Really in need of motivation

xfilme · June 2013

Hi everyone, I'm new here. Im 35 years old, female and I currently weigh 180lbs. I was pretty thin up until my mum passed away in 2008 and then I guess I must have started comfort eating or something as its only gone up since then.

I suffer from social anxiety, and health anxiety. My body issues are now adding low self esteem to th mix and I need to address the issue soon. My lack of confidence has resulted in me being single for alomst a decade and something has to change. I feel like I'm stuck in someone elses body.

I have tried a controlled diet and it makes little difference. I have over the years taken up strict exercise regimes for fairly long periods of time but there has been no difference to my weight. I don't really know what I'm doing wrong or whether I am not being realistic about how much I hope to lose over however long a period.

I lead quite a sedentary life as I work from home. Due to my social anxiety, it is not possible for me to join a gym, nor is it financially viable right now. I need to exercise from home.

I do not each much sweet food or fried food. I dont eat many potatoes or pasta. Maybe Im getting something totally wrong as I dont feel Im even a big eater.

I recently purchased a wii and Just Dance which makes me really break a sweat fast and its good cardio exercise. From what I gather cardio is good for weightloss, so maybe I'll be the first one here losing weight via a dance game. If anyone else is doing the same I'd love to hear about how you are getting on with it, and maybe keep in contact for the sake of motivation.

Im not entirely sure how bad I am in terms of obesity. I guess Ive always been in denial, as I don't feel as large as I am. I only really see it when i look in photos. Especially when I see myself in profile. I know I have to lose weight. Im only 5'4" which kinda accentuates it.

I guess I need reassurance that its even possible for me to shift it as Ive never had success in the past. Oh well, here goes I guess. I can but try.

jem302 · June 2013

My boyfriend suffers from social anxiety disorder. It can be crippling, I feel for you.
Are you able to go for walks around your neighbourhood in place of joining a gym? Even if that's tough maybe at home try watching youtube videos about fitness and following along, or even doing jumping jacks during commercials while you watch tv, anything like that.

crisbabe81 · June 2013

You've taken a first step which is huge. I'm 31 5'3 and current weight is 198... You can lose weight even working out at home. Cardio and Arobics are great, both can be done with the wii They have quite a few fitness games on there. I started my weightloss in 2009 at 275, I did hit 150 back in 2011, but got side tracked and got back up to 225. I jumped back into weightloss 2 months ago and dropped 27lbs... Take it one day at a time.

xfilme · June 2013

I can go for walks, but walking never seems to have made a difference. If only I wasnt trapped with this social anxiety, I might be able to join some kind of group, like yoga or pilates or something, but that's just out of the question for me. Its good that atleast someone understands the condition here, which is reassuring in itself. I think Just Dance is my answer, I just need to structure my day in a way that wont throw my work out.

Is your profile picture Lucille Bluth, Jem?

xfilme · June 2013

thanks Cris, thats really inspiring. I think its the whole duration thing that puts me off. The thought that it will take me 6 months before itll even start making a remote difference, or atleast thats what my dad always say. In saying that, its my dads backwards idea of motivation that is bringing me to ask you lot for help rather than relying on his pearls of wisdom that kinda make me think' why bother trying'.

cherryblossomrose · June 2013

Hi there
You are signed up with My Fitness Pal (MFP) so you have made a brilliant start. Well done.
Key things I have found that have worked for me over the past month (I have lost 1/2 stone in 4 weeks):-

Be completely honest with what you are recording on MFP - don't forget the little snacks that you sometimes honestly forget that you have grazed on absentmindedly - I do it all too often. Make every calorie appear on your record (you are cheating yourself, no one else if you don't record it)

Keep healthy snacks in the house. I am into carrot sticks and grapes currently, so have a supply in the fridge if I get peckish.

If possible, don't buy in the biscuits, cakes etc (unless you have others in the household who can legit eat them!).

I bought myself a gram weight scales (Asda £8.99) and weigh all my food - don't been fooled by trying to guess.

Try to record what you have eaten as soon as possible. If I plan my meals for the day ahead it also stops me straying. If I get hungry between planned meals, I make a weak tea (and record the calories) or drink some water.

