Emotional backlash after weight loss
Nessalee77
Posts: 78 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
I have always been on a diet but for three years I was stuck in one place, around 72kgs. In January I decided that I needed help, so I started working with an amazing personal trainer and I'm 8kgs lighter, although it looks like more because I have much better muscle tone and shape now. I feel amazing and sexy and really healthy and energised, and physically I feel very strong.
But I have noticed lately that emotionally I feel quite vulnerable. I'm a bit more sensitive to small things like being excluded from a conversation at work or rejected by a guy that I like. I'm having to work through a lot more emotions about being single than I'm used to and also about aspects of my personality in general (I'm quite introverted and I feel a lot more shy lately)
It kind of feels like after all this time struggling with feeling inadequate because of my weight, I suddenly don't have to anymore and all these other things have come up to replace that.
Please don't get me wrong this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've just been surprised at the backlash and wonder if anyone else has noticed this?
ETA - also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.
I have always been on a diet but for three years I was stuck in one place, around 72kgs. In January I decided that I needed help, so I started working with an amazing personal trainer and I'm 8kgs lighter, although it looks like more because I have much better muscle tone and shape now. I feel amazing and sexy and really healthy and energised, and physically I feel very strong.
But I have noticed lately that emotionally I feel quite vulnerable. I'm a bit more sensitive to small things like being excluded from a conversation at work or rejected by a guy that I like. I'm having to work through a lot more emotions about being single than I'm used to and also about aspects of my personality in general (I'm quite introverted and I feel a lot more shy lately)
It kind of feels like after all this time struggling with feeling inadequate because of my weight, I suddenly don't have to anymore and all these other things have come up to replace that.
Please don't get me wrong this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've just been surprised at the backlash and wonder if anyone else has noticed this?
ETA - also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.
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Replies
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Maybe you attached a lot of expectations around what would happen when you achieved your goal weight and shape?0
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also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.
this, absolutely. When I was bigger, friendliness was interpreted as just that. At gw, it meant different things. Took a while to get used to that and learn to signal things/draw boundaries differently.0 -
yeah I experience a lot of crazy emotions0
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I'm sorry you feel so vulnerable.
I don't really have any advise...I'm a guy...and pretty emotionally detached, from most things.
I think you've done an awesome job though. Keep it up!0 -
there are actually study's I don't have much time but some study's prove when you lose weight you feel like an your being casted out of crowds and stuff0
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Congrats on your weight loss first of all.
2nd of all - that sounds like it could be an anxiety disorder? I'm no expert but it might help to talk to a doctor about it. Good luck
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Yeah, I have noticed I am a bit more sensitive as well.0
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Everyone gets rejected. Even hot people. Learn to accept these things and move on. Learn to accept that people will be attracted to you. Feeling scared? Take a kickboxing class and learn to kick some *kitten*. Carry some pepperspray.0
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Thanks everyone for your comments!
Anemoneprose, yeah, I am definitely learning that what I previously thought of as polite behaviour can now be seen differently and having to make some adjustments,
Neetneetneets, I've never had any anxiety before but I will go do some googling to see if it sounds familiar. Thanks!0 -
Maybe you are coming across as being full of yourself & people don't want to include you? <
not having a direct dig just a suggestion.
And well done on your hard work. Don't worry about people, you aren't always going to fit into certain groups, guys aren't always going to like you. Just accept yourself & forget the haters!0 -
Everyone gets rejected. Even hot people. Learn to accept these things and move on. Learn to accept that people will be attracted to you. Feeling scared? Take a kickboxing class and learn to kick some *kitten*. Carry some pepperspray.
Haha at 36 years old I'm thinking I missed the hot people bus but I'm pretty used to rejection so that's ok. Kickboxing could be fun though :-) 0 -
i mean no offense at all when i say this.. but it sounds like you didnt work on what made you GAIN the weight originally. you are still the same person you always were. yes im sure you hid behind your body before like we all do.. remember your journey. you did amazing things for yourself. you knew your worth.. remember these things. find confidence in yourself. the thing is you have to learn to love yourself. i know its hard.. but you just have to work on that and forget everything else. you rock and you need to know that. good luck.0
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Maybe you are coming across as being full of yourself & people don't want to include you? <
not having a direct dig just a suggestion.
