I'm the only one trying to get healthy

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  • nicoleashley_24
    nicoleashley_24 Posts: 144 Member
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    I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.

    The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.

    I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.

    To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.

    I hope I didn't come off as rude!

    When I lived with my mom (in a small rural area with a small grocery store and no gym) she provided very unhealthy meals and snacks and was also an alcoholic. I tried for a long time to help her become healthier but even having cancer didn't change her mind. Unfortunately this is a truth in life, that you cannot help others change when they aren't willing to start from within first. It's that way with unhealthy eaters, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc, etc.

    That may not be what you want to hear, but know that I am supportive of you because YOU are the one who has the mindset to lead a healthier life.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    There's really no way to get other people on board aside from doing your thing and setting a good example. Maybe you could eat part of what they prepare and only buy enough food to supplement (like buy some veggies to make yourself a salad to go with whatever the main course is).

    Also, you should reconsider your assessment of your friends who can "eat anything they want and not gain a pound." Now that I'm thin I get told that sort of thing all the time: "it's easy for you, you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight." They seem to forget that I used to be 45 lbs heavier, and that I count every calorie even now. You're probably just not seeing the exercise they do, or that the meal you see them eat is the main thing they eat that day.

    ^^ This. If all you have is what is in the house then pick and choose and eat less.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.

    The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.

    I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.

    To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.

    Try talking to them, but if that doesn't work just do your best to fit whatever they're fixing into your calorie goal. It may be more difficult if what they're choosing is calorie dense but not good for satiety (like fast food). When/if you talk to them try to be as nonconfrontational as possible. Make it about you, not about them.
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    How do you get to work, a ride with someone? Can they take you to the store a few times? Can you buy a used bike?

    I'm an older person, but I'm in college, too. You should be able to get some grants, scholarships, etc. that will help you out financially. Have you talked to your college's financial office to be sure you are receiving everything you're entitled to receive?

    My diet is dirt cheap, mostly brown rice, lentils, and vegetables. I bought an inexpensive rice cooker, cook lentils ($1.20 a bag which makes about 4 meals), and the cost of the vegetables. It's not an exciting diet, but it's healthy, I'm never hungry, and I'm losing weight. You can look at my food diary for ideas.

    Good luck!

    Thanks for the response! I drive to work and school because both of them are a 50 minute drive from where I live, and I drive with my mom since she works at the university. I have received some scholarships thankfully, which is subsidizing my costs already, but school and books have become soooo expensive that it only covers a fraction of it and I'm really avoiding having student debt after my degree. I will take a look at your food diary, thanks!
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    You have classmates and teachers, use any remaining funds you have (or take out a small student loan) and ask the ones that would be willing to hit a grocery store for you.

    I'm sorry, but by the sounds of your family, as you described them, they may never have that "I better change my ways" epiphany.
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.

    The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.

    I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.

    To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.

    I hope I didn't come off as rude!

    When I lived with my mom (in a small rural area with a small grocery store and no gym) she provided very unhealthy meals and snacks and was also an alcoholic. I tried for a long time to help her become healthier but even having cancer didn't change her mind. Unfortunately this is a truth in life, that you cannot help others change when they aren't willing to start from within first. It's that way with unhealthy eaters, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc, etc.

    That may not be what you want to hear, but know that I am supportive of you because YOU are the one who has the mindset to lead a healthier life.

    Don't worry you didn't come off as rude! :)
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I've always had to go it alone and if I want to eat healthier than my family, I have to buy and prep my own food myself. I work two jobs and make time to food prep, I'm sure you can, too. If you wanna get healthy, that's great! But don't expect everyone else to suddenly change their ways to suit your needs.
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    There's really no way to get other people on board aside from doing your thing and setting a good example. Maybe you could eat part of what they prepare and only buy enough food to supplement (like buy some veggies to make yourself a salad to go with whatever the main course is).

    Also, you should reconsider your assessment of your friends who can "eat anything they want and not gain a pound." Now that I'm thin I get told that sort of thing all the time: "it's easy for you, you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight." They seem to forget that I used to be 45 lbs heavier, and that I count every calorie even now. You're probably just not seeing the exercise they do, or that the meal you see them eat is the main thing they eat that day.

    ^^ This. If all you have is what is in the house then pick and choose and eat less.

