I am not sure if I believe in myself anymore

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littlecrystal
littlecrystal Posts: 110 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I am the only loser who has tried to lose weight for the last 5 years without success?

I gained lots of weight with my first pregnancy (was overweight to start with) 5 years ago and have been trying to lose weight since. I have lost max 10-13 pounds numerous times before I fall off wagon, start bingeing and gain it back. I am now at my starting weight ONCE AGAIN.
I have done it so many times, including the last 2 years on MFP, that I feel completely defeated. All success stories on MFP, while very inspirational, seem like “not for me because I cannot do it”, I feel like I am not worth all my MFP friends who have been losing weight steadily and moreover I do not believe I can do it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I start my every day with counting my calories. I normally lose it after my dinner by spoiling all day with a massive binge… I have totally lost my belief in myself. MFP is no place for people like myself.

It is obvious the problem is emotional but I don’t feel I can face AO groups or anyone face-to-face for support. I feel even more loser that I cannot find a willpower to do it all by myself.

I have 75 days left until the all-important-date but I am not sure anymore if I can do it. I would like to lose 22lbs by then.

Anyone who feels we can support each other for “the last time” please add me as a friend.
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Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,579 Member
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    Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • mavis2013
    mavis2013 Posts: 5
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    I feel like you. I have started and messed up so many times its depressing. I just want to give up, but I know that failure is not an option. I think what really upset me is know that I was only like 30 pounds from goal and now I am 64 pounds from goal. I tried low carb, low fat, ww, you name it. I even tried myfitnesspal and spark people in the past. MFP works, ww works, low carb works..we just have to work the system. We have to decide what is being healthy worth to us I guess.


    Feel free to add me, I know that we can accomplish our goals.
  • littlecrystal
    littlecrystal Posts: 110 Member
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    Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

    I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
    I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.
  • Lawngirl296
    Lawngirl296 Posts: 46 Member
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    I know how you feel, I hate being fat and I hate myself for being fat. There are people who will say it's not that you CAN"T lose weight but rather that you WON"T. I highly recommend this book: Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self [
    Frances Kuffel//the author also has a website I would really recommend,. It is not about the food and uncovering what it is about can be very painful.
    I believe in you, you can do it, we both can if we are willing to do the work. Blessings!!!
  • NadineSabbagh
    NadineSabbagh Posts: 142 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel... If I added up all the weight I've lost over the years I've probably lost about 20 stones, yet I'm still very overweight! I hate having to start over and over again. But this time, something has clicked. I know that this time I'm going to do it. I think it is because I invested in personal training. Having someone to hold me accountable really helps me from falling off the wagon again. You have to try and stop telling yourself you can't do it. The more you say it, write it, think it, the more you'll believe it and feel hopeless. If you find you're binging at night then perhaps you're not eating enough during the day? Make sure you're not starving throughout the day and also make sure you have healthy options in if you want to snack at night. I don't believe in drastically cutting out certain foods from your diet, however sometimes that's what it takes... A few weeks or months child-turkey. Take temptation out of your way, don't have junk food in the house, at least until you manage to control your emotions regarding food. I know you can do this - you're here on MFP aren't you?? That's the first step!! :) good luck, and I'm happy to help if you need any support :)
  • divinenanny
    divinenanny Posts: 90 Member
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    [

    I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
    I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

    You say "and my diet is ruined.". Maybe you can do something with that.

    I might assume to much here, but if you are saying this and then keep binging (today is ruined anyway), maybe you can do something to attack that thought. Yes you ate something you shouldn't have, and that's that.

    I know (from reading, not experience) it isn't quite as easy as that, but maybe this can be a start for you? If you recognize that thought, acknowledge it and then do something else you like. So for example, if you have a piece of cake (or whatever you weakness is), think oh, no, but then consciously move onto something else, like playing with your child or doing some gardening, or whatever you like that doesn't involve food?
  • SpazQ
    SpazQ Posts: 104
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    "Can't" isn't a word my kids are allowed to use.

    I'm a tough love-er.

    You CAN if you want to. Just like my kids and sports: it takes practice and determination.
  • Irkalla
    Irkalla Posts: 9 Member
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    I've been trying to keep off the same 20 pounds for the last three years. I know how you feel. The last time around, before now, I was pretty successful at it, until my ego told me I would be fine without logging my food (effing liar).

    Now I've thrown all of the junk out of my apartment, log everyday (sometimes in advance), keep myself too busy to bake and finally convinced my husband that this is something I NEED to do for my health and the health of my horse.

    I have really poor impulse control when it comes to junk food, but so far I've been handling it fairly well - haven't gone through the Starbucks drive-thru five times in a day! And when I do go I get either a nonfat latte to have with food or I get a drink that might as well be a full course meal and treat it as such. For the late night cravings, when I'm seconds away from making my own frosting (never learn how to bake!) I reach for a piece of fruit or a popsicle.

    The same diet plan doesn't work for everyone, but I think you should try emptying your cupboards of junk and other processed food. Focus on homemade meals, nothing precooked or that can be microwaved (except frozen veggies... those seem to be ok).

    Feel free to message me if you need any help :) I have tons of recipes on hand that taste awesome and are filling!
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
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    The fact that you are here and still trying speaks volumes about you. Believe in yourself, make small changes one day at a time and they will add up to big changes.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,579 Member
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    Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

    I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
    I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.
    This speaks volumes. It's an issue that you don't address. You have to really want this or it's never gonna happen.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • AJinBirmingham
    AJinBirmingham Posts: 497
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    Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Perfect advice. (I usually say, "Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend," but this is even better.)
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    You can add me as a friend. I will be happy to support you! I log on every day. Move forward and look at your diet and exercise.

