Have you tried NOT telling everyone you're on a diet?

glovepuppet
glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
in Motivation and Support
That sounded far cattier than intended, but hey ho.

Given how many threads are made about bad experiences caused by everyone else's reaction to your diet, is it better to just not tell everyone? With a few exceptions it seems that the masses are at best annoying (offering a ton of unwanted bad advice) and at worst sabotaging (waving cake in your face and trying to undermine your efforts) so... why do they need to know?

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you don't want the cupcake they're offering. You don't need to defend your choice of lunch. Your health issues & aims are none of their business.

Isn't telling everyone you know just tagging a bullseye to your butt?

...I am, as ever, willing to accept I may be talking out of the wrong end on this one.
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Replies

  • earndien
    earndien Posts: 195 Member
    i am in a small town and everyone knows everyone business
    the funny part if u let people know that u trying too lose weight, u get a feeling
    that they waiting for you to fail!!! and most of the time its true,
    somepeople want you to fail!!
    i havent told anyone that i on "diet" because then if feels they focused on what u do and eat,
    "are you supose to eat that or this, when u going to exercise etc"
    i have chosen only a few people to tell, like my mom sister and hubby but only those few.
    and they very suportive!!
  • RaggedyPond
    RaggedyPond Posts: 1,487 Member
    I don't think everyone needs to know either. The only one I complain to about my journey is my husband.

    On the flip side... I think it is cool when I run into the same neighbors every couple weeks and they say I am getting smaller every time they see me.
  • Lunnunis
    Lunnunis Posts: 71 Member
    Definitely the way I went this time. It takes the pressure off. I told a couple of people in confidence when I'd lost the first 8lbs. When I'd lost 21lbs one or two other people started to notice.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    Yeah, it's called how I live my life. I only talk about fitness stuff here.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    No use when you have lots to lose its very transparent
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    I don't tell people but I get asked a lot
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  • 89nunu
    89nunu Posts: 1,082 Member
    First of all I'm not on a diet, I pay attention to what I eat to fuel my workouts. (before I was lazy and stuffed anything in my mouth while bummin around)
    My housemates know cause I weigh everything I eat and spend a lot of time in the gym or jumping around at home.
    My family knows cause I have lost 21 pounds and you can see it. Initially I only told my sister though.
    I also told 1 or 2 friends.

    Everyone else knows nothing and I don't see why I should tell them. When my colleagues bring cakes to the office I either decline or have a piece if my calories allow it. If we are going out for dinner I plan my day before accordingly or just go over :D

    If no one knows what you're up to they will be more appreciative once you can see results
  • Izzwoz
    Izzwoz Posts: 348 Member
    I haven't told anyone I'm on a diet...cause I'm not really, I guess. I'm just eating less of what I've always eaten and no one but myself is paying attention to how much I'm eating, so no one can tell. If I don't have the calories left for a treat I'll just say that I'm still full, and I'll have some later. Or if it's worth it I'll eat it anyway, I just try not to go over my maintenance calories.

    ^ 100% agree! Apart from my OH who is doing this with me, nobody knew - until it started to show :-)
  • AlexThreeClaw
    AlexThreeClaw Posts: 73 Member
    I haven't told anyone I'm on a diet...cause I'm not really, I guess.

    Snap. I have mentioned to some people that I'm trying to make better nutritional choices but as soon as you use the word "diet" a lot of people assume you mean "fad diet" and you start getting crazy suggestions and stupid comments disguised as assistance, like "You can't have that! I thought you were on a diet".

    "Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.." - Lou Holtz
    That may be a little cynical but I think it has a touch of truth. The majority of people that you might tell about your "diet" either don't care, or actively want you to fail. When potential saboteurs offer me junk, I politely refuse, often qualifying my "pickiness" with the information that I'd overindulged the day before or something. It goes a little something like this.

