Unwanted attention
Replies
-
I'd call Homeland security personally.0
-
Tell him to **** off, your trying to workout..0
-
I am always direct, but I know that that makes some people uncomfortable. The question you have to ask yourself is how uncomfortable is his attention making you. Enough to say something directly? You don't really have to be rude but if he is being rude in your opinion AND making inappropriate comments, then direct and honest are really the only way to go. The next time he asks you a question or makes a comment you don't like, just tell him you don't like it. Subtle hints probably will not work on this guy.0
-
Peoples advice is Headphones, ignoring, going to another gym and being passive aggressive? Come on ladies, really? I'm not saying start a fight, but be confident and direct and let him know you're not interested.
Women did not get as far as they have come by being passive aggressive wussies about situations like this. QFT!0 -
Forgot to quote?0
-
]
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?
I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...
I don't think she is at all. Unless you have been on the receiving end of creepsters, you have no idea how it feels. I didn't have it happen at the gym but at a place I liked to go to a lot. One of the employees would sit down and start talking to me when I was there to do something else. He eventually asked me out and I said no, I have a boyfriend, (which was a lie) but then he still would try to talk to me. Finally, I just started being plain rude to him. One word answers etc. Made me feel totally uncomfortable and a complete *****, but dang, some guys just don't get the hint.
There are many "people" who don't get the hint. Women do the same stuff. There is possibly some guy who you thought was cool and you think he is a good friend, you start to talk to him and what not, later on to find out he thinks you're a creeper. We don't know what the intention the guy at the gym has. He might just be a friendly guy and says weird comments to everyone, not just her.
If she feels uncomfortable okay, i get that... Has every person in this topic been absolutely comfortable in every social situation? Obviously not. It's just how society is, as people we cope and deal with these situations. One question, why is this lady uncomfortable? I am sure there are many women out there who would love the attention. I was in a similar situation with a women who kind of freaked out one time. It was weird...
This girl, i known her from a mutual friend, we met a few times. We started to talk online. She came over a few times i fixed her computer. We where talking online one time, i was hungry, i said "you want to go and eat lunch?"(i was hungry). She said, "It sounds like you're trying to date me." I told her NO I am not, i explained to her how she isn't my type. I am very picky with women. She was totally misreading the situation. I think the OP is doing the same thing.
It's not like he's standing behind her with his pants unzipped, having a jolly good time as she works out... Now that would be a problem.
The difference here is this man is in a position of authority. His behavior is not professional. He is not spotting her, which would be fine, he is staring at her! He has a job to do and it is not to stand there ogling. IMAO0 -
Just a suggestion, but how about being honest with him and tell him that you are not interested in any more than just being friends with him and that you are feeling a bit uncomfortable with the questions he is asking. Just a thought.0
-
There is this girl I have seen on a regular basis on my runs I have thought of just introducing myself (I am happily very happily married just seeing the same person every day be nice to know there names) and yes I have done this with a guy ive seen on a regular basis also but I could definently tell I was making her uncomfortable it was in the air, I never said anything so now when I see her I just keep my eyes focused on my run and just pass by her. I dont need anyone thinking im a creeper stalker (might be too late for her) but I have been friendly to other ppl I see on the trail on a regular basis (Smile and wave). Thats it.
My point being by not even saying a word to her just by making eye contact with her on my runs outside I knew I was making her feel uncomfortable so Im doing things differently. IF he has half a brain he knows exactly what he is doing. If not then maybe hes just a dork.0 -
There is this girl I have seen on a regular basis on my runs I have thought of just introducing myself (I am happily very happily married just seeing the same person every day be nice to know there names) and yes I have done this with a guy ive seen on a regular basis also but I could definently tell I was making her uncomfortable it was in the air, I never said anything so now when I see her I just keep my eyes focused on my run and just pass by her. I dont need anyone thinking im a creeper stalker (might be too late for her) but I have been friendly to other ppl I see on the trail on a regular basis (Smile and wave). Thats it.