    I do eat less, I only eat when I'm really hungry. Sorry, but it's not as simple as that. And I never said I think all skinny people eat what they want and never gain a pound. I said that a few of my friends do. And trust me, I'm close enough to them to know that they actually do eat enough for three people and never exercise haha! I don't judge them for it, I still love them for who they are, it just means that at social gatherings the only food there is junk. Again, small town. Everyone knows everyone incredibly well. I also live on an island, so getting veggies at the store is a rarity.
  • michelle7673
    michelle7673 Posts: 370 Member
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    It sounds like you have two problems -- one is that you have a very hard time getting things that are good for you to eat, and the other is that you are not getting what I'd call "moral support".
    I'm afraid I can't help you with the second issue, except to say that you can change how you process it (because you can't change how other people talk, think or act).
    The first problem actually does have some solutions.
    Walmart ships free if you buy over $45 worth of stuff. You can buy a massive 26 pound tub of brown rice for less than $30. You can buy 6 pounds of steel cut oats or dried kidney beans for less than $15. And all kinds of other things in semi-bulk (green tea bags, etc). And no, you can't live on these things, but they would go a long way toward helping you make so-so meals healthier. Little bit of cash is required, but the stuff would last you a long time.
    If you are in a faculty program at college, do you have a meal plan? Can you get one?
    If you live in a rural area, can you grow a garden? Are there places nearby where you could buy produce, even if only in summer?
    Are there additional student loans available to you? Even an additional $1000 a year would provide enough for you to get some of these basic staples shipped to you every month.
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    I've always had to go it alone and if I want to eat healthier than my family, I have to buy and prep my own food myself. I work two jobs and make time to food prep, I'm sure you can, too. If you wanna get healthy, that's great! But don't expect everyone else to suddenly change their ways to suit your needs.

    Although I understand where you're coming from, I think you missed a couple key points in my original statement. I don't have the means to buy or prep my own food. And I also explained that I don't expect everyone else to suddenly change just to "suit me." I'm not self-centered like that. I just threw my situation out there hoping for some solid suggestions to help out and to encourage - key word ENCOURAGE - the people I love to do the same which could potentially prevent them from dying young.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    how about make a list of foods you need and offer to cook them on the days you have the time. if you dont shove your program down their throats and just offer to cook, im sure they would love it! you dont have to say its diet food. you cant make them do what you want. the rest of my family could give a rats about what they eat. but i have stuff in the house for them that i find hard to resist. its my problem, not theirs. you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink.
  • c_faulkenburg
    c_faulkenburg Posts: 158 Member
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    My tone came off as rude. And I know that. I gained weight when I met my husband.. Eating out, late night snacks, etc. and we decided that we would start this journey together in January to eat healthier and to get fit.. We got a year long gym membership and bought a scale. I have logged in faithfully for months on MFP and went to the gym daily since I started this. He will not and does not. He will only go when I go. So I understand your frustration with living with someone who does not want to change and that is where the tone comes from. It's very frustrating. My best advice is to work on figuring out what your best food combinations are that are healthy and fulfilling to you. Peanut butter sounds like its awful for you, but its cheap and filling. I eat a lot of peanut butter! Frozen vegetable blends are great alternatives to fresh ones and add some lean protein and you have a filling healthy dinner. And water.. Drink lots of water. I kicked my soda habit and drink only water and coffee. Coffee only in the am. It's a hard road to walk alone and it's always reassuring to have other people cheering you on. My husband is very supportive of my results. He's just not ready and willing to do it and it may be the same with your family.
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    It sounds like you have two problems -- one is that you have a very hard time getting things that are good for you to eat, and the other is that you are not getting what I'd call "moral support".
    I'm afraid I can't help you with the second issue, except to say that you can change how you process it (because you can't change how other people talk, think or act).
    The first problem actually does have some solutions.
    Walmart ships free if you buy over $45 worth of stuff. You can buy a massive 26 pound tub of brown rice for less than $30. You can buy 6 pounds of steel cut oats or dried kidney beans for less than $15. And all kinds of other things in semi-bulk (green tea bags, etc). And no, you can't live on these things, but they would go a long way toward helping you make so-so meals healthier. Little bit of cash is required, but the stuff would last you a long time.
    If you are in a faculty program at college, do you have a meal plan? Can you get one?
    If you live in a rural area, can you grow a garden? Are there places nearby where you could buy produce, even if only in summer?
    Are there additional student loans available to you? Even an additional $1000 a year would provide enough for you to get some of these basic staples shipped to you every month.

    I really appreciate you taking the time to make supportive suggestions! But, unfortunately none of them work here. Walmart doesn't ship to here, almost nothing does. It has to be shipped to the next town and picked up at a depot there. You can only get a meal plan card if you live on residence, which I don't qualify for because I live within an hour of it. The ground has permafrost so nothing can be grown. And I apply to scholarships constantly and have already received about $5000 in the past few months, which is encouraging. I'm hoping that if I can keep up the scholarships I will have more money to put towards my personal health.

    Again, thanks for the suggestions! I appreciate you taking the time and not shooting me down :)
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Remember, you can't change anyone else. I understand you want to help your family and you don't want to see them unhealthy or going before their time but unfortunately you cannot make them want it. By what you said, I doubt they will change.

    Sorry if I sound rude, however a lot of people have suggested ways for you to get what you need and you either come out with an excuse about why it won't work or just flat out say it won't work.

