Body shaming....what would you have done in this situation?

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Lifting_Knitter
Lifting_Knitter Posts: 1,025
in Motivation and Support
I am not sure if this is the right area for this but it didn't seem like chit chat fun and games.

My husband and I took my daughter to the pool tonight. It was all fun and games until a fight broke out with some of pool goers. There was pushing, screaming, swearing and it was terrible. It was between 2 females, one who was overweight and another who was obese. The larger girl was going nuts and had to be restrained. Once the fight was over and both girls left....

A group of average - buff guys were sitting around making fun of the girl who was obese...

'What was that? Do you even think it was married?'
'Did you take a look at her? Nah, nobody would want that?'
'Did you see how fat she was?'
'Girl was huge.'

And so on....and they were laughing the whole time.

I was disgusted, appalled and stuck. I wanted to say something....but how do you bring up the issue of body shaming and not start trouble? She was gone but it still made me sick. I wouldn't want anybody talking about me like that...ever. It felt so wrong to let it go...what would you have done?

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  • _rozamu
    _rozamu Posts: 119 Member
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    Unfortunately, I can't say I would have done anything. I really wish I could say something to them make them realize how hurtful comments like that are. Situations like that make me very nervous though and i freeze up.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    I wouldn't have said anything.
  • siqiniq
    siqiniq Posts: 237 Member
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    Because I too am obese, I wouldn't have said or done anything. It would have been inviting them to make fun of me. I'm sorry that I feel this way.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Douches are always going to be douches. You could've said something, but it wouldn't have done any good. All you can do is point them out to your daughter and say "Never date a guy who acts like that."
  • butterflyluv1218
    butterflyluv1218 Posts: 430
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    I only would have said something if she were still there to hear it. It's obnoxious and mean but that's humans for you. Neither of them would have said a word if they didn't have a buddy to show off for. This is the reason why I put my headphones on high when I excersize in public. Terrified of hearing someone call me something mean.
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
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    I really can't say what I would have done, but I hope I would have said something. But I also know it takes a lot of courage to do so.
    My grandmother was a survivor of the WWII camps and I grew up with the saying ""All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do/say nothing." by Edmund Burke. I always used to think that this only applied to the holocaust, but getting older and hopefully more mature/wise I am learning that it applies to all kinds of situation.
    Now I just have to find the courage to pair with what I believe and can stand up against an ignorant idiot the next time around. Don't feel bad, it is difficult to confront people who apparently were raised in a cave....but who knows, maybe the next time you can.....:o).
  • runawayescape
    runawayescape Posts: 58 Member
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    Unfortunately, I can't say I would have done anything. I really wish I could say something to them make them realize how hurtful comments like that are. Situations like that make me very nervous though and i freeze up.

    Same :( unless it was a friend or someone I knew I don't think I would say anything because I would feel intimidated.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    I would have written off the fellas as dlcks and moved on.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    If something bothers me that much I probably would say something. My response would've been snarky, none of that "you shouldn't body shame" stuff. The only way to get through to people like that is to give them a dose of their own medicine. I was at a burger king and there was a lot of Asian people working there. This group of high school guys were standing around waiting for their order and one of them said "what, is this g**ks are us?" I looked him dead in the eye and said it's better than rednecks are us. Not too nasty but it wiped the smiles off their face.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    I am not sure if this is the right area for this but it didn't seem like chit chat fun and games.

    My husband and I took my daughter to the pool tonight. It was all fun and games until a fight broke out with some of pool goers. There was pushing, screaming, swearing and it was terrible. It was between 2 females, one who was overweight and another who was obese. The larger girl was going nuts and had to be restrained. Once the fight was over and both girls left....

    A group of average - buff guys were sitting around making fun of the girl who was obese...

    'What was that? Do you even think it was married?'
    'Did you take a look at her? Nah, nobody would want that?'
    'Did you see how fat she was?'
    'Girl was huge.'

    And so on....and they were laughing the whole time.

    I was disgusted, appalled and stuck. I wanted to say something....but how do you bring up the issue of body shaming and not start trouble? She was gone but it still made me sick. I wouldn't want anybody talking about me like that...ever. It felt so wrong to let it go...what would you have done?

    You don't. Nothing you could have said, not matter how well worded, rational or pleading would have made those guys see the errors of their ways. Policing someone else's morality, no matter how well intentioned or executed, is not a productive endeavor.
  • goodtimezzzz
    goodtimezzzz Posts: 640 Member
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    well if both girls left who cares;)
  • Lifting_Knitter
    Lifting_Knitter Posts: 1,025
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    Because I too am obese, I wouldn't have said or done anything. It would have been inviting them to make fun of me. I'm sorry that I feel this way.

    No, I would not feel sorry for feeling this way. It is a tough situation and everyone handles things differently. I honestly froze but was fuming on the inside.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    There is nothing you can say that would make any difference to the way these guys think or act.

    I applaud your desire to leap to the girls defence but it really is not worth the trouble that may ensue for you if you had said something. At best they would just laugh in your face at worst the could get nasty.

    I know this from the experience of trying to defend a friend of mine who is obese, we were in a pub and a group of guys kept pretending there was an earthquake whenever she walked past. They thought it was hilarious so I had a go at them, they just collapsed laughing at me then. I was close to punching one of them in the face but my friend pulled me back and said "your just making it worse" and I realised that now EVERYONE in the pub was looking at my friend and she was even more embarrassed. I felt awful that I had just drawn more attention to her size and made her even more uncomfortable. She forgave me though and we are still friends all these years later.
  • TheBaileyHunter
    TheBaileyHunter Posts: 641 Member
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    Having been in a similar situation (young guys mouthing off about a girl's weight), and having been bullied about my weight for pretty much my entire life until I finally left school and found my own spine...

    I would have said something snarky. Something along the lines of 'Way to prove the stereotype of buff means stupid" or "Nice. Bet your mother would be really proud of you right now. Stay classy, boys. "

    Not my finest moment perhaps, but I have a zero tolerance to this crap. If my daughter was there, I would very clearly state, as another poster said, that these guys are the ones you don't want anything to do with. Ignorance has no place in a real man.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    Men talking amongst themselves.
    Woman do the same thing.
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
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    There's no point saying anything at all in some situations. And besides, those guys shamed themselves far more effectively than any rebuke.

    Its what's inside that makes someone truly attractive.
    Nastiness makes one ugly.
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
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    Ignorance has no place in a real man.

    Absolutely!
  • Lifting_Knitter
    Lifting_Knitter Posts: 1,025
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    Its what's inside that makes someone truly attractive.
    Nastiness makes one ugly.

    This is true! I am definately not viewing them them the same.

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