My point being by not even saying a word to her just by making eye contact with her on my runs outside I knew I was making her feel uncomfortable so Im doing things differently. IF he has half a brain he knows exactly what he is doing. If not then maybe hes just a dork.
If running or hiking, I'll say hi to everyone. Everyone usually says hi back.
If at the gym, I'll say hi to a female if I've seen her in the free weights area. If she looks like she doesn't want to say hi back, well I'll never say one word to her again unless she approaches me. Like you said, don't need that creeper label0 -
you pay a membership fee for the use of the gym and it`s equipment.nowhere in a contract does it say that you have to be bothered by someone else.If it keeps up let him know directly how you feel about his behaviour and ask him to refrain form it.If he persists just let him know this could be interpreted as stalking or harassment which there are laws to protect from this.Maybe at this point he`ll get the message.Good luck0
-
]
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?
I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...
I don't think she is at all. Unless you have been on the receiving end of creepsters, you have no idea how it feels. I didn't have it happen at the gym but at a place I liked to go to a lot. One of the employees would sit down and start talking to me when I was there to do something else. He eventually asked me out and I said no, I have a boyfriend, (which was a lie) but then he still would try to talk to me. Finally, I just started being plain rude to him. One word answers etc. Made me feel totally uncomfortable and a complete *****, but dang, some guys just don't get the hint.
There are many "people" who don't get the hint. Women do the same stuff. There is possibly some guy who you thought was cool and you think he is a good friend, you start to talk to him and what not, later on to find out he thinks you're a creeper. We don't know what the intention the guy at the gym has. He might just be a friendly guy and says weird comments to everyone, not just her.
If she feels uncomfortable okay, i get that... Has every person in this topic been absolutely comfortable in every social situation? Obviously not. It's just how society is, as people we cope and deal with these situations. One question, why is this lady uncomfortable? I am sure there are many women out there who would love the attention. I was in a similar situation with a women who kind of freaked out one time. It was weird...
This girl, i known her from a mutual friend, we met a few times. We started to talk online. She came over a few times i fixed her computer. We where talking online one time, i was hungry, i said "you want to go and eat lunch?"(i was hungry). She said, "It sounds like you're trying to date me." I told her NO I am not, i explained to her how she isn't my type. I am very picky with women. She was totally misreading the situation. I think the OP is doing the same thing.
It's not like he's standing behind her with his pants unzipped, having a jolly good time as she works out... Now that would be a problem.
The difference here is this man is in a position of authority. His behavior is not professional. He is not spotting her, which would be fine, he is staring at her! He has a job to do and it is not to stand there ogling. IMAO
The position of authority might be relevant. That can lead in to a whole entire discussion of social psychology, I don't even want to get in to that.
What I will say on topic though is... If she was "really" working out, she wouldn't notice him, I can tell you that. 2nd.. I remember this really really pretty girl who kept on looking at me. For thought is, "she's checking me out." My second thought, "don't jump to conclusions, she might think you look hell of weird and she can't stop staring."
There are many many reasons people look, I was looking at this guy at the gym yesterday, I kept on staring ta him. Not cause i am gay(cause i am not) but because he looked very familiar. I think she's over reacting(THE OP).
Proximity and the added inappropriate comments as well as it not being only once makes this so very different from your experience. She is paying to work out not to have to deal with an over enthusiastic gym manager.0 -
If you really dont want his attention, tell the jerk to back off or you will report him to his superiors for harassment.0
-
I also need advice in this area.
I work at the local gym in my area. There's this girl that started coming, and I started being friendly to her- no more than I would any one else in my gym. (I have a GF.) I started noticing her noticing me. Looking to see where I was. I would smile at her.. she would look away- playing hard to get, I guess. It seems like every time I am working there, she notices me. I feel bad that shes so desperate for my attention. Sometimes when I'm looking at someone behind her or just spaced out- I see her awkwardly smile at me. I'm really getting the creeps. She even takes her ear phones out of her ear when I walk by, so then I feel like I have to talk to her.
