Unhappy about Weight Loss (5'7)

I'm just truthfully very tired of feeling and being this way. I hate this because it makes me feel pathetic. I hate that I hate what I see. I want help but I feel helpless and bopeless the more I see my body and this size and this flab of rolls and excess weight and see my face reality hits that I will always be ugly and unimportant. I feel if I were smaller and had a nicer body at times, I wouldn't let this rule my life. I also have to deal with my face. Which is hard in itself. I really appreciate the help. And words. I just want to know if what I'm aspiring towards is even attainable. When people call me little or normal or beautiful it upsets me somewhere inside because I am not. I've been crying all night and unmistakedly upset at my life and the way in which I feel about myself. It doesn't help that most people around me seem not to understand. And always say facetious things instead of honest caring things which ultimately makes it seem as if I say this for a reaction. Quite honestly none of them know how it feels to want to look better and feel trapped, but more importantly wanting to feel better about life. Right now I'm constantly feeling unwanted and undesired and simply not good enough, not even for friends. When I realize my friends spend time bonding without me all while declining me for no reason other than having no desire to include me or even miss me, it all comes back to me feeling horribly. I want to be a normal young person who lives their one life and chooses to be happy not worry about this. But as long as I look this way, I feel like a failure, an when I felt hat way, I feel helpless. I want to like my body an my face and mostly who i am inside. i hate that going outdoors an having clothes shopping be a provlem. i hate that nothing looks good on me and i jut look risiculous in everything. thats why i dont shop sadly. i hate that my bloody legs are rolling down a river and so is the rest of the excess fat and rolls. i dislike that i have a waistlie this size, i dislike that i have masculine features as my legs and ahoulders, as i Already feel horrible about it and cant change it. id eather have a womanly figure which is soft and not so project. id rather have this ladies body. i hate that when i run i cannot always keep up, i hate that i seem to get no better at fitness. i woke up upset because I hate that my body is still this way. I'd rather it look better. I'd ether also be fitter. I won't lie and say I didn't just wish I looked like the girl in the photo I posted because she probably gets treated better and also by default I'm sure people are much nicer to her, she also probably isn't as vain as me because she's not worried with how she looks because as shown she is naturally beautiful and probably has a nice personality. At this point, I am not tired of being a personality, but tired of just only being an incomplete package. I've never even had a man interested in me, which is a blessing and a curse at this age. Where I've been in a situation where I connect on a personal level with one, and we bond well, but I'm not his type physically, I was a bit heavier and I knew if I looked like su the model posted, It would be different. Then he goes for women who look like the model in the picture, with a great personality in some ways identical to mine, and they're the full package. It bothers me I will never be a full package. I just really am fed up with my life, the people in it, and the way in which I feel. I need to get better. I need to feel better. I want to look better- but I think I'm stick with this body. I'm already stuck with my face which isn't as beautiful as anyone else's but I believe it's all about the inside. Hence why I'm not sure why I let this hurt me. I just believe many have it easier and get treated better if they look a certain way. It kills me inside that I internalize such nonsense. I treat people based on their character and regardless of the goodness of it, I treat them with love. Everyone, I do my best. Everyone is worthy innately of good. I just want to lose weight and look like that girl. I hate being "ugly" and I hate being this weight and in this body full of horrible. I am grateful to be alive but am hurting very much. I just want to know why I can't look like that it have a body or skin like that, little things. Because when people tell me I look fine I just feel like disappearing because its not true. I want help and have spoke about this before to a counselor in school, at a point, but it would only anger me and help temporarily at the times if it did.

I hate that no one listens an I also hurt when people think its attention seeking. I've felt this way since youth. I've had an older sister who looks like this model, and was thin and default she got treated better. Within my friends, I've seen them get treated better. I don't want to be treated better, I just want to be loved by myself and not be so hard on myself because I'm human and not a monster though I feel like one. I just can't help but to cry and feel the need to be sedated as I feel unimportant in many ways an these issues with my image and who I am doesn't help.