Change comes from...

within YOU! I always thought that if I changed my outside that it would change the way I felt inside, and no matter how small or large I was, the way I felt inside NEVER changed! I was still sad, miserable, depressed and BEYOND insecure! And the only thing that would make me "happy" was food! Say what?! Yep, food. It had become my silent BFF that I would run to everytime something happened - good news, bad news, celebrations, grief and then for no reason at all I would eat. I was overtaken by this obession of a certain food (usually pizza) and that one food was the ONLY thing that would satifsy my "hunger". Then it would be followed by tons of shame and guilt about what I just ate, because I was not hungry, I had just eaten right before I decided to devour that entire large pizza. The tears would come and I would become more and more miserable - and the weight started piling on and on and on! WHY ME?! Why was I destined to be stuck in an overweight body for the rest of my life? Why wouldn't I get to experience the joys of being a thin healthy person? WAIT A MINUTE?! When I was a thin healthy person I felt exactly the same way that I felt when I was overweight, except NOW I had something to blame my misery on...my weight!

Oh when I lose weight I will go on that trip. Oh when I lose weight I will get a boyfriend. Oh when I lose weight I will get another job...oh when I lose, when I lose weight, when I lose weight...! I was always weighting (pun intended) to lose weight for my life to begin, and the reality of it all is that the world was continuing on without me. People were still going on trips, finding love, getting another job...and there I was...the "living dead" waiting for something to happen. Why yes Liz, if you sit on this couch and continue to eat everything in site and not move you will get your wish of being a thin, healthy person...WRONG! I could not wish my weight loss to happen anymore than I could wish all of the other things to happen.

But what did happen was that I finally realized that I had to TAKE ACTION in order to make the changes in my life that I so longed for. And they started from the inside out. I had to work through a lot of things in my past that were holding me back from my full potential. I stopped blaming people about me being overweight and accepted the responsiblity that I ALONE put all of that food in my mouth. I ALONE chose not to workout and I ALONE chose to stay stagnate. And with that being said I ALONE chose to CHANGE MY LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

I stopped holding so much guilt and shame over an eating binge or eating something that was considered a bad food. I kept working on myself on the inside, constantly looking for new ways to deal with my feelings instead of eating, and it has worked - the power of prayer, journaling and exercising are amazing. And with that I have managed to change my insides which in turned changed my outside. I am now a direct reflection on the outside of how I feel on the inside. And today I do not cringe when I walk past a mirror, I look at myself and smile, because I love the person that is staring back at me...