All these cheating threads...
Justjamie0418
Posts: 1,065 Member
in Chit-Chat
Could anyone ever under any circumstances understand the concept behind cheating? Im talking on a spouse, gf/bf, not with food. I have had conversations with my friends about this and was wondering what some of the masses thought. Normally the general consesus would be a big fat NO, but some of my friends pointed out there are other sides to the story (emotional support, domestic violence, etc)
thoughts?
thoughts?
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Replies
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I've never understood it, myself. If a relationship sucks, end it. If it doesn't... who's got the time or energy to juggle a second one? And why would you even want to?0
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Definitely no. Never an excuse. I was in a domestic violence situation with pretty much 0 love, and never considered cheating. When un happy leave, then find someone.0
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some people are looking for a mate... some are looking for a _____... the latter often find themselves in relationships... it always ends the same.... i try and sleep with and many people as I can and maybe one of these days I'll find someone I cant get away from... I call that "not settling"0
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My thoughts on it.
Its ridiculous. No matter the circumstances. You mention Domestic Violence? Plaaaaa---leaaaaze. Get Out then.
No matter the situation its never the proper thing to do.
Unfortunatley there are a lot of excuse makers out there that want to be with someone so desperately, they will settle.
Settling is a weakness.
Make all the excuse ya want. I don't believe in staying in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.
There are Greedy ppl in the worl that want it all, their cake and too eat it too.
There are those folks that have no morals or self Worth and they therefore cant have respect or value another.0 -
Ok I will fall on my sword so to speak...when I was younger I used to cheat alot, but you know what for me the other side of the story was that I was just an immature,sex craving douche-bag who enjoyed the feeling of being wanted by more then one woman and didn't care or was too selfish to care about the damage/pain I was causing people. In the end I wised up. There is no excuse or justification for it. If your partner sucks or you are not happy, leave simple as that.0
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My thoughts on it.
Its ridiculous. No matter the circumstances. You mention Domestic Violence? Plaaaaa---leaaaaze. Get Out then.
No matter the situation its never the proper thing to do.
Unfortunatley there are a lot of excuse makers out there that want to be with someone so desperately, they will settle.
Settling is a weakness.
Make all the excuse ya want. I don't believe in staying in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.
There are Greedy ppl in the worl that want it all, their cake and too eat it too.
There are those folks that have no morals or self Worth and they therefore cant have respect or value another.
just wanted to clearify... This isnt ME making excuses, I am not in a great relationship but I have never went outside of my marriage either.
The recent threads have sparked an interest, as well as a close girlfriend of mine who hid her affair from everyone, and ended up getting the strength to leave her abusive husband and is now head over heels in love with a ddue that seems really great, even though I passed judgement and said dude WASNT great knowing she was married... but I think it was kinda a captain save a hoe situation... I cant be anything but happy for her though, shes happy now and the kids have adjusted ok, so it seems.
Would you all turn your back on a friend who was cheating?0 -
Ok I will fall on my sword so to speak...when I was younger I used to cheat alot, but you know what for me the other side of the story was that I was just an immature,sex craving douche-bag who enjoyed the feeling of being wanted by more then one woman and didn't care or was too selfish to care about the damage/pain I was causing people. In the end I wised up. There is no excuse or justification for it. If your partner sucks or you are not happy, leave simple as that.
woah... sounds like your sword fell on a lot of things.... Muahahahahahah! *evil laugh.
playa! hehe.0 -
It is never right to cheat but good people do bad things too.0
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It's a big, fat NO from me!
If you're unhappy then you need to communicate, if that doesn't work and professional help doesn't sort things out then you need leave. Cheating cannot make you truly happy and if you start a relationship from the bowels of an old one you being deceitful to not only your spouse but to yourself and the new person. Relationships based on lies who'd want that?
If you are unhappy and leave and concerntrate on being the person you want to be and satisfying yourself. Making yourself happy before embarking on a new relationship is so much healthier. You are being honest about who you are and are going to attract people who genuinely like the real you. A relationship starting from there is much more healthy and likely to go the distance.