Please help.. I'm just trying to do my job!0 -
You are NOT making something out of nothing. Tell him that you'll report him to the management if he doesn't leave you alone. DO NOT tell him he makes you nervous!!! If he doesn't stop, report him. If he's the management, drop your membership, start going to another gym, and report it to the owners and/or the local police.
Good Luck.
Before threatening to report him or calling the police (lols) can I suggest maybe asking him to give you some space?
I admit my recommendation was probably over the top, but it's very evident ignoring and the cold shoulder isn't working AND he is in a position of authority there. So 1st tell him you're not interested and to leave you alone; if that doesn't work you need to report him to his boss (which may be the owners) and tell them if they don't do something ASAP that you'll drop your membership and let everyone know they condone someone harrasing their customers. Even if he doesn't realize it, that is exactly what he is doing. And yes, I have been in management and have seen this exact type of situation and it is considered harrasement.
Regards0 -
I'd wear headphones or write an anonymous complaint. I've found whenever gym employees talk to me too much they just want me to hire them as a trainer and once they ask and I tell them I'm not interested they leave me alone, but if he hasn't even broached that with you then he might be just a creep.0
-
I also need advice in this area.
I work at the local gym in my area. There's this girl that started coming, and I started being friendly to her- no more than I would any one else in my gym. (I have a GF.) I started noticing her noticing me. Looking to see where I was. I would smile at her.. she would look away- playing hard to get, I guess. It seems like every time I am working there, she notices me. I feel bad that shes so desperate for my attention. Sometimes when I'm looking at someone behind her or just spaced out- I see her awkwardly smile at me. I'm really getting the creeps. She even takes her ear phones out of her ear when I walk by, so then I feel like I have to talk to her.
Please help.. I'm just trying to do my job!
Bahahaha!0 -
I can't speak to the inappropriateness of his comments, but this behavior goes beyond just being friendly.
As other people mentioned, headphones in and just smile, wave, walk on by.
If he wants to talk, tell him you have limited time and want to focus on your workout.
I never underestimate how obtuse people (especially guys) can be, so he may STILL bother you.
If so, it is time to be blunt with him or talk to his superior.
Good luck!0 -
I also need advice in this area.
I work at the local gym in my area. There's this girl that started coming, and I started being friendly to her- no more than I would any one else in my gym. (I have a GF.) I started noticing her noticing me. Looking to see where I was. I would smile at her.. she would look away- playing hard to get, I guess. It seems like every time I am working there, she notices me. I feel bad that shes so desperate for my attention. Sometimes when I'm looking at someone behind her or just spaced out- I see her awkwardly smile at me. I'm really getting the creeps. She even takes her ear phones out of her ear when I walk by, so then I feel like I have to talk to her.
Please help.. I'm just trying to do my job!
Bahahaha!
0 -
Why does it seem reasonable for you to be unconfortable at the gym? Why are you protecting this guy from (possibly) having his feelings hurt by you if you simply say "Sorry, but I am not here to socialize, and I need to focus on my workout, I need some space" ?Thanks for the replies
I have tried the headphone thing but he just stands there grinning at me until I take them out.
I would love to say 'back off' but I don't want to be rude. I think I'm too nice for my own good, but obviously I need to do something as I don't want this to keep happening.
Will keep trying to ignore him and if the comments do get worse then I will talk to his manager.
I am back at the gym tomorrow so wish me luck....
When you can't tell the truth about how you feel (at a commerical establishment that you are paying to use) -- because you are afraid of being seen as 'rude" -- then there is something wrong.
