I am not sure if I believe in myself anymore

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  • ames105
    ames105 Posts: 288 Member
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    Never stop quitting. If you have a 'binge' and over eat, just shake it off and eat better the next meal. It does not ruin your day, your week, your diet. Just shake it off. Dieting and weight loss are not about being 'perfect', we are human and filled with imperfections. Everyone deserves little treats now and then.

    After a binge, just drink a lot of water and make sure your next meal is healthy and well balanced. Do a little more exercise if you can to make up for it, walk a little further, take the stairs, do something physical. It will also help with your mood.

    I think as you make small changes and they start adding up, you'll start believing in yourself again. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You can do it!
  • birdsncrabs
    birdsncrabs Posts: 5 Member
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    You just need to find that approach that works for you. Most of us may have figured out approaches that work for us. For me, I determined that a slow approach doesn't work for me, so I went in super-aggressive. I added drinking water before each meal to fill me up, adding too much exercise, and limiting my calories (some times too much). But you need to find what works for you and keep that up. You'll have some stumbles along the way, but just pick yourself up and move on. For me, tracking my weight weekly or twice-weekly keeps me focused and both the big picture, but also on sustainable interim goals. Best of luck and finding what works for you.
  • swat1948
    swat1948 Posts: 302 Member
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    Okay, obviously I have had some success losing here. This is the only place that has taught me how to lose weight and has given me the tools to do it. I am 65 and I have thyroid disease, that even with medication slows my metabolism. According to my doctor my thyroid hormones are normal but I cannot lose weight like I did when I was young with no problems in that area. It has taken me a year and a half to lose just over 100 pounds. You have to make up your mind and then stick to your guns. What do you really want, the weight loss or the food? Set your priorities and stick to them. Sometimes I am a bit harsh with my MFP pals and I'm sorry about that but if I am doing something I shouldn't, I fully expect them to put me back on track and that is why we are here, to support each other. Add me if you can handle some constructive criticism.
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
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    Maybe you should see a shrink.

    You are rude, go somewhere else with that.

    It was baldly stated, but it's good advice. The OP has what is, by her own reckoning, a mental issue that manifests as bingeing. The OP also stated that counseling isn't in her budget, so at present that seems to be out. Binge eating is best addressed by counseling (as well as certain meds to help while the mental stuff gets sorted out).

    OP, you've put what amounts to artificial pressure on yourself with your August family reunion deadline. Pressure can be a binge trigger - it is for me when there's way too much for way too long. Try telling yourself that people who love you will not care primarily about what you weigh at the gathering. Again, and again, and again - write it on notes and place them everywhere you look in your home. Bathroom mirror, fridge, etc.
    The kids' leftovers are just that. Left over. If it's a decent amount put it in the fridge. If it isn't, either start a compost pile with it or throw it away. You aren't a garbage can. You are a person worthy of self respect.

    (Edited to fix a weirdly placed comma)
  • daveofca
    daveofca Posts: 2
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    Try breaking down your opportunities for success into smaller pieces and just crush those with new habits.

    You mentioned the kid's uneaten food. Try a bunch of salt, keep it on the table and smother their leftovers as soon as they are finished. Or have containers at the table ready to put things away immediately. Both options are much cheaper than counseling and will more than likely be strong deterrents to kicking the leftover binge habit.

    I have found it near impossible to 'stop' doing something, but relatively easy to start doing something different or new.

    You might also consider focusing on just the positive and actively attack all the negative feelings that you have associated with your relationship with food.

    The smallest victories can and should bring a gigantic smile to your face (think receiving gifts or money.) The mere thought of food and your weight should not drop you into a self-loathing; this most likely will not only damage your progress, but also creates a very negative environment where not much can be accomplished.

    Start with smiling - try to smile each moment throughout the day. I know it may sound dumb, but it works surprisingly well.

    When you have found your smile is getting lost, figure out why and then get back to being happy. This will keep us focused on the positive. Negativity is too strong of a bully for positive energy. We must protect your positive energy like the defenseless wimp that it is.