    Carpool, pick up some extra shifts, get an extra loan, find a buddy to bring you to the store, go after work/before work, order groceries online, ask your parents to get you a few things, when your parents aren't using it take the car and get food. If you want it bad enough you will stop making excuses and you will make it happen. I realize it's tough but you have to focus on you. If you want to change yourself bad enough and make yourself healthier, make it happen. Push past barriers. Make it work. When you visit with your friends bring your own snacks.. or eat before you go. If you can't grow a garden in the ground, grow in containers.

    Unforutnately if you are faced with that many barriers you may need to figure out how you can move out and live on your own.
  • perfkdrug
    perfkdrug Posts: 24
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    Have you considered moving out of home?
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    My tone came off as rude. And I know that. I gained weight when I met my husband.. Eating out, late night snacks, etc. and we decided that we would start this journey together in January to eat healthier and to get fit.. We got a year long gym membership and bought a scale. I have logged in faithfully for months on MFP and went to the gym daily since I started this. He will not and does not. He will only go when I go. So I understand your frustration with living with someone who does not want to change and that is where the tone comes from. It's very frustrating. My best advice is to work on figuring out what your best food combinations are that are healthy and fulfilling to you. Peanut butter sounds like its awful for you, but its cheap and filling. I eat a lot of peanut butter! Frozen vegetable blends are great alternatives to fresh ones and add some lean protein and you have a filling healthy dinner. And water.. Drink lots of water. I kicked my soda habit and drink only water and coffee. Coffee only in the am. It's a hard road to walk alone and it's always reassuring to have other people cheering you on. My husband is very supportive of my results. He's just not ready and willing to do it and it may be the same with your family.

    I really do appreciate this response :) I also drink only water (and lots of it!) and one cup of milk a day and have completely given up snacking after 8pm. The only thing that I find missing here at home is any support of any kind whether they participate or not - if I lose weight I get told that I'll gain back, just wait. Congratulations on your own weightloss with the challenges you've faced as well!
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    Remember, you can't change anyone else. I understand you want to help your family and you don't want to see them unhealthy or going before their time but unfortunately you cannot make them want it. By what you said, I doubt they will change.

    Sorry if I sound rude, however a lot of people have suggested ways for you to get what you need and you either come out with an excuse about why it won't work or just flat out say it won't work.

    Carpool, pick up some extra shifts, get an extra loan, find a buddy to bring you to the store, go after work/before work, order groceries online, ask your parents to get you a few things, when your parents aren't using it take the car and get food. If you want it bad enough you will stop making excuses and you will make it happen. I realize it's tough but you have to focus on you. If you want to change yourself bad enough and make yourself healthier, make it happen. Push past barriers. Make it work. When you visit with your friends bring your own snacks.. or eat before you go. If you can't grow a garden in the ground, grow in containers.

    Unforutnately if you are faced with that many barriers you may need to figure out how you can move out and live on your own.

    In all honesty, I know I sound like I'm making excuses for the suggestions. There have been suggestions that I agree with too. Whenever someone makes a suggestion that would probably work in a city or suburban setting I feel guilty for saying it can't happen, but it honestly can't here. I feel like I have pushed passed these barriers to lose the weight that I have so far, and the only point of this topic post was to try and receive further suggestions. I'd say about 15% of them were feasible for where I live that I'll definitely try out, which is more than what I started with so I'm happy about it! :)
  • c_faulkenburg
    c_faulkenburg Posts: 158 Member
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    You may be surprised. And find friends on MFP. You may not know us in real life but we are supportive. And I am OBNOXIOUS about my weight loss on FB too. It helps keep me accountable. I only know one person who leads this healthy eating thing with me.. My mother in law.. Figure out those people who will be supportive of your efforts and share your successes with them. And who knows.. Maybe you'll rub off on them.
  • terri_journey
    terri_journey Posts: 287 Member
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    Unfortunately you can't make others around you care about their eating... and you do have to get used to being around people who don't eat healthy as well as being around unhealthy foods.

    For your family, can you see if your parents will let you make dinner? You can therefore get a healthy meal and they wouldn't have to cook. Or order something relatively healthy when eating out?

    You have to make time and find a way to prepare your own meals if you really don't want to eat out.
    Great advise!! All you can do is eat good healthy foods whenever you get a chance and if they do let you cook a meal have some good idea's ready.
    You can't make people change their eating habits but you can control your portion sizes and live the healthy lifestyle in front of them. When they see a change, they may decide they want to change too.
    Best wishes to you. Your doing great so far
  • evw123
    evw123 Posts: 29
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    So I'm probably gonna start a new topic with the points more clearly outlined in the beginning, just to avoid all this negativity that people are throwing around. Come on guys, let's support each other, not throw each other back down - that's what MFP is for! Thank you to everyone who made actual suggestions, I'll definitely be trying some of them!

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