Breaking up is hard to do

I know this is easy for me to say since I'm not in your shoes, but can you take the negative energy from the breakup and let it fuel your healthy lifestyle and workouts? After my last (terrible) breakup, I found myself in the gym working off the frustration I had and was at my lowest weight/in the best shape I've been in, in a very long time. Hang in there.

PS: the better you feel/hotter you are, the more he'll be totally pissed he lost you ;-)

My husband died from a serious health complication. He was in his late twenties. I spent a year mourning this huge loss which almost killed me. I got stronger and decided to move on. I was at a point where I wanted to be loved, cared for and wanted again. I met this great guy who was 14 years older than me. We connected instantly. All I asked him was to be kind to me. I fell horribly in love. More than the death of my husband, this guy broke me to such an extent and made me reach low after low, that at some points of my life, I seriously considered suicide and came very close to it.


I was madly in love with him. For just a few moments of seeing him, I would do anything. One night he stressed me out completely and I had a few drinks at home. I was breaking up with him, told him to never contact me again etc etc. He pressured me to meet him. I got behind the wheels and drove in a drunken state to meet him. I got to him and he got me more drunk; I had lost all rational sense by then, let me drive back home, on the way he texted me, I picked up my phone to text him back and boom I crashed into a parked car. No one was hurt I thank god everyday for that, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I lost my license, walked away from a highly paid job as I couldn’t take the shame of what I had done. He dumped me a week later. I spent three months on bed, crying, sleeping and drinking. I texted and called him constantly to come back to me. I begged as I had never begged before. I still sometimes think of that girl and want to slap her. More than pity, I feel angry at her. And he did. He came back because he needed money. I gave him all my savings. He left me again.

So. This is what I did. I woke up one day. I was done with my self pity and crying.
I remembered who I was. I am a girl who lost her husband and watched him die a horrible death. I am a girl who worked several jobs to go through college and universities to have an education. I am a girl who never gave up in life. In time, I got my license back, saved all the money I wasted on him, got the best job of my career, got fitter and stronger than ever.


This is almost three years ago. And yea, during these three years, he came back to me several times.
And I let him. I allowed it to happen. Only this time, I was the one in control. Each time he came back into my life, I wanted him to see how far I had gotten in my life. And each time he saw how happy and beautiful I am, I dumped him. I walked away from him. I walked away proud. As the years passed by, he got fatter and uglier and I thank god I didn’t end up with him. In the end, all of us have an inner strength with we just have to find and hold on to it. I understand what you are going through. Mourn it, cry over it, heal yourself but after all has been said and done – take control of your life. Because only you can do that. Everything will be fine, I give you my word. Give it time. Time makes everything better and I am a living testimony of that. Take good care.

Whatever you do DO NOT let this get you behind! I'm not letting it stop me...and my ex works at the gym I go to! I'm taking myself on in there and doing my thing. Keep your chin up!

Thanks guys. My boyfriend of 10 years met someone through the Playstation network and they are "in love". There's more to it than that, but I was totally blindsided. I missed my run yesterday...but have gotten some activity in, i.e. piling his crap up and chucking at glass candle at him.

Excellent anaerobic work, keep it up ;-)

Jerk. It's for the better. Playstation network? As in, he had enough of some kind of life on there to do whatever? In about 18 months, that is going to be hilarious to you. Take care.

I second that. Might take a bit longer than 18 months though if it was a ten year relationship, but it will come.

IN LOVE?!?! Holy *kitten*. And how much younger than him is she? So now that they have established that they are in love, are they going to have some cyber wedding? And create little avitar babies? Sounds like a healthy relationship. I just want to drive over there and punch him in his hairy little face. >:-(

And this is one of the reasons I miss you so much!!! She's 23...and ugly!

Awww.....Ditto babe. You should take the opportunity to come back to town! :-P

I hope you are doing better.

Give it time. Pretty soon it will be like that person never existed.

My bf of 7 years left me because "he is even more interested in his boots, than the woman by his side" he wrote in his break-up email(!). I'm pretty sure he broke up with me, because he thought he can do better. 5 month after the break up, I lost 30 pounds, and look better than ever. He is a mess, and trying to find his way back to my life. Not in a million years!!! It turned out, I'm the one who can easily do better. Irony at its best!

If you take your anger and channel it into working out, like I did, you will be so much happier and wiser in 5 month. And the *kitten* ex of yours will be still the same infantile immature game addict.

Sorry to hear about this I remember when I had my heart truly, painfully broken. I had previously been in a 3year relationship which was great but not right, then after splitting up I met someone amazing... in only 2 months he had the power to 'break' me. It took me a good year to get over him, but we dated a little after a year and after he was a bit of a *kitten* I realised; I am worth so much more. I couldn't care less now.

These things will take a lot of time. Focus on you, let this time be for YOU and really defining yourself, your health, who you want to be. Stay with family/friends if you can for support, and don't be afraid to reach out. It isn't possible to rationalise things right now (for example, the fact that he left you for someone else is a really horrible thing to do) and you are still very in love with him, but in time you will be able to step back and look at the situation and realise that, in the end, you can be an amazing person without him; without anyone.

As other posters said, in time you will realise that it doesn't matter to you anymore. Please trust us, the time will come.

My ex boyfriend was the reason I am in the position I'm in now. Well, ok, it's because I binge, but it's certainly related.

When I met my ex I was a size 12 (UK), which at 5"10 is a perfectly healthy size, and every time we had an argument he'd call me all sorts of names related to my weight. I ate because I was miserable, so I gained weight, and he laughed at me more. It was a vicious circle.

I eventually left him and have been with a wonderful guy for 6 years now, but I still haven't forgotten his words, I still suffer badly with confidence and I still binge and then mentally berate myself for it, all be it nowhere near as bad as I did. Before I met him I had a healthy relationship with food.

About a year ago he came back to the UK for a visit and told me in front of a lot of people that the only reason my current partner was still with me is because I must sit on him so he cant get away. I've gained about 4 stone since I split with him, and I hated myself for giving him more fuel.

The point of me telling you this is because in x amount of years, you don't want to be in my position where you suddenly have 100lb+ to lose because you let a guy get to you like that. Imagine walking past him in the street in a couple of years time and you look fit and slim and healthy. You deserve better.

Bet it's gonna end up being another guy at the other end.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Use that anger, love. Try to channel it into productivity. I like to let Jillian Michaels kick my butt when I'm angry. It's a great way to vent the frustration, it keeps me on task, and feels GREAT when I'm done.

6 weeks later and only just considering getting back on it. 3 years, and he decided he didn't want us to live together cos he didn't want to pay bills anymore.
Although the first thing I did after we broke up was sign up to the gym, and yes I've been since haha.
Anyone feel free to add/message me.

Sending loads of hugs to everyone on here x