Allow for snacks, but make sure they are healthy ones - fruit is what I try to go for, or a snack bar (one of the healthier ones)

Eat slowly and savour every mouthful - it will help you feel fuller and enjoy the food at the same time.

Drink loads of water - I have found my skin is sooo much smoother and silkier, so an added bonus. Also helps to fill you up.

My 'sin' is cups of milky coffee but I include it in my calorie allowance, and I have weaned myself off sugar in coffee.

I always underestimate the effort I put into exercise on my recording. The only exercise I do is walking everywhere as much as I can - kids to school, work, shops - and walk as hard and fast as I can so that I am breathing hard. I also have a weighted hula hoop which I find relaxing if I can find an odd 15 mins during the day, and use this in the garden (too much to knock over in the house!). This has helped to tone my waist - pull in your tummy muscles and clench those buttocks - you will feel it the next day. build up the time you do it.

I find reading others' posts very helpful too - there is always a snippet of wisdom that sticks with you and helps you stay on the straight and narrow.

I try to see this as a journey, and am doing my best to enjoy it. I have a long way to go yet, but hope I can continue on the same track. MFP has been very helpful to me this far.

Good luck!

foodfastfit · June 2013

I think cardio first thing in the morning is most effective. You only have your fat stores to fuel your workout. Anxiety kept me out of the gym for a long time. It's also worked against me in many aspects of my life. Having a friend introduce me to the gym helped. I also go to the gym with headphones and a baseball cap over my eyes to help tune out the world. However, fat loss is mostly about what I do in the kitchen. I use myfitnesspal to track everything I eat and keep the carbs under 30g/day. Weight loss can be quick if you know what you're doing. I recommend reading "The 4-hour Body" by Tim Ferriss.

xfilme · June 2013

thanks Cherry. Im glad you mentioned about the milky coffee because thats my weakness too. Ive just tied to get myself back into tea as its not as fattening in comparison. With regards your suggestions, I am always honest with these kinda things, otherwise theres no real point in doing them. As far as snacks go, I live alone, so I avoid buying cakes, biscuits or sweets just because I dont trust myself to be responsible if I have a moment of weakness. I, like you, have recently trained myself not to have sugar in my coffee. I would for the best part say my diet isnt unhealthy. I dont use cooking oil in anything, I use semi-skimmed milk and I never eat processed food. I occasionally eat something bad for me, but thats not something that happens often. SO Im kinda presuming it must be to do with exercise.

A while back I was drinking about a pint and a half of milk a day just in coffees, with sugar on top of that. I think my weight has been fairly gradual, and I know it stems from bereavement where for a year or so, I just stopped caring about anything.

I have a big fat double chin, and a big saggy belly and massive thighs. I don't want to be like this anymore.

xfilme · June 2013

thanks foodfast. I guess I find it difficult calculating calories I dont know what the system here is like. Do you weigh your food as well in order to calculate what calories youre eating?

foodfastfit · June 2013

Yes! I weigh my food on an Ozeri Touch Professional Digital Kitchen Scale I found on Amazon. It has a smooth surface to help with grossness

I minimize packaged foods, so I pretty much have to weigh everything. Mostly importantly, count those carbs! I'm confident that's made the most difference.

cherryblossomrose · June 2013

Hi again,
Make sure you set your Fitness Goals in MFP too (use the recommended guided settings). This will help guide you with your permitted calorie allowance each day. Give yourself a target on exercise amount each week - keep it realistic for you and don't be over-ambitious at the start. Sorry if I am stating the obvious here, and apologies if I did so earlier!

