I have it up to here...

Willpower is a limited resource. Reading from your story you're trying to change everything at once. From today you're going to be a workout-ninja-clean-eating-crazy-perfect women. But after making 50 good choices in 30 minutes your willpower just says "eff this". No wonder you falter after 2 weeks, you've completely worn out all your willpower for the next 2 months.

Make it easy on yourself, change one thing at a time. Add in exercise for 30 minutes 2 days a week. Sounds manageble right? That's cause it is. When you've been doing that for a few weeks change your breakfast to something healthier. When you're doing that on autopilot in the morning try and eat a healthier snack at night. And later maybe take out that snack completely. But make it SMALL steps and just a few goals at a time. Anything more than 3 small goals and you're bound not to make it.

This includes goals as using less facebook and stuff.

Great advice. Thank you so much. Baby steps.

You sound tired and worn out. I agree that you should spend the money on babysitter or a day camp/mother's day out activity. You need one hour to yourself a day to exercise. Just do one step at a time - one day at a time. Don't overdo exercise on the first few days or weeks or you will quit.

I get on MFP every morning, log my weight, food and exercise. I then read these posts to try to help others and get re-motivated myself.

I have moved a number of times and always feel alone until I just throw myself into activities. Not fun or easy but it is necessary for your mental health.

Your first sentence made me cry. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you!

It seems that you are trying to do too much too quickly and fall into the gumption trap.

(See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gumption_trap)

There is no need to do massive amounts of exercise, eat clean, buy equipment to lose weight. Each of those can help in a variety of ways but if exercising is started too harshly then yes, you will feel like crap and if you feel like crap and it results in you stopping everything then it is counter-productive.

Build small positive habits that create change.

1) Identify your TDEE and eat at a small deficit.
2) Be consistent with your macros.

That's it. That is all that is needed for weight loss. Everything else CAN be useful but SHOULD NOT become a overwhelming barrier. To do those two first things you need to track your food, weigh it, preferably for accuracy.

Add exercise because it is healthy but only if and when it fills a desire and lifestyle - not as a whipping.

Pretty much just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.

Now, to learn about TDEE and macros.

I want to reply to all of you but I am going to force myself to do one reply. First of all, thank you ALL so much. This support has been AMAZING! From the empathy, sympathy and even the blunt "get off your azz", it has all sunk in. Most of your replies evoked some pretty strong emotions. I have cried some tears today and I've even laughed at myself. I will try to respond to some of your advice and questions.

So, first thing this morning I woke up and took my son to a movie. I signed us up for a weekly Friday 9:30 am movie at the theater (10 weeks of movies for a total of $7!!) and we got there early. It was so fun. No phone, no computer, just me and my kiddo. I even took him for ice cream when we were done. We got home a little while ago and I got right to laundry and getting things done around the house before my husband gets home tonight from a business trip. I feel pretty good.

Yesterday, I was at my dental office and they asked me to send in my resume as they needed some extra help. Today, I got a call for an interview on Tuesday!!!! I have sent out over 30 resumes without even one phone call back and all I've wanted to do was get back into a dental office and now I have this opportunity! I'm so excited and nervous but, mostly, I'm hopeful. I think that I need this. I need the time to define myself as an individual. Away from being just "Mom" or "Honey". I think many of you are correct that I've lost my identity. So, thank you to those that suggested activities and hobbies and even looking into getting a job. I totally agree with all of those suggestions.

As far as seeing a doctor for depression and such. I have been to psychologists and psychiatrists and I have been diagnosed with ADHD and mood disorder. I'm not bi-polar but I do go into cyclic stages of low moods. I don't really reach highs and lows like bi-polar but I do get more energy WHEN I'm diligently watching what I eat. Crazy, eh? Good food can cause good moods. I was on Celexa but I was weened off of it last summer when my husband and I started trying for another baby. We got pregnant in July and I miscarried on Nov. 5th. Needless to say, this is where a large portion of my sadness has come from. Top that with moving away and it can kind of spiral out of hand. I am not, however, a danger to myself or anyone else and, aside from kind of feeling lonely and discouraged with myself, I am not at my lowest low for SURE! I think I am just hiding in a shell that I need to step away from. I am one of the most extroverted people you'll ever know (according to my psychology professors and the Myers-Briggs tests they give. ;P) and I don't have any problem meeting people or making friends. My trouble comes in keeping friends. I think I will talk to my doctor about going on a low dose of the Celexa again for a while. I totally agree that this is something that could help.

I also agree that exercise (even light walking or just getting up and moving) is the best form of treatment for me and my depression. The natural endorphins have always proved to be a sure thing when lifting my mood. Again, I need to "JUST DO IT" and start forcing myself to move and not allowing myself to fall back into the slump, even if I don't feel good. I know that most of my issues are mind over matter. I wish I had someone to break me free from the prison that I let my mind create for me. I am my own worst enemy in this instance, for sure.

As far as seeing a doctor for thyroid and hormones... I saw my regular MD for these issues back in April and all tests came up mostly normal. Nothing was overly high or low on the blood work and she said I was "fine" and she'd see me in a year. So, because I do have some pains and migraines, etc. my husband and I discussed going to an endocrinologist to do some further testing. My sister has hypothyroidism and they didn't discover it for almost 3 years. They were treating her for depression when, in reality, it was thyroid issues all along. So, yes, I will be seeing someone for some of these other issues. (I have some other things going on such as temperature issues where my body temp goes nuts and I'm freezing when I shouldn't be or vice versa. I also have some female issues going on as well. I will spare you all the details.)

And, yes, we have spent a lot of money on trainers and Weight Watchers and I even went ahead and bought the Polar F7. I can see now where my hubby would be frustrated. He hates that I talk down about myself and I know he's got to be at the end of his rope from just hearing that negativity. Now, based on some of your responses, I'm considering returning the HRM. I just received it yesterday so it's still new in package. I guess, for me, I've been told that I'm a "point monger" so the number may be of a benefit for me so that I know I'm accomplishing something...if that makes sense.

To all of you, I just want to thank you. You've all brought a lot of ideas, insight, and wake up calls to me. I really appreciate you all responding. I would love to be "friends" on here if you don't mind. I think hearing different advice is one of the best ways for me to become stronger. It's always nice to get different points of views.

Again, thank you and I really look forward to getting to know more of you.