    "Wow, thanks! But I really couldn't possibly eat that today. You see, yesterday I caved into my cravings and ate a Snickers sandwich..."
    "Ugh. That sounds awful."
    "Oh, no, it was rather nice... Two full size Snickers bars with a layer of Nutella in the middle. Mmm... But you see, it means I really shouldn't have that slice of pizza you're offering me. Thanks though. "
    It's a win win! They get to go away feeling smug that I've clearly already fallen off the fitness train, and I get to avoid snacks without coming across as slightly holier than thou.
  • Sharkington
    Sharkington Posts: 485
    I don't need to lose weight, but even telling some people that I go to the gym, work out, run, etc., or even mentioning that I try to eat cleaner now, I sometimes get sarcastic comments or little jabs about it. I just internally roll my eyes and move on. I have heard a lot of people who mentioned that they get unsupportive remarks about wanting to lose weight, as well. I think part of it has to do with many people not liking change. They get so used to us being a certain way and practicing certain behaviors, that when we change our diets and health goals, they see it as a negative - as though other aspects about us may change. Others, I feel are just insecure with themselves, but i have, luckily, not encountered anyone who tried sabotaging me.
  • dreamweavers4
    dreamweavers4 Posts: 42
    I never, in the past 10 years, told anyone I was trying to loose weight for fear of failure, this time I am telling everyone! I found that if I didn't tell anyone then it was "okay" for me to fail because no one knew anyway, but this time around I am so much more dedicated then I ever have been. I make sure to eat more healthy and I am working out, I know that people know I am doing this, if I don't loose the weight everyone will know I failed, and that will suck! May not work, but so far so good :happy:
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
    I didn't tell anyone I was on a diet cuz I started on accident. Then my clothes got looser and I thought, I should keep this going on purpose and then I got to here.
  • zinatara
    zinatara Posts: 76 Member
    It's not like it's a secret or anything and I've told some of my friends. But I don't really feel like the changes are so big that I need to make a big announcement. I eat more healthy food, but most is prepared at home. If we're at a party I try to prepare by exercising so I have some extra calories and I eat smaller portions and a small slice of cake. Nobody has made any comments about what I eat yet.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    I didn't intend to tell anyone, but when you go from eating a pile of pizza at the company lunches to bringing a small lunch, turn down the desserts someone's wife made for the office and don't take advantage of the expense account when going out to dinner with clients, people start to ask questions. They get offended that you don't want to participate, and "I'm trying to eat healthy" only works so well. Eventually, I had to explain what I was doing to people just to prevent office tension and animosity. Sometimes, you don't have much of a choice except to tell.
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
    I've put myself out there to people so I can keep myself accountable. Ive posted before and after pictures on my facebook page and all my friends and family get updates on my progress. It keeps me more motivated to know that people are watching me. Some may be wanting me to fail, but most, I think, are wishing me success and are sharing that same motivation that I feel when we talk about it. I did the same thing when I quit smoking 5 years ago. I "yelled it from the rooftops" . It's no fun to fail publicly and it becomes a matter of pride.
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
    I don't tell people but I get asked a lot

    happens to me a lot, too.

    I don't tell people I'm on a healthy food plan (dislike the word diet lol) because I get

    "You don't have to lose more weight."
    "Aw come on, one bowl of fettuccine alfredo won't hurt."
    "Why do YOU need to eat less/healthy/this food?"
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    ok, so maybe i was talking out of the right end after all!

    seems you guys who keep it on a need to know basis are having far fewer crappy experiences than those who tell everyone they know.

    unless you're rock solid & really don't give a damn what people say, a little self preservation secrecy seems prudent.
  • sandi117
    sandi117 Posts: 445 Member
    I've told people that I'm working on losing weight and making a lifestyle change, not that I'm on a diet. When they ask how my diet is going or what diet I am on, I remind them that I'm not on a diet. Diets are short-term and I'm not working for short-term results. I'm just exercising more, eating a little less, trying to eat better and healthier foods.

    I always laugh when they ask what my secret is, like I'm using some new gimmick that no one's heard about yet. it's just all about moving and the food you use as fuel.

