How do you deal with self esteem issues?

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  • TracyJo93
    TracyJo93 Posts: 197 Member
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    Check out this website. It may help. http://www.mybodygallery.com/
  • TheRainQueen
    TheRainQueen Posts: 43 Member
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    I know my post is a bit different, but…

    Not all people find eye humping pictures on the internet an acceptable behavior in their mate. I absolutely would not tolerate it from my mate, nor he from me. It goes against everything we believe in. We don’t believe in fantasizing about other people and if those types of thoughts do cross our minds, we would immediately share the thought with one another, not solitarilly seek out fodder in the form of pictures of other people. It also goes against our beliefs on beauty in its most natural form. Celebrities are rarely in natural form and are some of the most superficial folks out there. Lastly, it goes against our beliefs about 100% open and honest communication. We both have an open door policy with one another regarding our computers, phones, passwords, etc. because neither of us has anything to hide.

    I know a lot of people believe “boys will be boys” and have a philosophy that all men's eyes wander, but I truly believe a lot of that philosophy is nurtured into us in western civilization via cultural norms, especially since the surge of internet imaging. To assume that ‘all men are eye humping other women and therefore it is OK behavior’ is to do a disservice to men who keep their attention focused on what they already have, a disservice to men who believe in emotional fidelity, and a disservice to men with profundity who find beauty within a woman’s mind and soul, rather than on the appearance of her body.

    One of the best things you can do to increase your self-esteem is to know yourself well. Know why his behavior bothers you. The more you analyze the situation and the role you play in the situation, the better you can understand yourself. The more you get to know yourself, the more you can be proud of those qualities you love about yourself and the more you can change the things you find dissatisfying about yourself. It would be a shame to chalk this up to “Guys just do that. I’ll never look like a movie star, but maybe I can find a smidgen of something good about myself while he gazes at pictures of others.” You don’t have to settle for that mindset, even if it is the popular one.

    I wholeheartedly agree with this.
  • TheRainQueen
    TheRainQueen Posts: 43 Member
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    Hey all,

    This is my first post on here, so please be gentle. :smile:
    So long story short, the other day my boyfriend let me use his laptop to search for vacations. When I went into google to type, his search history automatically popped up to reveal "sarah hyland hot" "halle berry hot" etc. you get it. I know guys do this, hell, I know even girls do this, but it seriously messed with my already low self-esteem. I can't help but think, "I look absolutely nothing like these women so how could he possibly find me attractive". I can seriously not get past it, and I hate it because it seems so silly right? I guess my question is, how (other than get the weight off) did you learn to embrace your body image? Has anyone else just felt sort of...unworthy sometimes? I want to add that I have been with my boyfriend for going on 7 years now. This isn't a trust issue or anything like that, I don't believe he is going to run off and cheat on me with emma stone. We are pretty happy together, but would be so much happier if I wasn't so insecure ALL THE TIME. I feel like sometimes the only thing that does get in the way is my insecurity. I really want to work on this, and I know getting the weight off is a good place to start, but as you all know this is a journey...and anything that can help me along the way would be awesome. Any tips or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

    It may be important to figure out..why are you losing weight? Exam what it is about your boyfriend looking at stuff on the internet that bothers and then address it maybe with him. Communication is really important. It's easy to compare ourselves to others but beauty is also so diverse. Think about what you want from YOURSELF and where your sources of low self esteem come from originally..is it from a young age? Only with your weight? Etc. hope this helps! I struggle with self-esteem as well. I think to be human..we all have issues we want to improve
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,359 Member
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    I know my post is a bit different, but…

    Not all people find eye humping pictures on the internet an acceptable behavior in their mate. I absolutely would not tolerate it from my mate, nor he from me. It goes against everything we believe in. We don’t believe in fantasizing about other people and if those types of thoughts do cross our minds, we would immediately share the thought with one another, not solitarilly seek out fodder in the form of pictures of other people. It also goes against our beliefs on beauty in its most natural form. Celebrities are rarely in natural form and are some of the most superficial folks out there. Lastly, it goes against our beliefs about 100% open and honest communication. We both have an open door policy with one another regarding our computers, phones, passwords, etc. because neither of us has anything to hide.

    I know a lot of people believe “boys will be boys” and have a philosophy that all men's eyes wander, but I truly believe a lot of that philosophy is nurtured into us in western civilization via cultural norms, especially since the surge of internet imaging. To assume that ‘all men are eye humping other women and therefore it is OK behavior’ is to do a disservice to men who keep their attention focused on what they already have, a disservice to men who believe in emotional fidelity, and a disservice to men with profundity who find beauty within a woman’s mind and soul, rather than on the appearance of her body.

    One of the best things you can do to increase your self-esteem is to know yourself well. Know why his behavior bothers you. The more you analyze the situation and the role you play in the situation, the better you can understand yourself. The more you get to know yourself, the more you can be proud of those qualities you love about yourself and the more you can change the things you find dissatisfying about yourself. It would be a shame to chalk this up to “Guys just do that. I’ll never look like a movie star, but maybe I can find a smidgen of something good about myself while he gazes at pictures of others.” You don’t have to settle for that mindset, even if it is the popular one.

    ^^^ Refreshing response. re "eye humping on the internet" Just as we tell our kids, if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you too? Personally I think, if nothing else, if this behavior is repetitive, it's a bad habit. And certainly a waste of time. And sometimes leads us to compare ourselves to others, who btw have been airbrushed and photographed hundreds of times to get one good picture. I don't think this is necessarily good for anyone's self esteem.

    As for your self esteem, I think that you make a choice every day how you want to perceive yourself. You can tell yourself that you're not all the things that you want to be. OR you can work towards whatever goals in life make YOU happy and pat yourself on the back for striving to be a better person each day. How we talk to ourselves (ie, positive self talk) is very very important, believe it or not.

    You might find this read interesting: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/7-steps-to-positive-self-talk/
  • dropdeadhealthy
    dropdeadhealthy Posts: 9 Member
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    I've been feeling the same way. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years, and I'm always wondering why he is with me. I don't see why he would stay with me if I don't look like the girls he gawks at in the movies, and I'm sure my low self esteem gets in the way. I'm 80 pounds overweight, and don't have the best looks.

    I sat him down and told him everything. About how I felt towards myself, him, the girls he looked at, etc. He completely understands and has since been trying to help me out with my problems. I know he loves me so it made it all so much easier.
    He listens when I cry about how fat I look some days, and listens to me ramble about how I can't eat anything else because I'm positive I've had more than Jennifer Lawrence would ever eat.

    I try to look at myself through his eyes, and accept the compliments he gives me. When I look in the mirror I try not to point out my flaws immediately. I go straight for the things I do like (my hair looks pretty good today, the freckles on my lips aren't weird, they are unique, etc). It's not always a good day, but there are certainly less bad.

    I continue to try to embrace the changes as I lose weight, and consider I don't look like them but why would I want to. I'm more ME than anyone will ever be. A million girls can lose weight, workout, and look like that. No one will ever be like me.

    Take it one day at a time, and eventually each days gets better.
    Hope this helps, and you can friend me if you would like. :flowerforyou:
  • kkclif
    kkclif Posts: 155 Member
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    Check out this website. It may help. http://www.mybodygallery.com/

    I have never heard of this! Pretty cool concept....thanks!

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