    I took a quick look at your diary and saw some sugary food and not much of it, so you are probably starving by evening time. I suggest you eat some filling meals and include low cal veggies like broccoli that will keep hunger away.
  • terri_journey
    terri_journey Posts: 287 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel... If I added up all the weight I've lost over the years I've probably lost about 20 stones, yet I'm still very overweight! I hate having to start over and over again. But this time, something has clicked. I know that this time I'm going to do it. I think it is because I invested in personal training. Having someone to hold me accountable really helps me from falling off the wagon again. You have to try and stop telling yourself you can't do it. The more you say it, write it, think it, the more you'll believe it and feel hopeless. If you find you're binging at night then perhaps you're not eating enough during the day? Make sure you're not starving throughout the day and also make sure you have healthy options in if you want to snack at night. I don't believe in drastically cutting out certain foods from your diet, however sometimes that's what it takes... A few weeks or months child-turkey. Take temptation out of your way, don't have junk food in the house, at least until you manage to control your emotions regarding food. I know you can do this - you're here on MFP aren't you?? That's the first step!! :) good luck, and I'm happy to help if you need any support :)
    This is good advise!! Their are plenty of foods that are good to eat and healthy.
    Losing weight isn't about dieting, you have to change your mind set. This is a Lifestyle change. If not you will lose the weight only to gain it back again. You Can Do this!!! You are Worth it!!! :flowerforyou:
  • AJinBirmingham
    AJinBirmingham Posts: 497
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    And this: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. ... the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
  • littlecrystal
    littlecrystal Posts: 110 Member
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    Thanks all. I feel like I know it all and I try my best but after few weeks of fresh start I always lose interest and moreover feel worn out because of the effort.

    When I am on diet (=counting calories), every minute of it is tense as I try to harness my impulses, making myself too anxious waiting for another evening – yet another binge – to come.

    I mostly lose it when my kids don’t finish their foods and I feel terrible if I have to waste it to the bin.

    I feel like I am constantly trying to strap myself in order control my life and eventually it always gets too much.
    Surprisingly I lost myself several times after I weighed on the scale and saw approaching a weight loss goal – it was overwhelming together with the pressure and anxiety to continue in the same way.

    These are not excuses. It is just hard way of living the life. I know that people view me as lazy or undetermined which is not true… I will try and try forever...
  • jadeyq1
    jadeyq1 Posts: 178 Member
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    How about not having those foods that you binge on in the house at all. Or would you go out of your way to get food to binge on?

    Ultimately you need to address whatever the issues are that are making you binge in the first place and there are so many supportive people on MFP to help you do that if you don't want to speak to a doctor, although specialist doctors/therapists will no better than anybody how to help you.

    I wish you luck and I will add you as a friend as I love supporting my MFP friends :)
  • xampx
    xampx Posts: 323 Member
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    I started out heavier than you, and it seemed like a mammoth task to me. But I did it, 4 stone down and I have never been on a diet in my life!

    You need to understand your numbers. Your BMR is 1700, so up your calories to that. That should help stop you bingeing. And if you do binge? Don't think of it as the end of the world. You have a TDEE of 2050 (based on being completely sedentary) so you would need to be eating over 2500 every day for a week to put a pound on. Eating 2500 once a week and 1700 every other day should mean a steady loss.

    Also, have you considered exercise - just get out in the fresh air and walk, if you are like me you will think it sounds like the most unappealing thing possible, but when you have done it you will feel fantastic for getting up and doing it. Plus you can eat back your exercise calories! This is great motivation to get moving! I now go to the gym so I can eat cake! And sometimes I eat an entire large bar of chocolate in an evening or a tub of ben n jerrys. But I just get over it and start fresh the next morning.

    And set yourself a mini goal. 5% of your body weight is 4.75kg. Just aim for that, and when you get there, do something nice for yourself and aim for the next 5%.

    Essentially, you have to really want to lose weight and be healthier and happier. No one can do it for you. Its not that hard, it just has the occasional hard bit. Don't deprive yourself too much, eat the bad stuff, just less of it. Drink lots of water, move a bit. You can do it!

    And do not panic if the scale goes up every now and then. If you eat at a constant deficit, you HAVE to lose weight eventually
  • strongmindstrongbody
    strongmindstrongbody Posts: 315 Member
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    I'm here for you. I've been struggling for 10 years to get the baby weight off. It's so discouraging to go back and forth on the scale. I know it's the stress of motherhood and access to junk food that's gotten me my current weight. Those two things aren't going to change in my life, but how I react to them CAN. I will NEVER give up on my weight loss goal and neither should you. It's in us to get the job done this time around.
  • tljjazzy
    tljjazzy Posts: 3 Member
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    Please feel free to add me so I can support you too! :)
  • kristendube
    kristendube Posts: 37
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    "If you've invested enough effort and energy to get discouraged, you're well on your way to success. Discouragement is a certain weigh station on the road to any worthwhile achievement.
    If you know and care enough to be discouraged, you've made considerable progress. Learn what the discouragement has to teach you and then continue moving forward. It may seem as though you'll never make it, but in reality you're already there. Discouragement tempers and hardens you; it does not stop you.
    Reflect on your discouragement and you'll discover that it is a result of your commitment. You've already invested your time, your effort, your life. Soon, you'll reap the full reward of that investment. Let discouragement spur you on.
    Motivation is born of desire. The stronger the desire for something, the stronger the motivation.
    Endeaver to keep the promises we make to ourselves... We deserve to be treated with the same love and respect that we would give to others....."


    Add me if you would like

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