How to motivate & help someone in their 50s lose weight

redsun57
redsun57 Posts: 6
in Health and Weight Loss
My mom (she's 51) started gaining some weight a couple of years ago. She's 11 pounds overweight and she's started to have some health-related problems.

She tried swimming last year but even though she seemed to gain a bit of muscle mass, her weight stayed the same..I think it was because it made her hungrier than usual.

I know her metabolism is supposed to be a lot slower now so losing fat wouldn't be that easy. She's doing some weight training and cardio 4-5 days a week. and she doesn't eat more than 1400 calories a day but still she's lost less than 2 pounds in one month....

Every time my family asks her to workout harder and eat less she gets really frustrated and loses motivation... She keeps saying she can't do it because she's older now... I'm not sure how to motivate her or help her to stick to her workout and meal plan...

I made her join my p90x sessions once a week haha...
Is that pushing her too hard?
I'm running out of ideas now...I want her to be healthy but not sure how help her...

Replies

  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
    Have you shown her MFP and helped her to use it? There are a lot of good groups here for people in her age group that are active ans supporting. Get her an account and let her troll the boards. Here is one example.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/30-50-fabulous-and-fit

    Have you helped her to figure out her daily calorie burn and how much she needs to eat to lose weigh? Take a look at the fat2fitradio.com and help her work out her numbers.

    Education about nutrition is important. Remember you do not have to starve yourself to lose weigh and the family should not be pushing drastic cuts that are not sustainable in the long run. A simple food scale will help with portion size and calorie content. It can be an eye opener!

    Trying to push too much on exercise at first will only have her put on the breaks. Try something simple like going for a walk with her every evening. Increasing distance over time and adding a hill or two as time goes on can be enough. Just know that she has to want to do this for herself. The family pushing her will not work.

    Also Think about something as simple as a fitbit so she can see how much energy she burns every day - it will help as she plays with her food intake and motivate her to move more.

    It can be done - I'm 60 and have been able to slowly drop the "winter hibernation" weight that crept me up to a BMI of 28 - it can be done - but at a pace that works for the individual and incorporates things they like to do rather than have to do!
  • GuybrushThreepw00d
    GuybrushThreepw00d Posts: 784 Member
    she doesn't eat more than 1400 calories a day

    My money's on this not being true.

    What % deficit is it on her TDEE?

    Consistently maintaining a deficit will yield results, if it doesn't then she needs to visit the doctor.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    My suggestion on how to help her, is to let her ask you if she really wants your help. If she doesn't then it's not up to you to tell her she isn't working hard enough.

    If she does ask show her MFP, let her figure out what works best for her, and let her decide what goals she wants for herself.
  • maybeazure
    maybeazure Posts: 301 Member
    I know her metabolism is supposed to be a lot slower now so losing fat wouldn't be that easy. She's doing some weight training and cardio 4-5 days a week. and she doesn't eat more than 1400 calories a day but still she's lost less than 2 pounds in one month....

    Every time my family asks her to workout harder and eat less she gets really frustrated and loses motivation... She keeps saying she can't do it because she's older now... I'm not sure how to motivate her or help her to stick to her workout and meal plan...

    You can't fix someone else. Period. You can show her this site. You can make sure you are not sabotaging her by fixing healthy low calorie meals when you are with her. You can model healthy behavior. But you can't make someone be motivated. That has to come from within. And I think that constant nagging from her family might make her dig in and NOT make changes. Honestly it probably would me.

    Also, you say that she is only 11 pounds overweight, and she has lost nearly 2 pounds in a month. That's not a bad weight loss. If she is really doing weight training and cardio 4-5 times a week, she's getting healthier too. Celebrate her successes, don't criticize her for not changing fast enough. It will backfire.
  • evileen99
    evileen99 Posts: 1,564 Member
    Stop telling her to workout harder and eat less! For God's sake, she needs to do this on HER terms, not yours.

    As a 55 year old woman, I can tell you that weight comes on very easily and leaves V E R Y slowly. Tell her that slow and steady wins the race; it doesn't matter how fast the weight comes off, just that it eventually comes off.

    And even if the weight doesn't seem to be changing, the exercise is improving her health, and that's a good thing also.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    Didn't bother reading the post because you'll get nowhere fast if the person doesn't want to do it themselves. They have to be able to motivate themselves, otherwise it's just an exercise in futility. Or wheel spinning. Or both.
  • 55in13
    55in13 Posts: 1,091 Member
    She's 11 pounds overweight and she's started to have some health-related problems.
    I am 54 and I applaud your efforts to keep us around longer. But the two statements in the sentence I quoted likely have very little correlation and your mom is probably well aware of that. That is close enough to healthy weight that I would be a little annoyed by intervention at that point. Getting all the way to a healthy weight is a good idea, but if she is having some health problems it probably comes across as a waste of time right now. I am not saying it is,just that it might be perceived that way. It did not become a high priority for me until I was substantially overweight.
  • savithny
    savithny Posts: 1,200 Member
    She's 11 pounds overweight and she's started to have some health-related problems.
    I am 54 and I applaud your efforts to keep us around longer. But the two statements in the sentence I quoted likely have very little correlation and your mom is probably well aware of that. That is close enough to healthy weight that I would be a little annoyed by intervention at that point. Getting all the way to a healthy weight is a good idea, but if she is having some health problems it probably comes across as a waste of time right now. I am not saying it is,just that it might be perceived that way. It did not become a high priority for me until I was substantially overweight.