    Figure out what is triggering your binge behavior and have a plan to counterattack the urge: gum, water, pushups, sit ups, a cold shower, pickle juice... anything that will help you overcome the trigger.

    Then, sit back and relax, and then you can weep at how hard this used to be and how easy it is now that you have stopped beating yourself up. That is a workout on it own, all without much benefit to anyone, least of all yourself.

    Now you can approach the disappointment with the strength of a person that can solve smaller problems (triggers) and with love for yourself both now (mistakes, failures and all) and in the future.

    What is having a body we would all die for without the happiness that we expect to come with it.

    I know it isn't easy but it is much easier once your attitude and brain show up to help, rather than punish you and leave you feeling crummy. I wish you the best success and most happiness.
  • StheK
    StheK Posts: 443 Member
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    I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
    I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

    Two things- the first is that one of the healthiest things I've done is learn not to give up just because I make a mistake. I ate a whole small pizza on Saturday, on impulse and because I'd made some bad choices before that (no breakfast, exercise in the heat, etc.) and I was beating myself up about it- but then I stopped beating myself up about it and had a salad for dinner, and got right back on track on Sunday. I allowed myself a slip without turning it into a landslide. That was hard for me to do- to not just give up on the day all together and eat whatever I wanted, thinking I'd start fresh the next day. But ever since I learned how to do that, I've been much more consistent in my weight loss.

    The second thing is that from what I can tell, this is definitely a big enough issue to see a counselor about. You are unhappy and feel out of control. You are losing faith in your ability to take care of yourself. That's huge. I understand that resources are a problem here, but if there are any inexpensive ways to get some help with this, you should do it. You need to feel like you are worth taking care of, and like you CAN take care of yourself. That's a huge deal.

    Good luck- even though your health is an issue only you can take ownership of, you are not in this alone. We all struggle with it to some degree.
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
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    I started out heavier than you, and it seemed like a mammoth task to me. But I did it, 4 stone down and I have never been on a diet in my life!

    You need to understand your numbers. Your BMR is 1700, so up your calories to that. That should help stop you bingeing. And if you do binge? Don't think of it as the end of the world. You have a TDEE of 2050 (based on being completely sedentary) so you would need to be eating over 2500 every day for a week to put a pound on. Eating 2500 once a week and 1700 every other day should mean a steady loss.

    Also, have you considered exercise - just get out in the fresh air and walk, if you are like me you will think it sounds like the most unappealing thing possible, but when you have done it you will feel fantastic for getting up and doing it. Plus you can eat back your exercise calories! This is great motivation to get moving! I now go to the gym so I can eat cake! And sometimes I eat an entire large bar of chocolate in an evening or a tub of ben n jerrys. But I just get over it and start fresh the next morning.

    And set yourself a mini goal. 5% of your body weight is 4.75kg. Just aim for that, and when you get there, do something nice for yourself and aim for the next 5%.

    Essentially, you have to really want to lose weight and be healthier and happier. No one can do it for you. Its not that hard, it just has the occasional hard bit. Don't deprive yourself too much, eat the bad stuff, just less of it. Drink lots of water, move a bit. You can do it!

    And do not panic if the scale goes up every now and then. If you eat at a constant deficit, you HAVE to lose weight eventually

    There is some solid stuff here. I would really recommend trying to understand your numbers and macros. :) It has helped me a lot!

    Try this thread here as a place to start: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13

    I know it may seem strange, but do not focus on "saving" calories for your binges. It sounds to me like you anticipate your binging (you think/stress about it during the day) and so you try to compensate for the possibility during the day. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy! By doing that, you are setting yourself up for hunger and that leads to your binge at night.

    Try eating more filling foods during the day (e.g. protein!) and spreading out your calories. :) I found that not trying to compensate for a possible night binge during the day, actually led to less binging!