I myself, would never cheat or even have a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with another. This is from experiencing the heart ache cheating causes. It hurts alot.0 -
"Would you all turn your back on a friend who was cheating?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Um, No I don't think so.
You mean a friend that's cheating on her S/O?
Id for sure let her know how I felt about it. Id have my own opinions. Perhaps she would turn her back on our friendship.
Epsecially if she wanted to continue her affairs and not be judged.0 -
Ok I will fall on my sword so to speak...when I was younger I used to cheat alot, but you know what for me the other side of the story was that I was just an immature,sex craving douche-bag who enjoyed the feeling of being wanted by more then one woman and didn't care or was too selfish to care about the damage/pain I was causing people. In the end I wised up. There is no excuse or justification for it. If your partner sucks or you are not happy, leave simple as that.
Hhaha Well I know your spoken for now, and Its nice to see you be honest about it.
Its also nice to see you saw the error of your ways and after growing up a bit and growing out of it you can admit your beast.
Honestly, Your too Gorgeous to be disrespectful to your self and others. Inside and out.
I have seen a lot of your posts and you sure do have a good head on your shoulders.0 -
While I've never cheated on a partner and don't know exactly how I would react if I learned I was being cheated on, I think there are some good points made in this article/video on cheating by Dan Savage:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/30/dan-savage-cheating-can-s_n_3362115.html0 -
sloots gonna sloot0
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no its never ok to cheat, its not like "oh well, you know, my wife was out of town" is going to work for anyone.
but now that I think about it, a good friend of mine, hes like my brother had kids young, and is a good dad. he and his girlfriend fell out many years ago, like 5 or so, but stayed together for the kids. they dont have sex, and she doesn't really treat him good either.
I know that in the last few years before they officially separated he had a few liaisons with a girl or two, hes very good looking so its not hard for him to find someone for "today".
these encounters would be the only sex he had in probably the last 5 years of their non relationship, and it isn't common knowledge that it happened.
personally in this situation I find it hard to fault him. hes a good dad, supporting his kids and a woman that doesn't really like him and makes his life difficult, and they have no sexual relationship.
he said "sometimes I feel bad, its a little bit wrong to me but on the other side at least I get to feel like someone cares about me, to touch someone, to be with someone even if it was just for a day, you know, to feel like a man, to feel loved"
he was in a hard jam. stuck in a very difficult situation. if it happened to me I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with it as well as he did.
so how can I fault the guy.
but yeh this is a rare occurrence in the scheme of things.....
people in loveless or abusive relationships.... thats very hard to be judgemental in my opinion. if that was you, and your partner treated you badly every day, degraded you, or just didn't love you anymore, but you have kids a house and are keeping up appearances, or one party doesn't want a divorce.
its hard to judge people in such hopeless situations. everybody needs love, solace, affection.0 -
no its never ok to cheat, its not like "oh well, you know, my wife was out of town" is going to work for anyone.
but now that I think about it, a good friend of mine, hes like my brother had kids young, and is a good dad. he and his girlfriend fell out many years ago, like 5 or so, but stayed together for the kids. they dont have sex, and she doesn't really treat him good either.
I know that in the last few years before they officially separated he had a few liaisons with a girl or two, hes very good looking so its not hard for him to find someone for "today".
these encounters would be the only sex he had in probably the last 5 years of their non relationship, and it isn't common knowledge that it happened.
personally in this situation I find it hard to fault him. hes a good dad, supporting his kids and a woman that doesn't really like him and makes his life difficult, and they have no sexual relationship.
he said "sometimes I feel bad, its a little bit wrong to me but on the other side at least I get to feel like someone cares about me, to touch someone, to be with someone even if it was just for a day, you know, to feel like a man, to feel loved"
he was in a hard jam. stuck in a very difficult situation. if it happened to me I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with it as well as he did.
so how can I fault the guy.
but yeh this is a rare occurrence in the scheme of things.....
people in loveless or abusive relationships.... thats very hard to be judgemental in my opinion. if that was you, and your partner treated you badly every day, degraded you, or just didn't love you anymore, but you have kids a house and are keeping up appearances, or one party doesn't want a divorce.
its hard to judge people in such hopeless situations. everybody needs love, solace, affection.
