Machine Gun urge...

Sorry to read all this Al... my heart goes out to you.

You are better than this, and you will find a better woman...

Make her JEALOUS with how great and fit you look, and by taking the high road, don't think about machine guns..... :frown:

Hugs to you! :flowerforyou:

Al, as someone who has had the urge to machine gun my ex more than once I can tell you that eventually it goes away. I don't hate my ex anymore...actually I pity her. I went to face her one last time (had to do with finalizing divorce stuff) after not seeing her in person in 8 months. When she saw me her face blanched, and she started stammering over her words like a fool. I was distant and cold, and I could tell it killed her to see me healthy and looking cute (she even commented on how good I looked...I answered her with a nice curt 'thanks'.) When I looked at her growing stomach (she's pregnant by the guy she cheated with) and then looked at her she started crying. She tried to give me a hug but I rebuffed her, I don't need her for that anymore (just as she didn't need me apparently not so long ago).

The best part is that I was able to walk away from her and get in my car with the best most beautiful woman I have ever known (that would be Manda...)

Point being, yes, life sucks and so does she. But eventually things get so much better that you never would have believed how wonderful it could be. I am so much happier now than I ever was with her. And I pity her knowing that she will never have the joy that I have now.

It gets better Albert, I promise.

I did feel a month ago that I was uber, Harder, better faster,stronger than i was before, i'm not sure if its the recent contact that has put me in this mood, and also the over use of the machine gun in GTA4 lol

My husband is a big game junkie....our living room looks like "Grown Mans Playland" :laugh: We have every console thats come out in the past five years and then some. I think we own stock in Best Buy at this point. But I can't fault him for it since I log more hours than he does.

I don't think its you Al...or your situation....I'm pretty content in my life right now and playing GTA4 makes me wanna drive my car through red lights, and shoot at people, and use the F-word uncontrollably lol....the game is so addictive! Don't worry ...I'll be crazy with you! :smooched:

awww big hugs my sweet friend!:flowerforyou:

you'll get to that happy place again, it just takes time hon....but until then....stay away from machine guns....actually it might just be for the best to stay clear of ALL assault weapons for now......:noway: :ohwell:

you know I think you rock, and you're still young, and getting more hawt everyday! lol...and one day you'll find someone to rock your world, and who will appreciate all the kind and caring things you do for her....and then you'll think of your ex and say...your loss biaaaach! ...because it will be! or ya know what will be even better....you won't think of her at all!

Most of us have been down this road...and totally understand

....now man up and go put on your pretty new kicks and get out and run that frustration away boy! lol:drinker: :bigsmile:

hugs!
ali

hmm... i feel like i changed the day she left... and don't think i'm as nice as i used to be and am no longer a christian,

Don't lose your faith because of her and what she did...her choices have nothing to do with who you are..and who you can be.
I hope you hold tight to your faith during the times of crisis and hardships because during the lows if we don't have God to turn to...we have no one but ourselves and from personal experiance (not divorce, but other things) it's too hard to get through it in our own strength.
Take care!

along with the gun.... hopefully.

lol, my trigger finger is itchen lol

:noway: ....don't make me call officer Nick Angel on you mr! LMBO:laugh:

wow, i thought i was the only one who stopped believing god cuz i got dumped!! another atheist joins the ranks of the pissed and jaded! woo hoo!

i also fantisized (waaaay too much) about torturing my ex. i never wanted him dead, just in extreme pain. i was a little messed up back then, but i totally get it. then i got to a place where i didn't care about him. now, like sgt, i feel a little sorry for him. he's shown up on my door step a couple times over the years, but i always refuse to see him. i just don't want to, and i don't think i owe him a damn thing.

keep playing gta and imagine everyone is your ex. laugh when they die. its cathartic. just don't be the guy who shows up on her doorstep calling gutter slut etc... (like my ex) or maybe play a pretty game like okami or a nonviolent game like katamari damacy.

your violent friend,
em:flowerforyou:

lol, my trigger finger is itchen lol

:noway: ....don't make me call officer Nick Angel on you mr! LMBO:laugh:

lol, who the hell is that??? haha

Nicholas Angel is the supercop from the super smash hit (maybot super smash, but I thought it was awesome) british comedy 'Hot Fuzz'. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

na its gone

I had a crisis of faith also. But eventually I realized that either it could kill my desire to be like Christ or sharpen it. I chose sharpen and allowed God to carry me through the storm. Al, he totally did also. Don't let anyone tell you that because your wife was a harpy, God loves you any less. You didn't sign up for this nightmare any more than I did. God is still there Albert, and he always will be. She's the one to blame for this, not him. He wants to take you and comfort you, and carry you too. I promise, if you will let him, things will get better. I couldn't have made it without him.

