Bad experience at Gym today. Need Suggestions please.

optimisticShark
optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello,

I am not sure if this question is appropriate to be posted here at MFP, but I needed some suggestions with the incident that happened today at Gym in my apartment complex. It is a small gym and is usually filled with people, but since last 2-3 days I am the only one working out in evening.

Today I was walking on treadmill, a guy came in (I have never seen him before in gym) talking on the phone and was constantly staring at me and my private body parts. I neglected him (but still keeping an eye) and concentrated on walking. After 30 mins when I was done, I stepped down of the treadmill and started weight exercise. I noticed him doing some exercise and also still staring at me. He then removed his shirt, walked and stood besides me looking at my body parts again. I got scared and left the gym without doing weight exercises further.

I am new here in states and not sure what should I do in such cases. I am planning to let the apartment complex management know about it tomorrow and the gym is under video surveillance. But if they take it as a complain and warn that guy, I am scared of him reacting badly, as I stay alone. One more thing is I guess him to be my neighbor... I had seen same/similar person few days back in front of my neighbors house.

Please suggest what should I do.
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Replies

  • 63hanson
    63hanson Posts: 154 Member
    I would definitely tell the management of the apartment complex. You need to feel comfortable and safe not only at the gym, but in the apartment complex and your apartment. I'm sure the guy knew he was making you uncomfortable if he kept staring. Hopefully it was just a fluke that the gym was empty, hopefully in the future it will be busier or maybe you can try to go when you see more people there. Good luck.
  • blondie0942
    blondie0942 Posts: 146 Member
    Yeah.... you definitely need to tell the management at the apartment complex. You shouldn't be afraid of going to the gym or even seeing him around. You live there! You need to feel safe. Best of luck to you.
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    Yes, I would surely let the management know about it tomorrow.

    I do have other options to go out and walk on the streets but it would be slow pace whereas I can push myself a bit more on treadmill. I just don't like/want to change my weight loss schedule and plans for some weird person. :(
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Maybe you overreacted a bit? Maybe not... I was not there so I have no idea. If you felt unsafe or creeped out and you are not overly sensitive, then I would tell the management.

    I, personally, would have said something right to his face like "What the F are you staring at?!"
  • pinkcloudrising
    pinkcloudrising Posts: 63
    jzammetti wrote: "I, personally, would have said something right to his face like "What the F are you staring at?!"

    Co-sign this. I have allowed people to make me uncomfortable for enough of my life. These days, I let it rip on whomever, whenever. If you have the courage to call me out, then I have courage to come.

    Just as you said, many people DO NOT like it when you respond to their intimidation efforts and will retaliate. Don't be frightened by what might happen. Stick with what has happened and address that. If you aren't comfortable with being in your face, then you can take a softer approach and ask, "do you need help with something?" which is a left-handed way of saying, get the F out of my face.

    My suggestion to you is to go full psycho on his *kitten* next time and start screaming at the top of your lungs until he leaves the gym but don't break stride on the treadmill. I guarantee he'll never approach you again for anything.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    You sound just like me, I made a post similar to this about a year ago. I was working out in my apartment complex and this guy came in while I was doing weights. He was also on his phone (texting) but he started walking on the treadmill for a few minutes, the whole time just staring at me. Then he finished walking, went and sat on one of the weight benches without exercising AT ALL, and continued staring at me the whole time, looking me up and down, and just giving off a really creepy vibe. It was dark out, we were the only two in the gym, I'm a college female and he was a middle aged large man. Yeah, I got out of there pretty fast.

