Fun things you said at labor

I didnt really say fun stuff but I like to share birth stories anyway...

For my first...
The anthesesiologist told me that he had to tell me when the needle was about to enter. I didn't want to know. I just wanted to say as still as possible for the needle but focus on my contractions so I could forget the needle. He insisted he had to tell me. I said, "okay" then flipped my hearing aid off so I couldn't hear a darn thing.

For my second...
I was told I was having a girl, via ultrasound, just two days before delivery. The delivery room was so tiny that my interpreter got shoved into a corner when the time came. She was jumping up and down trying to tell me it was a BOY. I kept asking, "Did you say it was a BOY?" The nurses and my husband, who all knew I was expecting a girl thought I was upset and thus the reason for my incredulous tone, but in reality I was still trying to verify the information!

For my third...
Each time I would have this pin hole leak and go to the doctor only to have my uterus plug it up and it not be noticeable. I managed to convince them and have it verified the first two times but this time I decided to just go home as they always suggest. I went to Babies R' Us and was holding onto racks during contractions. People kept asking but I smiled and told them I had already gone to the hospital and was sent home. Then when I went home, the only position comfortable was naked on a toilet. I stayed there for hours typing in a pregnancy chat room (on a laptop on a stool in front of me) until I just couldn't take it anymore and was ready for epidural time. The hospital was 40 minutes away so I already waited long enough. I do not remember what I said, but you can be sure I was not too happy when my husband asked me to wait so he could download a few things to take to the hospital with us because he knew my births are always long. Hello--I did most of this one at home, get in the car and go get me my epidural NOW. I do remember telling the people what I did, how I waited, and it was time for the epidural NOW as I was being wheeled in a wheelchair to my room. Whatever I said, they took me seriously because they called for e anthesesiologist right away!

I have a couple of funny comments said, both by my hubby and me:

My son (now 20) was 9 days overdue. I walked up to the nurse's station the day of the induction and said, with a big ol' grin on my face: "Well, I'm here for my induction. This is like going to the dentist. You know pain will be involved, but ya gotta do it."

The resident intern came in to break my water. He was young, good looking and I had never seen him before. As he was sitting there with his hand up my hoo hoo, I said "Hey, I don't know you. Shouldn't we at least have a cup of coffee first before you do that?"

My husband was very bored, and decided to play around with the machines. He was over by the contracto-meter, and noticed the needle rising quite steadily. He turns to me and says, just as I began to feel the contraction, "Ooooh, this one's gonna be a BIG one!". Yeah, didn't need the play by play. I made him go sit down.

And lastly, as the pain got worse, and I wanted to a local, (no epidural for me!), my hubby was on the phone with my mom, and his back was turned to me. I couldn't talk or laugh, I could only gesture with my hands. I was waving frantically for him to go get the nurse. Finally, he turned around, took one look at my facial expression and casually said, "Hey ma, gotta go, I think my wife needs something." NO KIDDING, ASSHAT.

And THIS is why men don't have babies.

No pain medication here. Didn't say anything funny.... actually I didn't say anything at all. I sounded like a bear though....which could be either scary or funny.

"Where is the remote? Sponge Bob is on and its a new episode!"

With my last baby I had him at home in the bathtub. I was in labor for about 5 hours but towards the end I asked my husband if he would check to see if he could feel how much cervix I had left because it was hurting like a mother and I started to involuntary push and was not sure if I was supposed to yet. So he was trying to feel and he said "I cant feel anything, but I see something wrinkly and hairy coming out" and I was like "oh *kitten* that is the baby's head" Then I felt the ring of FIRE and my son was born after one push:)

They gave me some kind of gas and when the nurse came back into the room I said" How are you doing" in a flirty tone! After 10 years Im still embarrassed...lol

I just totally imagined a Joey from friends type how you doing LOL!!

When I got to the hospital I was already 9cm, and I was in EXCRUCIATING pain. After they checked me they gave me a quick ultrasound and I was able to stop writhing around long enough to ask "is it still a girl??" The nurse laughed and said um we're more worried about the baby being healthy right now. Lol I was so terrified because people kept telling me all these stories about the baby coming out a different sex then they were told lol. Oh and the whole ride to the hospital I was on all fours in the front seat screaming to my bf to pull over and call an ambulance lol.

During my third birth, my husband made the silly mistake of telling me where our son's head was at the height of pushing...... In what I imagine was a rather demonic voice, I told him in no uncertain terms that I was well aware of where his head was:-) Silly man.....