end up like me who ate/eats food I don't want so I can have what I do want.
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Replies

  • AshleyPaleo
    AshleyPaleo Posts: 121
    Not sure, I was also one of those "Don't leave the table till you stuff yourself" kids also. Maybe make dessert fruit w/whip cream?
  • BoomstickChick
    BoomstickChick Posts: 428 Member
    I don't let my kids have snack if they don't eat their meals. If you can't eat the good food, you don't get snack. Even when it's fruit though, same rule. They need to eat their meats and veggies always.

    My mom's ex used to torture me by making me clean my plate. If I didn't, I'd sit at the table until school the next day. I refuse to do anything close to that, but if my kids don't eat, they don't get snack.
  • ethompso0105
    ethompso0105 Posts: 418 Member
    Dessert should be only after a complete and balanced meal. It doesn't have to be a lot of food, but she needs healthy nutrition first! I would say there needs to be an agreed upon amount that she is required to eat (to ensure health) before dessert. Always check with her pediatrician to be sure she's getting enough nutrients in her diet. While not forcing the clean-plate-club is a good thing, just a bite here or there is really no better.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    I went through this with my kids. It depends on how much she is eating. If you are monitoring and she is eating balanced, then yes. However if she is not eating enough good stuff and only wants the dessert, then no. That can be just as bad. You need to try to get her onto a routine to eat at regular intervals or she will have issues once she is in school

    I always made a deal with my kids, depending on what they had eaten throughout the day would determine how many bites of whatever we were having for supper (4 bites of meat, 2 peas and 2 carrots, or whatever it was). Worked at my house.

    Although we rarely have dessert, this also played into their evening snacks as well.
  • iwillwin1313
    iwillwin1313 Posts: 55
    My parents made me eat all my veggies, and depending on what I had eaten the rest of the day, some protein too. So usually they'd make a deal with me, that if I ate enough for a balanced meal ("eat half of your chicken and at least have some corn), then I could have dessert.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    Personally I tend to oppose using food as a reward / punishment (except, perhaps, in the context of training a pet). If her overall diet during the day is reasonably well balanced I don't see any benefit in withholding dessert as a punishment for not cleaning her plate (my parents were depression era babies too - I spent a lot of time at the table pushing food from one side of the plate to the other). If she starts to make a habit of it the simple solution is not to have any dessert that day (or do something like a fresh fruit salad) which means there's nothing to withhold.
  • Amy_Andrews
    Amy_Andrews Posts: 106
    I would set some sort of limit with dinner. She needs to eat so much before she can have dessert, to ensure she's not trying to fill up on snacks, regardless of how healthy the snack is. My son tries this trick with me --- tells me he's full at dinner and 10 minutes later asks for a snack. You just have to determine how much dinner is enough to ease your mind about the clean plate overeating and make sure she's getting enough nutrients from an actual meal.
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 862 Member
    I always had to finish my plate, too.. ugh... but no dessert as a reward - now I feel cheated! :P

    But there is also the issue of learning to obey the rules, no dinner = no dessert.

    If you are worried she will over eat, try to put less on her plate at first? Then if she wants more food, she can have more and doesnt have to finish that one.. but she can't have dessert untill she finished the first one. That way you can make sure she does get a certain minimum amount of proper food.
  • zytah
    zytah Posts: 153
    I don't let my sons have dessert until they are finished or at least eat a decent portion of it. if they eat a minimal amount, I will have them try something new like a bite of a new vegetable or something (the kids are picky eaters so they don't eat the same meals as mom and dad). if they eat it, I will let them have a small dessert but what usually ends up happening is they will like the new bite and want more of that.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.
  • juliegrey1
    juliegrey1 Posts: 202 Member
    you know Im hearing what you say Im only speaking from my own experience I have 5 children and My husband and I never pushed food on them if they didnt want it we dont do desserts only on occasion but I just let them eat what they want when they felt like it.we didnt keep fizzy drinks and sweets in the house so they were and are still very much a treat,none of thenm have any weight problems,then again that could be genetic,now this is just my experience I would never make food an issue!
  • romyhorse
    romyhorse Posts: 694 Member
    If my kids say they don't want to finish their dinner because they are full then they don't get dessert. If they don't like what they are eating I will make them eat all their veggies and then they can have dessert. I also think it depends on the age of the child. I was more lenient when they were younger, now they are old enough to understand the importance of a healthy diet they know they are going to have to eat some things they don't want to.
  • Pedalpush
    Pedalpush Posts: 246 Member
    Interesting quandary. I grew up hardly every having dessert after dinner - or any meal, for that matter. If we did get dessert, it was a real treat. "The Clean Plate Club" was big in our house. But my mother also doled out reasonable portions and balanced meals - and all three of us kids were not picky eaters.

    My oldest son (5) eats pretty well. He's always willing to try different things. The little one (2) is a PITA picky eater! PB&J most of the time. That's it. Makes me crazy. But they, like me, are not in the habit of eating dessert.

    If your little one is used to getting a treat after dinner, she should have to finish what's on her plate. Perhaps she could be the one to decide how much goes on it? But if she chooses an amount of whatever food, she should have to eat what she chose... Just a thought.
  • eliseofthejungle
    eliseofthejungle Posts: 113 Member
    Dessert should be only after a complete and balanced meal. It doesn't have to be a lot of food, but she needs healthy nutrition first! I would say there needs to be an agreed upon amount that she is required to eat (to ensure health) before dessert. Always check with her pediatrician to be sure she's getting enough nutrients in her diet. While not forcing the clean-plate-club is a good thing, just a bite here or there is really no better.

