Can I start over AGAIN?

I've been a member of MFP for just over a year now...and I'm finding that I weigh pretty much the same 1 yr later. I've had a lot of personal circumstances that consumed my life over the past year (found out our dog has cancer, lost my job, almost got a divorce, dealing with the overwhelming losses we've had over the last few years) Simply put, I've struggled this last year. I don't know if there's any other way to explain it. Maybe it was a necessary year, there was so much grieving to be done. I've devoted so much time to sorting things out. Owning my feelings and trying to figure out where do we go next. In the midst of trying to emotionally figure myself out, I wasn't able to work on the physical or health aspect. I tried...on many occasions. I'd usually lose about 15-20 pounds and then turn around and gain 1/2-all of it back.

What can I say one year later? I've brought myself in touch and in the moment with a lot of feelings that have been needing to be dealt with for years. I've cried....a LOT. I've thoroughly enjoyed being laid off from a HORRIBLE job and I've enjoyed letting myself just have me time this past summer. I loved every minute of being home with my daughter and working on getting our home life to a stable, NORMAL place. This summer has been about my family and I've loved every bit of it. I enjoyed going to Zumba and eating whatever I wanted (of course, based on tasting good...not healthy) - and as a result I've physically felt like crap for the past 2 months. I've had headache after headache. Bloating, tummy aches, tired, irritable, back aches, the list goes on and on. I realize that I miss FEELING GOOD, healthy good. Despite how much I try and deny it....the food I eat has an enormous impact on the way that I feel. Eat crap = feel crappy. Eat good = feel GREAT, healthy, vibrant and full of life!!!

My PCOS and endometriosis appear to both be in full swing and I'm not laying my fate in the doctor's hands ANY MORE!!!!! I've had every bit of 9+ surgeries (seriously...I lost count a long time ago), countless hormone treatments, shots, pills, meds, the list goes on and on and nothing is any better yet. If anything, I'm worse off than I used to be. I have a follow-up appointment in a little over 2 weeks to have an ultrasound and biopsy done due to the findings of my appointment last week. It is my personal promise to myself that I am NOT going to walk into that office feeling the same way I did last week. Enough is enough. Time to start over taking it one day at a time. I'm done making unrealistic expectations and then beating myself up every time that I fail, which I always eventually do. I'm not going to deprive myself of the things I really like, but I am going to consume things in moderation. Depriving has only led to binges for me, so it's time to break that ugly habit. Today I will push play (it's a Beachbody slogan) and get back to what encouraged me to join MFP one year ago....feeling great! :drinker: