Not good enough because I don't run?

BeautifulByChoice
BeautifulByChoice Posts: 60
in Motivation and Support
So my boyfriend recently just moved like 8 hours away. We are trying a long distance relationship and so far it's going good. We are both 18 and still have 1 year left of high school. The problem is, is that his parents don't approve of the relationship. Basically they think I'm not good enough for their son. More or less because I don't run a 4:40 minute mile like him. Mine is more like a 10 minute mile. I've been working so hard, and my boyfriend is super supportive and I know that the fact I'm not a runner doesn't bother him a bit. It just hurt quite a bit even just coming from his parents because I really am trying. Maybe I will just use it as an extra push to get out there and change myself.
Has anybody else been in this kind of situation? Where you weren't good enough for somebody because of your weight or athleticism or lack thereof?
Thanks for listening!
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Replies

  • kellehbeans
    kellehbeans Posts: 838 Member
    What a weird reason for your OH's parents to dislike you.

    Just ignore them, your boyfriend clearly loves you for the way you are. It's your relationship; not his parents. Just keep going and do what you want to do. If that's to try and catch up with your boyfriend's running - then do it. If not - stop.
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.
  • WhiteGirlWasted13
    WhiteGirlWasted13 Posts: 178 Member
    :huh:
  • buffty
    buffty Posts: 83
    Basically they think I'm not good enough for their son. More or less because I don't run a 4:40 minute mile like him.

    :laugh:
  • bumblebums
    bumblebums Posts: 2,181 Member
    That's a great idea for filtering out potential girlfriends for one's son. I can just see it: parents, in track suits, each with a stopwatch, audition girlfriends based on their running times. Sounds like a good reality show concept.
  • BeautifulByChoice
    BeautifulByChoice Posts: 60
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."
  • ken_hogan
    ken_hogan Posts: 854 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    I was wondering he same.....
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Um, if you're happy with you, I say do what you want and the parents need to learn not to comment. There's nothing wrong with a 10 min mile! I wouldn't do anything for them. On top of that, he's obviously happy with you, I'd ignore the parents!
  • SweetestLibby
    SweetestLibby Posts: 607 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    So they used as a "polite" way of saying they think he should be with someone thinner? Tell them that they're incredibly shallow and ignore them.
  • resistance_freak
    resistance_freak Posts: 899
    There's a couple of things going on here.

    #1. I doubt if your mile pace has a lot to do with whatever his parents think. I'll bet it has way more to do with the fact that you two live hundreds of miles from each other, and are still in school, and carrying on a long distance relationship.

    #2. You're 18 years old. You're not even going to remember this guy's name in a few years. Have fun with other people while you're young. These years will be gone before you know it. Live a little!

    #3. Learn to self-motivate. Any motivation that helps people better themselves is a good thing in the short term, but if you're only running because you think that's the way to win over this guy and his parents then ultimately that motivation will go away and you'll have to find another source of motivation. Make that source of motivation a drive within you to always try to better yourself. You do that and you won't have a problem meeting and attracting all the guys you want.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    You are young and this is the least of your worries.
    If that is the real reason they don't want you with thier son, they are idiots and need to be igorned as much as possible.

    I have a hankering that is only 1 thing that was said, and it may be taken out of context of something else.

    As a mom, when my children start dating young....I'm going to be leery of every sniffle, fart and look that boy gives them me or a stranger walking down the street (I have girls). 18 is young, you have no idea who you are or what you want in life and alot can go very wrong, but on the other hand things can blossom and solid friendships can be made.

    Move slow back up a little bit, they say if he wants to be with you he'll put forth the effort. And that may get his parents off your tail.

    You have your entire life to live....trust me there's a lot of life to be lived. Please live it for you and no one else.
  • Dogwalkingirl
    Dogwalkingirl Posts: 320 Member
    This is the stupiest thing I have ever heard. Sometimes our differences are what make us excellent partners. My ex was a mountain marathon runner...running was his thing..not mine. My current boyfriend plays the guitar, drums, sax and is an amazing singer....I can't carry a note. I like swimming, travelling, reading, dogs, camping, he likes stand up comedy, music, basketball......There must be some other underlining issue the parents have with you. No adult in their right mind would not like their son/daughters partner based on running times!
  • EdTheGinge
    EdTheGinge Posts: 1,616 Member
    4.40 pace is insane even if you are a runner
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    I do think that they don't want to tell their son the real reason why he shouldn't date you anymore. They are hoping that if they can plant the seeds of doubt and have him figure out what is most important to him, he will see that running is important and you don't feel the same way since you don't work at the way he does. If he does come to visit you, that takes time away from his running and competitive sports (which I assume he does if he runs that fast). They also don't want him to throw away his running because he doesn't want to make you feel bad that you can't keep up.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    This is not something stable, mature adults would say nor prioritize. If you didnt hear this straight from the parent's mouth then I would suggest your boyfriend is either taking their words of context or full of bull & trying to manipulate you. I also doubt his 4.40 pace.
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    This is not something stable, mature adults would say nor prioritize. If you didnt hear this straight from the parent's mouth then I would suggest your boyfriend is either taking their words of context or full of bull & trying to manipulate you. I also doubt his 4.40 pace.

    Maybe they meant find someone with similar interests/hobbies?? I guess that he takes running very seriously and is a priority in his life so, again they could be telling him to focus on that rather than a long distance relationship at a very early age.


    Or they could be a little mental.
  • mylot1975
    mylot1975 Posts: 5 Member
    That's a great idea for filtering out potential girlfriends for one's son. I can just see it: parents, in track suits, each with a stopwatch, audition girlfriends based on their running times. Sounds like a good reality show concept.