This!
I watched a couple cheat on each other but stayed together because of a kid. They both were great parents but all of us close friends could tell they were more like roommates than a married couple.
Same reason people stay in a shytty job that they hate instead of quitting and finding something new. They start sending those resumes out before they finally quit.0 -
I just cannot understand it. If I am unhappy with a man, I break it off with him.
As someone who has been cheated on, it SUCKS, and I never understood the mentality behind it. A lot of my friends tell me that I'm extremely ignorant in saying that, but maybe I just have different morals to them -.- or something0 -
Thanks for all the responses, I like seeing other people respectfully voice thier opinions on a matter. I have been cheated on, and I have found myself once (with my ex husband) talking to someone of the male variety about personal issues and things I wouldnt tell my husband but I quickly stopped it, and the marriage did end in divorce ( I couldnt get past his cheating)
On the issue with my friend... it was much like what you guys described, she was miserable, but really didnt want to put the kids through hell and financially she didnt work, etc. She kind of found solace in this guy I think, and finally thought she had light at the end of a tunnel she never thought shed get out of. She is SO pretty but really believed she was repulsive and noone would want her.. i remember talking to her about it when I tried to get her to leave him after he got physical with her one day. So I think she should of ended it first? probably, and I was a little miffed she never confided in anyone (me included) but this guy did give her the courage to find her own strength to leave an unhealthy relationship that was really going nowhere. Shes happy now, I guess thats all that matters.0 -
I can see why people cheat. I am not going to be naive and say, I can't understand it.0
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I don't get it, infact I hate the concept of cheating but hey, I'm lazy and I don't want to juggle two people! If someone means so little to you that you would cheat on them then why bother putting in the energy to be with them at all? Nonsensical.
But also, you never really know what goes on in other relationships and I'm too judgemental a lot of the time so each to their own I guess.0 -
I cheated with someone and they also had a partner... We're now planning to get married and everyone we know says we are an amazing couple.
We behaved very, very badly to get to this point, but I have always said that I would never have gotten myself into that situation with her and let it continue if I wasn't madly in love with her. We tried to stop on multiple occasions, but the feelings just kept coming back. We were friends, then started spending more and more time together, and I know people say it just happens, but we just grew closer and closer.
I don't condone cheating, because it was a disgusting way to treat our partners, but there are always reasons why it happens.0 -
no its never ok to cheat, its not like "oh well, you know, my wife was out of town" is going to work for anyone.
but now that I think about it, a good friend of mine, hes like my brother had kids young, and is a good dad. he and his girlfriend fell out many years ago, like 5 or so, but stayed together for the kids. they dont have sex, and she doesn't really treat him good either.
I know that in the last few years before they officially separated he had a few liaisons with a girl or two, hes very good looking so its not hard for him to find someone for "today".
these encounters would be the only sex he had in probably the last 5 years of their non relationship, and it isn't common knowledge that it happened.
personally in this situation I find it hard to fault him. hes a good dad, supporting his kids and a woman that doesn't really like him and makes his life difficult, and they have no sexual relationship.
he said "sometimes I feel bad, its a little bit wrong to me but on the other side at least I get to feel like someone cares about me, to touch someone, to be with someone even if it was just for a day, you know, to feel like a man, to feel loved"
he was in a hard jam. stuck in a very difficult situation. if it happened to me I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with it as well as he did.
so how can I fault the guy.
but yeh this is a rare occurrence in the scheme of things.....
people in loveless or abusive relationships.... thats very hard to be judgemental in my opinion. if that was you, and your partner treated you badly every day, degraded you, or just didn't love you anymore, but you have kids a house and are keeping up appearances, or one party doesn't want a divorce.
its hard to judge people in such hopeless situations. everybody needs love, solace, affection.
