Fresh Start

Hello! Just here to introduce myself. I joined this site because for the longest time I had terribly low self-esteem, always thought of myself as chubby, and generally had a completely warped view of myself. I have never been fat, but I've always THOUGHT of myself that way, and that negative thinking has led me down some very dark paths. I developed an eating disorder when I was 19; I started out at 160lbs, and dropped down to 105lbs (I am 5'6'') in a matter of months. I hated myself, could never lose enough weight, but I couldn't sustain what I was putting my body through. I was passing out if I stood up too quickly, losing hair, my skin became sickly and my bones stuck out. The only way I could gain weight was from drinking, because I couldn't get myself to eat real food. I developed alcoholism, and spent my early 20's battling this disease. Well, I became fed up with wasting my life and killing myself, and months ago I got sober. Due to drinking (and other unhealthy eating habits you fall into due to the disease), I regained weight, but it's not good weight because I have no muscle tone. I just want to be healthy, not skinny. I've gone through quite a bit, but now I'm really trying to change my outlook on life, and that includes finally taking care of myself. I no longer see myself as overweight, and I have been working on loving myself.

I still want to lose body fat, and gain muscle. I am 144lbs right now, not unhealthy for my height but for my frame I would like to lose more body fat to feel healthier. Of course, I want to condition myself so I can accomplish certain goals, like running a half-marathon! I'm on here for support, and also to hold myself responsible. No restricting calories, no binging. Just healthy eating and exercise! Here I go!