    YOU GOT THIS!!! Seriously, you do <3.
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
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    "If you've invested enough effort and energy to get discouraged, you're well on your way to success. Discouragement is a certain weigh station on the road to any worthwhile achievement.
    If you know and care enough to be discouraged, you've made considerable progress. Learn what the discouragement has to teach you and then continue moving forward. It may seem as though you'll never make it, but in reality you're already there. Discouragement tempers and hardens you; it does not stop you.
    Reflect on your discouragement and you'll discover that it is a result of your commitment. You've already invested your time, your effort, your life. Soon, you'll reap the full reward of that investment. Let discouragement spur you on.
    Motivation is born of desire. The stronger the desire for something, the stronger the motivation.
    Endeaver to keep the promises we make to ourselves... We deserve to be treated with the same love and respect that we would give to others....."


    Add me if you would like

    This is a great quote <3
  • deenaspell
    deenaspell Posts: 227 Member
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    I am the only loser who has tried to lose weight for the last 5 years without success?

    I gained lots of weight with my first pregnancy (was overweight to start with) 5 years ago and have been trying to lose weight since. I have lost max 10-13 pounds numerous times before I fall off wagon, start bingeing and gain it back. I am now at my starting weight ONCE AGAIN.
    I have done it so many times, including the last 2 years on MFP, that I feel completely defeated. All success stories on MFP, while very inspirational, seem like “not for me because I cannot do it”, I feel like I am not worth all my MFP friends who have been losing weight steadily and moreover I do not believe I can do it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I start my every day with counting my calories. I normally lose it after my dinner by spoiling all day with a massive binge… I have totally lost my belief in myself. MFP is no place for people like myself.

    It is obvious the problem is emotional but I don’t feel I can face AO groups or anyone face-to-face for support. I feel even more loser that I cannot find a willpower to do it all by myself.

    I have 75 days left until the all-important-date but I am not sure anymore if I can do it. I would like to lose 22lbs by then.

    Anyone who feels we can support each other for “the last time” please add me as a friend.

    I completely understand why you're discouraged. I've been on here for 2 years and I lost 30 lbs. My goal was 35. Then I gained 15 back in the last year. Everyone struggles with losing weight and keeping it off. It can seem overwhelming that the scale isn't moving when there are so many success stories on here. Let them motivate you! Those people were once where you are now. Don't give up. Give yourself some grace to fight. You CAN do it! Friend request sent :-)
  • jakesfitness
    jakesfitness Posts: 123 Member
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    hello Everybody who is having trouble with sticking to your diets... First of all if you are calling it a diet, your looking at it wrong. you should be looking at it like a lifestyle change... its not a diet, its just the way you eat... My first rule of eating clean, especially when starting out, is: CHEAT!!! if you have bad eating habbits, and then just try to eat clean and drop everything coldturkey, its just like trying to quit smoking, you have to back off slowly or when you stumble you will fall hard... always plan out a cheat meal every week... notice i said meal, not a cheat day! eat as clean as possible and if you slip up and eat a brownie at work, then your day isnt ruined, you messed up, so move on and eat clean the rest of the day. then on your cheat meal, eat whatever you like... but dont stuff your face until you burst. use this meal as a release and your cravings for that food will subside. Eating completely 100% clean will drive you crazy and thats why when you fall off the wangon its lik you also fell off a cliff. Anybody can message me for help with their "diet" and ill help you get started in the right direction.
  • alltheweigh170
    alltheweigh170 Posts: 287 Member
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    I don't have any advice but am going thru the same issues, so replying to save this for when I am down.
  • birdsncrabs
    birdsncrabs Posts: 5 Member
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    Jake I like your comment. I treat my weight loss as a budget. Some days you may miss your daily budget (and you try to keep those to a minimum), but you balance it out by coming under on other days, so that it all balances itself in the end. So if you miss one day, you pick yourself up and eat healthier the next.
  • pdittman19
    pdittman19 Posts: 6
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    I agree totally with the one comment.... The fact that you are still here speaks volumes, don't give up! We are all here for you!

    I have ALWAYS been a yo-yo dieter, losing the same 20 pounds over and over and over again. This time it changed, I had enough and believe I found the assistance I needed to finally keep it off. I reached my goal weight 3 weeks ago and it is still off. You can do it too.