What is stopping you is that your discomfort for standing up for yourself is much greater than the level of discomfort this creeper is causing you. Don't do that, don't reduce your feelings as being less important that this stranger's - not too mention how can you expect him to change his behavior when you've never directly told him it bothers you? He obviously doesn't get the 'hints' - or he is ignoring them under the pretense of not understanding. So make him understand, be plain spoken. It's not rude, its just truthful.0 -
Put in ear buds and listen to music. Or just straight up tell him to fu(k off.
LOL this & be honest, but without being hurtful... he's a grown man.. he'll deal.
and/or bring a friend next time, and totally ignore this dude (and the guy who said you're overreacting)0 -
This is exactly why I don't talk to anyone ever at the gym. :laugh: I go in with my headphones and baseball cap on, and don't even make eye contact.
Anyway if it were me I would start by bringing up my uber hot (pretend) boyfriend. Give him a name like Channing or Ryan or something else you can remember. Bring him up in every conversation (like Ryan and I are going to the movies tonight - better burn some extra calories so I can treat myself to some popcorn).
If he doesn't back off, then next step is to be short and blunt with him. Don't engage him in any conversation and when he talks to you keep your answers brief.
If he still doesn't get it after that then talk to his manager.0 -
Telling him to leave you alone won't make you a not-nice person. You can smile, say something like "ok I'm going to work out now, catch you later" and then completely ignore him. If he starts talking while you have headphones on, just point to them, shrug, and go on with whatever you're doing.
It sounds like he isn't taking the hint, so if you don't find a way to break free you're going to end up married to him and having his thickheaded personal-space-invading children.0 -
Just break up!0
-
NO.
wtfffff? she does not HAVE to deal with creeps. i for one would sure as HELL not. i dont have time for bs like that. she sould be direct with him or speak with a manager to get it to stop. who gives a crap if he does the same thing to other woman? hes obviously a being a major pain in the *kitten* and she shouldnt have to just deal with it. he sounds creepy just from her description. not friendly. creepy.I have been a member of my gym for quite a long time and a few months ago the gym manager started to say hi to me and talk to me about exercise and fitness etc... but over the last few weeks he has started to ask more personal questions and has started to drop in inappropriate comments which is now making me feel uncomfortable. I try to avoid him but as soon as he sees me come into the gym he makes a bee line for me! He stands behind the equipment I am working on, staring at me and its starting to annoy me now.
I used to love going to the gym but now I dread it because of him. I feel my only option is to find another gym or try to ignore him and hope he gets bored?
Part of me thinks maybe I am making something out of nothing, because he is a really friendly guy but I think some of his comments are crossing the line.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?
I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...0 -
You can just be honest. "Hey, you're a nice guy but I'm just here to work out."
Guaranteed 100% to work.
90% sure it will not offend.
OR
you can give him subtle hints that he will hopefully figure out on his own
Wear a small cubic zirconia "wedding ring" to your next workout. Make sure it's visible when he's around. If he asks about it say you didn't want to ruin it so you don't usually wear it to the gym. Downside is that all of the fit guys at the gym will think you're taken.
Another option is the next time he talks to youdrop a casual line about how you and "your boyfriend" like to go out together.
Had a super creepy guy hit on me at work once...he's old, hideous, and comes in to shop with his wife and children ! We just said hello casually and then he started to ask personal questions about what days I had off. He stood at my sales case and looked as guilty as sin for a few minutes while I tried my best not to say or do anything to give him the wrong message. He's friends with a coworker so I tried not to offend him...but I was so grossed out.0 -
Yes i guess we do have a sense if we make someone uncomfortable, it's pretty obvious, but on the other hand some people are just so brain dead they have no clue.
I like your story though, it's a good example as how she was misreading the situation.
If I were to make someone uncomfortable, chances are I wouldn't know unless they said so. I also have offended people by asking questions that I didn't recognize as something that apparently wasn't okay to ask. Often, I'm not even sure what I've said that was the issue - and I won't know unless someone says so. The reason? I have Asperger's. It greatly affects my social skills.0 -
]
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?
I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...