And well done on your hard work. Don't worry about people, you aren't always going to fit into certain groups, guys aren't always going to like you. Just accept yourself & forget the haters!
I'm pretty sure I'm not coming across too full of myself, but it did occur to me that I might be boring people a bit with weight loss talk :-(0 -
The supplement St Johns Wort will help 0
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Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
I have always been on a diet but for three years I was stuck in one place, around 72kgs. In January I decided that I needed help, so I started working with an amazing personal trainer and I'm 8kgs lighter, although it looks like more because I have much better muscle tone and shape now. I feel amazing and sexy and really healthy and energised, and physically I feel very strong.
But I have noticed lately that emotionally I feel quite vulnerable. I'm a bit more sensitive to small things like being excluded from a conversation at work or rejected by a guy that I like. I'm having to work through a lot more emotions about being single than I'm used to and also about aspects of my personality in general (I'm quite introverted and I feel a lot more shy lately)
It kind of feels like after all this time struggling with feeling inadequate because of my weight, I suddenly don't have to anymore and all these other things have come up to replace that.
Please don't get me wrong this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've just been surprised at the backlash and wonder if anyone else has noticed this?
ETA - also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.
God yes!! Last time i was losing weight,i was feeling ok for the most part.But as soon as i reached my goal weight,i just flipped..too touchy,too needy and very vulnerable all the time.I guess it was all very overwhelming for me and at the same time,i expected people to be really nice to me as i thought people were mean towards fatties in general.Being used to ridicule due to my size made me expect a lot of attention and love from others when i reached my goal weight.Maybe you can relate to this in someway.0 -
Everyone gets rejected. Even hot people. Learn to accept these things and move on. Learn to accept that people will be attracted to you. Feeling scared? Take a kickboxing class and learn to kick some *kitten*. Carry some pepperspray.
Haha at 36 years old I'm thinking I missed the hot people bus but I'm pretty used to rejection so that's ok. Kickboxing could be fun though :-)
Oh, please. I'm sure people were checking you out before you lost weight. Yes, boxing is very empowering. Learn how to knock somebody out and have a good vent in the process. It' could clear your head of all these weird "emotions". I'm 34 so not far behind and looking hot is my prerogative.0 -
Maybe you are coming across as being full of yourself & people don't want to include you? <
not having a direct dig just a suggestion.
And well done on your hard work. Don't worry about people, you aren't always going to fit into certain groups, guys aren't always going to like you. Just accept yourself & forget the haters!
I'm pretty sure I'm not coming across too full of myself, but it did occur to me that I might be boring people a bit with weight loss talk :-(
Oh, people definitely resent it. It's hard not to talk about something you've experienced as so empowering, given what it takes. It's the one area of life where effort -> reward pretty directly, which is exciting. Especially because of all the potential a changed body offers. But no one wants to hear about it (I've learned
.
Women who want to lose weight but still think in terms of diets, or who aren't at a point at which their motivation's all in order to do it, can sometimes act like jerks without your saying a word, though. (Often, they're the happily married ones, who really are quite comfortable in their lifestyles.) So there's that, too.
Mid-thirties = a strange time all around, I think for women especially. You're forced into taking stock - and maybe making decisions - in an uncomfortable way. But, many more doors open when you can find a way to enjoy what's in front of you. If the idea of marriage and all that's part of what's bothering you, look around - people increasingly marry later and later (or for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time), or not at all.
I think you might have an easier time having fun, and accepting your life, and taking challenges on, if you find other single people near you who are doing the same.
Congrats on your success 0 -
I used to feel the way you are. Though I haven't met my goal weight yet, I've lost a bit of weight, enough for people to notice. Granted, I've kinda learned within the past couple of months that people can be debbie downers. I've learned to not let other people affect me, my goals, and my feelings (though it can be hard at times). I've just learned to "do me" and if people can't accept that, then they aren't worth my time! It's kept me happier and I'm able to focus on my inner being. I've always been quite a sensitive person, but I would say I'm more in control of those feelings now.
Once you learn to be able to be happy just being by yourself, you'd be surprised what you can learn about yourself and what you can understand about yourself. You'd be able to better understand and control your emotions too.