    The two key thing for me.... getting the fitbit. I thought I could eat 1800-1900 calories a day and maintain without exercising. If I ate more i would have to exercise. Boy was I wrong! I got the fit bit and discovered that I really can only eat about 1200 calories a day if I don't exercise too. That is all I was burning on a normal day (desk job). Now that I know what I burn, I know what I have to do. The other key, find something you love to do. I found Les Mills Combat. I love doing this exercise routine and actually look forward to it. It is all martial arts and really fun and I kick butt when it comes to burning calories.

    Now this may not work for you, but quit thinking diet. Bottom line, you have to burn more calories than you eat to lose. I am sure you already know that, but do you know what YOU burn in a normal day. Not what is calculated base on your age, weight, and height? It really was my key. You will find what works for you. And make sure you are eating enough so you body does not shut down.

    Please don't give up. You have all the support you could possible want right at your fingertips. And we all have been or are still where your are, or we wouldn't be here. I have my first challenge this weekend. I am going to New York City for 4 days to see my son. I am scared to death. I just have to believe in myself. It is a life change. You can do it!!

    AND if you have a bad day.... chalk it up as a bad day. It's not the end of the world and it certainly doesn't have to be the end of your weight loss. Just get right back on the horse tomorrow.
  • ken_hogan
    ken_hogan Posts: 854 Member
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    Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

    I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
    I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.
    This speaks volumes. It's an issue that you don't address. You have to really want this or it's never gonna happen.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I stopped when I got to this post because this is EXACTLY what I was going to say. All the support that WE give won't mean anything unless YOU are 110% ready to do it for YOU.
  • MissMormie
    MissMormie Posts: 359 Member
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    It sounds like you're doing the same thing over and over but expect it to work this time round. But as you have found out, doing the same thing gets you the same results. So you'll need to change something.

    You mention that binging at nights is your problem. Now this can very well be an emotional problem, but it could also be just habit, or because you ate too little during the day. Either way, this seems to be the place to make changes. Try any of the following.

    - Plan snacks in for the night. Change you calories over the day so that you leave 200 calories for something at night. Find a few healthy snacks that you can have for those calories that fill you up. Like a small piece of chocolate (for the sweet tooth) and lots of tomatoes. Or a small handful of cashew nuts (15gram) + low fat yoghurt. Try to find something that has a large volume so your stomach is full.

    - Distract yourself. Make sure you have an activity at the time you would normally binge. It's really hard to eat a bag of chips while you're outside for a walk and the chips are outside. Or take up knitting, something to stop you from mindless eating. Or, put on a mouth cap in the evenings like they have for construction or in the hospital. No mindless snacking if you have to remove that from your mouth every bite.

    - Keep you blood sugar level. Make sure you don't eat too many (or any) sugars during dinner, nor white potatoes or rice. These spike your blood sugar and once that drops you'll feel hunger pangs even though your body has enough fuel to keep going. Look for paleo recipes or low GI recipes for this.

    - Go to that therapist! If you've been struggling and hating on yourself for five years over food, binging and weight I'd say it's a real problem and worthy of some real solutions.
  • tlatrice13
    tlatrice13 Posts: 162 Member
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    You can do it!!!! SO what you've failed before! You HAVE to keep trying.
  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
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    I have sent you a friend request. Don't give up......no matter how hard it is we do need to keep going x
  • sassyann45
    sassyann45 Posts: 51 Member
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    Don't Give up on yourself!!!! Your are worth fighting for but only you can fight this battle. It is not easy and there is no simple way to lose weight. It takes work and being honest with yourself. I am 49 and have fought this weight most of my adult life with losing and gaining and giving up. Two years ago I started losing weight and I have lost a few battles but I am winning the war. I am feeling better, looking better and more active than I have been in years. I will win that war because for once I am doing this for me. 40 more pounds to go....I will not give up...

    You can add me if you want ....

    This weight loss journey is a journey well worth taking and you won't regret fighting the battle however, you will regret if you give up....
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
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    Maybe you should see a shrink.