I don't think she is at all. Unless you have been on the receiving end of creepsters, you have no idea how it feels. I didn't have it happen at the gym but at a place I liked to go to a lot. One of the employees would sit down and start talking to me when I was there to do something else. He eventually asked me out and I said no, I have a boyfriend, (which was a lie) but then he still would try to talk to me. Finally, I just started being plain rude to him. One word answers etc. Made me feel totally uncomfortable and a complete *****, but dang, some guys just don't get the hint.
There are many "people" who don't get the hint. Women do the same stuff. There is possibly some guy who you thought was cool and you think he is a good friend, you start to talk to him and what not, later on to find out he thinks you're a creeper. We don't know what the intention the guy at the gym has. He might just be a friendly guy and says weird comments to everyone, not just her.
If she feels uncomfortable okay, i get that... Has every person in this topic been absolutely comfortable in every social situation? Obviously not. It's just how society is, as people we cope and deal with these situations. One question, why is this lady uncomfortable? I am sure there are many women out there who would love the attention. I was in a similar situation with a women who kind of freaked out one time. It was weird...
This girl, i known her from a mutual friend, we met a few times. We started to talk online. She came over a few times i fixed her computer. We where talking online one time, i was hungry, i said "you want to go and eat lunch?"(i was hungry). She said, "It sounds like you're trying to date me." I told her NO I am not, i explained to her how she isn't my type. I am very picky with women. She was totally misreading the situation. I think the OP is doing the same thing.
It's not like he's standing behind her with his pants unzipped, having a jolly good time as she works out... Now that would be a problem.
The difference here is this man is in a position of authority. His behavior is not professional. He is not spotting her, which would be fine, he is staring at her! He has a job to do and it is not to stand there ogling. IMAO
The position of authority might be relevant. That can lead in to a whole entire discussion of social psychology, I don't even want to get in to that.
What I will say on topic though is... If she was "really" working out, she wouldn't notice him, I can tell you that. 2nd.. I remember this really really pretty girl who kept on looking at me. For thought is, "she's checking me out." My second thought, "don't jump to conclusions, she might think you look hell of weird and she can't stop staring."
There are many many reasons people look, I was looking at this guy at the gym yesterday, I kept on staring ta him. Not cause i am gay(cause i am not) but because he looked very familiar. I think she's over reacting(THE OP).
Proximity and the added inappropriate comments as well as it not being only once makes this so very different from your experience. She is paying to work out not to have to deal with an over enthusiastic gym manager.
Yes i do understand how this happens often for her. I am still waiting to hear what these comments are. yes you're right, she is paying to workout, she should be working out and stop worrying about other stuff. If someone is hauling butt in the gym then it's pretty obvious they shouldn't be approached.
And once again.....you are right, everybody else is wrong and your experiences should apply to the rest of the population. Hilarious.0 -
Not everyone gives of that kind of vibe and it can be difficult to focus when you know it is coming. It is his job to keep the facility running and granted get member feed back but it should be all busness. It is his job to be professional and his conversations and maner should exude nothing less.]
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?
I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...
I don't think she is at all. Unless you have been on the receiving end of creepsters, you have no idea how it feels. I didn't have it happen at the gym but at a place I liked to go to a lot. One of the employees would sit down and start talking to me when I was there to do something else. He eventually asked me out and I said no, I have a boyfriend, (which was a lie) but then he still would try to talk to me. Finally, I just started being plain rude to him. One word answers etc. Made me feel totally uncomfortable and a complete *****, but dang, some guys just don't get the hint.
There are many "people" who don't get the hint. Women do the same stuff. There is possibly some guy who you thought was cool and you think he is a good friend, you start to talk to him and what not, later on to find out he thinks you're a creeper. We don't know what the intention the guy at the gym has. He might just be a friendly guy and says weird comments to everyone, not just her.
