Social manners

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  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member
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    It's rude of your boyfriend to invite others to your friend's event without clearing it with the friend first.

    THIS
  • jennibourne92
    jennibourne92 Posts: 4
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    I agree with all of you, it is rude to invite guests if you are someone's guest. Sadly I have people in my family who do this!
  • AdriSaysRelax
    AdriSaysRelax Posts: 110
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    I think it boils down to boundaries. Some people, like the OP, have pretty well defined one. Others, like the OP's boyfriend, don't. (Personally, I've found women have better boundaries and guys, especially ones from laid back cultures or families, are more apt to lack 'em.)

    It's really hard for people who have lax boundaries to consider that other people have more delineated lines of acceptable behavior.

    How often do we assume something is cool because WE'D be okay with it? We all do it. It's thoughtless, and can be super destructive to relationships, but in this case it doesn't seem like SUCH a terrible faux pass since it is a relaxed situation.

    Still, it takes two minutes to make a phone call to find out, one way or the other. No harm in asking!
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
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    Re: the expanding guest list.
    This will not answer OP's question but I think y'all will enjoy it.
    http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I'm with the "Rude"s. You dont invite people to someone else event without clearing it first, you certainly don't if the original invite wasn't to you (as is in your b/fs case)

    Every 4th July I cook up a storm for my friends (In Aust but LOVE USA food). Last year hubbys bestie messaged to make sure it was ok if he brought Joe*. Hubby doesn't like Joe, bestie is well aware of this, hubby says no, it isnt ok if Joe comes. Follows a huge chain of messages which make it totally clear that Joe has been invited by bestie, who only thought to check after the fact, and now bestie doesnt want to renege. Made for all the awkwards.

    *Not his real name
  • SquidandWhale
    SquidandWhale Posts: 259
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    ARGH, the last time I organized a tubing trip a friend asked if he could bring his girlfriend, which I said fine to. Well, she brought along a girlfriend of her's, and I was fine with that given that it was the first time she'd met any of us. Well, they showed up half an hour late to my house (we were carpooling together), and halfway through my friend and his g/f got into a fight. The idiot g/f and her friend decided to have an effing pow-wow on a rock while the rest of us, unknowing that this was going on, went downriver. Since I was their ride, I had to wait around 1.5 hours for them to reach checkpoint. Needless to say, the car ride was rather terse.

    That was the straw that broke my back concerning "the more the merrier," arguments. If I wanted to hang out with bros and drunk college girls, I'd time travel back to my college days when that type of behavior was more socially acceptable to me.
  • celtbell3
    celtbell3 Posts: 738 Member
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    Those who are invited by the host are invited by the host. IMO
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    "Guests Of Guests May Not Bring Guests"

    Saw this sign on a pool once. Makes PERFECT sense.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm with the "Rude"s. You dont invite people to someone else event without clearing it first, you certainly don't if the original invite wasn't to you (as is in your b/fs case)

    Every 4th July I cook up a storm for my friends (In Aust but LOVE USA food). Last year hubbys bestie messaged to make sure it was ok if he brought Joe*. Hubby doesn't like Joe, bestie is well aware of this, hubby says no, it isnt ok if Joe comes. Follows a huge chain of messages which make it totally clear that Joe has been invited by bestie, who only thought to check after the fact, and now bestie doesnt want to renege. Made for all the awkwards.

    *Not his real name
    Obviously you don't invite people to someone's house without clearing it first. You're comparing apples and oranges.

    Now, if this particular tubing event is something the OP's friend has to make reservations for and if the number who can go is limited, then yes, it's rude. But if it's a public, open, anyone-can-show kind of thing, I really don't see the problem.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    time out: i dont tube much so i didnt consider if this was a boating thing. if it is then yes its rude...its in the same category of a dinner/party...whatever...in that you have to plan for it.

    but if its just river tubing then i stand by my original view that its not a big deal.
  • cynthiadmail
    cynthiadmail Posts: 90 Member
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    It's rude, and if it happened to me and i was the host, you would not be invited back again to anything else. Just saying
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
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    Why is it even a question? You as the guest has to check with the host before bringing additional guests. What makes it ok for the additional guest to bring yet more guests of his own without the host's permission? If this is a planned event where the host needs to reserve time/space with the company selling the service, then it could throw everything out of whack.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    Okay guys I've been having a debate with my boyfriend about the following : I get invited to go tubing, ask my friend if she minds if he comes along ( perfectly normal ) but then later on he somehow thinks it's okay to invite others to this event. I try to explain that it's not my event so I don't think its okay to invite people. He thinks why not the more the merrier. I think hey make your own event invite whoever you want, but this one is not yours to invite people to. If she made it clear anyone was invited and it was an open thing sure but just a few friends seemed inappropriate. What do u think?

    just break up.™
    How dare you trade mark my response, what an @ss :laugh:

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