    LMAO!
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
    I think I might be able to run a 45-minute mile... maybe. :noway:
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    That's a great idea for filtering out potential girlfriends for one's son. I can just see it: parents, in track suits, each with a stopwatch, audition girlfriends based on their running times. Sounds like a good reality show concept.

    It's the new super-athlete breeding program. It's why professional basketball players are suddenly getting married and having kids, or why guys in the NFL are having kids with female sprinters.
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    So they used as a "polite" way of saying they think he should be with someone thinner? Tell them that they're incredibly shallow and ignore them.

    While I agree that if this is true, its horrible. I'm going to play devil's advocate. I'm a runner and I have dated non-runners before, it is often difficult during training seasons if they are not understanding of your schedule, needs and sacrifices. In fact, I broke up with someone because they felt that we should go drinking when I had a long run in the morning and this had become a continuous point of contention - he was also a smoker and couldn't find a gym with a nav system yelling at him. Not exactly a harmonious coupling overall. However, you two seem very supportive of each other. The other thing is, this year I met my boyfriend who also happened to be a runner. He was his HS's captain for Xcountry. That said, I cannot run the pace he runs but he can't run my distance (anything over 10miles - I'm a marathoner). But this has become a blessing for both of us. He has helped me drop my pace times by over a minute, crank out a couple PRs and I have helped him increase his mileage and regularity. (His mother thanked me for getting him back into running - which he hadn't done since HS and he is 30). Even though I can't run as fast as him, he sticks right by my side in training and races. What I am getting at, is your boyfriend can still run with you, it might make him happy if you ask him to do so and it doesn't interrupt his training and he doesn't mind - tjhe true test of support. He can also help your mile times come down while proving his parents run. I mean, if you do this - he can "share running with you."

    That all said, why would your boyfriend tell you the negative things his parents are saying? Is he trying to scapegoat them to reveal how he really feels?

    Either way, if his parents really said this - they can go eff themselves :) Don't let anyone dictate how you should feel about yourself, not even your boyfriend. You're 18 and I know it seems like you'll be together forever but there's a strong chance you won't be - although for the sake of you not having a broken heart, I hope it all works out for the better. You two are just starting to grow as people and are about to go through drastic changes and you want to grow as individuals, not a couple. So make the best of things now, enjoy life and go with the flow. Ignore his parents, they aren't in-laws yet. If I married the person I was dating at 18, who I also thought I'd be with forever, I'd be divorced by now.
  • jocruzn14
    jocruzn14 Posts: 2
    :grumble: Wow not running a 4 min mile isn't a good enough reason for them to think your not good enough, maybe you can squate 20 lbs more then him, wth, don't let anyone mess with your self esteem and make you feel unworthy, your 10 minute mile is your accomplishment. Remember the turtoise and hare when they imply this to you. Good luck hon.
  • LadyWolf66
    LadyWolf66 Posts: 24 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    This is not something stable, mature adults would say nor prioritize. If you didnt hear this straight from the parent's mouth then I would suggest your boyfriend is either taking their words of context or full of bull & trying to manipulate you. I also doubt his 4.40 pace.

    "Yes, their exact words to HIM were ....."

    Okay, this sends up a red flag for me - did YOU actually hear his parents say that or did your boyfriend TELL you that's what they said? I agree with the others that said something's not right. I totally agree with the above poster who said that he's either taking their words out of context, full of bull, or trying to manipulate you.

    As a parent to adult children, I can promise you that how fast their girlfriends/boyfriends ran, walked, swam, biked, whatever had absolutely NOTHING to do with whether I thought they were a good match for each other. I've never, ever met anyone who judged their children's boyfriends/girlfriends by this standard.

    Now assuming that they did actually say that and feel that way (or your boyfriend does), do you really and truly want to deal with that kind of shallowness and harsh judgement?
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    4.40 pace is insane even if you are a runner

    Have you ever followed Olympic sprint times? Marathon elites? They run paces quicker than that. This is actually quite normal in the competitive running community, including HS track, cross country and college level.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    So they don't like you because they think you lack a certain fortitude, drive, self discipline that enables someone to undertake a commitment to serious athletic training. I think what's really going on is that they see you as below them in social class.
  • RobynLB83
    RobynLB83 Posts: 626 Member
    Was it the mother or father or both who said this? Sounds like they are jerks. The kind of family that thinks they are a family of "winners." I think their real issue with you is your size. They want to see their perfect track star son with a blonde 120 lb cheerleader type. It's shallow and vain, and I think it's horrible that adults would project this crap onto kids. Just ignore them. They have big character problems that they will probably never get over.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I have a hard time believing that's their actual reason for wanting their son to move on. If you're really worried just get pregnant. That'll teach 'em for meddling. lol
  • selina884
    selina884 Posts: 826 Member
    Did they actually come out and say that? Just wondering because I don't think that would be why they want their son to end the relationship with you. I would think the distance and age would be a bigger reason why than the fact that you can't run as fast as him.

    Yes, their exact words to him were "You should find someone who can run and keep up with you. She's a nice girl but you should find someone you share running with."

    No offense but I think they are calling you fat indirectly.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Is your bf wearing a jetpack when he runs? :huh:

    I'm hoping this is BS. Because, well it's BS.
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    You're 18 years old. You're not even going to remember this guy's name in a few years. Have fun with other people while you're young. These years will be gone before you know it. Live a little!

    Pretty much this. Sorry, OP.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Is your bf wearing a jetpack when he runs? :huh:

    I'm hoping this is BS. Because, well it's BS.

    it is.

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