If she feels uncomfortable okay, i get that... Has every person in this topic been absolutely comfortable in every social situation? Obviously not. It's just how society is, as people we cope and deal with these situations. One question, why is this lady uncomfortable? I am sure there are many women out there who would love the attention. I was in a similar situation with a women who kind of freaked out one time. It was weird...
This girl, i known her from a mutual friend, we met a few times. We started to talk online. She came over a few times i fixed her computer. We where talking online one time, i was hungry, i said "you want to go and eat lunch?"(i was hungry). She said, "It sounds like you're trying to date me." I told her NO I am not, i explained to her how she isn't my type. I am very picky with women. She was totally misreading the situation. I think the OP is doing the same thing.
It's not like he's standing behind her with his pants unzipped, having a jolly good time as she works out... Now that would be a problem.
The difference here is this man is in a position of authority. His behavior is not professional. He is not spotting her, which would be fine, he is staring at her! He has a job to do and it is not to stand there ogling. IMAO
The position of authority might be relevant. That can lead in to a whole entire discussion of social psychology, I don't even want to get in to that.
What I will say on topic though is... If she was "really" working out, she wouldn't notice him, I can tell you that. 2nd.. I remember this really really pretty girl who kept on looking at me. For thought is, "she's checking me out." My second thought, "don't jump to conclusions, she might think you look hell of weird and she can't stop staring."
There are many many reasons people look, I was looking at this guy at the gym yesterday, I kept on staring ta him. Not cause i am gay(cause i am not) but because he looked very familiar. I think she's over reacting(THE OP).
Proximity and the added inappropriate comments as well as it not being only once makes this so very different from your experience. She is paying to work out not to have to deal with an over enthusiastic gym manager.
Yes i do understand how this happens often for her. I am still waiting to hear what these comments are. yes you're right, she is paying to workout, she should be working out and stop worrying about other stuff. If someone is hauling butt in the gym then it's pretty obvious they shouldn't be approached.0 -
I also need advice in this area.
I work at the local gym in my area. There's this girl that started coming, and I started being friendly to her- no more than I would any one else in my gym. (I have a GF.) I started noticing her noticing me. Looking to see where I was. I would smile at her.. she would look away- playing hard to get, I guess. It seems like every time I am working there, she notices me. I feel bad that shes so desperate for my attention. Sometimes when I'm looking at someone behind her or just spaced out- I see her awkwardly smile at me. I'm really getting the creeps. She even takes her ear phones out of her ear when I walk by, so then I feel like I have to talk to her.
Please help.. I'm just trying to do my job!
This would also be a very hard situation, and I bet the farm that she has learned your work schedule so she can come in when she KNOWS that you are there. I would just keep your head down while she is there and focus on your job. It's becoming distracting to you to even have her there which is proably affecting your own productivity. I know that's not always easy, but it might help if you try to avoid her or "disappear" from her line of vision while she is there.
The taking out the ear buds thing would drive me NUTS. 2 pieces of advice on that: First, you can just politley say hello and that you are very busy and scamper (yes scamper) off looking very busy and like you have something to do (and of course you have something to do you are at work!!). Second, just talk non-stop about your girl. Once she hears you talk about a girlfriend it usually causes girls to back off.
I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I've been in the same situation in a past job where a customer had quite the thing for me. It was so hard, so I do wish you the best of luck!0 -
I have been a member of my gym for quite a long time and a few months ago the gym manager started to say hi to me and talk to me about exercise and fitness etc... but over the last few weeks he has started to ask more personal questions and has started to drop in inappropriate comments which is now making me feel uncomfortable. I try to avoid him but as soon as he sees me come into the gym he makes a bee line for me! He stands behind the equipment I am working on, staring at me and its starting to annoy me now.
I used to love going to the gym but now I dread it because of him. I feel my only option is to find another gym or try to ignore him and hope he gets bored?
Part of me thinks maybe I am making something out of nothing, because he is a really friendly guy but I think some of his comments are crossing the line.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
I think we are all wanting to hear some of his comments! It would help us give you advice on how to handle it!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions