Show us your failed meals!

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13

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  • MellyLikestoRun
    MellyLikestoRun Posts: 83 Member
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    my crockpot has 2 settings, interior of a volcano and surface of the sun. Anything left in it for more than 3 or 4 hours turns into a lump of burnt, I really need to just pitch the thing and get a better one. The lump of burn lasagna was the best one to try and chip out of the pot :P

    :) carbon is good for settling the stomach, right?
  • trappedslim
    trappedslim Posts: 11 Member
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    vegetable omelettes!!! WHY do I always stuff them up?!?! How the f do you make them successfully!

    Are you adding milk to make your omelettes? If you are, don't :)

    -Tip from my mum (who used ot be a chef).
    -Turn the grill on.
    -I whisk 3 eggs together and non-stick pan. Place on cooker, once bottom starts to set, push sides to the middle to so runny bits run to the side and it makes thicker base, turn off the cooker and add your veg etc, then stick under the grill.
    -This cooks the rest fo the egg (if you wanted ot cooked through) and also sets the veg in whilst cooking them.
    -This makes the egg puff up to like a souffle. Once bronwed to your liking, take out and slide it off the pan. job done.

    Perfect omellete every time.
  • divacat80
    divacat80 Posts: 299 Member
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    No pics: this was a state, a relationship and over a decade ago...

    Used to have pet chickens. Started out with 4 unsexed chicks, 1 of which turned out to be a rooster. Somewhat frowned upon in a suburban neighbourhood, so once he was big enough we decided it was going to be roast rooster for Christmas lunch!
    The dispatch and cleaning went smoothly, and after he was neatly defeathered and gutted I trussed him up and tossed him in the freezer for a week. In retrospect, this appears to have been my big mistake!
    So Christmas Eve I defrosted Mr Chook, dressed him beautifully in a bacon lattice and shoved a bunch of seasoning up his bum.
    On Christmas morning I laid him on a comfy bed of potatoes, carrots, pumpkin and onions and placed him in a toasty warm oven with plenty of time to be done for lunch.

    With defacto in-laws waiting in drooling expectation, I checked on Mr Chook - NOT READY! Still pink, and juices were by no means running clear. Hm, another 10 minutes, or my rep as a fancy-pants cook was going to take a severe battering...

    Wind the clock forwards half an hour, and the bacon was starting to look a little crispy. Mr Chook had browned beautifully, but was still raw and bloody inside :-(

    That's when partner's mother asks "did you allow him to rest in the fridge for 24 hours before you froze him?" wtf? Nobody told me rigor mortis needs to come and go before you freeze fresh-killed meat!

    So roast chicken fail, impressing the in-laws fail, Christmas lunch not-quite-fail... lucky we had a chunk of ham on standby.

    My chicken husbandry didn't last the distance, and neither did the relationship. Let's all move on ;-)

    lol!!!!
    very funny story, and I actually learned something new!!! so thanks for sharing! (sorry, city girl, you won't see me having to toss one of my chickens in the oven in the near future)
  • Sedna_51
    Sedna_51 Posts: 277 Member
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    I love to experiment with cooking, and I've recently tried to expand my horizons to include more veggie-based foods. This has resulted in some successes (tomato and white bean tapenade! Mmmm!) and some, uh, not-so-successful dishes (cauliflower bisque? Not so much). I don't have a picture, but the worst fail so far was probably the kale, potato, and mushroom gratin I attempted. It came out both soupy and chewy. I struggled through two nights with it for dinner then threw in the towel and threw out the leftovers.

    Trying baked salt-and-pepper tofu tonight, and I'm going to take another whack at baked seasoned cauliflower later this week. I know we can be friends, cauliflower! I'm trying SO HARD.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
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    Have you tried using a zip lock bag in the microwave to make an 'omlette', instead of frypan?

    reminded me of another one.

    I was baking a cheesecake for my gf's birthday and I wanted to be all fancy and do the chocolate piping. Bought a piping kit and it said, plonk the chocolate in the bag and nuke to melt. I was thinking, this is a really stupid idea but I did what it said. Yep, melted the bag! I was able to get the bag out and get some actual choc piping on, burning myself in the process and dripping melted chocolate everywhere. Got it done though :smile: Didn't even look too dodgy.

