When does my self esteem catch up?

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MrsG2
MrsG2 Posts: 56 Member
in Motivation and Support
There are days/times/hours when I feel really, really proud about my progress....40 lbs is equivalent to a small child and I feel great about losing this (halfway to my ultimate goal). I've gone from a size 22-24 into a 16 and I'm almost out of the 200's with my weight, which almost makes me cry with joy.

My husband is super supportive and always complimentary...even my MOM (who's comments I've spent a lifetime ignoring) is complimentary.

Why do I sometimes feel like I haven't lost anything? I'm working on firming the flab, but sometimes I look at myself and I don't see any changes. I keep telling myself that I need to work harder, do more...something. When do my brain and self esteem catch up to reality?
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Replies

  • angied1226
    angied1226 Posts: 15 Member
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    I'm in the same boat as you. I have went from a size 26 to a size 18 (so far) and I feel more self concious now then I did then. Maybe I am just more self aware? I don't know. I am interested to see what other people have to say........
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    Weight loss, fitness, and self esteem don't necessarily go hand in hand; they are separate issues. There are healthy and fit people with low self esteem and fat and out of shape people with very high levels of self esteem.

    I can only speak for myself, but lifting weights has really boosted my confidence and self esteem, as has training and participating in competitive events; I don't win, but that's not the issue really...I'm out there, and I'm actually competing...this also give my training more meaning and purpose. I've always found healthy competition to be a breeding ground for confidence and self esteem.
  • KyFriedCarnage
    KyFriedCarnage Posts: 6 Member
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    I totally feel your pain. My dad is from a family full of wonderful but obese people, so he has spent most of my life telling me when I eat to much, if I look like I need to lose weight, etc. I remember being a size 6 and thinking I was fat because I could "pinch an inch." I'm now a size 10 and 170 lbs (6 months ago, before I started MFP, I was 183 and a size 12-14), and although I'm really fit and strong, although I've dropped 1.5-2 pant sizes, I constantly focus on those things my dad said that I always tried to ignore. I can pinch a lot of inches.

    Then I also have days like Tuesday. I went out with a friend for a drink (only one glass of wine!) and she told me that she thought I looked about the same size as another girl in our roller derby league. I was shocked! That girl seems so much smaller to me than I do! It's made me wonder if all of those things I've heard about my weight and my body have distorted the way that I see myself. Maybe the world sees me as cute and fit and sexy, even when I feel bloated and pudgy and not sexy at all.

    I don't really have an answer to your question of when your brain will catch up, but I hope it happens for both of us soon. Losing 40 lbs is SO AWESOME! You are doing amazing things for your health and your self esteem. I think all of those compliments you're getting will eventually help your brain get there. Good luck, and congrats on so much awesomeness thus far!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    something i've noticed...

    people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
    then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.
  • Big_Bad
    Big_Bad Posts: 57
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    Honestly? I don't think ever...at least for me.

    I'm trying to work on having other outlets besides my weight for me to be proud of. Things I can do with my body like complete races or lift heavy things. I will never feel good about my body all the time. But knowing what it can accomplish helps.
  • Vonwarr
    Vonwarr Posts: 390 Member
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    They are separate issues but one of the best ways to deal with it is "fake it til you make it".

    If you act more confident, you will BE more confident.
  • inside_lap
    inside_lap Posts: 738 Member
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    something i've noticed...

    people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
    then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.

    Yes, you hit the nail on the head yourself. You said that mom's been giving you a lifetime of comments that you have been ignoring. But these comments can become incorperated into our personal scripts about ourselves. It took time to develop those scripts. It takes time to rewrite them. :)
  • xgirl451
    xgirl451 Posts: 36 Member
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    I've lost 140lbs. What I have found is that eating was coping mechanism for emotional issues. As I lost my weight, I still had the emotional issues I hadn't/haven't dealt with. Since my eating crutch has been taken away, I've had to focus more energy on healing the emotional me. I struggle with my insecurities but I'm slowly putting each one of my demons in a box and putting it on a mental shelf in my brain closet. I don't think they will ever truely go away but I'm putting them in their place.
  • jakesfitness
    jakesfitness Posts: 123 Member
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    i think a lot of us that have lost so much weight still look at ourselves in the mirror sometimes and see the old overweight us. i know that when i get done with my workout though, that i feel freakin good about myself! i love the way i look and the way i feel. New clothes help me out a lot too, now that i can actually look good in my clothes. just tell yourself you look awesome and be confident in yourself, and your mind will come around.
  • LadyPakal
    LadyPakal Posts: 256 Member
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    I'm still waiting for mine. Size 22(UK) to size 12. Some days I feel pretty good, others not so much.

    I've been purposely pushing my comfort zone boundaries recently to try and shake it up a bit. Seems to be working as the feel good days are a lot more common now. Things I've been doing (I'm a photographer for pleasure) so heading out and meeting other photographers, doing shoots in old places, modelling (!) for the other 'togs. Getting out more and meeting new people and socialising - honestly, my life was pretty much hermit like before, I NEVER went out.

    Next step - dating... hopefully.