Many years ago, as a stressed teenager, I went overboard on fitness and weight loss, and ended up anorexic before it was generally something that was talked about. Being diagnosed shocked me out of the condition, I am pleased to say (and then put on lots of weight over the next couple of decades). My experience from then, and now, is that it is a combination of both how much you fuel your body with food, and the exercise you do to tone up. I don't think you can have one without the other. Both are relevant and contribute to overall weight loss.

djwife03 · June 2013

I commend you on your posting in MFP and stepping out of your comfort zone! A step is a step, no matter how small! How about walking outside? Do you live on a quiet road? You could take a walk each day and not worry about any social situations. You will find a lot of support here! We ALL have our inner struggles, so just know you are not alone!

cherryblossomrose · June 2013

PS sticking your tongue out to try to touch your nose repeatedly (in the privacy of the bathroom!) helps with toning the old chin; sit ups in front of the tv for tummy (start with a neck raise only, with hands supporting your head initially); and recently I read about great inner thigh exercise that I do around the house when I remember = feet shoulder width apart, toes pointing out to the side, arms hanging down and loose with palms together in front of you, then squat down so that your finger tips touch the ground between your legs. Keep your back straight. Repeat 3-5 times. Ouch, but if feels like it is doing some good.

xfilme · June 2013

all of your advice has been taken on board. I am trying to do all of this on a minimal budget as I am newly self employed and do not earn enough to take a wage from it yet, so have next to nothing to spend on stuff like fruit as the only place round here I can really buy it is Waitrose and they are so expensive. I intend getting the right food in though. I normally eat loads of salad, but I've been too busy to get to the right places for me to be able to afford it.Ive decided what I'm going to do, is use up the food I have in the fridge and freezer this week and stat as I mean to go on from next monday, as I cannot financially afford to throw away the food i do have, as much as it might not be my food of choice. I do not know how MFP deals with days where you skip inputting info, but I have no other option really. Besides, Im better starting any new regime on a Monday. Feels like a fresh start. Anyway, Ill log my progress from Monday onwards. I cannot thank you enough for all your posts, I honestly wasnt expencting such a warm welcome. In fact I wasnt expecting anyone to even read my post. Ive used similar weight tracking sites before, but none have had a community attached so for me this is ideal. Onwards and upwards, eh?

Capt_Apollo · June 2013

you don't need motivation. you need help. if your social anxiety is really as bad as you say, then you need more than a little pep talk.

in the words of my father "you need to work that *kitten* out."

seriously, you need to find a way to overcome this. maybe that is talking to a professional? maybe that is figuring out how to be in public. maybe it's talking to people on the internet like us, and getting your fears out there. maybe for a little bit each day, you can go out in public, and just be there. walk to a coffee shop and order something and sit down and read a book or something.

i used to be afraid of hitting the gym, because i thought people would judge me, and that i would be doing exercises wrong, and really embarrass myself. so i started going at the @$$ crack of dawn when it opened because i figured there would be less people there. there were. and it was great. i was able to do my work out in peace, and not have to wait for equipment.

one of my friends said to me once, "you can't be brave unless you are afraid."

RoseDarrett · June 2013

Acknowledging what's going on with you is a great first step. You're on the right track. There's many supportive people here that will truly be an immense help to you.
Keep pushing through,it's a marathon,not a sprint. Be patient with yourself and know that you can do this!!!
Good luck with everything!!! I commend you for posting here. Look after yourself.

massage_gal · June 2013

Fruit at a local produce market should be cheap, or at a farmer's market. Do you have one of those? I'm proud of you for buying the wii. I have never done that. I work out at home on an older recumbent bike as I have bad knees. I have heard great results from people trying the 1lb/week setting and doing dumbbell work that they can find on Pintrest or on youtube, or from gooogling sites. Weight training, done 3 days a week on non-consecutive days can really help.

I've also heard people having great success with the 25k program. You can download apps to your phone that are free or very cheap that will help you get there. Endomondo (free) is one that works with MFP to help you keep track of your heartrate and how many calories burned during walking. You just need an armband, and you can find one at Wal-Mart for very cheap.