    Haven't really had any negative experiences with people knowing about my journey. I've actually had several people come to me for advice and guidance about how to get started. I think only one or two have actually put to use the tools I've suggested to them (eg. MFP and C25K.)
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
    im not on a diet.
  • Hendrix7
    Hendrix7 Posts: 1,903 Member
    But then you can't make threads complaining about the postman trying to sabotage you or your dog judging your food choices or someone in your office eating a cake on the other side of the room while staring at you and how mean everyone is.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    But then you can't make threads complaining about the postman trying to sabotage you or your dog judging your food choices or someone in your office eating a cake on the other side of the room while staring at you and how mean everyone is.
    great. now i feel mean for laughing.

    damn you!
  • Delicate
    Delicate Posts: 625 Member
    Told noone, they look at my food choices and wonder why i dont eat the sweet buns etc in the kitchen (im prediabetic and am more of a savoury person anyway)

    they ask, am i on a diet, i say 'no, its the way i want and like to eat, it just happens to be relatively healthy'
  • Lunnunis
    Lunnunis Posts: 71 Member
    Definitely the way I went this time. It takes the pressure off. I told a couple of people in confidence when I'd lost the first 8lbs. When I'd lost 21lbs one or two other people started to notice.

    Urrgh, it was easier when they didn't know. There's a big box of chocs in the next office and I have been teased about how I won't eat one because I'm 'on a diet', not that I've ever said I was 'on a diet' it's just that I've got thinner so I must be 'on a diet'. Of course I am going to have a couple of the chocs and fit them into my day but it's slightly annoying . 'Go on, it'll boost your metabolism. You'll have burned it off by the end of the day.' Yeah, OK, whatever. You are a little larger than I am now. Could it be you have an agenda?

    Having said that I was basking in their admiration yesterday as they told me how different I looked, they could hardly recognise me (really, was I THAT bad before?) and feeling like a bit of a star. So I suppose I'll have to live with a bit of joshing
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    i am not on a diet...this is a way of life for me ....so I don't tell anyone anything...
  • Rena42
    Rena42 Posts: 66 Member
    The only people that I've told are close family members and my best friend (who I've been trying to convince to join MFP with me). These are people I know what we to succeed. I don't want to tell anyone else because I don't want to make a big deal about it. I have a fear that one of my "friends" will root for me to fail. (She's very competitive and wants to be the thin one of our group.)

    The truth is that I don't feel I need to - I get a ton of support from people on MFP. You guys are so incredibly supportive and I can talk about my successes and failures with you without feeling judged. Why would I want to open up myself from criticism others?

    If people ask, I have no problem telling them. It's not a huge secret. I'm still waiting for someone to comment that they see a change. Hopefully, that will come soon.
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  • RobinvdM
    RobinvdM Posts: 634 Member
    I have a hard time telling people Im not on a diet, does that count? People ask about my weight and I respond with "Im losing weight" and they ask what diet Im doing and I say "Im not, Im just watching calories more and doing a lot more activities than I had been." (Diet has such a temporary and ineffective connotation to it, Im in the middle of a lifestyle change.) They never believe I am not on a diet. There are folks who still try to undermine my efforts to lose weight, my children and my mother top the list. I am lucky that I have a remarkable support system otherwise (due in no small part to my MFP buddies.)

    If folks want to share they are trying to lose weight they shouldn't feel "justifiably targetted" by folks who can't respect their efforts of self improvement. Even if it is their 15th time trying. Thats like saying the girl wearing the skirt was just asking for it.
  • coopers11
    coopers11 Posts: 30 Member
    I haven't really told anyone and am just eating more vegetables and less shop bought food. A cookies here and there won't hurt as long as you're good 90% of the time.

    Now my clothes are too big that's ball the encouragement I need! :)
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    I have made the mistake of telling near enough everyone (although I don't use the word 'diet'), but it was pretty hard to avoid when my weight loss started to get noticeable.

    I do sometimes wish I hadn't mentioned it. People do seem to love trying to sabotage you, I regularly have people try and make me get a dessert on a meal out. 'Go on, don't be so boring!' 'Go on, everyone else is!' 'Go on, what's one meal going to do?'

    Or my favourite is that it seems utterly implausible that I actually may genuinely PREFER salmon and jacket potato to a burger and chips, so if I order something healthy for dinner, people actually get the hump!

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