Ready to date! Any advice?

GrnEyz80
GrnEyz80 Posts: 121
in Motivation and Support
I'll give you a real quick background: I was with my ex for 2 years, and we lived together for 18 months. We were in love and talked about marriage and seemed very happy. Friends told us that we were the definition of love. Then 2 months ago he comes home from spending the weekend in Redmond with his friends and tells me it's over. He told me he "F***ing hates" his life. (Gee, thanks). There was no discussion, no fighting for us, nothing. Just like that it was over. He moved out THAT NIGHT. Needless to say I was devastated and have been having a difficult time ever since.

I've decided that it's time to start dating. I went on a lunch date with a guy yesterday and had fun, but the whole time I felt like I was betraying my ex...like I was somehow cheating on him!? So I've decided to really shock my system. I want to date, and date, and date some more. I'm not talking about sleeping around, but just meeting guys, hanging out with them, and just getting out and having fun! I figure the more men I date the faster I'll get over him.

Any suggestions? I am SO busy. I've thought about joining a dating site. I met my ex on Plenty of Fish....but eh, I feel like I"m just going to get guys who want to screw. Then I've thought about eHarmony, or ChristianMingle, but then I'm worried about only meeting guys who want to get married (which the guy I went out with yesterday is looking for). Well, ya I EVENTUALLY want that, but right now my end goal is just to have fun and go out. I'm attractive enough, there shouldn't be any reason that I cant get dates, right?

Replies

  • SimplySabR
    SimplySabR Posts: 48 Member
    First off, that is really horrible that he did that to you - I can only imagine how heartbreaking that was.

    Second, I totally support this endeavor! I was always such an introvert around guys when I was in school, and when I bought my house, I felt like I was going to end up being an old cat lady who would die alone - and I was only 24!

    So I joined Plenty of Fish. I didn't sleep around, dated 10-12 people from the site, several of who I went out with a several times a month. I ended up falling for the first guy that I met on the site - fortunately for me, he felt the same way :) We've been together for two and a half years now.

    Regardless, it was a great experience for me, just getting out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, allowing myself to be wined and dined, sharing funny stories (especially being able to laugh about some of the pretty traumatic but laughably effed up relationship demises that I've had), and just getting an idea of not only who I was, but what I was looking for in life!

    There's no reason that you can't get dates! I say, just go out and have a great time! Go where your heart leads you!
  • monica2410
    monica2410 Posts: 124 Member
    It's been 5 months for me so I feel your pain:flowerforyou:
    No advice as I'm going to start on-line dating too, when I get back from my vacation. Personally I want to sow a few wild seeds around before meeting Mr Right:blushing:
    I should have started before though, so congrats on getting yourself out there.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    Stop over thinking it and go out and enjoy yourself.

    If you make a profile you may get some guys who want to screw and some guys who want to get married. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do either.

    Personally I think a few casual encounters might be just what you need. I don't know why you're in a rush to get back into a relationship again.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    Personally I think a few casual encounters might be just what you need. I don't know why you're in a rush to get back into a relationship again.

    yah. some of those for sure. have some fun. I'd say if you see something you like, get his number, no matter where it is. thats how I do it.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    Rejoice and be glad!!! Some guy who obviously wasn't in it as much as you were has gone, and he went before you married him or got pregnant or owned property together or anything like that.

    This is good news in my book....and let me tell you, there are three men around every corner, the world is FULL of men!

    Have a little fun, be by yourself for a while, you don't have to have a boyfriend yet.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    Personally, I'd join meetup.com, and start joining some social groups or single mingles in your area.

    That way you can meet people in person, don't have to worry about their intentions, and you can have fun.

    I've met all the people I've gone out with through meetup.. and the last one stuck for once :)
  • DancingHev
    DancingHev Posts: 30 Member
    What did people do before internet dating? Or Facebook?! lol

    Get yourself out with your friends and enjoy being young, free and single and Mister Right could just be waiting in the right Wine Bar/Club/Gym/Dance Class etc . . . . .

    Personally, I'd given up on all men after being in a violent relationship then an emotionally controlling one. The day you stop looking, is the day he'll come, believe me.

    After a short while, I received a facebook message from a cute guy from school who I'd not really seen since we'd left (almost 9 years ago now).

    I was thinking 'Oh here we go, another one popping out the woodwork looking for a quick one nighter just coz he's seen I'm single!!' He asked me out for a drink, as friends, and part of me thought, "What's stopping me going for one drink? I'm single and can do what I please and if he isn't any fun, I can politely find a way to make a swift exit." and we clicked as soon as we met and the rest is history. We now live together and it helps being from the same area, having similar views on things and being the same age (I'd previously convinced myself I needed an older man). He really is my soul mate but all those years I'd spent with the wrong people, the right one was sitting there on my social network all along!!

    Maybe there is someone from your past who you had a cheeky crush on but never had the balls to say anything, maybe he's sitting there thinking the same about you??
  • drefaw
    drefaw Posts: 739
    Get out and mingle... And not just in your little town. I really think it is laughable that most people think they have to meet someone in their own locale. Really? How is it that there are millions and millions of people out there, and we all seem to only look locally for that one special "soul mate" ?? Don't limit your self ......get on the 'net and look around also ...
  • Kpablo
    Kpablo Posts: 355 Member
    I suggest being single for a while. Hang out with your girlfriends go out have fun and if you find someone on the way then so be it.
  • GrnEyz80
    GrnEyz80 Posts: 121
    Thanks for everyone's support and advice. Scarey getting out there again. I don't necessarily want to jump back into a relationship, but I have this twisted philosophy that the more men I date (not sleep with, just hang out with) the faster I'll get over him! lol Don't know if that will work or not, but it's worth a shot. :ohwell:
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member

    I don't necessarily want to jump back into a relationship, but I have this twisted philosophy that the more men I date (not sleep with, just hang out with) the faster I'll get over him!

    There's nothing twisted about that philosophy at all.

    It's actually pretty common.

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