I'm not sure if any of that is relevant to this post, just thought I would add it. 0 -
I understand what you're going through.... I'm a thousand times more self conscious now than ever was at 300+ ..... I never would have thought that at 166 I would be so sensitive about my weight still... When people compliment me, I always say its just what I'm wearing...Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
I have always been on a diet but for three years I was stuck in one place, around 72kgs. In January I decided that I needed help, so I started working with an amazing personal trainer and I'm 8kgs lighter, although it looks like more because I have much better muscle tone and shape now. I feel amazing and sexy and really healthy and energised, and physically I feel very strong.
But I have noticed lately that emotionally I feel quite vulnerable. I'm a bit more sensitive to small things like being excluded from a conversation at work or rejected by a guy that I like. I'm having to work through a lot more emotions about being single than I'm used to and also about aspects of my personality in general (I'm quite introverted and I feel a lot more shy lately)
It kind of feels like after all this time struggling with feeling inadequate because of my weight, I suddenly don't have to anymore and all these other things have come up to replace that.
Please don't get me wrong this is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I've just been surprised at the backlash and wonder if anyone else has noticed this?
ETA - also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.0 -
maybe you re just normal now and have the normal expectations normal weighted people have but they are all new to you !!!!!!!!!!!!0
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Haha at 36 years old I'm thinking I missed the hot people bus but I'm pretty used to rejection so that's ok.
Don't you believe it, hot comes at all ages. And I'm sure you're as hot as your profile pic. One of the nice things I find about getting older is the number of hot women just keeps getting bigger and bigger :laugh:0 -
ETA - also I feel very conspicuous these days, like everyone is watching me a bit and I'm finding that quite uncomfortable. I also feeli less safe walking through the city now, I've had unwanted attention twice in the last month which never happened before.
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I've also been feeling this way, in fact, I searched "vulnerable" to see if anyone else feels this way. At first, I like the attention, but then I start feeling very exposed. This happened tonight...a lot of guys hit on me...and my reaction was to binge. Like I want to put back on the fat layer that protected me in some ways. I want to be fit and healthy, but I hate feeling vulnerable. Any suggestions?0 -
Everyone gets rejected. Even hot people. Learn to accept these things and move on. Learn to accept that people will be attracted to you. Feeling scared? Take a kickboxing class and learn to kick some *kitten*. Carry some pepperspray.
Haha at 36 years old I'm thinking I missed the hot people bus but I'm pretty used to rejection so that's ok. Kickboxing could be fun though :-)
let's just stop this one right here. Firstly, you didn't miss the "hot people" bus... you could be the bus driver. Just sayin.
And I would suggest that maybe you've *always* been excluded, but that before, you didn't feel worthy enough to be included. Maybe now, you feel like you've "paid your dues" and should be included in things.
Relationships (of all kinds) are work. If you want to be included, the first step is to include *yourself*... become NOT used to rejection. It might take a little courage, but when you hear people talking, just walk up and say "I overheard you talking about X, and that sounds really fun/interesting/whatever. Can I join in?"
Once people become accustomed to YOU being included, you will be included. And learn to talk about things that are more interesting than weight loss! :^)0 -
It's kinda funny you say this...
Maybe 6 months ago, before I started on my determination to get fit and lose weight, I hit something of a personal crisis. I'm in my early 40s, my hair is grey, I'm obese and I feel OLD.
I figured I could keep plodding along and complaining about it, dyeing my hair and so on, or I could DO something. I started small. I signed up for World's Greatest Shave - ostensibly to raise money for the Lukaemia Foundation, but secretly because I felt that shaving my head to get rid of the regrowth was the best way to start redesigning myself.
And OH boy did that put me out of my comfort zone! After having shoulder-length or longer hair for my whole life, being completely bald was both terrifying and exhilarating! I'd gone from hiding behind my hair when I wanted to avoid a situation to everyone staring at me, strangers talking to me, and generally being right out there in public.
This triggered the rest, and now I'm on my way to losing weight publicly - I go and run in public, I do group fitness sessions, all the things I would NEVER have been seen doing for fear of people staring at my outrageous efforts.
I guess what I want to say is YES I have felt exactly like that in a same-but-different way. I'm hoping that having lost my inhibitions with my hair will go a long way towards not copping the backlash when I hit my goal weight.
Congratulations to you! Here's to working through the mental morass :-)0
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