    Yeah, unless she's 4'10", 10 pounds into "overweight" is not OMGDEATHFATZ! It really isn't. Research has repeatedly borne this out. Slight overweight (which 10 pounds is, again, unless her ideal weight is significantly under 100 pounds) keeps coming up as NOT being a GINORMOUS HEALTH CRISIS.

    People know that. Which means, when you nag and nag and nag her about dieting, what she hears is you aclling her ugly, and that you like her less because she *looks* different.

    Seriously. You want to help? If she's doing strength training, compliment on her muscles or increased strength or power. Observe that you're having to trot to keep up with her. That kind of thing. THOSE are TRUE markers of health, not 10 pounds.

    Get yourself a copy of "The First Twenty Minutes." Read it. Read all the bits about how much llife and health is improved by being active for a fairly minimal amount each day. NOTICE that it doesn't actually talk about weight loss much, because regular activity is a better marker than small percentages of overweight for these things. And then STOP nagging the women who grew you in her body about how she's carrying ELEVEN extra pounds.
  • redsun57
    redsun57 Posts: 6
    She's 11 pounds overweight and she's started to have some health-related problems.
    I am 54 and I applaud your efforts to keep us around longer. But the two statements in the sentence I quoted likely have very little correlation and your mom is probably well aware of that. That is close enough to healthy weight that I would be a little annoyed by intervention at that point. Getting all the way to a healthy weight is a good idea, but if she is having some health problems it probably comes across as a waste of time right now. I am not saying it is,just that it might be perceived that way. It did not become a high priority for me until I was substantially overweight.

    Yeah, unless she's 4'10", 10 pounds into "overweight" is not OMGDEATHFATZ! It really isn't. Research has repeatedly borne this out. Slight overweight (which 10 pounds is, again, unless her ideal weight is significantly under 100 pounds) keeps coming up as NOT being a GINORMOUS HEALTH CRISIS.


    Haha that's funny cuz she is actually a tiny Japanese lady ( 4'9" ) and is super small boned as well.
    That was also a big problem... Nobody knew not even herself that she was gaining weight because it barely shows even now! It's like all her fat is hidden in areas you can't see...which btw her doctor said is even more dangerous.


    And I guess I should have said "at least" 11 pounds. She set that goal herself for now to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

    FYI she wants to lose weight especially after her doctor basically told her the excess weight on her tiny body was worsening her neck and back pain. She gained more than 15lbs in less than 9 months and thats when she started experiencing heart and liver problems, and her cholesterol levels went way up. So yeah I agree with her doctor in that her weight gain is affecting her health. Not very one is built the same. A 10 something pound gain may be nothing to some people but to someone like her who has never weighed more than 96 pounds in her life until now yeah I would say that can affect her health.

    And excuse me I don't know what kind of family some of you have but we never make her feel like she's ugly...like I said it doesn't show!!! She still looks like she is her late 30s...damn those scary Asian genes....

    She is the one who said she wanted help. She knows she is weak willed and can't control her food cravings. You'd be amazed how much food she can hold down with that tiny body lol. But seriously ...

    I guess its partially my fault for not giving enough information but honestly don't understand why some of you would react like this.

    But my family loves her a lot and we do what we do (such as not letting her eat half a pizza and a 4servings of ice cream for dinner hence the reason why she gets stressed) because we care for her and she knows that.
    I know she has to motivate herself too but as long as she asks for help I'm gonna do everything I can to do so. (Like taking her to the gym, making her detox smoothies, etc)

    She often complains when she's hungry or before going to the gym but then feels better and is thankful afterwards. I remember when I first started working out and the first 2 months were the hardest...I guess I was just wondering if there was any way to make this easier on her...

    But thanks to others who gave me some helpful suggestions. I already made her a MFP account so I guess the key is to get her to use it :)
  • redsun57
    redsun57 Posts: 6
    Have you shown her MFP and helped her to use it? There are a lot of good groups here for people in her age group that are active ans supporting. Get her an account and let her troll the boards. Here is one example.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/30-50-fabulous-and-fit

    Education about nutrition is important. Remember you do not have to starve yourself to lose weigh and the family should not be pushing drastic cuts that are not sustainable in the long run. A simple food scale will help with portion size and calorie content. It can be an eye opener!

    It can be done - I'm 60 and have been able to slowly drop the "winter hibernation" weight that crept me up to a BMI of 28 - it can be done - but at a pace that works for the individual and incorporates things they like to do rather than have to do!

    Thank you for the link. She already has an account so I will ask her to try to join a group :)
    I totally understand what you mean about nutrition education haha
    Last weekend she went to a BBQ party and somehow thought that a 12inch bratwurst would have less calories than a small hamburger patty :p

    Thanks for your comment. I told my mom about it and she was very encouraged :)

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