Standing up for yourself and harassment

clareyoung80
clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
in Motivation and Support
I guess this counts as an NSV?! Previously I would have run away from something like this, but today I stood up for myself!

There was a persistent customer in a coffee shop I regularly visit, who was one of those people who talks and talks. I made the mistake of engaging him in a conversation and subsequently the next few times I went to the coffee shop he kept coming over and sitting at my table uninvited, offering me unsolicited advice on how I work too hard (because I asked him to leave as I had work to do), and generally not leaving me alone.

Today he asks me to sit at his table and tried to lend me CDs. I politely declined and went to sit at another table, and he came over to lecture me on how I push people away, how I work too hard and how I look ill and that he's also a life coach. So I lectured him on how I come to this coffee shop to read and be left alone, and I'd like him to leave me alone, and if he didn't I'd report him to the management. He said I had abandonment issues, I rolled my eyes and ignored him. He seems to have left me alone for now, but I'll tell the management anyway.

Ugh!!! But not bad for me who has always hated confrontation with a passion!! Feels like I've just been in a fight or something!!! But damned if I'm going to be spending my new life putting up with **** from strangers!!
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Replies

  • seefyboy
    seefyboy Posts: 68
    Good for you :)

    I deal with this on a daily basis, not exactly the same situation, but I have to deal with a lot of nasty patient's where I work. I've learned to push their ignorence aside and to just get on with it. And it works :)
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    I imagined myself in that situation and I feel just like you. I would want to be by myself, and I can't stand unsolicited attention. I also hate confrontation, and although the confrontation would leave me with a new set of bad feelings, at least it was a one time deal, and I could enjoy the rest of my time there in peace.

    Good job for standing up for yourself.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    That's some excellent assertiveness. Good job!
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    I imagined myself in that situation and I feel just like you. I would want to be by myself, and I can't stand unsolicited attention. I also hate confrontation, and although the confrontation would leave me with a new set of bad feelings, at least it was a one time deal, and I could enjoy the rest of my time there in peace.

    Good job for standing up for yourself.

    Thank you! Yeah, I always fret over things like this. Those people who nicely overstep your boundaries. Like, when is the best time to tell him to f*** off?! And as I'm a regular here, is he going to approach me again? But no matter...I know the management well here so it's not like I'm on my own.

    Blugh, confrontation!
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    And thank you guys!
  • nobleammonite
    nobleammonite Posts: 64 Member
    From someone who gets butterflies in the stomach just reading the WORD "confrontation" - awesome job! I know some people don't understand what the deal is when I've shared little victories like this with them, but it's kinda big. :D
  • murphy612
    murphy612 Posts: 734 Member
    Good for you !! :smile:
  • palmerar
    palmerar Posts: 489 Member
    I hate when people don't realize you are trying to politely tell them to leave you alone! Good for you for speaking up!
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    From someone who gets butterflies in the stomach just reading the WORD "confrontation" - awesome job! I know some people don't understand what the deal is when I've shared little victories like this with them, but it's kinda big. :D

    I'm defo done for confrontation this week, hell this month! Hope it gets easier!!
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
    LOLing at the life coach. What a prick.

    And golf claps for you! Well done!
  • MisterDerpington
    MisterDerpington Posts: 604 Member
    The Life Coach crap was probably his angle the whole time. Let me guess; the CDs he wanted to lend you were self-help ones?
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Well done! :)
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    Good for you! If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?

    I'm pretty non-confrontational, myself, but I find it gets easier to deal with stuff like this the more you do it.
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    The Life Coach crap was probably his angle the whole time. Let me guess; the CDs he wanted to lend you were self-help ones?

    Haha!! Actually they were rock, I think. I have no idea why he thought to lend me anything, let alone random rock CD' s!! He did keep talking to me about Edward De Bono though :indifferent:
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    I would find a different reading spot, but that's just me.
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    LOLing at the life coach. What a prick.

    And golf claps for you! Well done!

    And not a very good one; I think he was trying to imply I look like I have leukaemia???!!!!
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    I would find a different reading spot, but that's just me.

    I sit all over the coffee shop - he would just come over to wherever I happened to be sitting.
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
    Good for you! Your boundaries count. :happy:
  • nope31
    nope31 Posts: 174
    Imagine how nice life woulda been if you had adopted this way of thinking years ago, when you first learned to speak.
    Its so freeing.
    I highly recommend it.
  • Nishi2013
    Nishi2013 Posts: 210 Member
    Good for you. I found that the fitter I grew the more confident and assertive I became.
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    Imagine how nice life woulda been if you had adopted this way of thinking years ago, when you first learned to speak.
    Its so freeing.
    I highly recommend it.

    It would have saved me a lot of hassle for sure, and school would have been a darn sight more enjoyable!
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
    great job!! i am so proud of you :drinker:

    (and a life coach? i sense a marketing pitch was in your future!!)
  • bgelliott
    bgelliott Posts: 610 Member
    People just don't get subtle hints. Good for you for speaking up. What a mook!
  • JeffseekingV
    JeffseekingV Posts: 3,165 Member
    Tell him about his issue. He'll say "what issue?". You say, "the issue of having hot coffee in your lap if you don't leave me the frick alone."
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    ^ I was going to say she should have told him he was about to have some foot-in-the-junk issues if he didn't walk away.
  • traveller7
    traveller7 Posts: 11 Member
    Imagine how nice life woulda been if you had adopted this way of thinking years ago, when you first learned to speak.
    Its so freeing.
    I highly recommend it.

    It would have saved me a lot of hassle for sure, and school would have been a darn sight more enjoyable!

    Here here!
  • mtcastillo86
    mtcastillo86 Posts: 119 Member
    I'm curious about your age. I'm 45. When I was in my 20's, I had problems with confrontation, too, but as I've aged, had kids, gotten busy, etc..., I've come to the conclusion that life's too short to put up with people like this. Good for you for standing up for yourself and demanding your right to be left alone. And that life coach claim? I all BS. Sounds more like A$$pberger's to me.
  • happythermia
    happythermia Posts: 374
    Wow! psych 101 rears it's ugly head ;-)
    Good for you for telling him to buzz off
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Okay between this and the gym manager creep thread I am convinced the Zombie Apocalypse has started. This is phase 1 where they case out the joint and prod their first intended dinners for fightbackishness. Fight back ladies, Fight back....pour Tapatio Sauce liberally all over yourselves!
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Ahhh! This is a refreshing post. It's nice to hear from someone with the social skills to deal with *kitten* hats.

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