    Edited to add - the 'fake it 'til you make it' statement in an above post - that's what I'm doing under the guise of 'do one thing each day that scares you', and it does work. Scary to start with but it gets easier.
  • lowpro1983
    lowpro1983 Posts: 305 Member
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    I think we all have these days every once in awhile. For me, exercising actually helps. My energy level increases and my mood is lifted almost immediately. I might still be overweight...BUT I FEEL LIKE THE SEXIEST PERSON ALIVE AFTER A WORKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This also reminds me of a conversation that i had with one of my friends who had gastric bypass. I lived with her right after her surgery and saw a few of her crying spells. She has told me before...'they work on your stomach, not your mind."

    Changes in our lives affect us in all sorts of ways, not just our physical bodies.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    I think that weight is just a part of the issue. i have met a lot of obese people with all kinds of self esteem. You need to find the root of your issues. I recently, finally understand that the root of my self esteem issues stem from an abusive father it actually has very little to do with my weight.

    I found that feeling strong is what made my self esteem go up. I feel amazing when I lift it has become my therapy. Not to say that you shouldn't seek therapy to find the root of your issues because I think that is VERY important I did that first.
  • avrobin03
    avrobin03 Posts: 135 Member
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    You literally took my thoughts out of my head. I'm happy I'm not the only one that feels like this, I defiantly think it's because we become more aware of the areas we need to work on? I know for me I was in denial about what I really look like and instead of adding 10 pounds the damn camera adds about 75 lol. When all the denial is gone I'm just left with all my "rolls" ugh! Hang in there and 40 pounds is amazing!!! Congrats!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I think it probably varies from person to person, but it took me a very long time to realize I wasn't fat anymore. I started out as an 18/20, and even when I was wearing 4/6 jeans, I could not see it. Sure, over the course of losing the weight, I knew I was getting smaller, and there would be days when I thought I was super hot, and then the next day, I was back to thinking I was chubby.

    Heavy lifting was probably the big turning point for me. It changed my body so rapidly that it actually made me really paranoid about people looking at me because my self-perception could not keep up with what was happening physically. But I slowly grew out of that and began to realize I was not the same person anymore. One mistake I made was not taking real progress photos. I think if you have photographic evidence of the transformation, it might make it easier for you to process mentally.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I think it probably varies from person to person, but it took me a very long time to realize I wasn't fat anymore. I started out as an 18/20, and even when I was wearing 4/6 jeans, I could not see it. Sure, over the course of losing the weight, I knew I was getting smaller, and there would be days when I thought I was super hot, and then the next day, I was back to thinking I was chubby.

    Heavy lifting was probably the big turning point for me. It changed my body so rapidly that it actually made me really paranoid about people looking at me because my self-perception could not keep up with what was happening physically. But I slowly grew out of that and began to realize I was not the same person anymore. One mistake I made was not taking real progress photos. I think if you have photographic evidence of the transformation, it might make it easier for you to process mentally.
    Thanks. I think this finally convinced me to do progress photos at least for my own use.
  • chellycakes
    chellycakes Posts: 348 Member
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    I know what you mean!! I went from 199 to 155 and looking at myself the same way!! (Then I lost hope and gained it back..). All I suggest is self love! No matter your body shape at this MOMENT learn to love what ya got!
  • Benzz_biiitch
    Benzz_biiitch Posts: 25 Member
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    Congratulations on 40 pounds!

    It's all in self awareness, I believe. I've lost 30 pounds and I feel like since I had to break down my wall of denial that I went ahead and acknowledged everything else that I saw wrong. Now my self esteem has tanked. I don't think it correlates with weight. Confidence comes from happiness!
  • Lift_This_
    Lift_This_ Posts: 2,756 Member
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    Like previous posts, it varies from person to person. there are days when i am happy with how I look but then there are days when i hate looking in the mirror. it will take a while before my self esteem fully catches up with me.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,077 Member
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    I am in the same boat. Sometimes i feel good and other times i start feeling like crap and start thinking i have huge belly.
    When i had a personal trainer my co-worker said you need a psychiatrist not a personal trainer.
  • tracieangeletti
    tracieangeletti Posts: 432 Member
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    something i've noticed...

    people will invest in their bodies. exercise, fuel, nurture.
    then do nothing for their minds, yet still expect results.

    Yes, you hit the nail on the head yourself. You said that mom's been giving you a lifetime of comments that you have been ignoring. But these comments can become incorperated into our personal scripts about ourselves. It took time to develop those scripts. It takes time to rewrite them. :)

    THIS!!!! I am in the same boat as you. As a matter of fact most of the time my low self esteem sabotages my weight loss. I have spent my life feeling like if I just lost the weight everything would be better, to include me. I'll be cuter, smarter, funnier, less awkward, and fit in with the "cool people". Thing is I lose the weight and start to get close to goal and then panic because I realize I'm not cuter, smarter, funnier, less awkward and the "cool" people still don't think I'm cool. This time around I have focused on my physical fitness and this has helped a great deal. I'm doing things I never thought I could do. I'm getting stronger in every sense of the word. I'm learning more about myself and my capabilities and this is changing how I view myself. The mental aspect of weight loss is even slower to change than the physical but if you keep at it it will change. Love and nurture yourself just like you would your loved ones! Good luck to you!


    I've also learned that the "cool" people aren't really all that cool.

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