    You are rude, go somewhere else with that.

    It was baldly stated, but it's good advice. The OP has what is, by her own reckoning, a mental issue that manifests as bingeing. The OP also stated that counseling isn't in her budget, so at present that seems to be out. Binge eating is best addressed by counseling (as well as certain meds to help while the mental stuff gets sorted out).

    OP, you've put what amounts to artificial pressure on yourself with your August family reunion deadline. Pressure can be a binge trigger - it is for me when there's way too much for way too long. Try telling yourself that people who love you will not care primarily about what you weigh at the gathering. Again, and again, and again - write it on notes and place them everywhere you look in your home. Bathroom mirror, fridge, etc.
    The kids' leftovers are just that. Left over. If it's a decent amount put it in the fridge. If it isn't, either start a compost pile with it or throw it away. You aren't a garbage can. You are a person worthy of self respect.

    (Edited to fix a weirdly placed comma)

    This is a great post.

    I agree with removing the deadline. I am doing MUCH better on my journey now that I do not have any "lost x weight by x date" things going on. First it was my graduation, then it was my sis' wedding, etc. all that pressure ended up sending my cortisol levels through the roof and was very counterproductive.

    I think considering a more leisurely outlook would be a good idea. Just small goals and one day at a time. :)<3 You seem like you are stressing yourself out and that is just no good at all! ::hugs::

    I also agree about the leftovers. I find a really good thing to do with leftovers is mix them in with scrambled eggs if you like them! Leftover meats, mac and cheese, pastas, etc. ALL go great in scrambled eggs. The eggs will add some great protein too!
  • BobOki
    BobOki Posts: 245 Member
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    I have to say, you need some tough love and a few less excuses.
    Look at my posts, I give TOTAL encouragement to all my friends, and very rarely post negatively, but your post reads like you are a victim, instead of the criminal. No one is forcing you to eat. No one is forcing you to binge. No one is making you just decide your diet is not worth it and to go eat.

    So I think besides your excuses, you are probably not helping by making this, A DIET. It is not a diet, it is change of lifestyle. You eat less, you eat better, you log, you exercise, and you do NOT do it so gung ho over board that you are hungry all day, or think of it, as a diet. It is a big change going from eating like a horse to eating like we should, and with stores like McDonalds with $1 McDoubles it is SOOO much harder than it should be, and I do not think a single successful person on MFP will disagree with this.

    So, besides telling you to stop the sob excuses, buck up and just do it, here some things I do myself to help, and they do. As stated, this is not a diet. Nothing will kill it quicker than thinking of it as a diet. You need to think of this as a new life. Imagine you have diabetes or something if it helps that you HAVE to eat properly. Now, what kinds of foods do you like? Are you a pasta girl, or a meat lover? I hope the later because that will help as meats are much lower in cals and filling. Start buying the lower cal breads if you are not already (Captain John Deserts or something). Start drinking water., YAY WATER!! Stop sodas. Even the low cal ones are too much temptation. Coffee!! OMG COFFEE is your FRIEND!!! Caffeine helps stunt hunger and has lots of valuable anti-oxidants and the like in it.
    Perhaps you should consider leangains.com? I was constantly starving before I did leangains, but after 3 days of pure hell (yeah it was hard) the hunger went away, and has not returned. I would like to think your self control fails when you are hungry, not just when you see something yummy. If that is the case, this will not only solve that, but also allow you to eat larger meals. It really really helps me, and also pushed me past the wall when I hit the loss wall.

    Don't take my stern post to be negative, I think that you still being here, you posting shows you do want to lose, and I applaud you for it, and will be happy to friend you and try to help as I can, but you have got to stop the excuses and start the effort now. BEST OF LUCK, I 100% support the NEW YOU!

    *EDIT* Friend request sent, I mean what I said and will be happy to send daily encouragement!
    *EDIT #2* Forgot to mention this, but it important. Screwing up one day does not mean to just stop. Everyday is a new day and everyday is an opportunity to do it right.

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