I wish you well, and if you wish to become friends with me, and are willing to comment on my updates as well as I comment on yours, you are welcome to.

its4eli · June 2013

In Feb of 2012 I lost my mom. From then on I gained about 24 lbs. I started to feel unhealthy, my asthma started acting up again after 18 years being off the inhaler, I was moody all the time, and my self esteem went all the way down. In 2010 I started having anxiety which would sometimes lead to panic attacks. I got tired of being pissed all the time, and of having asthma all the time so about a week and a half ago I decided to take MFP seriously and try to lose weight.
I decided that this time I was NOT going to diet because this has never worked for me. What I've been doing is substituting a few things and reducing the serving size on others for example whole milk for skim milk, regular sugar for sweetener, regular ice cream for sugar free ice cream, an entire DiGiorno personal pizza for half a pizza, 4 cups of sweet tea for 1 cup of sweet tea, eating out 3+ times a week for eating out just once a week, etc.. I found my self reducing a whole lot of calories in a day by doing this and I never feel deprived of my goodies.
I also decided to add exercise in my life. Little over a year ago I had bought the Brazil Butt Lift workout program. I started using it and wow do you get a good cardio workout from that! My body hurts sooooo good, lol. I also started walking 30 minutes a day at a 3.0 MPH rate, I now can walk at a brisk pace of 3.5 MPH for 60 minutes a day. Lately, I've been adding strength training exercises to my routine as well about every other day. I think that the exercises are helping me to bring my happy back. This past week, I've been feeling less moody and more happy.
I do weight myself everyday, a lot of people are against it, but I've embraced it. I keep a sheet of paper in the bathroom where I've been tracking my daily weight. Sometimes it goes up, but hey, whatever... I know that there are going to be moments that it will simply go up. There are many factors that alter your weight like for example those lady days of the month. I like to weight my self everyday because it is the first thing I do every morning and it feels like I'm starting on my weight loss journey everyday. You're always more motivated on that first day of your weight loss journey. I also measure my body fat %, waist, hips, thighs, arms, chest, and compute my BMI because odds are that at least one of these things will go down

In 10 days I've lost 3.2 lbs, my body fat percentage went down1.4%, and lost about 6" overall. And my BMI has gone from 26.7 to 25.8.
Listen to your dad, don't set a ridiculous, unachievable goal for yourself. You can set a goal to lose at most 2 lbs a week, but you shouldn't expect to lose more than 1 lb a week. Why even bother? Because otherwise, if you don't take action now, you will end up getting heavier and heavier instead of leaner and leaner. A lb a week is 52 lbs a year. What's better, gaining 52 lbs or losing 52 lbs?
I wish us great success!

lehuagirl · June 2013

Welcome to you! And CherryBlossom and others, great advice. I feel your emotional eating pain as I experienced the same thing when my father was sick and then died all right after 911. I was unsettled and I went for food and the cliche up and down of dieting ever since. WHILE you are working this all out I will tell you something that helps me every day with the self esteem (because it's rotten to feel uncomfortable in your own skin!) First, prayer, then some funny advice someone gave me that really works for me "FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT." I've been able to do that and enjoy some activities I might have shied away from with body image. Now this is certainly complicated with social anxiety, but there might be a situation or two you can apply this to...

xfilme · June 2013

Wow, so much sound advice from so many people. This is really helping me. Normally Im trying to do this all by myself and given so much contradictory advice from friends and family.

elijamador: your advice has helped me understand something so simple: why bother? Helping me understand the impact of gaining 52lbs in a year has put the idea of losing 52lbs into perspective. Before it seemed a case of "what's the point if I only lose one pound a week?" now I see why. I guess I hadnt considered it for the long term. I suppose its because Im so focussed on the current situation Im unhappy with.

Capt_Apollo: yeah, I know my social anxiety needs sorting. To dats Ive tried everything I can think of to sort it, but it never seems to shift. Its been a long time ambition to someday overcome it. Ive been like it since early childhood. I dont know what went wrong to have caused it. FOrtunately, although I suffer from Social Anxiety, I havent made the natural progressin into agoraphobia, so I can still function normally except certain social situations. For the best part, Im just fine, no problem at all. But on occasions, it makes simple things very complicated. I do agree with you though, wholeheartedly. It needs to get sorted as its part and parcel of the same problem, and maybe it is a bit of a catch 22 in that the problem might be perpetuating itself. The anxiety causing the weight issues, or the weight issues causing the anxiety. Hence my attempt to try if from the body confidence angle to see if it helps my social anxiety. It really can't do me any harm, thats for sure.

Really in need of motivation

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