    That's beyond creepy that the dude removed his shirt, though. Talk to the apartment complex management if you feel comfortable. You shouldn't be afraid to work out in your own gym. Personally I just started going to the gym earlier in the day. I'm usually the only one in there which is nice because I like privacy, and I feel safer when there's still some light outside.
  • danglarity
    danglarity Posts: 31 Member
    From now on you should go to the gym with some protection. I suggest a personal body alarm, mace/pepper spray, box cutter in your pocket or waistband of your pants, whistle. Also practice your meanest mug (face) in the mirror. Most times I walk around with such a look on my face that people think twice about approaching me about anything! Report it to your building management.
  • ninnyfurr74
    ninnyfurr74 Posts: 111 Member
    As others have said I would definitely report the incident. Also confronting him might have worked as well. Another option is to invite a friend over to work out with you. Not only will you feel safer but it is more fun with a friend along! Another option if you have a blue tooth phone is to call and talk with some one or just pretend to. Just a few thoughts. I hope everything works out for you hunn! You have every right to feel safe and comfortable while working out! Good luck :tongue:
  • TheBaileyHunter
    TheBaileyHunter Posts: 641 Member
    You need to tell your apt manager of course - and if it's under video surveillance you will have a better idea what was going on as well.

    Either way, he made you uncomfortable. The best way to deal with that, without getting aggressive if that's not your nature (as it is not mine) is to look him directly in the eye, and say "Excuse me, but you are making me uncomfortable. Please step back and stop staring. If you don't, I will have to report you, now. And since we are under surveillance, it will be clear I have asked politely. Thank you."

    Anyone approached like this will stand down. First off, because you've called them on it so you are no longer in victim mode, and secondly because you've clearly stated they are under watch. Also, by being polite, if it was just poor form on their part with no harm intended, you have not created a bigger situation.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    He probably has seen you around and knows that you are foreign and single. If he senses that you are timid, it may be like blood to a lion. Make your complaint to management, and do not be intimidated by him BUT at the same time take precautions in all of your movements. I would also tell management that the guy makes you feel unsafe and if he continues to be a "menace" you may need to move, either to a different unit or a new complex. Follow-up with written correspondence, mail return receipt requested. Don't hesitate to get law enforcement involved if needed.
  • kamakazeekim
    kamakazeekim Posts: 1,183 Member
    Oh wow! I'm so sorry! That would be so scary! Definitely talk with management and let them know!
  • krsomma
    krsomma Posts: 8 Member
    :mad: Please tell management right away,maybe they can look at video and find out who he is.Maybe he does'nt even live there.You have the right to feel safe.I would have said something to him,don't let a weirdo like that let you feel intimidated. Be safe...
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
    Stare straight at his male package and roll your eyes, then laugh.
  • cakecup
    cakecup Posts: 9 Member
    Well thats creepy and you should always take another work out buddy with you, maybe a gilfriend from work or your building and maybe find out if they have a security camera in the gym in you complex, but mention this to the apt. manager!
  • justwanderful
    justwanderful Posts: 142 Member
    He was hitting up on you. Some guys have no tact, and less game.
    Tell him to buzz off.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Maybe you overreacted a bit? Maybe not... I was not there so I have no idea. If you felt unsafe or creeped out and you are not overly sensitive, then I would tell the management.
    please never ever say that to a woman. many of us are trained to "be nice" and to "give people the benefit of the doubt" while all the while our creepy-meter is going off like crazy and we ignore it. i'm not sayinng that this guy was a creep or just clueless or whatever - i don't know, i wasn't there - but what i am saying is that if she had a creepy feeling then she had a creepy feeling and shouldn't be told that she is overreacting.

    <jumping off my soapbox>

    to the poster who asked - please talk to management !
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
    That's not a typical gym thing for the US... but I will say small apartment gyms are a bit more intimate, so douchery gets concentrated instead being spread out on 3 levels at a fitness club.
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    Yikes, that's super creepy. I'd alert the apartment complex and have a way to defend yourself on your person or in your immediate proximity if you're going to be at the complex's gym late at night from now on. I keep a small karambit (curved Indonesian blade with a loop at the end so you can hold it in a closed fist but won't drop it if your hand is open) tucked in my bra and another assisted-opening knife clipped to the inside of my waistband 100% of the time so if I'm caught unaware I can at least fight my way out of a bad situation.

    If he approaches you next time, tell him you're not interested. If he gets more forward than that, get away and call someone. If he tries to get physical, get away fast and call the police, yell, anything.
  • gertudejekyl
    gertudejekyl Posts: 386 Member
    Next time leave the gym sooner ! Don't let him get his jollies staring at you for 30 minutes ! People sometimes stare rudely at me at the gym.(for different reasons I'm sure - like "she's so fat") One trick I use now is to keep my sunglasses on my head while I workout and if they stare I put my sunglasses on. It's makes them stop. I'm not sure why. Maybe they think I'm crazy OR maybe when they don't know what I"M looking at they get self-conscious.... Now I have blue reflective glasses. Very effective.