This.0 -
I don't get it, infact I hate the concept of cheating but hey, I'm lazy and I don't want to juggle two people! If someone means so little to you that you would cheat on them then why bother putting in the energy to be with them at all? Nonsensical.
But also, you never really know what goes on in other relationships and I'm too judgemental a lot of the time so each to their own I guess.
...Often there is no energy with that person, and they treat you with exactly the same energy back. Believe it or not, when I was having an affair, we didn't tell our partners because we were trying, naively, to protect them from knowing until we were sure we wanted to actually be together. Cowardly, yes, but there was an underlying feeling of wanting to make sure they were going to be OK.0 -
If you feel the need to cheat, you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.0
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It's a big, fat NO from me!
If you're unhappy then you need to communicate, if that doesn't work and professional help doesn't sort things out then you need leave. Cheating cannot make you truly happy and if you start a relationship from the bowels of an old one you being deceitful to not only your spouse but to yourself and the new person. Relationships based on lies who'd want that?
...I actually trust my partner more so because of how we got together. We lied to everyone else except each other for so long that I'd know the instant something was different or if she lied to me. Does it make me paranoid? Nope. We learned our lesson from what we did and we would never hurt anyone else like that again, least likely each other. Maybe I'm in a rare situation, but my relationship is stronger for how I got with my partner.0 -
I wouldn't read too much into the cheating threads, as you name them. There's likely not much correlation with real life.
I understand why people cheat, and to pretend you don't is to deny you have a baser side. It's not true, it's in there somewhere, more strongly for some than others. But you also have control over it, which those who cheat will deny.
MizzCelo here below me has an interesting case, I understand it. when one partner will not meet step up to meet your needs, they have broken contract with you. Its really a matter of paperwork and semantics for him.0 -
As someone who is going through a divorce right now, this is an interesting discussion. I have never physically cheated on my wife but I am pretty flirtatious with some of my MFP friends. Is it technically cheating? Maybe, maybe not. If you ask my wife, she'd probably say yes, it's emotional cheating. And that would be hard to argue with. However, as others have mentioned, I didn't get married to have a roommate. From my perspective, flirting online is better than going out and actually having sex with someone else. Fine line? Sure and I know some people will disagree with me. But when there is zero intimacy in the relationship for months on end, it became one I was willing to cross. All that being said, I AM leaving even though it kills me to leave my kids. And although I'm not technically divorced yet, papers have been filed and I consider myself free to do what I want at this point.
One note to add: the divorce is not only about sex/intimacy or the lack thereof. There are other issues there. I'm not quite shallow enough to leave my family just because I'm not getting laid enough. But since this topic is on cheating, that's what I focused on. Not sure I would agree that it's all a matter of "paperwork and semantics" for me; I'm not that cold-hearted.0 -
I've never understood it, myself. If a relationship sucks, end it. If it doesn't... who's got the time or energy to juggle a second one? And why would you even want to?
Not condoning it, just explaining from personal experience, but you often don't have any energy in the first relationship, and there is a bit of a buzz knowing someone does want you.0 -
No, just leave if you want to cheat and for those that say I'm not in a position to leave, do you really think that's going to help the situation? Could you not just rub one out yourself and save yourself some hassle.0
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I've always been a very monogamous person. I've never been a cheater and I've always been more than happy to be with just one person. It's just how I'm wired. But I do understand the mentality of it, even been tempted from time to time. Only time I've ever acted upon it was as revenge. I once kissed someone at a club because I was SUPER angry at the person I was with. Doesn't make it okay, but I did it purposely to show my displeasure.0
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No, just leave if you want to cheat and for those that say I'm not in a position to leave, do you really think that's going to help the situation? Could you not just rub one out yourself and save yourself some hassle.
Hhahaha. Ow Jeeze.0
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