    I have the el cheapo fake george foreman and it has temp control. Easy as too cook stuff in. I prefer to put meat inside alfoil just because I hate cleaning that thing!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Oh so many so many today's meal was a disaster the milk curdled and it just looked like a brown mess. The BF said it tasted good, but I beg to differ.
  • dooplegoon
    dooplegoon Posts: 66
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    I am an oatmeal junkie but I decided I needed more protein. So I mixed up my instant oatmeal and added an egg and tried to cook it like a giant pancake. So much fail.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
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    I am an oatmeal junkie but I decided I needed more protein. So I mixed up my instant oatmeal and added an egg and tried to cook it like a giant pancake. So much fail.

    just add protein powder! Delicious.

    I tried the eggs once too. Bleh! Keep those 2 seperate in future.
  • dooplegoon
    dooplegoon Posts: 66
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    just add protein powder! Delicious.

    I tried the eggs once too. Bleh! Keep those 2 seperate in future.

    That means I could have chocolate flavored protein oatmeal!

    ::patiently waits for tomorrow::
  • misssophieleigh
    misssophieleigh Posts: 55 Member
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    I am notorious for baking fails. They always taste fine, but they look just horrid. Cupcakes, milk cakes, cake pops, you name it. Anytime I bake something for the first time, I already know that it is not going to look pretty.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
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    just add protein powder! Delicious.

    I tried the eggs once too. Bleh! Keep those 2 seperate in future.

    That means I could have chocolate flavored protein oatmeal!

    ::patiently waits for tomorrow::

    choc + peanut butter + cinnamon is my all time favourite combo :smile:
  • snapril68
    snapril68 Posts: 76 Member
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    haha bump for later
  • tigerlily886
    tigerlily886 Posts: 74 Member
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    That easy two ingredient pancakes? It is one banana and two eggs, simple right? I guess I didn't slice the banana thin enough. It did not blend very well with the eggs. There were still chunks of banana in it, but I was hungry. It turned out to be scrambled eggs with bananas in it. I ate two bites and was done. I am afraid to try it again.
  • Pearlyladybug
    Pearlyladybug Posts: 882 Member
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    That easy two ingredient pancakes? It is one banana and two eggs, simple right? I guess I didn't slice the banana thin enough. It did not blend very well with the eggs. There were still chunks of banana in it, but I was hungry. It turned out to be scrambled eggs with bananas in it. I ate two bites and was done. I am afraid to try it again.

    I make these all the time, but i add protein powder gives it more of a pancakey texture!
  • pocketmole
    pocketmole Posts: 614 Member
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    Ok so this is really old, but I thought it would be funny to put here. Years ago I was trying my hand at cake decorating and the first cake I used was made with bananas. For some reason the banana made the cake very slippery and the icing wouldn't stick to it. The whole thing was an utter disaster so I just ran with the disaster theme and accepted the cake for what it was - a really ugly cake. Tasted good though!

    uglycaek5.jpg

    Also I can make much prettier cakes now, haha.
  • kelly101386
    kelly101386 Posts: 389 Member
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    I used to have a hard time with omelettes when I made them with three eggs, disaster. I make four egg ones and they turn out perfect every time! 0_0
  • xFamousLastWordsx
    xFamousLastWordsx Posts: 301 Member
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    xpmv.jpg
    I cannot flip pancakes to save my life.
    That's 3 pancakes there...:frown: however they tasted delicious (banana cinnamon) :tongue:
  • Pearlyladybug
    Pearlyladybug Posts: 882 Member
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    Ok so this is really old, but I thought it would be funny to put here. Years ago I was trying my hand at cake decorating and the first cake I used was made with bananas. For some reason the banana made the cake very slippery and the icing wouldn't stick to it. The whole thing was an utter disaster so I just ran with the disaster theme and accepted the cake for what it was - a really ugly cake. Tasted good though!



    Also I can make much prettier cakes now, haha.

    hahahah that is the best cake ever!
  • Pearlyladybug
    Pearlyladybug Posts: 882 Member
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    I cannot flip pancakes to save my life.
    That's 3 pancakes there...:frown: however they tasted delicious (banana cinnamon) :tongue:

    Aww as long as they tasted good!
  • LongIsland27itl
    LongIsland27itl Posts: 365 Member
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    Can't sow you but the other week I had planned a healthy chilli, I used 99% ground turkey. Made a whole big pot, took a long time, it was disgusting, a hue waste of time money and salivation

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