    But I am not alone in a room with anyone. Don't continue working out if someone is in there acting like that. Who knows, maybe he is thinking "She LIKES me staring at her...she's not leaving"
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    mace:mad:
  • MsPudding
    MsPudding Posts: 562 Member
    Sounds to me like he probably fancied you, sensed you were a bit timid and went into 'alpha male' over-drive. You certainly can complain to management but IMO that doesn't solve the base issue which is that you reacted to the situation very timidly and in passive mode. If it happens again, ask him loudly (but politely), "Is there a problem? I notice you keep staring at me" and pound to a pinch of shyte he'll back down and scuttle off when fronted. People need your consent to intimidate you - don't give it.
  • j6o4
    j6o4 Posts: 871 Member
    Put a sock in between your crotch next time you workout and when he notices that bump, he'll stop checking you out. Also buy some pepper spray just in case hes into that to.
  • DeathClutch1996
    DeathClutch1996 Posts: 2
    Tell management. I would handle it differently thoug. I'd probly get pissed and ask what the heck he was starring at.
  • Gabrielm80
    Gabrielm80 Posts: 1,458 Member
    Get management on it plus have them run his address to check if he is a sex offender. The fact he didn't try to talk to you and just stared gives me, a guy, the creeps. If he was hitting on you verbally, he could be seen as a cocky jerk, but he seemed to come off a little serial rapist to me. Than again he could of been trying to act confident and mysterious like the creepy leads that are the stars in Romance novels. But than again most characters in those type of novels would be too forceful in real life and eventually be charged with rape, hence why those books are fiction. Good luck and be careful
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    Thanks guys !!

    I did talk to the management today and got to hear what I had already thought of as an answer from them. They said that they are not clearly able to see that guy on the video recorded, but if I see him around again in gym or apartment complex, then I should let them know and they will think of something.
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    I don't have any friends in this apartment complex. This is such a quiet place.

    Although I did see some girls working out at my time last week. I will definitely make them friends if I see them again.
    As others have said I would definitely report the incident. Also confronting him might have worked as well. Another option is to invite a friend over to work out with you. Not only will you feel safer but it is more fun with a friend along! Another option if you have a blue tooth phone is to call and talk with some one or just pretend to. Just a few thoughts. I hope everything works out for you hunn! You have every right to feel safe and comfortable while working out! Good luck :tongue:
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    From now on you should go to the gym with some protection. I suggest a personal body alarm, mace/pepper spray, box cutter in your pocket or waistband of your pants, whistle. Also practice your meanest mug (face) in the mirror. Most times I walk around with such a look on my face that people think twice about approaching me about anything! Report it to your building management.

    Liked the pepper spray idea and the box cutter idea. I should keep them along.
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
    stop wearing extremely tight yoga pants that shows your camel toe?

    Are you quite sure the Op is not talking about you?? Although if this was your attempt at being creepy or funny, it's rather pathetic....
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    He probably has seen you around and knows that you are foreign and single. If he senses that you are timid, it may be like blood to a lion. Make your complaint to management, and do not be intimidated by him BUT at the same time take precautions in all of your movements. I would also tell management that the guy makes you feel unsafe and if he continues to be a "menace" you may need to move, either to a different unit or a new complex. Follow-up with written correspondence, mail return receipt requested. Don't hesitate to get law enforcement involved if needed.

    Even I sensed the same thing. But my management wasn't very co-operative today. May be its better that I keep the discussion happened in written.

    I did talk to them about apartment changing thing, but they said we need to make sure first if he is your neighbor and if you see him around then we will take that decision.
  • optimisticShark
    optimisticShark Posts: 136 Member
    stop wearing extremely tight yoga pants that shows your camel toe?

    Are you quite sure the Op is not talking about you?? Although if this was your attempt at being creepy or funny, it's rather pathetic....

    +1 "astrampe"

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