How do you deal with self esteem issues?

It's a guy thing - my hubs looks up people all the time, heck sometime i do. My hubs married me when I was bigger, he's never "disliked" me because of my weight (he wants me happy & healthy - if that means smaller or bigger, he doesn't care).

Try to not let things like that worry you too much, yes, I know it's painful to thing he looks at someone else, but if that's all he's done. It's nothing to worry - now, if he starts doing more than looking online, then worry.

It's hard, oh trust me, I know. But it's ok

And how do I deal? I go kill some dragons .... watch me some Ponies ..... hit the gym .... and sometimes punch him (lightly) when he's too much of an inconsiderate *kitten*. Plus, sadly.... I don't look in the mirror at myself, strange.... but what can I say - I am strange.

I deal with self esteem issues by remembering that the only measuring stick I need to worry about is me. I try my best to measure everything I do against where I was/what I have done rather than judge by using other people. Whenever I think about my weight, I remember that this is a temporary situation and that it can be changed. I guess knowing that anything can be changed really helps me. That goes for my mindset too. I used to be so negative and my husband would point it out. But I started to try to see the glass half full too rather than just focus on the negative and I am happy to report that it has become a habit. So know that what you're dealing with can be changed!

Hey all,

This is my first post on here, so please be gentle.
So long story short, the other day my boyfriend let me use his laptop to search for vacations. When I went into google to type, his search history automatically popped up to reveal "sarah hyland hot" "halle berry hot" etc. you get it. I know guys do this, hell, I know even girls do this, but it seriously messed with my already low self-esteem. I can't help but think, "I look absolutely nothing like these women so how could he possibly find me attractive". I can seriously not get past it, and I hate it because it seems so silly right? I guess my question is, how (other than get the weight off) did you learn to embrace your body image? Has anyone else just felt sort of...unworthy sometimes? I want to add that I have been with my boyfriend for going on 7 years now. This isn't a trust issue or anything like that, I don't believe he is going to run off and cheat on me with emma stone. We are pretty happy together, but would be so much happier if I wasn't so insecure ALL THE TIME. I feel like sometimes the only thing that does get in the way is my insecurity. I really want to work on this, and I know getting the weight off is a good place to start, but as you all know this is a journey...and anything that can help me along the way would be awesome. Any tips or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Google doesn't just suggest his search history - it suggests searches based on a few letters. He may not have been looking that up at all.

As for self esteem issues...I think we can all relate to them. It took me over a full year to really get a handle on the positive self-talk (you can do this, you are worth it, you can be whatever you want to be, etc...) For me, it was changing the tone and words of my inner voice that made the difference.

The way I deal with this is by not using other people's computers. The less you know about their fantasy life, the better you'll sleep, trust me

movie stars are just as screwed up as us. They're just better at hiding it.

Aaah! I'm so glad I saw this thread!
I am exactly the same. I've had these issues with my ex, and even worse now with my current boyfriend. He has history of cheating (not with me, but with his ex), so that thought has never left my mind. We've been having problems.. and he's admitted to his mistakes (not like most guys who will deny things and turn it around to you). Even then I still have problems with myself, and I wish I could talk to someone.

Buut..
I know he loves me. He tells me all the time. He even explains to me how much I turn him on. And in his own words, "I'm just a stupid boy."

Guys are always going to look. I've learned to get over it. I honestly don't even care anymore, as long as it doesn't go beyond the line. I'm constantly commenting on guys as well.. celebrities, athletes, ect. Especially since he's into sports. I'll be like "Oh who is that guy??". And he just gives me a sad look, and says "What about me?". That's us messing around. But it the end, it all comes down to who you're both going home to.

I know my post is a bit different, but…

Not all people find eye humping pictures on the internet an acceptable behavior in their mate. I absolutely would not tolerate it from my mate, nor he from me. It goes against everything we believe in. We don’t believe in fantasizing about other people and if those types of thoughts do cross our minds, we would immediately share the thought with one another, not solitarilly seek out fodder in the form of pictures of other people. It also goes against our beliefs on beauty in its most natural form. Celebrities are rarely in natural form and are some of the most superficial folks out there. Lastly, it goes against our beliefs about 100% open and honest communication. We both have an open door policy with one another regarding our computers, phones, passwords, etc. because neither of us has anything to hide.

I know a lot of people believe “boys will be boys” and have a philosophy that all men's eyes wander, but I truly believe a lot of that philosophy is nurtured into us in western civilization via cultural norms, especially since the surge of internet imaging. To assume that ‘all men are eye humping other women and therefore it is OK behavior’ is to do a disservice to men who keep their attention focused on what they already have, a disservice to men who believe in emotional fidelity, and a disservice to men with profundity who find beauty within a woman’s mind and soul, rather than on the appearance of her body.

One of the best things you can do to increase your self-esteem is to know yourself well. Know why his behavior bothers you. The more you analyze the situation and the role you play in the situation, the better you can understand yourself. The more you get to know yourself, the more you can be proud of those qualities you love about yourself and the more you can change the things you find dissatisfying about yourself. It would be a shame to chalk this up to “Guys just do that. I’ll never look like a movie star, but maybe I can find a smidgen of something good about myself while he gazes at pictures of others.” You don’t have to settle for that mindset, even if it is the popular one.

My name is Tammy and I have had low self esteem for a very long time. It started when I was in high school when all my friends were thin except me. Now here I am 40 and still have thin friends and trying to loose weight. Then, I found out I have fibromyalgia and well now I am determined to fight this and loose weight. With that being said, I have joined a group fitness workout for women called Insanity for Women and we work out every Tues, and Thurs. Hold your head up and do the weight lose thing for you not for someone else. Trust me, doing it for you is all that matters:flowerforyou:

You can build your self-esteem if you accomplish some personal goals. They could be anything that make you feel good, from taking a class at a local college to planting a garden to running a marathon to volunteering for a charity. These things give you a sense of self-worth and accomplishment and get out of your head, hopefully. It's a life process for some of us. It's good that you recognize it.

And this is why I added you as a friend on mfp. Good "advice" hun

I go through this ALL of the time. I am my worst enemy. I have started seeing a therapist which has helped me. But the one suggestion I have when you are feeling bad about yourself is to try and do something that does make you feel good about yourself. My self esteem issues are completely superficial I feel overweight and unattractive. Therefore, when I run or have a great workout I feel a lot better about myself because I am working on that weakness, trying to change me. When I focus on my short comings I get no where except depressed which leads to drinking beer, eating, etc stuff that makes me fatter.
The best thing that works for me is trying to do something healthy that makes me feel good. For me its exercise, it might be a pedicure or massage for some one else.
Think about what you like about yourself, you are pretty, you have great hair, a nice smile, great legs, a small waist whatever it is try to redirect your thinking when you start feeling bad.
My husband looks at other women and it makes me feel horrible, its not his fault he's a guy its what they do. I feel bad because I feel bad about me. I'm trying to get better but it is very difficult.

I thought all of this was really good except maybe the part about your husband looking at other women. I think some men do do this..but do you look at other men? For me, it is also a respect thing..so if you feel horrible when he looks at others..have you brought it up at all? Im simply wondering and not at all trying to attack or criticize. Just thought I'd put it out there.