Beating the Eating Disorder!

Hey Y'all!

My name is Mercedes (Yes, I know. It's like the car.). I'm a 19 year old college student suffering from anorexia, and trying to kick its butt now. I've suffered from this eating disorder for six long years, but I've always tried to hide it from everyone else because I'm ashamed of it.

I weigh 97 pounds, and I'm 5'1" tall. My weight is not extremely drastic, but I'm afraid that it'll drop like it always does. I have fits where when my life becomes really stressful, I stop eating all together and I drop the pounds like their hot potatoes. Sometimes I go as low as 88 pounds, sometimes It's only as low as 95. Then I realize I can't fit into my jeans anymore and I try to pick the weight back up.

My biggest fear is reaching 100 pounds. For some reason all my life I have associated being 100 pounds with not being good enough, or pretty enough. That's not to say that anyone who is 100 pounds or over isn't pretty. It's an irrational fear for a reason.

I decided to join this site because I want to try to take hold of my anorexia, and I want to be healthy. I'm afraid of the consequences of starving myself. I want to be proud of my body. I want to not worry about calories. I want to feel pretty and in control.

So yeah, hey y'all!

Replies

  • gsarah1
    gsarah1 Posts: 520 Member
    It's great that you're aware of the problem, and are planning on getting help! However, if you're truly looking to get better, I don't know if MFP has the right help for you. I'd find the right doctor and treatment-not a calorie counting website.

    There are women that are 100, 130, 160 (and beyond) that are drop dead gorgeous-it may be hard to see right now, but I can pretty much guarantee you will not turn into an ogre if you hit 100 :laugh:

    Best of luck to you on your recovery doll
  • TheHorribleBlob
    TheHorribleBlob Posts: 84 Member
    Wow, your bmi is the same number mine will be when I hit my goal 6 lbs from now. I'm 5'3" and my goal is 100 lbs, but my plan is to gain 5 lbs of muscle after that, so I guess my end weight will be 105.
  • gsarah1
    gsarah1 Posts: 520 Member
    Wow, your bmi is the same number mine will be when I hit my goal 6 lbs from now. I'm 5'3" and my goal is 100 lbs, but my plan is to gain 5 lbs of muscle after that, so I guess my end weight will be 105.

    Eating disorders don't have as much to do with weight as it does a mental state. Sure it takes a certain weight to classify as anorexic, but there are plenty of eating disordered people at a higher weight, as well as non-disordered people at a lower weight. I've been in the 90's for awhile now (trying to gain more muscle) and I have no trace of an eating disorder. However, a friend of mine got help for an eating disorder at 120 lbs-but it still took quite a toll on her life and consumed her time.
  • MercedesLeaHill
    MercedesLeaHill Posts: 2 Member
    Thanks so much for the support! : D

    My doctor recommended this site because of it's calorie counting abilities. She wanted me to see how little I was actually eating compared to what I needed to maintain a healthy weight.

    My eating disorder stems out of the PTSD that I have, and really has almost nothing to do with how much I weigh. The 100 pounds counts as a threshold for me. A majority of people in my family struggle with keeping down their weight. My fear is that if I reach 100 pounds I'll be just like them.

    My doctor is slowly teaching me though. She says I don't have to be 100 pounds of fat. That a lot of my weight can be muscle--unlike a majority of the people in my family. That's one thing that makes me feel a bit better, and it keeps me going. I want to be stronger both physically and mentally.
  • TheHorribleBlob
    TheHorribleBlob Posts: 84 Member
    Wait, scratch the same bmi thing. I used an online calculator to check your bmi and when I input my height and goal weight, and hit the calculate button the number didn't change. I guess the button decided not to work (I just double checked it). Guess they're not the same after all. My bad. >.>
  • Bettyeditor
    Bettyeditor Posts: 327 Member
    Thanks so much for the support! : D

    My doctor recommended this site because of it's calorie counting abilities. She wanted me to see how little I was actually eating compared to what I needed to maintain a healthy weight.

    My eating disorder stems out of the PTSD that I have, and really has almost nothing to do with how much I weigh. The 100 pounds counts as a threshold for me. A majority of people in my family struggle with keeping down their weight. My fear is that if I reach 100 pounds I'll be just like them.

    My doctor is slowly teaching me though. She says I don't have to be 100 pounds of fat. That a lot of my weight can be muscle--unlike a majority of the people in my family. That's one thing that makes me feel a bit better, and it keeps me going. I want to be stronger both physically and mentally.

    That's a great perspective, Mercedes! I believe that STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY!! :flowerforyou: I bet you would enjoy reading this blog: http://sophieologie.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/strong-is-the-new-skinny-pg/
  • littlelady2b
    littlelady2b Posts: 104
    Welcome to this site I suffered with bulimia neurosis for years when I was younger my fear was gaining weight and being judged among other things. I'm glad your doctor recommended to you to come here she is on the right track because if you count the calories you take in you will see how much your body needs to survive and how little you are putting in your body. Although most people are here to either lose weight or maintain it there is no reason why you can't be here to help you as well. One of the most important things you need to learn is how to love yourself no matter what you look like. Remember the person you are inside is what is important first and you have made the biggest step to wellness you have acknowledged you need help and you went to the doctor you should be very proud of yourself. You may find that there are people in your family that are overweight and they are the reason why you have developed a fear of food or it may be part of it. Especially if they have health problems that you are afraid of developing. I found myself afraid of being heavy because of health problems but also because I feared no one would like me also I was bullied for years and called names what I didn't realize was it was their problem not mine but it takes a lot to get beyond your fears and I am so proud of you for making this step to wellness. I have training in kinesiology and all the levels of sports psychology where we studied eating disorders and anorexia is actually a big eating disorder as well as bulimia among people in sports especially women. I am not a doctor and your doctor's advice is what you should follow but I will be a friend to support you if you want to send me a friendship request I will accept it and support you as best as I can. Keep your chin up you are on the right track.