As far as having good times, then kinda crashing, it happens. I would have good weeks and things would seem wonderful, then I would hear from her, or see one of her friends and all the crap would come flooding back. 5 months is still very very fresh from this.

I guess my only realy advice is that you just take it a day at a time. Realize that the pain does go away, and eventually you *will* be able to laugh and go through a day without thinking about her. Eventually, you will be able to see her and not be sick at your stomach, or even want to 'machine gun' her. It will happen dude, it just takes time (stupid crappy time taking its....time....:mad: ). Just concentrate on making yourself better than you ever were, make her your motivation to be a better person, heal the breaks before you jump into another relationship (a mistake I made early on) and become a more complete person.

I eventually came to a place where I had to stop tearing myself apart make the decison to rebuild myself instead. I know it feels better to wrap yourself in the hate, but I promise you that only leads to darkness. You're a better person than her Albert, now it's time to prove it.

You're in my prayers buddy,

-J

I had a crisis of faith also. But eventually I realized that either it could kill my desire to be like Christ or sharpen it. I chose sharpen and allowed God to carry me through the storm. Al, he totally did also. Don't let anyone tell you that because your wife was a harpy, God loves you any less. You didn't sign up for this nightmare any more than I did. God is still there Albert, and he always will be. She's the one to blame for this, not him. He wants to take you and comfort you, and carry you too. I promise, if you will let him, things will get better. I couldn't have made it without him.

As far as having good times, then kinda crashing, it happens. I would have good weeks and things would seem wonderful, then I would hear from her, or see one of her friends and all the crap would come flooding back. 5 months is still very very fresh from this.

I guess my only realy advice is that you just take it a day at a time. Realize that the pain does go away, and eventually you *will* be able to laugh and go through a day without thinking about her. Eventually, you will be able to see her and not be sick at your stomach, or even want to 'machine gun' her. It will happen dude, it just takes time (stupid crappy time taking its....time....:mad: ). Just concentrate on making yourself better than you ever were, make her your motivation to be a better person, heal the breaks before you jump into another relationship (a mistake I made early on) and become a more complete person.

I eventually came to a place where I had to stop tearing myself apart make the decison to rebuild myself instead. I know it feels better to wrap yourself in the hate, but I promise you that only leads to darkness. You're a better person than her Albert, now it's time to prove it.

You're in my prayers buddy,

-J

Well, said, J! God doesn't bring us suffering but God will bring us through it!

gosh... hey.. cut that out... it's giving me the he-be-jee-bees :sad:

Buddy,

a lot has been said and I am not sure I can add anything new to that. But my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you will find strength in your faith again. That is the only thing that can really help you.

I would suggest you use that energy in the gym, it helps in more than one way and apperently you do that already. Try to do things that get your mind off that issue. Not something like cinema where you at any time can fall back in your thoughts. But gym. Things like that.

Since you say you still love her, you may have to come to terms with the fact that she does not love you anymore nor does she deserve your love. You are at the moment laying the foundation to a great new start. Focus on that. You are young and have your whole live in front of you!

Something good eill come out of this.

Amen! Manda you're one lucky girl. :smooched:

I know... *happy sigh* :blushing:

Yeah mate, I already know she doesn't love me and is probably living with this other bloke.

I don't know if things did change whether i could take her back, I'd like to think i tell her where to go!, but when i was psychoanalyzing myself i realised that the deep hate i feel towards her is because i still have feelings for her. I;ve spoken to people who have gone through something like this and some recon i'll always hold a torch for her, i'll move on but still hold a torch.

I think i'm already seeing good, I think about 6 weeks ago i realised that i when she broke me i had to rebuild and i felt at that point i'd built myself up to beyond where i was before... Thats when i adopted my theme song... Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger lol... And of course its got me to make me the centre of attention and look after myself for a change and this has brought on my new healthier life style
lost 30 lbs so far woohoo. I also think that because i have been feeling better i've stopped distancing myself from thoughts of her and with recent contact i'm feeling a bit down again. The anger has not left me and i'm not sure if it will ever...

Why do i hate her family aswell tho? Strange

Anger's not a emotion that will just leave you, it's something you have to let go.

You're completely justified in feeling angry, hurt & depressed, but don't let those emotions change you into someone you don't want to be.

And you may forsake the Lord , but He won't forsake you. :flowerforyou: