So...What's My Excuse For Today?

To the OP, hats off to you! I too had a rough upbringing and went from child to adult and single mother over night. My saving grace was realizing I don't want my kids to have to raise their kids without me around because eating was more important than knowing my grandkids. Now, I am pleased that not only will I know them, but I will easily chase them around. Something I was not so able to do with my kids.

You brought up a VERY IMPORTANT point to this whole post about excuses.

Warning...Something serious is coming. This is going to hurt some of you.

The day will come, when no amount of excuses can justify how terrible you feel in your own body and about yourself.

The most horrible moment comes, when you realize that you (as a parent) helped to teach your children your bad eating habits. You feel like a failure as a parent, when you child is fat and gets called names...like Whale. That was the cruel nickname the some nasty kids at his school gave to my son, and that name stuck to him for years. He would try to joke about that nickname and his size, but he and I both knew that it hurt him a lot.

Those things that hurt him also hurt me, because I blamed myself for his overeating...his food habits. My beautiful boy grew up to be a very fat man and committed suicide at age 33. He never felt good about himself and was obese from an early age. He died weighing about 350 pounds and still feeling like he just wasn't good enough to be loved.

I couldn't help him with his food choices, when he was growing up...because I couldn't even help myself. I taught him by my own example how to eat badly, hide my food and make excuses.

Now, there's a good excuse to over-eat, if you need one; but are you willing to sacrifice your child to use it?

One of my MFP sister asked my a very important question on my blog which started this post. Here is her question and my response.

"I'm curious to ask, and hope it's not too personal a question: has it become easier for you to be more disciplined about food now that you are in an unconditionally loving and supportive relationship?"

The answer is NO and YES.

I have been married to my wonderful hubbie for 8 1/2 years. It took me a long time to accept that he really loved me, when I was so fat. He always told me that I was beautiful and would even point out normal size women and say that I was more attractive than them.

I thought that he had a warped idea of what women should weigh. That seemed to be validated by the fact that all of his sisters were heavy. One was even much heavier than me, and I was over 280 pounds. I was shocked to find out that his former wife and one of his daughter had both weighed more than 350 pounds. Both of them had gastric surgery and lost more than 150 pounds each.

So, I just thought that he liked his women fat. He certainly supported my eating. It was Ed who bought me dozens of candy bars and pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. He was the one who kept telling me that I was gorgeous and sexy. He never questioned my health and insisted that I couldn't possibly weigh more than him. In his mind, I never did weigh over 280. Even when I stood on the scale, he would say the scale was wrong.

For 8 years, my hubbie was the perfect man for me...a loving, supportive enabler.

I didn't see a change in him, until the day that he and I met with my surgeon. That's when Ed got to see the x-rays of my knees and hear the doctor tell me that both of my knees needed replacing and I should not be standing. I know that Ed really got worried, when the doctor mentioned I was at risk for a green stick fracture, a break running lengthwise through the bone. In the x-ray, both of us could see all the small cracks in the bone heads. This was NOT GOOD.

The surgeon told me that I was a great candidate for double knee replacement surgery; and Ed immediately commented, "Good. Do it now...today." He didn't want anything bad to happen to his girl.

Unfortunately, the surgeon added the condition that I had to lose 70 pounds, before I could have that surgery.

I spent the next month looking into gastric surgery, which my doctor and surgeon were both willing to order; but I didn't like the idea of making permanent changes to my guts and the possible complications. Ed didn't say anything; he just waited for me to decide what I wanted to do. I am quite sure that he would have supported me, no matter what I decided...even if I chose to just stay fat.

Thanksgiving week was spent with Ed's sister, and I had finally decided to 'DIET'...that nasty 4-letter word. Ed knew what I was doing, as I carefully selected only a few thin slices of turkey and some salad, while everyone else including Ed filled their plates.

In December, I took it a step further and started consuming only meal replacement shakes and bars each day. Ed was there for me, during that first month of nothing else but meal supplements. He helped me clear out the kitchen cupboards and give away laundry baskets full of food...including some of his favorite things.

It was about that time, Ed's doctor mentioned that he could stand to lose some weight. He was already on cholesterol and blood pressure meds. So, he was really on board for a change in our eating, though he wasn't going to eat like me. He just cut out some of the fatty food and starches.

In December, Ed was delighted, when my doctor told me to start adding 'real food' to my 'diet'. I still hate that word. That's when I decided to count calories and found MFP.

With MFP came a big change in my eating. I wasn't on a 'diet' anymore. I had a food plan for each day. I was already losing weight and so was Ed. Though he never joined MFP, Ed was so curious about all my new friends and my food plan. He began reading labels and trying to find low fat/low calorie substitutes for our kitchen.

Is Ed still my unconditionally loving, supportive partner in my life? YES, but now he and I are both eating less calories and eating healthy choices. Ed is no longer supporting my bad habits. He is cheering me on to Onederland and beyond.