    This is pretty much what I was going to say.
  • nainai0585
    nainai0585 Posts: 199 Member
    With both my 7 yr old and 2.5 yr old, I have stood by the motto that if your too full to finish dinner, your too full for desert or snack before bed.

    As a side note though, dessert is very rare in our home and may happen once a week or even less then that.
  • koshkasmum
    koshkasmum Posts: 276 Member
    Food is fuel. I agree that you don't want your kids to eat when they are not hungry in order to get treats, but if the kid has room for a Fiber one bar, they are not full. Dessert is an extra - a little treat. In my home the solution was simple. We do not (and did not) eat desserts except on the rare special occasion (maybe half a dozen time per year). There is a lot more motivation to eat your meal if you know that a filling treat is not always available.

    PS: Save that banana! Cut off the bitten part and wrap it in plastic wrap. It will be fine for later. (or better yet, if your kid wants banana, give them a piece of one and follow up with another piece if they finish the first one.) Same thing with meals. Put a smallish amount of everything on their plate and top up if they finish and are still hungry. I did not grow up in the depression but waste makes me crazy - for moral as well as financial reasons.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I don't let my kids have dessert if they don't eat their dinner because otherwise they would skip dinner in favor of dessert. I also don't force feed them either if there are foods they truly don't like or they are actually full (been there as a child). I don't think that force feeding and teaching them to ignore their own cues leads to a healthy relationship with food or their body. I do listen to them and try to serve the quantities and foods they like, and encourage them to try new things. Parenting is about balance and not going to either extreme, imo. We also don't have dessert after dinner every night. They get treats everyday. But, only occasionally after dinner.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.

    ^this....and I love those things as snacks but it is still really disturbing
  • magerum
    magerum Posts: 12,589 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.

    QFT
  • skrakalaka
    skrakalaka Posts: 338 Member
    With both my 7 yr old and 2.5 yr old, I have stood by the motto that if your too full to finish dinner, your too full for desert or snack before bed.

    That's exactly what I tell my 4 year old. If he's still hungry he'll finish dinner, if not he'll turn down the rest of the dinner and whatever dessert or snacks there might be. That way he doesn't leave vegetables on his plate to "save room" for dessert.
  • Kpablo
    Kpablo Posts: 355 Member
    You should know the reasonable amount of food she should eat. I say play it by ear. If she only eats 2 bites of chicken and 2 bites of broccoli. You know that's not enough. Ask her to eat a little more, then go from there.
  • BrunetteRunner87
    BrunetteRunner87 Posts: 591 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.
  • hottamolly00
    hottamolly00 Posts: 334 Member
    The way I see it is that she's clearly not "full" or else she would also refuse the dessert. I would offer her the dessert but not until she has enough time to get "hungry" again AKA as a "snack." If she's still hungry, she'll eat what's presented to her. If she only wants the dessert, she'll just have to go to bed hungry for one night. The end.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I know my parents were like that i once tossed my green beans my step dad made me eat them out of the garbage i was tramatised for awhile. I have issue not wanting to toss food or have left overs. As for your daughter make dessert something healthier like make some pudding that has an avacado base you dont taste the avacado but its there hide the good stuff in tasty things until she is able to eat more. Kids tummys are tiny!
  • andyisandy
    andyisandy Posts: 433 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.

    ^this....and I love those things as snacks but it is still really disturbing
    me three, I mean dessert to me is cookie, pie, pudding, cake....damn now I want cake
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I think the most disturbing part of this post was that your daughter considers a 'Fiber One' bar to be dessert.

    Better than most desserts but still maybe not the healthiest of ideas
  • ClementineGeorg
    ClementineGeorg Posts: 505 Member
    Don't create a habit of rewards based on eating, no mather how much different is that habit. You should understand why, for the reassons you explained.

    Dessert after a meal is not good for digestion, especially at dinner, and especially for a children who's diggestive system is still forming. Desserts should be treats or snacks. Meals should provide all the nutrients and fullness on their own.

    Try to offer your 4 year old desserts between meals, like a snack.
    Desserts should be natural for children, offering them at the right time, in the right portion.
    But if you want to motivate her with something, ask her to do small tasks around the house appropiate for her age, like gathering toys after she plays. Still a reward, but not creating food connection habbits.
  • kayaksara
    kayaksara Posts: 157 Member
    I don't make my kids clean their plate. I try to get my kids to only take or ask for what they are hungry for. If they want more, I will make more. We don't typically have "dessert" in the sense of a sweet after a meal but if they ask for icecream or cookies in the afternoon or at night, my answer will only be yes if they ate reasonably that day. I offer other choices like a bowl of strawberries or watermelon or something they still really like but know it is more nutritious than the cookies or icecream. They are 10 and 13 year girls and are pretty receptive to this. If the "dessert" is healthy in the first place and they didn't clean their plate, I guess I wouldn't say no.
  • hottamolly00
    hottamolly00 Posts: 334 Member
    I know my parents were like that i once tossed my green beans my step dad made me eat them out of the garbage i was tramatised for awhile. I have issue not wanting to toss food or have left overs. As for your daughter make dessert something healthier like make some pudding that has an avacado base you dont taste the avacado but its there hide the good stuff in tasty things until she is able to eat more. Kids tummys are tiny!

    I disagree with this. Tricking them into eating healthy isn't teaching them anything.
  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
    If my kids say they don't want to finish their dinner because they are full then they don't get dessert. If they don't like what they are eating I will make them eat all their veggies and then they can have dessert. I also think it depends on the age of the child. I was more lenient when they were younger, now they are old enough to understand the importance of a healthy diet they know they are going to have to eat some things they don't want to.

    ^^^^this!!

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